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Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:13:03 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		One failed attempt after another after another and yet another has taught me and mine some very valuable lessons. Those of you that know us know how outspoken we are. So please don't be shocked by the topic of this thread.

Hubby and I are extremely intelligent, apparently moreso then most are comfortable with. Our interests are extremely diverse, ranging from bikes (Harleys... is there another kind out there?) to the theatre to gardening, home improvement, history and a huge hangup on science. You would think that someplace in that long list we would have something, even one small something, in common with someone else. Well, that isn't the case, obviously... It seems that even if we can connect with them on a few subjects that also interests them, the fact that they can't connect with us intellectually is too big a barrior for them to get past. And admittedly, it's tough for us to bridge as well. We can't bring ourselves to "hang out" with people of "average" intelligence. We can't get into the same type of television programming as them, which may sound so trivial that it isn't worth mentioning, but think about it, if you and a possible partner were totally different in your viewing ideals, if you absolutely couldn't stand to watch what they see as hilarious and vice versa, do you really think that would last long term? Seriously, we've seen programs on television that within a few minutes of it being on you can honestly feel your IQ dropping!

Anyway, this is leading to a few things, sorry, I tend to babble. The topics of discussion are...

Can you see yourself with someone that is most sincerely your intellectual superior? How about someone that is obviously no where near as smart as yourself? I'm asking this in General BDSM because I don't believe it matters what side of the kneel you're on.

Now, for my opinions. No, I couldn't see myself with someone that is obviously not nearly as intelligent as I am. Been there, done that and I swear, by the time I got out of that relationship I was just as stupid as the person I was living with. I can't "dumb down" my conversation for another adult, hell, I don't generally even do it for my grand saplings. And being honest, and just as outspoken as everyone who has grown to know me, in the five (or is it six) years that I've been involved in this site I can say beyond any shadow of a doubt that I have never, in my life, been involved with so many people that suffer terribly from a lack of reading comprehension, the inability to access spelling help, and the self righteous attitudes that scream insecurity. On the other hand, I've also met (had contact with) some incredibly interesting people that cause me and mine to really take pause and rethink past attitudes or beliefs.

So, am I wrong for seeing people for what, and how they write their thoughts and reactions? Can anyone here say honestly that they don't? They don't look at that initial email full of bad spelling and "netspeak" and form their first impression?

Ok, so this thread is a parting "gift" from me. Five years is a long time to waste and I have so much living left to do. Hubby and I have decided that we just too damn happy with just the two of us and with a lot of help from those of you that suffer from that lack of reading comprehension and self righteous attitude I've finally gotten over my addiction to the message boards. Farewall to all I have called friend.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.
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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:28:47 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Amazing…That someone who thinks they are so smart would spend 618 words proving how stupid they are.

Someone truly smart would do it in 27 words.


Butch


< Message edited by kdsub -- 9/27/2009 7:30:46 PM >

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:31:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Hhmm..a post full of grammar mistakes about intellectual superiority but yet doesn't stick around for the answers to her questions?

Why bother? Doesn't sound all that intellectually superior to me. <shrug>

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:31:51 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I hang out with people of like intelligence.  They may know more than I do on some given topic, but it balances out with the things I have learned over the years.  I avoid brain slugs just as much as I avoid people who believe that the very gas that passes through their cheeks whistles a truer tone than the rest of the masses.

Intelligence is more than book knowlege.  It can be the ability to interact with people from a variety of the walks of life, and make yourself understood, without having to dumb down, and without talking over their head.  Sometimes intelligence is knowing your target audience and speaking in a way that they can understand, without leaving you with a headache from the effort.

In a day to day relationship, it is best to find people of similar intelligence.  Many times you may never find that because prejudice has set the bar to see only yourself as valuable.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:45:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What tv shows you like to watch are a lot less important to me than other things. Namely sympathy, empathy and loving kindness.

My spelling and grammar skills are a hell of a lot higher than The Man's. His math and spatial skills leave mine in the dust. I have a friend who does amazing fabric arts, she leaves me far behind.

I know people smarter than me and people less smart. But I'm not so one dimensional to think this is the only way to judge people. The smartest man I've ever known had no people skills and made two women miserable during their marriages to him despite the fact that he did want them to be happy. He simply didn't know how to be kind or how to listen.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:49:06 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

One failed attempt after another after another and yet another has taught me and mine some very valuable lessons. Those of you that know us know how outspoken we are. So please don't be shocked by the topic of this thread.

