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Newbie




Posts: 73
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline If slashyspeak floats your boat then go for it, it's your life & it's your standards, but it makes me nuts just reading it. If I had to write like that I'd go vanilla.....

In my experience , in both the online community and in what I would call real life / real time community there are those submissives who seem to view the addressing of all male D types as Sir asa lifestyle mandate and there are those male D types who expect ( or would like to expect) all S types to call them Sir from the get-go. Then there's S types who use it more informally, such as "night, Sir", "see you nect week , Sir", etc when one of us is leaving an event but most of the time they refer to me by my name. And there's those S types who reserve it only for someone they've grown to respect.When submissives email me, which isnt all that often, some will address me as Sir. A recent example - someone emailed me and said " Thank you for viewing my profile, Sir." I look at it asa formality on their part & I even welcome it but I don't view it as anything more than that. And I sure as hell don't expect it , nor do I question why another submissive who emails me didn't call me Sir. I'm a D type but I often refer to D types as Sir or Ma'am but only if I like and respect them, such as "hello / good night, Ma'am", or " Good to see you, Sir". I give it and take it simply - I repeat, simply -sometimes as courtesy or asa sign of respect but expect it from noone with whom I'm not ina relationship.With one exception - we rarely scene with anyone other than each other but if I am to be scening with someone I have 2 expectations - during the scene they focus as entirely on me and what I'm doing as possible, and they refer to me as Sir when speaking to me

Im my relationship it evolved. My pretty one now calls me Sir the vast majority of the time . She called me Sir when playing from the very first time we played, but for a couple months only when we played. For those first couple months we were seeing each other often but we didn't live together. An emphasis was placed on service and we were feeling each other out and didn't do any real serious negotiating re expectations, protocol, obedience, etc. Baby steps, then slightly bigger steps. When we did move things up a couple steps and began negotiating seriously it felt right to place the expectation that she call me Sir at certain times , those being Good morning Sir, Good night Sir, and at those times I gave her explicit direction( yes Sir, or, I need more details Sir). Over time she started calling me Sir more&more often,and eventually even thinking of me as Sir. Other than what I just mentioned I didn't place title expectations on her, I felt my expectation was enough to start and anything beyond that I'd earn by the way I acted, or not. I recollect noting it as something of a milestone when she started beginning emails or written notes with " Sir : ".

This is one of those things that there's no one, or even twenty "right" ways of doing it. What I just wrote is how it works for me, & how it worked for us......

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For a sub to call their dom "Sir" is fine. That's part of the dynamic.

Anybody who refers to themself as "Sir" or "Master" is a pretentious asshat.

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I do not think chat rooms are a good representation of anything other than bad grammar and poor manners.

_____________________________

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ORIGINAL: roughleather
For a sub to call their dom "Sir" is fine. That's part of the dynamic.
Anybody who refers to themself as "Sir" or "Master" is a pretentious asshat. 

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Be yee new to the path, Dominant of submissive; what is your application!

CP

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CP, I've been doing D/s and BDSM for 15 years, but didn't get into the online thing until about 5 or 6 years ago. Once I did, I used forums, but mostly not chat rooms. So, I never got much into the honorifics, weird capitalisation, or s/Slashy S/speak. I think those conventions are rather silly or outright annoying. I use Sir when addressing my Master frequently, and did so with my previous dominant as well. Otherwise, I just use "sir" in the generic "hey whatsyerface" way toward male strangers, or at Renaissance Faires when addressing someone who is playing a Knight. I also use it if it is actually part of someone's name, but it's just their nickname/screen-name, and doesn't hold any respectful connotation, anymore than "Worthless" or "slut" means that I actually feel dominating or humiliating toward people who include those terms in their name.

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Um, why not just use the proper English usage?

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I get that, CP (& you're welcome, btw). I was just following and addressing one of the sideroads (slashspeak) that the thread took. I sometimes do that but generally I point out that I'm doing it. My main intent was to respond to your original topic.......

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G'day CP, great question.

My take on things is probably well known, however I'll restate it in response to your question.

