quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My husband died 15 years ago and when meeting new people the question of if I am single/married comes up and so it usually comes out that I am widowed. It still does make me uncomfortable to answer this sometimes since I lost him when I was young and I still am young and people get all weird around me when I tell them about it.

Then they ask me how I lost him..drunk driver/head on collision at which point they usually want to start apologizing, telling me how sorry they are for me, etc..

These days I just try to keep it all short and sweet...

"widowed 15 years now"

"Oh I'm sooo very sorry for you! How did he die?"

"Drunk driver"

"that's ashame. My condolences."

"Thanks"

and then I try to change the conversation as quickly as possible for everyone involved.

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ORIGINAL: scarlethiney

I am so sorry for your loss. 

My first husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack, while he was out of town. The most upsetting thing about his death was the police calling and telling our then sixteen year old son over the phone that they had just found his father dead in his hotel room (they were that blunt).  My son will forever replay that awful conversation in his head.

I am re-married now, so I do not have to explain about my husbands death much any more.  I know it is still difficult for my son to answer questions about his fathers death. He will usually change the subject to some happy memory he has of his time with his father or things they did or change the subject completely.
Father's Day is particularly hard for him even ten years later.

I think most people really do not know how or what to say when they hear that a loved one or close friend has passed and instead of dismissing it by changing the subject, I feel some think it might be appropriate to ask and therefore invite you to discuss the person.  I really have never felt as if anyone asking was being intrusive or tactless, but more sensitive and concerned.
Most people will take the hint if you change the subject that it is too uncomfortable to discuss. The ones who don't are usually shut up with a polite "I don't care to discuss it".

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ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton

sometimes it'd be nice if just 1% of the physical world could be like the folks n CM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

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ORIGINAL: Viridana
Not that I am ashamed of him taking his own life, I just dislike this faux "aaaaw poor you, I'm so sowwwy" attitude that is often generated.  

If you could see me now I am nodding my head in agreement Viridana.  I am not ashamed that my brother killed himself, ironically I had done a lot of work with survivors of suicide (both the people left behind and attempters) long before he died so at times I still do use him as a way to educate some people and do my bit to keep this important topic out in the open but damn, some of the reactions and responses I have had from people are what make me very reluctant to go into the details - actual comments I have had include "how selfish of him to do that" and my all time favourite "you are a psychologist, why didn't you try to stop him" 

thank you for posting on this topic Viridana, I appreciate it

quote:

ORIGINAL: kayzes
i feel it is human nature to be inquisitive, especially about the subject of suicide.  unfortnately, a great deal of individuals let their curiosity override their common sense and tact and we are the ones left to deal with their short comings.sadly, this is just another aspect that must be added to the already complicated web of grief that we have found ourselves caught in.
sincerely,
kayzes

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ORIGINAL: califsue
Although she has been dead longer than her physical life she is and always will be my sister and I consider her part of my family.