RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s

RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (Full Version)

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cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:00:26 AM)
Im not sure you understand, im a dominant. Don’t you feel you have accomplished something when you have pleased him and feel better about yourself?

ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:04:14 AM)
Hey there you. Yeah, i was feeling neglected by you :) Okay...coffee huh? Dang it's 1am, i finished a ton of work and i have to get to bed! BUT...i want to answer your post. i'm not going to bother with quotes...because i will screw them up. It was difficult (and still is) for me also, to learn to be used as HE wishes and not as i wish. But my inherent need is to be used - however his liking dictates. Yes we are different for the reasons you described. But...say tonight for example. my way of being used was to be hanging out and managing myself as he would want me to, while he was doing whatever he was doing. i didn't hear from him today, save for one short reply to an email. So, maybe the similarity is that i may have had a desire to have hung out on cam for him (he likes background art while he works), or to have driven to him...or or or...But tonight his plans were to do his own thing. You are right - i don't see him as frequently as either of us would like, because of our distance. Maybe one or two days or weekends a month...maybe sometimes i can drive to him for quick visits...etc. So as you have suggested, he takes full advantage of our time together. i do see what you are getting at. There have been times when i was so wiped out that i could not get up and do the "little things" for him that i normally would have done. It was very difficult for me to watch him fend for himself. i recall the last time it happened, he insisted i lay and rest. It was hard to do without whimpering about it! At the same time, however, he has pushed me to do what i thought i would never do - and what i would never want to do. And as difficult as that also is, i ultimately need him to do that. Make sense? How's that for mud back atcha?

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:06:39 AM)
it makes sence

BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:07:55 AM)
quote: Im not sure you understand, im a dominant. Don’t you feel you have accomplished something when you have pleased him and feel better about yourself? Actually, that was a post to Ownedgirlie, however, to answer your question, no. I feel pretty good about myself all the time and if I have pleased Himself with my service, I don't feel better about myself for it.. that's not the purpose of my service. If "he" feels better about it, then that's a good thing. Celeste

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:11:40 AM)
ok then you feel better that he is pleased with you, same thing

ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:13:39 AM)
Celeste that's where i'm a bit different. When he is visibly happy about something i have done - like out of the ordinary happy - i get all giddy. But it's a giddy happiness for HIM, not for me. In fact (and maybe this should be a sepearate thread?) so often people tell me i should feel proud of what i have accomplished with him. And yet i don't know pride. i don't understand it. do you feel that way also?

BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:14:14 AM)
quote: At the same time, however, he has pushed me to do what i thought i would never do - and what i would never want to do. And as difficult as that also is, i ultimately need him to do that. Make sense? Crystal clear, hon. ;) I so hear you. I'm an absolutely horrible patient and when I had to have my gall bladder taken out, I was more of a wreck from the forced inability to serve as I thought I 'should' that I found myself whining, then, of course, beat myself up for the whining even though I could barely move. lol He, of course, insisted on my full recuperation.. and it dawned on me, that by listening to him, resting when I should, I'd get back on my feet much faster and be able to be of use to him that much quicker! Doh! ::laughs:: Get some rest, girly.. I'm hitting the sack too. ::chuckles:: Celeste

BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:15:22 AM)
quote: In fact (and maybe this should be a sepearate thread?) so often people tell me i should feel proud of what i have accomplished with him. And yet i don't know pride. i don't understand it. do you feel that way also? Yes, yes! That's exactly it! Ok.. NOW I'm going to bed. lol Celeste

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:15:46 AM)
the poin being is that you don't feel bad about it and for what ever reason you fill fulfilld

BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:16:49 AM)
quote: ok then you feel better that he is pleased with you, same thing Actually, I don't think it's the same thing at all, but will have to address it in the morning. Be well, Celeste

ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:17:56 AM)
Feel bad? i don't feel bad about anything i do for him. Great posts, Celeste - good night and sleep well! i'm off to bed now, too...night!

