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RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:46:52 PM

bravemax

Posts: 23
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

Of course it's pretty flattering when the other person makes a decent effort. Maybe your friends is just flagging they would like some of that.

I think you are a really good friend. Without you starting this topic the subs who can rise to this "approach" would never have found the guy.
Oh wait they still don't know who the dom is. And therein lies the rub. If you do want to be chased then you've got to make yoursefl look like a target.

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 21

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:48:51 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Waiting for things to fall into your lap doesn't generally work too well. Finding a partner (or anything else worthwhile in life) takes some work. Plus the fact that there are generally more male Doms than female subs- this man may be waiting for a good long time for someone to contact him if it ever even happens.

This approach wouldn't work for me. I would like to see that someone is interested in getting to know me and if I'm doing all the work I won't see the attraction as being mutual. If he doesn't want to put forth any effort to get things off the ground there are plenty of men who do, and who will.

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 22

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:49:00 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Does it really matter who approaches who? I think not but it how the approach is made that matters.

However, laying respect aside for a moment, I would expect a sub to approach with good manners and some courtesy.

Amen.

If the person interests you, contact away. Courtesy and manners matter.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:50:12 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

OP:
Is he prepared for that submissive to be a male? Or a male pretending to be a female? If not, he is probably going to wait for a while. Did you contact him first? What was it about his profile that brought you to chat him up?
As far as respect goes, I am not seeing the correlation between messaging someone and giving them due respect. Anyone who has gotten a "wut r u wearing" IM would know that.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 24

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 7:59:07 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

He is well within his rights to want what he wants. It is obviously working for him well enough or he would change it.

You are well within your rights to not provide it, if it doesn't feel right.

There's no right or wrong here; just individual preferences.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 25

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 8:05:32 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

I think his only mistake is in telling you, or the sub in question, what they "should" do and how they "should" approach. Of course there is nothing wrong with him saying this is what he likes and this is what he prefers, but that doesn't make it the right approach for you or for another submissive.

Personally I think it's best to do whatever feels right and natural. That doesn't mean his way is wrong, it just means it's not compatible with your way. I doubt he'll see much in the way of interest with his beliefs, but of course it's his choice to sit around and hold out for someone who agrees with his sentiments.

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 26

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 8:09:03 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

OP:

Interesting thread:
COMMUNICATION reflects personal ways of being,modality strengths and of course for certain reasons..from personal experience

RE: DOM in the post..
Respect goes both ways and needs to be earned both ways...so??
He may use this as his personal criteria for many reasons and if it works..then good
He may want a bolder sub..or one with "ovaries"...or if they approach he has a better "read" on them

I rarely rarely approach..on line...
in community...yes
I want to see WHO read the profile on thier own and picked out details and who writes to me about what I ask in it.

THIS shows..to me..strength..intelligence and intent

I have on occasion messaged a sub with a great profile who has insight into his own process..

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/13/2009 8:13:42 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 27

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 8:10:38 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

i've heard this in the past and have mixed feelings about it. i understand the theory behind it and can agree with that, but i believe a lot depends on the approaching party and their level of comfort in relating this way. i'm of the opinion that adults relate. i don't believe the onus should be on one or the other. what is clear is that the reasoning behind the behavior cannot be detected without a dialogue. very often it doesn't stem from M/s dynamics, but may be heavily influenced by ego, insecurity, or perceived benefits the dominant role affords such as this.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 28

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 9:43:46 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

Someone I use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that I tend to disagree with. He believes that it is a sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized, that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him.

"He who loves the more is the inferior and must suffer."
— Thomas Mann

I know I've ruminated openly over the smug ornament type before. There is a sum of women who coyly bank on male interest to make the first gesture, and thereafter assume a principle of least interest from the very first root. Men can be just as guilty in using this idea, and many people overall would rather sweep that little cantrip under the carpet than talk honestly about it too much.

Generally, it doesn't matter who approaches who, yet I am aware of the sort who act (or more accurately, do not act) based on the above thinking. It is for this reason I do not give chase. A gentle query or "conversation" is one thing, but a protracted effort to "capture" someone who hopes you give chase is utterly beneath me.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 29

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 9:47:13 PM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

To OP.
should a sub be the one to approach the dom...
In my opinion, no, (But this might be a way to "weed out" certain types of personalities that he might not like) but then again Dommes claim it's the sub who goes to the domme.

