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A lack of etiquette - 3/6/2006 11:26:18 PM

LordDelmar

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

Being a dominant, I guess this is kind of hard to understand (even though I have been trained as a submissive to understand the submissive mind better)..

Going through the profiles, and reading all of the written words (sometimes taking up 30 mins or more) that have been included is a very trying experience. I have found that it is not only becoming harder to speak with someone but damned impossible to get a submissive to respond at all. All I ask in my emails to those that I find interesting, is that if they are not interested, then take 10 seconds of their time (since I took sometimes over 30 mins to read your profile) and send a 'No, thank you' or something to that effect, rather than opening the email and hitting the delete button before they have even read it through. It is downright rude to assume that because you might get a hundred emails a day that you can simply delete them all without reading and then turn around and complain because no 'real' dominant ever contacts you here.

I know it cannot be the wording, as rather than assume someone will bow down (which I never do anyway) I am cordial and even respectful until I know the person better. Perhaps some would view this as weak....but then you have those that complain every message they get is a dom assuming they will jump when first contacted.

What I am asking here, is this....Am I asking too much in my emails, for a submissive to take 10 seconds of their life to respond to an email that might have taken a good deal of time to write (including reading the profile)?

Post #: 1

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 1:03:06 AM

1wildwolf

Posts: 120
Joined: 6/30/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

assuming that You have read through their profiles and taking into consideration any requests that they have made regarding contacting them (and i am in no way trying to say that You dont) then no, there is no reason for them not to have the respect to reply to You.

I cannot say why they do it, i have certainly never had the problem of encountering a flood of emails, lol, but i can say that it is not submissives who are the only culprits sadly, i have had the same issue with Dommes not replying, i guess mainly because there was something they didnt like about me or they simply had far too many emails.

Sadly of course, there is little that can be done, people will always behave this way, and all we can do is let off some steam with the occasional rant lol

1wildwolf

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 2

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 1:09:38 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Well why do the female doms not respond when it takes ten seconds??

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 3

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 3:17:23 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

When i was a free slave i responded to each and every email and at the very least said no thankyou but very nice meeting you and good luck. Sometimes even a response was not a good choice because it led to multiple more emails from the same person. All i can say is when you write to "your" slave , the right one will respond back. Just have patience to find your slave , she is there.

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 4

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 3:52:57 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Hi Delmar,

We get a post like this every couple of weeks. A little less frequent than we get a post complaining about the idiots who have spent too long in chatroom fantasys and take the "Kneel bitch" approach.

Initialy I felt much the same as you do and from whet you describe we would appear to take a similar approach in not assuming any right to dictate ANYTHING until there has been some submission (Which can only come when trust has been built with that person).

What changed my outlook in the first place is too things.

Firstly I asked the ladys here for some indication of just how much mail they can be dealing with. Did you realise that a new subfem here could well be getting upward of 200 mails in 24 hours?There is always the chance they are simply feeling to overwhelmed to take those 30 seconds or so for each and every one as well as taking the time needed to reply in full to those mails they see some potential with.

Secondly, this is the net and unfortunatly not everyone out there has the basic standards of politeness that you or I might well expect. Does that make them bad people? Nope, it means that they either just don't think about it OR they fear a lack of 'politeness' on the other side if they do send a short but negative reply. Again, ask the young ladys here about the number of idiots who don't take no for an answer when they get "Sorry not interested" and start sending mail after mail trying to 'persuaide' the girl to change her mind.... or worse, some get insulting and offensive when rejected, however politely that it is done.

I tend to watch for when the mail is opened and if I don't get an answer within a few days after that, I just assume the lady in question was not interested. It takes a while to get used to some things online but it can and does work. Chill, don't let it get you down and you will eventualy find the girl your looking for in time.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 5

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 4:04:33 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Is it a lack of etiquette to throw away junk mail without reading and responding to it? I don't think so. No one is obligated to answer unsolicited messages. It doesn't make them rude.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 6

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 4:12:09 AM

LindaLashes

Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Is it a lack of etiquette to throw away junk mail without reading and responding to it? I don't think so. No one is obligated to answer unsolicited messages. It doesn't make them rude.

Ok, unsolicited,, so how does anyone new get to contact you when you throw everything in the bin???

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 4:15:45 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I don't throw everything away. But I certainly don't respond to every email I get. Some of it is beyond ridiculous. There are many reasons why people don't answer....perhaps their profile states they aren't looking for a relationship but people try anyway, perhaps they aren't here for the trolls, perhaps they don't like something about your profile/journal and they've made a judgement not to reply. Perhaps they are having a bad day. It doesn't matter, it's their choice. It doesn't mean they are rude.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 8

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 4:31:25 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Is it a lack of etiquette to throw away junk mail without reading and responding to it? I don't think so. No one is obligated to answer unsolicited messages. It doesn't make them rude.

I was about to come out with some retort to this when I sat back a moment--the comment was---well if you don't want unsolicited emails, then why do you have a profile to begin with--but Katy to your point of junkmail, one puts up a mailbox and doesn't expect to get spammed with every piece of direct mail known to man--

but then, the debate could be--if you don't want mail--don't make yourself available to it---(this should start some rousing conversation this morning!)