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 10:20:26 AM)
This is in continuance. I’m only going to post additions here, the whole essay with revisions can be read in my journal. Now some words about the dominant. I know you submissive women will find this boring, but hey, you gotta know this stuff. A deeply committed dominant, one that is committed to his dominance, approaches d/s as a craftsman/artist he first combs the beach looking for the right piece of drift wood. When he finds a piece he likes and feels will make suitable material he can shape into something desirable he takes it to his shop. The piece of driftwood is examined from all angles so that he may imagine the object that lies within yearning to be set free. That is his task to shape and set free the object of his imagination that lies within. Next he sharpens his tools and lays them out ready to use. A dominant is very thorough in his artistry, much thought and planing goes in to his art work. More thought than the submissive may realize. The dominant strives to leave nothing to chance. Before taking chisel to work he has thought through the whole process of its creation, in his minds eye he has seen the final piece from every angle has planed for any and all problems that may arise. He realizes that the final work of art may not come forth easily as the drift wood will have internal characteristics not seen by the eye. He will plan in advance for these problems so as not to damage the drift wood beyond use. When all plans have been made all preparations made ready, he begins to carve out his dream. The act of creation may be painful as material is carved away, almost an act of violence against the drift wood but this is done because its necessary to set free the object he desires. One may think that the artist has no respect for the wood or his creation as he chisels and cuts away the unwanted wood it’s almost an act of violence but he realizes the necessity of what he is doing. One looking on at this act of creation and not seeing what he sees may not understand the why of his actions. Only he may see their necessity. Not even the drift wood can understand its transformation. From the very beginning the artist has had a plan. A plan that he does not feel compelled to explain in detail. What may seem as violence to others is in fact an act of creation, that will not be apparent untill he has finished.

BitaTruble -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 11:08:09 AM)
quote: ok then you feel better that he is pleased with you, same thing It was getting rather late last night and I had to get my hiney in bed, but I did want to come back and address your comment. When I do something which I'm supposed to be doing, whether that's writing in my journal, making him coffee or washing the dishes, it's not a matter of me feeling 'pleased' that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't do what I do so that Himself will be pleased with me and make me feel better. For one thing, as I stated earlier, I already feel pretty good about myself, so to 'feel better' would imply that I wasn't feeling what I should have been in the first place. It's not the end result which matters here for me, it's the service itself.. actually, it's the service to Master in particular as it wouldn't be the same for just anyone. As I said before, if he is pleased, that's a good thing.. and I do believe that's one of the reasons he keeps a slave around because it pleases him to do so, but it doesn't effect my own self-esteem, well-being or happiness. In other words, I don't need any validation or any reciprocity in order to be happy to serve. It's not a matter of.. "if he's happy, then I'm happy" as I take responsibility for my own happiness and obeying him and serving him is it's own reward for me. For some, the ends justify the means, and that's what your comment says to me.. but that's not the way my brain is wired. I obey and serve because "I" like doing so, for him. I'm not completely selfless here and I know there are people who are, but I 'expect' to get something out of what I do. I'll leave the martyrdom to others, but believe me when I say, that if I needed to please someone else to be pleased myself, to feel better about myself, then I'd probably get a therapist to try to figure out why I put the burden of 'my' happiness onto someone else. How would I ever be able to be happy and pleased if something happened to Himself and I have no means to find some happiness on my own? quote: Her motivations are more important than her likes or dislikes of the moment, what does she really want out of the relationship? What you wrote here.. I believe in that with all my heart and I made sure that Himself knew exactly what my motivations were 10 years ago when we met. ;) I would obey, submit.. and he had to allow me to do so. Simple, huh? quote: Some realize a sense of accomplishment from that, “ see, I did that for you”. It's good you qualified it.. because some don't.. and I don't. I would never say something like that to Himself nor feel that way.. but if there are those who do, I don't begrudge them either. Let me put the shoe on the other foot here for a moment .. If Master had to depend on my service for 'his' happiness, then should one assume he'd be miserable without me? I don't think I'd jump to that conclusion and we are not, really, all that different, him and I. Celeste quote: He is not my Earth and air. He is just a man, but because of him the air is sweeter and the Earth more tolerable a place to be.

ownedgirlie -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 11:48:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom The act of creation may be painful as material is carved away, almost an act of violence against the drift wood but this is done because its necessary to set free the object he desires. One may think that the artist has no respect for the wood or his creation as he chisels and cuts away the unwanted wood it’s almost an act of violence but he realizes the necessity of what he is doing. One looking on at this act of creation and not seeing what he sees may not understand the why of his actions. Only he may see their necessity. Not even the drift wood can understand its transformation. From the very beginning the artist has had a plan. A plan that he does not feel compelled to explain in detail. What may seem as violence to others is in fact an act of creation, that will not be apparent untill he has finished. This is so fantastically stated, and i can only truly know this after having experienced such a "carving" and transformation. You are putting to words what i could not. You seem to be journaling my own story here - scary!!!