I use "Sir" as a normal form or address when addressing someone who I am not familiar enough to use their given name in either the spoken or written format. Certainly I will do this in a formal arena as well as in the more socially casual one. In specific situations like addressing a military officer of higher rank than the one I retired with (colonel) I automatically use Sir. I do this also when addressing any male member of Royalty personally rather than using the lengthy of listing their titles and other honorifics (They do the same to me for the same reason too). I use Sir also with people I have a great deal of respect for. I use lower case in communications when mentioning people generally but use upper case when dealing with or addressing someone specifically. (Noun rather than pronoun). Much of this is the way i was briought up to and trained to use in that manner. (Frankly fuck the modern grammatical short cuts I stay with the olde worlde usage which is so much more romantic and gracious. Grammar Nazis can be trucked of to the Grammatical/Spelling Auschwitz for reality adjustment or extermination). I usually have a precursor in that I am ok for someone referring to me as Sir/sir as long as they spell it SIR and not CUR. My usage does not change in and out of kink, lifestyles or chat rooms it is a constant. I do use at the appropriate times another variation mostly seen in literature from the British Empire period (Victorian/Edwardian) which is "Sirrah": Mister; fellow. Used as a contemptuous form of address.

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I'm not new to the path, I'm about 10 yrs into it now, and when I first found the path, it was in a chatroom and all the submissives were using the term sir to address the dominants, even the ones that they didn't particularly respect. This never made much sense to me, so it's not something that I ever adopted, but I suppose I can understand that some people in this "sub-culture" we call bdsm or the "lifestyle" feel comfortable with that.

When I first meet or talk to a potential dominant, I prefer to use his first name, but as things develope and I begin to feel submissive to him, I prefer to use sir. For me there comes a time in the evolution where using his first name just begins to feel wrong, or I should say it begins to feel uncomfortable. I don't know why, I can't explain it, but it feels natural for me to use sir, so I do it. I've also never been personally involved with a dominant who didn't like it or who took exception to it. On very rare occasion, I'll use the term sir with someone who isn't my dominant, but someone that I admire greatly and respect. Feels right and comfortable for me.

I can understand how some people find it weird though, because that's the way I feel about the term "master". That just makes me feel like I'm playing, but that's only because of my own association with that word. This is not to say that those who prefer "master" are playing at their relationship dynamic.

We all have different terms that we like to use with each other for whatever reasons that make us feel the way we need to feel when we interact with our partners, non-bdsmers do it too, whether it be a cutesy little nickname or grandpoobahmaster. To each his own.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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G'day CP, great question.

My take on things is probably well known, however I'll restate it in response to your question.

I use "Sir" as a normal form or address when addressing someone who I am not familiar enough to use their given name in either the spoken or written format. Certainly I will do this in a formal arena as well as in the more socially casual one. In specific situations like addressing a military officer of higher rank than the one I retired with (colonel) I automatically use Sir. I do this also when addressing any male member of Royalty personally rather than using the lengthy of listing their titles and other honorifics (They do the same to me for the same reason too). I use Sir also with people I have a great deal of respect for. I use lower case in communications when mentioning people generally but use upper case when dealing with or addressing someone specifically. (Noun rather than pronoun). Much of this is the way i was briought up to and trained to use in that manner. (Frankly fuck the modern grammatical short cuts I stay with the olde worlde usage which is so much more romantic and gracious. Grammar Nazis can be trucked of to the Grammatical/Spelling Auschwitz for reality adjustment or extermination). I usually have a precursor in that I am ok for someone referring to me as Sir/sir as long as they spell it SIR and not CUR. My usage does not change in and out of kink, lifestyles or chat rooms it is a constant. I do use at the appropriate times another variation mostly seen in literature from the British Empire period (Victorian/Edwardian) which is "Sirrah": Mister; fellow. Used as a contemptuous form of address.

IronBear,

Always good to hear from you IB and I pretty much am in accord with you on your useage; but what do you require or ask from the submissive side of the slash?

CP

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Wicked




Posts: 1464
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline Sir's already posted on this, but I'll add my bit. (see abuddingdom's post)

Sir's really the only one I call Sir. If I called every male dominant Sir, what would I call my Sir? Its how I think of him, and I call him that pretty much all the time. Sometimes, its simply inappropriate and I have to think a minute before I can remember his first name. Everyone is pretty much used to me calling him Sir so its not an issue most the time.

It was a milestone of sorts when I began to think of him as Sir instead of a dominant friend or something like that. Its kind of like when I started thinking of him as my dominant, rather than someone I rp'd D/s with, or an internalization of his authority over me.