a matter of respect??

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

a matter of respect??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> a matter of respect??

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 4:46:43 PM

kitten4aDaddy

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/25/2007
Status: offline

greetings everyone,
i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions.
some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see
what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards.

he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized.
that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements.

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 4:59:59 PM

weaselwelder

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline

It certainly is flattering to be approached by a sub, but subs are mostly in my experience submissive.

On the other hand, there are some people here who expect the top to do all the seducing. A relationship takes two people, not one person and a dead fish.

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 2

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:05:17 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

We would have to disagree with that because We may see a submissives profile that stands out and seems to have all the interests and qualities We are looking for so indeed send them a message to ask if they would like to talk and indeed start to become friends so that the future may unfold into something much more or just remain friends but because We saw their profile that does not mean they saw Ours till We contacted them.
If it all was to become friendship or even much more then that is only because of Us doing the first contact and would never have come to pass other wise.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 3

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:21:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think he'll be waiting a very long time before anybody comes begging to be considered.

As far as respect, if he feels he is owed some simply because he self identifies as a top, he has a lot to learn. Respect is earned by both sides. So how does he pay respect to those on the other side of the slash? After all if he deserves it just for existing, so do they. Or does he actually think that submissives aren't real people and they all deserve to be treated like dirt? Because some so-called dominants do hold this view, the ones who wonder why they can't ever get a sub.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 4

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:25:06 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I actually disagree with those assertions but if that person with whom you used to speak takes that approach and is willing to deal with the ramifications of not being approached, that's that person's perogative.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 5

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:29:11 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I think he'll be waiting a very long time before anybody comes begging to be considered.

This.
If he is het, most of the females (on this site, anyway) have all they can do just replying to the mails they receive. I also agree with Des that respect is not automatic, certainly not because someone slaps a big "D" on their chest.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:42:19 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

greetings everyone,
i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions.
some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see
what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards.

he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized.
that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements.

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

The times I was seeking in the past, I rarely contacted the Dominant first...I let him take the lead.. I find the type of man who waits around for a submissive to contact him first was not my type at all..this is a personal thing.

< Message edited by playfulotter -- 10/13/2009 5:43:03 PM >

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 7

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:46:29 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If I want to contact someone, I'll do it. I'm not like some teenage girl sitting by the phone waiting for someone to ask her to the prom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 8

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 5:48:29 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter
I let him take the lead

A submissive letting a dominant take the lead? HERESY! Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 9

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:01:36 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

what are your thoughts?

It has nothing to do with respect. It has to do with what he sees as honorific. He's welcome to help himself to that viewpoint and all the byproducts that choosing to espouse it will bring..

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 10

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:05:28 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I do so love that!
It's really good of him to realize how in charge the submissive it. Not many of the Domlies do, you know. ahem.

sunshine the powerful

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 11

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:13:35 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

As others have said, if that's the way he wants to live that's up to him, hope he enjoys the throne.

In my opinion, however, I think he's on a major ego trip, and not interested on finding someone that is compatible with him, but to have legions of, I"m assuming, women fawn all over him, begging for his attention and favor. Probably someone who claims to be Dom so he can have women chasing after him, because it probably doesn't happen in his real life.

Must be a wonderful place within his mind.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 12

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:17:19 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up.

*SNORT*

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 13

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:17:57 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

lol, waiting on a sub to come say hello is like taking a long trip in a car with half a tank of gas..its Just Not Going To Happen!!!!!{unless she already knows you that is}

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 14

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:25:57 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

I will approach a dominant first, if he or she is extraordinary. Although I prefer they make the first approach, as I am shy, I wouldn't let somebody like that slip through the cracks without a chance at seeing if there is something there. But I have never yet seen a dominant profile like the one you have mentioned (there are a lot of them out there--he's a "type") that struck me as particularly extraordinary, alas. And I think that's all I'm going to say about that! Although I probably could say much more. ;)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:36:11 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

As others have said, if that's the way he wants to live that's up to him, hope he enjoys the throne.

In my opinion, however, I think he's on a major ego trip, and not interested on finding someone that is compatible with him, but to have legions of, I"m assuming, women fawn all over him, begging for his attention and favor. Probably someone who claims to be Dom so he can have women chasing after him, because it probably doesn't happen in his real life.

Must be a wonderful place within his mind.

Well, it might work if he was very attractive or had this really great profile and journal that made women drool all over him, but the few who are like that don't typically put the "you have to write me first" statement on their profiles. They don't exactly have to. :/

FWIW, a lot of female dominants do this, and I don't hear the sub men complaining much about having to approach first, so maybe this is more of a gender issue than a dom/sub issue?

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 16

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:36:31 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

greetings everyone,
i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions.
some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see
what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards.

he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized.
that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements.

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

In the section bolded, and I of course be completely wrong, I see a good example of ego wanking from someone who is King In His own Dunny!

Does it really matter who approaches who? I think not but it how the approach is made that matters. Respect may not be given at first as respect need to be earned, although for a sub to approach the Dominant it is likely that the sub has some respect for that person already else why would she approach him? However, laying respect aside for a moment, I would expect a sub to approach with good manners and some courtesy.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/13/2009 6:37:05 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 17

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:42:25 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I don't agree with the guy in the OP. I tend to not be the one who will step out first. In the case of my partner, I did, which in all the universe was not remotely how things normally work for me. This has absolutely nothing to do with respect. It is some random hoop the dominant is trying to see if a submissive will jump through. I don't have the patience for those kinds of ridiculous games.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 18

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 6:46:17 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

fr
If it works for him, great. I would think he is missing a lot of opportunities and might be waiting longer than if he took the initiative, but I doubt you will convince him of that.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 19

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:42:35 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

A submissive letting a dominant take the lead? HERESY! Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up.

I think I'd rather do the foot-rubbing.

That is, if I'm allowed.

But seriously, to answer the question...I treat everyone with common decency and respect, regardless of which side of the slash they're on. But until someone is my dominant, I will not kow-tow and so on. When someone is my dominant, then that person is entitled to a higher degree of respect and deference from me. But the part where he says "you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place," what is he implying? That a sub is supposed to just keep sending cmails and so on indefinitely until he decides to write back? Hogwash. I will write a polite letter with a little information in it & if it's not answered I will suppose the recipient is not interested and I will not write another. I'm not looking at this time, but when I do get around to it in the future, that's how I will approach it. I never initiated correspondence before & I'm still deciding if I will or not next time.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> a matter of respect??

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078