To respond to the OP, I respond to EVERY email I get, even when My profile says clearly in words of one syllable that I am not taking petitions because I have a boy, I respond to every email that continues to start My morning out with naked pictures, I respond to every Doms email that says, " I will submit for you", I respond to every email from Doms who say they can dominate Me---<yawn>--although these days My responses are getting testier than they once were, I still respond---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 9

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 4:51:51 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I find it difficult to believe that anyone is getting sooooo many e-mails a day, that they can not take a second to reply back, as a courtesy.
I understand, if it's an idiot that has not read your profile and states the obvious..."I'm an idiot!" That there is no reason to reply back or to encourage more e-mails from that person.
However, someone who has taken the time to read your profile and has made the effort to contact you, because they have an interest, I believe deserves a reply back, no matter how short.
I am not overwhelmed by the number of e-mails I recieve, but none go without a reply back from me.
You can never have too many friends!

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 10

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 5:00:37 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

i am one of those who didn't always respond to every e-mail. i've gotten better about it, because i try to remember that there is a person on the other side of that screen and that he took the time to send me an e-mail. The one true exception is the e-mails that go something like "u got webcam, i wanna see ur pussy"

(yah, i know that's a no brainer)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 11

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 5:01:45 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

There is a big diffrence between there physicaly being time to answer each one and feeling so overwhelmed by the volume that it 'seems' an unsurmountable task. Especialy if they maybe have limited time AND want to spend time taking forward those few they see some real potential with.

Botton line, no matter how maybe Doms winge about lack of responces, it isn't going to change a damn thing. There are reasons I can understand for some of it, others will no doubt be a result of laziness and lack of politeness. Either way you simply have to adjust your thinking to the reality of the situation and not waste time getting frustrated at the ones who don't reply. Spend that time instead on the lovely ladys that DO respond, thats where you'll find the girl that has the potential to fill your collar

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 12

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 5:03:26 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
"u got webcam, i wanna see ur pussy"

Nope, but she is black & white and currently washing her paws!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 13

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:00:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

But Katy isn't complaining about the flood of emails that she gets either. She accepts that if she has an open email box, that she will get a chunk of spam along with it.

So she accepts it and deletes what she doesn't want. She doesn't come on here and make a whiner thread about the email she gets/doesn't get.

I totally don't get doms who not only think the world should cater to them, but then consider others rude when they don't do what they want. Sure I have a profile, an open email box, even a profile saying I'm open to new relationships.

That still doesn't make me in any way rude to not respond to an email. My email is my choice to do with. Your sending me a random message does not in ANY way plop a social responsibility on my lap to reply.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 14

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:01:15 AM

LKP79

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

I respond to any and all email, within reason. Obviously, the ones that say "kneel before your new Master slut" will get deleted immediately, unless i'm bored and feeling bitchy. Those days can be fun!

If someone takes the time to write out a polite message to me, despite the fact that i'm not currently on the market, then they'll certainly get a thoughtful and well written reply, even if it's just to say "no thanks." I'm here for friends only, and most of the people who've written to me have not tried to change that. Even the ones who seem to think they could change my mind still get a nice reply providing that they themselves have been polite.

I may not have time to answer a message right that moment, but i always get back to them that day.

BTW, i don't believe i've mentioned how much i love this site! Everyone here is so much more friendly! Go CM!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:24:03 AM

Edian

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

Personally for me, I do not respond to emails I get from 'guys' because my Dom doesn't consider it appropriate, especially when my profile is very clear that I am his.

Just the other day, he very politely responded to an email sent from another male to me, wondering why he would initiate contact with me and that he was sincerely asking because it happens often. Of course he didn't get a response.
Overall, I am to let him know about any emails/contacts/communications and he will review the information and will let me know if I should reply or not, whether they are dommes/doms, or subs/slaves.

So personally, I am not being rude. I am showing Edian complete respect by not showing any response to other males and following his orders.

_____________________________

Cheers
Edian

(in reply to LKP79)

Post #: 16

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:25:04 AM

Edian

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

Oops, my apologies, I didn't know that I was posting from Edian's log.

Edianspet

_____________________________

Cheers
Edian

(in reply to Edian)

Post #: 17

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:53:03 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Well as for me before i deactivated my profile i answered all e mail tho it was tough. if someon was a real A hole i would just say thanks but no thanks and used the block button. To a thoughtful well written e mail i would respond (of course that s before i my my wonderful Master).

I figured if some one took the time to write to me i should answer. The only ones i did not answer are the ones who instead of sending me a mail just posted their profile as the mail.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 18

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 6:55:02 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
"u got webcam, i wanna see ur pussy"

Nope, but she is black & white and currently washing her paws!

rofl, Raven, Sir... i don't even have a cat

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 19

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 7:06:37 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LKP79
I may not have time to answer a message right that moment, but i always get back to them that day.

BTW, i don't believe i've mentioned how much i love this site! Everyone here is so much more friendly! Go CM!

Thats what I was pointing out. if a Dom has the right approach and keeps trying then he will get replies from someone.... and what he is looking for is far more likely to be amongst those he does get replies from than from those who just delete the mail. So why waste time worrying about the ones who don't reply

Yep, a good bunch of members here. I've found some sound folks both on and off the forums

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LKP79)

Post #: 20

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