Hubby and I are extremely intelligent, apparently moreso then most are comfortable with. Our interests are extremely diverse, ranging from bikes (Harleys... is there another kind out there?) to the theatre to gardening, home improvement, history and a huge hangup on science. You would think that someplace in that long list we would have something, even one small something, in common with someone else. Well, that isn't the case, obviously... It seems that even if we can connect with them on a few subjects that also interests them, the fact that they can't connect with us intellectually is too big a barrior for them to get past. And admittedly, it's tough for us to bridge as well. We can't bring ourselves to "hang out" with people of "average" intelligence. We can't get into the same type of television programming as them, which may sound so trivial that it isn't worth mentioning, but think about it, if you and a possible partner were totally different in your viewing ideals, if you absolutely couldn't stand to watch what they see as hilarious and vice versa, do you really think that would last long term? Seriously, we've seen programs on television that within a few minutes of it being on you can honestly feel your IQ dropping!

Anyway, this is leading to a few things, sorry, I tend to babble. The topics of discussion are...

Can you see yourself with someone that is most sincerely your intellectual superior? How about someone that is obviously no where near as smart as yourself? I'm asking this in General BDSM because I don't believe it matters what side of the kneel you're on.

Now, for my opinions. No, I couldn't see myself with someone that is obviously not nearly as intelligent as I am. Been there, done that and I swear, by the time I got out of that relationship I was just as stupid as the person I was living with. I can't "dumb down" my conversation for another adult, hell, I don't generally even do it for my grand saplings. And being honest, and just as outspoken as everyone who has grown to know me, in the five (or is it six) years that I've been involved in this site I can say beyond any shadow of a doubt that I have never, in my life, been involved with so many people that suffer terribly from a lack of reading comprehension, the inability to access spelling help, and the self righteous attitudes that scream insecurity. On the other hand, I've also met (had contact with) some incredibly interesting people that cause me and mine to really take pause and rethink past attitudes or beliefs.

So, am I wrong for seeing people for what, and how they write their thoughts and reactions? Can anyone here say honestly that they don't? They don't look at that initial email full of bad spelling and "netspeak" and form their first impression?

Ok, so this thread is a parting "gift" from me. Five years is a long time to waste and I have so much living left to do. Hubby and I have decided that we just too damn happy with just the two of us and with a lot of help from those of you that suffer from that lack of reading comprehension and self righteous attitude I've finally gotten over my addiction to the message boards. Farewall to all I have called friend.

Jewel


Thank you!  

~ It's "barrier", not "barrior"....
~ "than", not "then"

As you said yourself I have never, in my life, been involved with so many people that suffer terribly from a lack of reading comprehension, the inability to access spelling help, and the self righteous attitudes that scream insecurity.

It's always been my experience that insecure people like to use parting shots that tout their mental superiority and intelligence. 



_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:53:10 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
I know, I know.

All those painful moments watching Barney with my little boy.

Thank God I grew up to be a fairly normal, somewhat more light skinned dinosaur.

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:55:17 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I think both parts of a relationship need to be able to share large parts of what is important to them.

If someone walks in my office and says, "There's a library within walking distance, why the hell you bother with all these books?" I know we're not fundamentally compatible. If someone doesn't know why I want to build a woodfired brick oven in my back yard (I'm a historically focused cook), then they and I are going to spend a lot of time quietly enduring the other person's conversation. If someone doesn't know why I'm writing my representatives in Congress every day, says, "It's not relevant to me, why bother," then we're going to disagree on where I put my money and time.

Of course, if someone were into fantasy football, crossdressing, or skateboarding, I'd probably not be suitable for them, either. It's fortunate that I recognize that.




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Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 7:59:26 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Can you see yourself with someone that is most sincerely your intellectual superior? How about someone that is obviously no where near as smart as yourself?


I could see myself with someone more intelligent than me. I struggle with those who don't meet my level of intellect, though. It is typically very difficult to figure out what to talk about -- they don't enjoy the books I read, or the concepts that are important to me and those whom I associate with. I also find it hard to associate with people who don't know why they make the choices they make. "I don't know" is not a long-term answer to -any- question around our house... you're expected to put an effort into working it out.

quote:

So, am I wrong for seeing people for what, and how they write their thoughts and reactions? Can anyone here say honestly that they don't? They don't look at that initial email full of bad spelling and "netspeak" and form their first impression?


