RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (Full Version)

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cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 5:26:10 PM)

Yes all the doormat discussions were carried out online I cant remember one in a real life setting.

I don’t remember having expressed any level of approval for any womans level of submissive need.

All I did was report what I have observed. As far as im concerned every woman is entitled to fulfill her desires no matter how strong they may be. Hence my one answer that doormats need love too.



slavejali -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 5:39:38 PM)

I dont have any comments to make here except I really enjoyed your post cillydom.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 5:42:37 PM)

thank you

well ther is one line we can all agree on, it is contorversal, but i enjoy that, it makes us think and evolve



xxblushesxx -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 6:47:10 PM)

I enjoyed your post(s) as well, but, couldn't help but respond.

I hope all of us find exactly what we need.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 6:49:46 PM)

thank you

and you too



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 11:19:30 PM)

i thought your essay was brilliant. i agreed with all of it, completely. Thank you for posting it. Like Celeste, i will be reading all of your future posts as well. What you have described is almost to a tee the way my Master has managed me and taught me. The only piece that stuck out as something to ask about is the fear of losing her Master. Security is essential. If you meant this as simply, a slave will only be his slave if she remains pleasing, then that's a no-brainer. Any slave knows this and while she strives to be pleasing because her greatest desire is for him to be pleased, she also knows if she continually doesn't, she likely won't have a Master. If it is something he constantly holds over her head, that seems questionable to me. Aside from that, i thought everything you said was dead-on.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 11:39:55 PM)

It comes from an innate insecurity in the submissive, am I pleasing enough, am I submissive enough, etc. can I keep him, will he find someone else more pleasing.

Its mostly internal to her, and I’m going to take a lot of flack for this, but the dominant is within his rights to take advantage of that. He can use her fear but at the same time not be the cause of it, it’s a subtle thing and before using it he should have grown to understand her. Not all that I’ve said should be used from the beginning but as he gains knowledge of her he can begin to exercize greater control. After all fear is part of the excitement for her.



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 11:54:56 PM)

i can understand such a fear, particularly in the beginning. But over time, would he prefer her to be secure with him? For example i know that as long as i am pleasing to him i will be his. Thus, i will always work to be pleasing and find new and creative ways to do so. However, if loss of the relationship were used to manipulate me, i would think that would only have fed my insecurity, and my focus would end up being on something fear driven than HIM-driven. Hence, my focus becomes on me rather than on him. Whereas if i am secure on the foundation he provides, then i am not distracted by needless worry. Would you agree? Then all barriers are removed and you have a slave with no hangups, ready to expand her own boundaries, however difficult, to please you and make you happy. You are her goal - not her security. You did say subtle, however, which leads me to believe you are not outwardly hanging demise over her head as a form of negative motivation. Negative motivation (a different subject) has its place, but i tend to think fear driven approaches can lead to dangerous ground.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 11:57:16 PM)

you read it befor i had a chance to clairify myself



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/6/2006 11:59:08 PM)

i'm quick like that [;)]




cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:01:51 AM)

remember there's a straggle between them for control of her, and he has to come out dominant in that straggle



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:04:10 AM)

Yes, i remember it well. What you mentioned earlier is key - the investment in fully learning and knowing her, and then knowing what to do with that knowledge.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:09:33 AM)

for him not to try to use her to fulfil his desires is in a way to cheat her of the man she thought she was getting, a dominant.



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:14:59 AM)

Yes...A familiar sentiment which i am quite aware of.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:17:34 AM)

what do you mean?



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:23:32 AM)

It means my Master is of the same opinion, and i agree with it. i need him to use me as he does. If he didn't, i would not be living to my full potential and we would both be missing something special.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:31:51 AM)

you make me feel vindicated



ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:36:23 AM)

You said it in the name of your thread - your views are controversial and unpopular in the masses, but they are not unheard of.



cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:43:43 AM)

i tried to go beyond the fantasy of d/s to the reality of the dynamics of d/s.

to come face to face with that reality, weather or not it’s pleasant



BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:50:07 AM)

quote:

It means my Master is of the same opinion, and i agree with it. i need him to use me as he does. If he didn't, i would not be living to my full potential and we would both be missing something special.


I haven't messed with you for a long time, so I'm due. ::giggles::

quote:

i need him to use me as he does.


I really relate to this and one of the hardest issues for me has been to overcome that 'need', realise it's a 'want' and work passed it with the help of Himself. What I mean by that is when he does 'not' use me as I 'want' him to, but rather does for himself, gets things for himself, serves himself ... whatever it may be. By not being of use as 'I' wish, but rather as 'he' wishes has been a much harder struggle, and takes a greater degree of .. submission from me than the other. Learning not to feel rejected or neglected by his choices to exercise power at his discretion rather than by what I believe that should be..

same thing for you.. or different?

I'm curious because the dynamic which we ::you and I:: both share with our Masters is very different in that you don't get as many opportunities, perhaps, as I do in living with Himself, but at the same time, perhaps do get 'used' by your Master when the opportunities arise. ::is this making any sense?:: In other words, if you have only an hour a day to spend with your slave, do you take full advantage of that.. as opposed to having 24 hours a day with that slave, where you do tend to want to do things more for yourself, more often. If and when the time comes where you move in together, how will you feel if your Master does some of those little things for himself instead of directing you to do them?

Clear as mud? ::chuckles:: Get some coffee and if I haven't explained myself very well, I'll blame it on the lateness of the hour and try again.

Celeste




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