quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds1

lovingpet
just know i am here for you too.

hugs hun
oceanwynds

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Before I even start, please just let me say I am pretty upset and really having a rough go this evening. I may wind up being nasty or whiney or whatever, but I really just need to express this the best I can and get some insights from those that have been where I am or are sitting in the middle of such a storm. Before it even gets said, of course I will be talking to my partner about all this. It is going to be probably one of the most difficult, intimate, and bonding talks we have ever had and will be what will finally settle me and help me come back to peace.

Does anyone else ever get to the point where everything just feels like way too much? Maybe it's that your dominance or submission seems to shut doors. Perhaps you wake up one morning to see horrific marks you never intended to endure, or are the one facing what you have done to another human being in the cold light of day. Does it ever bother you how much control you have given up or scare you that you have been entrusted with so much of another person's life? It might be that the fetishes just seem so out there and sick. Perhaps you even begin to question your own sanity as you contemplate some massive upheaval of even some very core beliefs and ways of life. Maybe who you are or what you want just scare the everloving fucking shit out of you. I'm not going to ask if anyone else goes through those times, but I have to wonder at moments like this one tonight how to get through it.

This is where I am. Nearly ever last one of those senarios I listed apply to me, this time in my life, and how I feel. I feel like I am cracking under the weight of it all and I don't know what to do. I am panicked somehow. I am sickened by myself. I fear what the future holds. I feel like my whole world is about to come undone. Where to does a person go from this place? How do you reconsile with yourself? How am I supposed to look myself in the mirror again?

Please be kind. I don't have it in me deal with heartless replies. If you never have struggled with this or it doesn't resonate with you, please do us both a favor and don't bother answering. I really don't need anything else to feel worse about right now. Many here have come to be my friends from afar, many whom I respect greatly. I will appreciate the support on a night and a time like this. Thanks so much.

lovingpet

For what it's worth, when I have reached a point like I am just totally overwhelmed, I ask for help from the man upstairs

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

lovingpet, I have read the entire post and there is little I can offer that has not already been said.

Yes I have been through this but the feeling of impending doom passes, the questioning your own motives passes and the insecurities will pass.

Big hugs to you

Maria

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

lovingpet, my sub side had its own mini melt down just last week. Different circumstances and issues, most beyond Master's (or my) control (which was a large part of the problem, i can relinquish control only when i know He has it ... when neither of us have it, it's damned scary!). It all came to a head over ... of all things ... a fly buzzing round when i was trying to cook a very late dinner in the confines of our mobile home! The fly was the last straw and this camel hit the wall! Anger, tears, frustration ... it all boiled over. So i know where you're at even if mine was a mini version.

Where i'm blessed is in living 24/7 with a Master who, after initially being somewhat taken aback and a bit cross, was able to see this was a genuine melt down for me and was then able to hold His own responses in check. He has the happy knack of knowing when to just hold me ... and also when to leave me alone for just a little while to calm down before holding me! We talked it out and well before bedtime, we'd talked it out, things were resolved and we both just felt exhausted. From all you've said, you are also blessed with a patient and understanding Master who communicates well. So while a melt down is never a pleasant experience, it seems you have the right ally alongside to help you walk through it. And you will discover parts of yourself you never saw before in the process. When it all seems overwhelming, STOP, regroup, then start again, slowly. Keep an open mind, breathe deeply, talk LOTS!

All the very best
violet[A] aka Maam Jay

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Believe me... I've had these. Lots of them (which I think may be a reflection of how many aspects of my life are lived on the fringes of what most people consider "normal" society). I am a hermit at heart, and the only thing I've found that works for me when I'm asking myself these questions is to put myself on autopilot, program myself for "middle of the road", and just keep plugging while my head sorts through everything in its own space.

I commissurate. Feel free to drop me a line if you need to bounce things off someone neutral and familiar with finding onself just 'half a degree off'.

Dame Calla

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I majorly screwed up recently. Being the stubborn, I am always right, yada yada yada, bonehead that I am, it took a little longer than it should have to realize it. Didn't help that the other party is my adult son and way too much like me for his own good. Also stubborn, always right, yada yada yada...

Once I realized I had screwed up, I cried (all by myself of course), apologised to him (even though he is still not speaking to me) and let it go.

With most of life's crap I've learned some pretty good coping skills. Usually I do a brief "check out" which for me, involves alone time and usually physical activity outdoors. That calms me down, takes me out of the imediacy of the OMG. Allows me to step back, look at things from an entirely different perspective, and calmly look for a solution. Basically I take the drama and emotional, it's all about me and how I am feeling, out of things. I put myself in a watching me and the situation, state of mind, just calmly observing. The answers are usually much easier than they felt when I was "OMG!"ing, and far less dramatic.

Basically, I am always trying to look at big picture instead of, it's all about me. It works for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I have gone through many things this past year. I actually look back and see that I am less submissive now than I was 2 years ago and less trusting. I am unable to be in a place of sharing my life with someone and I dont have alot of trust for most members of the opposite sex ; kinky or vanilla. I know this is not exactly what you are going through. But when I posted about it what I got from others posts was to just be. Be who I am, feel what Im feeling, trust or dont trust till Im ready to go again. Right now I have other focuses like trying to earn a living, a new job, being a better mom. a dying mother and my own health(including my mental health) to worry about. All i can do is live and operate from this moment and try to interpret and do things that are in my best interest right now. Kink was messing with my mental health due to my depression and perimenopausal PMS from hell. I put my mental health before my kink, so currently I am not engageing seriously or casually. But I am more mentally stable. I think stability and balance should always come first. Its best for you and best for those around you. Be well. You will get through this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*laughs* Doesn't it just bite when the master actually is right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*laughs* Doesn't it just bite when the master actually is right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*laughs* Doesn't it just bite when the master actually is right?

That would be awesome. But not every one I have entrusted myself too was worth that trust. Those that are, are worth more than diamonds.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedHeart74

One moment that sticks out to me that is similar to this is when I woke up one morning after having superglued my (at the time) submissive's cock to his stomach. It was all consentual of course, he loved the humiliation aspect of it etc. and so forth. I looked at him and just....lost it. Fell apart. All I could think was "What the F am I doing??? Who DOES this stuff to another human being???" The stripes on his legs and buttocks were red and bruised, he couldn't sit well and going to the bathroom was...interesting for him to say the least. I was horrified.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I majorly screwed up recently. Being the stubborn, I am always right, yada yada yada, bonehead that I am, it took a little longer than it should have to realize it. Didn't help that the other party is my adult son and way too much like me for his own good. Also stubborn, always right, yada yada yada...

Once I realized I had screwed up, I cried (all by myself of course), apologised to him (even though he is still not speaking to me) and let it go.