Again, I do, and I've always been very straight-forward about that. I make no apologies and have no regrets. I think that, with all the technology available to us, and the education we're supposed to have received, that a person who does not take the time to actually think through a post or message, use proper English and at least fair-to-middling grammar, is probably not worth my effort to respond to, because chances are pretty good that xhe's not going to put the effort into the level of protocol and the expectations that I have in a relationship. I could be proven wrong, but if so, then time will tell, and until my standards are met, there is no real chance of anything else developing.

I find it interesting that, with all of the people who have insisted that if their expectations in a relationship aren't met (monogamy, no micromanagement, etc.), then they'll walk, that people can get so incensed with someone who says "If a person doesn't show some measure of intellectual compatibility, then xhe's not on my list for a potential companion in a relationship." I don't understand why -that- should be exempted from the realization of what is necessary for a relationship to be fulfilling.

Jewel, pop me a note on the other side before you leave, so I can stay in touch. I'll pass along my off-site info (if I haven't given it to you already).


Dame Calla


< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 9/27/2009 8:06:38 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 8:02:44 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		When it comes to intelligence, the more people talk about how intelligent they are the less intelligent they seem. Also, you might want to check out Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligence and broaden your definition of the word.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 8:18:09 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*laughs* You know, I keep struggling with what to say to this thread... I feel like I ought to, somehow, say something. But everything I might say just... well.. *laughs*... There, nevermind. We'll just call this my reply and be done with it.

Sincerely though, thank you for that parting gift Jewel. I'll treasure it forever.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 8:28:51 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I am sure you will be missed, to the extent that you were valued here.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 8:42:39 PM   
Bimtrain


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline 		It seems most of the responses in this thread are criticizing the OP instead of answering their question.

For me I don't think I could ever be with someone who's intellectually superior to me. However, I rarely meet young women who are so it's a non-issue. I do, however, desire to be with someone of significantly lower intelligence. You know what they say about opposites and I just find it very attractive. I do enjoy intellectual discourse but that's what my friends are for and I spend a lot of time with them. My slave is supposed to satisfy my "other head" and a dumb girl is a part of that equation. I love 'em!

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 8:59:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain
It seems most of the responses in this thread are criticizing the OP instead of answering their question.
Fair enough. I'll also answer directly. I have an extremely high IQ. High enough to waltz through the mensa exam. And one of the bits of brilliant insight that IQ gives me is that those sort of tests measure exactly one sort of thinking and I happen to be good at that. Carol's brain works in an entirely different way. One that is not tested by any test I've ever seen. That doesn't stop her from contributing gainfully to my life ... including my intellectual life.

So I guess for me, I have a pretty flexibile view of what it means to be "smart". In addition, I would prefer to evaluate someone in as broad a spectrum as possible and with the fewest filters I can manage in order to maximize my own understanding of them and their potential benefit to my life. Put more simply... IQ is pretty shallow.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 9:02:27 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Define intelligence.  Honestly, people have been trying for as long as there have been measures of some concept known as intelligence (longer actually) and have come to no satisfactory conclusions.  As for judging intellect based on spelling and grammar, I know firsthand how completely inappropriate that is.  Often, great minds do not have room to be bothered with language conventions.  Did you enjoy your self righteous indignation OP?

Intellectual compatibility is essential to me, but it is not the only factor and I don't determine it based on such superficialities as spelling, grammar, books they ready, or tv shows they watch.  If a person can hold my interest and have an indepth conversation on a number of subjects important to me, then that is really all I need.  I also need to mention that a mind of simpler tastes can sometimes bring clarity into my cluttered and often overly complicated world.  Simplicity can be a breath of fresh air.

I have appreciated your presence on the boards during the time I have been active here.  You usually seemed to have good insights and had the down to earth common sense that is often lacking.  I am disappointed to see this kind of post from you, but cannot even begin to change your mind about any of it, nor is it something I could see investing time and effort in doing.  Good luck to you and yours and I hope life treats you well and you have your happiness either as is or that it finds you along a different path. 

lovingpet

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 9:18:04 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, fair enough Bimtrain. I will answer the question:

Intelligence ,as defined by IQ, or some other limited definition of the word is not as important to me as passion. I am turned on by people who are passionate about something, ANYTIHNG. I love listening to people discuss/discribe a subject that they have a deep interest in. Even if its something I know nothing about. I love seeing that sparkle in their eyes when they talk about that certain interest that consumes them, that takes them out of the daily grind and brings joy to their life. People without at least one all consuming interest bore the crap out of me.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 10:24:28 PM   
happylittlepet


Posts: 289
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Can you see yourself with someone that is most sincerely your intellectual superior?
 
