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RE: When It Just Gets Too Much - 10/22/2009 12:21:17 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedHeart74

One moment that sticks out to me that is similar to this is when I woke up one morning after having superglued my (at the time) submissive's cock to his stomach. It was all consentual of course, he loved the humiliation aspect of it etc. and so forth. I looked at him and just....lost it. Fell apart. All I could think was "What the F am I doing??? Who DOES this stuff to another human being???" The stripes on his legs and buttocks were red and bruised, he couldn't sit well and going to the bathroom was...interesting for him to say the least. I was horrified.



Sorry but I really had to laugh at this but I know exactly what you mean because I have had a similar incident.
Mine was when I was pro Domming and this regular medical masochist asked me if I would suture his cock and balls inside him and make him look like a woman. At the time I was eager to do it and the end result was one happy customer and me on a high but after he left I started to question my sanity. What made it worse was going home to my children and the sudden realization that they didn't have a normal mum. I swore that day that I would play things down but that lasted about a week!!



OMG!!!! I'm in tears laughing. I don't mean to be because I know exactly how you both felt in those situations, but it just lines up so well with some of the 5000 thoughts running around in my head. You feel just awful and so messed up in the head, like a freaking neon sign is over your head pointing at you with the word perv in great big lettering. Then the worry if all the weirdness is rubbing off or screwing up other people in your life and if a rubber room wouldn't be perfect for the duration of your stay on earth. I swear I know!

Yet I sit here and go pffffftttt, you sound perfectly fine to me. Of course, I'm messed up. So for what it's worth. LOL Yes I know I am being so hypocritical to my own detriment. Maybe all us pervy folks just need to get a bungalow out in the middle of nowhere and be as demented as we'd like. Can't feel like a sicko when you are surrounded by em can you? LOL

lovingpet

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RE: When It Just Gets Too Much - 10/22/2009 12:27:41 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

letting go is an important part of healing. it frees me from the clutches of negativity, pain, and guilt. things happen and there are instances when we would undo them if it were humanely possible to do so. sometimes it isn't how we respond to our mistakes, but what we do afterward that speaks loudest.

porcelaine




You know, it occurs to me that the only pain that we hold on to the source of as if it were somehow vital to our survival is the mental and emotional pain. If we are sick, we want the source of our illness killed or removed as soon as possible and before then if it could be managed. We even go to great lengths to avoid or prevent it in the first place. Boy, once we have an emotional wound or a excruciating thought, we have to hold on to it and pick at it. If it starts to get better, we have to go and open it back up and gouge it even deeper. Why on earth do we do this to ourselves?

In my view, apologizing is part of letting go and helping things heal. Yet it is also one of the hardest things to do.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

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RE: When It Just Gets Too Much - 10/22/2009 1:04:52 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

You know, it occurs to me that the only pain that we hold on to the source of as if it were somehow vital to our survival is the mental and emotional pain. If we are sick, we want the source of our illness killed or removed as soon as possible and before then if it could be managed. We even go to great lengths to avoid or prevent it in the first place. Boy, once we have an emotional wound or a excruciating thought, we have to hold on to it and pick at it. If it starts to get better, we have to go and open it back up and gouge it even deeper. Why on earth do we do this to ourselves?

In my view, apologizing is part of letting go and helping things heal. Yet it is also one of the hardest things to do.


i think it depends on the situation, individual, and circumstances involved. there are people i don't lose sleep over and others that are dear to my heart. having disharmony or a break on these relationships would be painful and cause internal discomfort. if my feelings lacked sincerity and my conscious was inoperable i suppose it wouldn't matter, but that isn't the case. there are merely relationships i work hard at maintaining. some i would never wish to be without. therefore i expend the effort to do what is necessary to repair them if i've damaged the bond in some way.

an apology is a good start, but i need to know why i'm apologizing and make certain that it doesn't bring expectations in when i do. what is important is to acknowledge the error, the hurt it may have caused, and to show some contrition as well. in the best of circumstances this would be possible, but sometimes it isn't and we must find a way to make peace with ourselves, the other party, and everything that has taken place. this is the only way we can truly let go and move on.

porcelaine


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RE: When It Just Gets Too Much - 10/22/2009 2:48:15 PM   
TwistedHeart74


Posts: 722
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		When we rent the cabin, I want the bottom bunk by the window pet LOL


This is why I think places like CM, local groups etc. are good for us. It gives us a place where we can say "Daddy spanked me and I liked it cause I was a naughty girl" and nobody gasps in horror. We can talk about sutures, scars, whips and chains and nobody runs to the nearest shrink screaming "theses people are nutters".

I believe if more people were able to be open with themselves about their sexuality and their desires we'd be less looked down upon.

I have to admit, there are still times when I do things or have them done to me where I wonder WTF was I thinking...but I have to smile because I enjoyed it, so why freak about it after?

jaz...that is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! You rock

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I have a condition...it's called uncunteditis. Ask Porcelaine for details.


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(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 64
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