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 12:43:27 PM)
Now some words about the dominant. I know you submissive women will find this boring, but hey, you gotta know this stuff. A deeply committed dominant, one that is committed to his dominance, approaches d/s as a craftsman/artist he first combs the beach looking for the right piece of drift wood. When he finds a piece he likes and feels will make suitable material he can shape into something desirable he takes it to his shop. The piece of driftwood is examined from all angles so that he may imagine the object that lies within yearning to be set free. That is his task to shape and set free the object of his imagination that lies within. Next he sharpens his tools and lays them out ready to use. A dominant is very thorough in his artistry, much thought and planing goes in to his art work. More thought than the submissive may realize. The dominant strives to leave nothing to chance. Before taking chisel to work he has thought through the whole process of its creation, in his minds eye he has seen the final piece from every angle has planed for any and all problems that may arise. He realizes that the final work of art may not come forth easily as the drift wood will have internal characteristics not seen by the eye. He will plan in advance for these problems so as not to damage the drift wood beyond use. When all plans have been made all preparations made ready, he begins to carve out his dream. The act of creation may be painful as material is carved away, almost an act of violence against the drift wood but this is done because its necessary to set free the object he desires. One may think that the artist has no respect for the wood or his creation as he chisels and cuts away the unwanted wood it’s almost an act of violence but he realizes the necessity of what he is doing. One looking on at this act of creation and not seeing what he sees may not understand the why of his actions. Only he may see their necessity. Not even the drift wood can understand its transformation. From the very beginning the artist has had a plan. A plan that he does not feel compelled to explain in detail. What may seem as violence to others is in fact an act of creation, that will not be apparent until he has finished. The good artist respects the raw material, he respects the act of creation and he respects the created object. During each phase his respect is appropriate to the process at the time. It is not the respect of one friend for another but a special respect known only to him and his work of art. This is a work in progress and changes are made from time to time for clarity and continuance but the basic ideas remain constant. So if it interests you come back to find out what has been added. Rereading from the beginning is recommended as changes are made to the body of the text also.

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 1:37:36 PM)
the latest full version is in my journal now

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 2:54:28 PM)
Next we begin to lose the sentimentalists, romantics and the fuzzy wuzzys of d/s.

KnightofMists -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 3:34:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom doormats need love too do they? or do they just want to be walked on?

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 5:52:13 PM)
Next we begin to lose the sentimentalists, romantics and the fuzzy wuzzys of d/s. One has to ask what is the meaning of d/s and if that meaning is followed as far as it goes where does it lead. One dominant and the other submissive, dominant to what, submissive to what. Domination is about control but control of what? Control of her actions? As long as she agreed to abide by his requests, one could say he was the dominant, one could say that but they’d be wrong. For if it was by her willful agreement alone, then she could withdraw from that agreement and he is left dominating nothing, controlling nothing. Now I’m not claiming that there’s an absolute level of domination, such does not exist. But short of that there are many levels and these levels depend on the depth of need of the submissive and his ability to take her to the deepest level she is capable of or should I say they are capable of. This level of submission is not a fixed thing but may vary according to mood and circumstance. In the very deepest levels the relationship bestows on him the right to use what ever means he can to take her there, and keep her there. She does not bestow this right on him, her need to submit does and that fact may have a life of its own quite apart from her perceived wishes. She may have no wilful control over the power she gives him. It may be driven solely by her needs not her will. Most out there would see this as a form of abuse but it’s not for this is what she seeks in a man. He is in fact treating her literally in the manner she craves. And if not him she would seek it elsewhere. With all the apparent abuse she is suffering, she is getting exactly that which will make her the happiest. How many women in the vanilla world can say that? And if she has a man that can dominate her in a rational way she couldn’t ask for more.

cillydom -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/7/2006 5:53:30 PM)
however they seek it, it's still love to them

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