Then yet again, it has nothing to do with role, as much as people think certain genders HAVE to do certain things.

1 of the main reasons I decided to no longer look for Dommes is just because of that.

Regardless if they think it is or isn't sexist, I have no interest in someone who claims I have to do it because of my gender. (Not because of which role I wish to be)
(They claim it's not based on gender, but the moment they decide to try out a female sub, you'll soon see they switch up that rule.)

Anyways, the point I'm getting at, If he said it is because "Subs" should, then I say it is just something he favors, and that's that. But when it's solely based on Gender, then I'd vote for "not cool", but in the end it's up to you.

< Message edited by Eivarden -- 10/13/2009 9:49:15 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 30

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/13/2009 10:30:05 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

Contra many other opinions in here-
I strongly encourage him to wait with dignified pride by his PC, waiting for the submissives to email him. In fact, he should hide his profile, so only the most determined hacker subs are able to find him.

Disclaimer:
The fact that this takes him out of commission and clears the field for other Dominants in no way influences my decision.

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 31

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 12:51:43 AM

SimplyIsaac

Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Contra many other opinions in here-
I strongly encourage him to wait with dignified pride by his PC, waiting for the submissives to email him. In fact, he should hide his profile, so only the most determined hacker subs are able to find him.

Disclaimer:
The fact that this takes him out of commission and clears the field for other Dominants in no way influences my decision.

I am thoroughly beginning to enjoy your sense of humor, Rex.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 32

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 1:43:05 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Contra many other opinions in here-
I strongly encourage him to wait with dignified pride by his PC, waiting for the submissives to email him. In fact, he should hide his profile, so only the most determined hacker subs are able to find him.

Disclaimer:
The fact that this takes him out of commission and clears the field for other Dominants in no way influences my decision.

If I was NZ, I'd give you about 20 points.....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 33

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 5:27:30 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

greetings everyone,
i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions.
some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see
what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards.

he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized.
that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements.

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

What a presumptuous crock of shit.

So you as the sub, don't "deserve the respect" that he thinks he'd be showing by approaching you first?

WTF?

Relationships aren't a two way street, to him? Jesus Christ. What a clueless, stuck-up loser.

_____________________________

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(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 34

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 2:02:35 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

My thoughts are ........... It's up to him to decide what HE thinks subs should do. Usually people have a certain success rate when they have a stance on something , or they tend to change their stance. So it probably works.

agirl

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 35

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 2:14:10 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I hope that the OPs dom friend has this requirement bolded in his profile , or he may be very lonely.

For myself, when i was new here i would never have contacted a dom - i thought it was the doms decision to contact who he/she wanted. Now, after being around for a little while, i would probably contact someone i thought was interesting.

And Ironbear, i hope that he has a lot of toilet paper with him.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 4:02:30 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

what are your thoughts?

If this is how he practices, your opinion is irrelevant.

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 37

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/14/2009 8:05:02 PM

SubOnlyForHim

Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Contra many other opinions in here-
I strongly encourage him to wait with dignified pride by his PC, waiting for the submissives to email him. In fact, he should hide his profile, so only the most determined hacker subs are able to find him.

Disclaimer:
The fact that this takes him out of commission and clears the field for other Dominants in no way influences my decision.

I am thoroughly beginning to enjoy your sense of humor, Rex.

i'll second that...

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

Post #: 38

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/15/2009 12:15:39 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

greetings everyone,
i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions.
some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see
what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards.

he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized.
that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements.

"As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place."
"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

what are your thoughts?

Unless he has a collar around subs neck, he is wrong, he deserves nothing but what someone wants to freely give him

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 39

RE: a matter of respect?? - 10/15/2009 7:54:03 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy

"It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being."

It's the word "deserve" that I have a problem with. Just because he's decided to call himself a D type doesn't mean that he deserves anything. Does that mean that the s type doesn't deserve respect?

Beyond that, I would have no interest someone that didn't treat me as an equal until it's decided that the aquaintance is moving in a D/s direction.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kitten4aDaddy)

Post #: 40

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