Should someone feel bad now? And it's 'someone who'.
 
How about someone that is obviously no where near as smart as yourself?
 
Maybe that person has a lot of humility.
 
I'm asking this in General BDSM because I don't believe it matters what side of the kneel you're on.

Now, for my opinions. No, I couldn't see myself with someone that is obviously not nearly as intelligent as I am.
 
I am not sure who misses out, honestly.
 
Been there, done that and I swear, by the time I got out of that relationship I was just as stupid as the person I was living with.
 
You are not quite over the anger yet.
 
I can't "dumb down" my conversation for another adult, hell, I don't generally even do it for my grand saplings.
 
Please enlighten me, what are grand saplings?
 
...
 
Ok, so this thread is a parting "gift" from me. Five years is a long time to waste and I have so much living left to do.
 
It was your decision to stick around. All your intelligence wasn't enough to help you figure that out. I really don't feel sorry for you.
 
Hubby and I have decided that we just too damn happy with just the two of us and with a lot of help from those of you that suffer from that lack of reading comprehension and self righteous attitude I've finally gotten over my addiction to the message boards.
 
Then at least you could say 'thank you'.
 


Please try to Google 'Emotional Intelligence', you have a lot to learn.

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 10:26:37 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
Can you see yourself with someone that is most sincerely your intellectual superior? How about someone that is obviously no where near as smart as yourself? I'm asking this in General BDSM because I don't believe it matters what side of the kneel you're on.

Yes, I can... and do. I have a former submissive who has a MENSA IQ who can do long division calculations in his head. He can also spell well and still remembers parts of speech and grammar stuff that I've long since forgotten. Yet, we have enough in common that we 1) had a Ds relationship for over two years and 2) remain what I think is "good friends" to this day. We're the kind of friends that, even though we sometimes don't talk for weeks, if he called and said he needed me, I'd go... and vice versa.

I have another former... truly he's a slave, but for me, he was a servant, who isn't as intelligent as I am. Still, we have plenty to talk about because we speak to each other from the heart. We do have certain science topics in common and we still pop up on each other's radar to say, "Hey! Did you see X?" he's a genuine person and that, honestly, brings a lot to the table.

However, I do note that these are not, and never were, romantic relationships. Still, my first husband was not as intelligent as I and we lasted nearly 10 years. My second husband was as intelligent as I, but we often didn't connect about anything intellectual after the first few years.

quote:

So, am I wrong for seeing people for what, and how they write their thoughts and reactions? Can anyone here say honestly that they don't? They don't look at that initial email full of bad spelling and "netspeak" and form their first impression?


I feel we are never wrong is pursuing the things that are meaningful to us. The difficulties arise when we become frustrated. This can often lead us to be reactionary and, because of that, compassion is hard to come by.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 10:43:52 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I do, however, desire to be with someone of significantly lower intelligence.


Ack, that would be so painful.

Well, to be fair I could mess around and have fun with someone who was far less intelligent than me... but to have a long term relationship with someone who was far and away below my intelligence would be painful.


Now, as far as someone way above me... I think I would try it if they could stomach it.  I would do my best to learn from them, and would love to be intellectually challenged by them in many ways.  However... I hate talking about this because it's very difficult to not come off as an arrogant douchehat... but based on what I know about bell curves and z-scores... the odds of me meeting someone noticably and significantly more intelligent than me are pretty low, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Actually, now that I read how I would handle someone way more intelligent than me... if I had someone way less intelligent than me who tried to approach it in the same way maybe I could at least be proud of them for wanting to learn and take an interest in things that are hard for them to understand... but I would ultimately get frustrated and end up disappointed that they couldn't keep up with me.

Nah... at least for me I would prefer a partner who is approximately my intellectual equal.  Being with someone who just entirely lacks the capacity to conceptualize ideas at your level can make you feel pretty lonely and distant from them.

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RE: Too smart or not smart enough? - 9/27/2009 11:00:22 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Most of the facets we attribute to intelligence can be learned. After a while, we're essentially only talking about those who learn better and/or have had something in their personal life make them motivated to learn.

The degree of intelligence of someone isn't as big a deterrent to me as the level of willful ignorance. Intentional anti-intellectualism and the notion that anyone can have an "opinion" (and that since opinions don't require any actual studiousness as to credibility, they can get away with being just as "right" as someone genuinely learned in a topic) is much different than whether they know of and can discuss Zeno's paradox, punctuated equilibrium, or Pascal's wager.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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