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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 1:26:37 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

My question still stands.......... Why NOT tell a child that he was conceived that way? Is it meant to be far worse than being the result of an unprotected shag?

No you are missing my point. Calling a 5 year old a test tube baby to his face, is a shitty thing to do, calling a child a mistake, is a shitty thing to do. Calling them NAMES like that is a shitty thing to do.

Now, telling a 10-15 year old that "hey we need to talk, there are somethings you need to know, about how you were born" and then explaining the situation to a kid who can UNDERSTAND what it means, is fine.

No-one mentioned *calling* children names. The only comment made was *informing a child of his origins*, so I'm not sure where has that sprung from.

You said....

"Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. "

.....and that's the comment of yours that I was responding to.

In my little herb garden, we don't make a big issue about talking about the nitty gritty of life from a very early age. There are things that are just a fact of life and best treated that way without unnecessary emotion and drama attached to it. My children would know by the time they were able to ask about procreation and the *How did I get here ?* stage....around 5yrs old. ...and they'd be told in the usual matter-of-fact manner that everything else gets dealt with. Children take their lead from YOU.

agirl

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 1:38:03 AM

ranja

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I totally afree with you agirl and it is my way to go about it too, just like that my child knows how it got to be here... and also is bilingual just because that is the way we speak...

I do think there is a difference between donor sperm or eggs and in vitro though... and maybe people who used in vitro with their own egg and sperm feel no need to inform a child about these medical interventions (Harry Potter stuff to the children probably more like witchcraft) especially not if the parents them selfs want to forget about it and pretend everything was very romantic and penis in vagina birds and bees straight explanation is all they dare tell their offspring... some people are extremely shy when it comes to explaining sex things to their offspring....

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 1:49:44 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

No-one mentioned *calling* children names. The only comment made was *informing a child of his origins*, so I'm not sure where has that sprung from.

You said....

"Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. "

.....and that's the comment of yours that I was responding to.

In my little herb garden, we don't make a big issue about talking about the nitty gritty of life from a very early age. There are things that are just a fact of life and best treated that way without unnecessary emotion and drama attached to it. My children would know by the time they were able to ask about procreation and the *How did I get here ?* stage....around 5yrs old. ...and they'd be told in the usual matter-of-fact manner that everything else gets dealt with. Children take their lead from YOU.

agirl

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 1:55:41 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

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OP;
several issues here to address...

Children dont need to know whose testicles or ovaries made a baby..
adn are easily satisfied with simple explainations

and if you want a child then as A WOMAN ....YOU have the right to conceive..

you will need to wiegh the consequences of having a child by other means,,if he cannot
or the reprecussions of affecting several lives if you leave..to have a child

If he cannot conceive due to the "lifestyle" then you will need to be reponsible for your 50% in that occuring ..(50% is his too) in a way that is ethical..and may or may not choose to consider this as a varible in your chioce.

GM

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 9:13:48 AM

agirl

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I disagree. I absolutely think my chldren should know whose testicles and ovaries made them and the simple explanation is the *correct* one.

I'm not sure what you mean by the *right to conceive*. Who decides that?

agirl

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 9:32:18 AM

NihilusZero

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Only adults attach emotional value placements to such things. The child is not concerned with their origin: uterus, stork, tube, or whatever.

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Post #: 66

RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 9:34:23 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

Children dont need to know whose testicles or ovaries made a baby..

Regardless of the dynamic or relationship, I don't think there's ever any instance of the phrase "need to know" that is genuinely and fruitfully positive or honest.

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 9:39:04 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

In my little herb garden, we don't make a big issue about talking about the nitty gritty of life from a very early age. There are things that are just a fact of life and best treated that way without unnecessary emotion and drama attached to it. My children would know by the time they were able to ask about procreation and the *How did I get here ?* stage....around 5yrs old. ...and they'd be told in the usual matter-of-fact manner that everything else gets dealt with. Children take their lead from YOU.

agirl

10 points.

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 10:15:15 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Only adults attach emotional value placements to such things. The child is not concerned with their origin: uterus, stork, tube, or whatever.

In my experience children aren't *concerned* by it, they are *interested*in the whole kit and caboodle for a while. My eldest son found it so fascinating that his sister was escaping my tummy via my vagina that he told anyone that stood still long enough, for a few weeks. His fascination dwindled away when a new red-haired boy moved in next door and then his fascination switched to the miracle of hair and eye colour. An answer is an answer to a small child, not an emotional mine-field.

agirl

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 10:32:22 AM

allthatjaz

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agirl I sense you feel very strongly about this topic and I have to say that I do too and that is partly why I have more or less stayed away from it.
Like you, I believe a child must be told. At a young age it may not understand but it is something they will grow up with and accept.
I have a friend that was told at the grand age of 21 that her farther was not her natural farther. It had devastating consequences and for 7 years both parents lost her. They are on talking terms now but she says she will always resent them not telling her at a much younger age.
My first son was brought up by a step-dad and there relationship today (he is 22) is fantastic. My son knows that blood is not thicker than water and he loves his dad just as much as he loves me. He knew and accepted from a very young age.

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 9/30/2009 11:21:53 AM

Eigenaar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Only adults attach emotional value placements to such things. The child is not concerned with their origin: uterus, stork, tube, or whatever.

This is not a fact. There are those who suffer almost their entire life because of what they were told about their origin when a child. Even if this concerned false information like a pestering brother continuously raking op a lie about adoption or not having the same biological father.

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RE: How do I answer his daughter? - 10/1/2009 5:19:27 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

agirl I sense you feel very strongly about this topic and I have to say that I do too and that is partly why I have more or less stayed away from it.
Like you, I believe a child must be told. At a young age it may not understand but it is something they will grow up with and accept.
I have a friend that was told at the grand age of 21 that her farther was not her natural farther. It had devastating consequences and for 7 years both parents lost her. They are on talking terms now but she says she will always resent them not telling her at a much younger age.
My first son was brought up by a step-dad and there relationship today (he is 22) is fantastic. My son knows that blood is not thicker than water and he loves his dad just as much as he loves me. He knew and accepted from a very young age.

Yes, I do have fairly strong feelings about it...lol

I've seen enough situations where adults have done what is best for themselves, under the guise of *what is best for the child*. Children don't stay children and at some point they WILL question you on about everything .........it's wise to be able to give them a better answer than * I thought it was best* because , believe you me , they will decide WHO you thought it was the best for.

agirl

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