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RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 8:01:12 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I admit I dont always respond to emails...if they are from another country I dont normally write back,I just block them.

If they dont fit what I'm looking for and claim to have read My profile over and over and gosh I'm just what they are looking for....Chances are My response isnt going to be a nice one.

Other than that...E/everyone gets a reply back.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 21

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 8:13:53 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I agree the both Miss Hator and Kevin (fastlane). If someone is taking the time to write you a dignified letter, then they deserve a response. Even if it's to say "Thanks but no thanks" or "I've read your letter but need a little time to lessen my bulk mail and contemplate a proper reply. Thank you." To not reply is just lazy and rude.

And yes, it is rude. If you were trying to ask a questin of someone on the street and they just kept walking, it would be rude. If you were to walk up to someone in your office and asked them a question and they ignored you, it would be rude. This is no different. Someone is trying to communicate to you, to pretend they don't exist is simply rude. The only instance that I can see ignoring someone is if they're rude in the first place. Yes, someone stating "Kneel bitch" deserves to be ignored. If ignored enough, they may just get the hint and change their etiquette.

Responding to someones email is not about catering to anyone. It's about showing that you were brought up with the value of showing courtesy to others and respecting yourself enough to hold that value. Not responding, IMNSHO, shows a piss poor upbringing and someone who shows they have no self-respect. Just my opinion though.

As for the "I get too many emails to answer" line, I call bullshit. After page three or four just deactivate the profile and look through what you've recieved. Answer those that aren't rude and see if any of your responders maybe someone that you want to converse with further or be what you're looking for. You can even set the mail perference to weed out those that just don't hit your rudimentary criteria of what your looking for. People just make it harder then it has to be and use it as an excuse to be rude.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 22

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 8:25:01 AM

foxglove716

Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

jeez people, this is the internet, I would think by now most of you dont take things personally. Saying "thanks, but no thanks" is *some* sort of reply and better than no reply at all right? Many doms think this reply is better than nothing so it encourages them to keep writing. If you are ignored, simmer down and move on

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 23

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 9:38:37 AM

MTslave

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

personally I feel that here at CM it's quite easy to keep one's manners. CM has made it so one can reply to any and all email with three clicks of the mouse. One hits...reply.... one of the prewritten messages CM has for them...then send... not to hard.... To me if I've done that once then I have done my part. Now if they write back after I've said thanks no thanks THEN they get ignored and blocked. But aye thats all just me.

MTs slave

_____________________________

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

(in reply to foxglove716)

Post #: 24

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 10:02:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
If you were trying to ask a questin of someone on the street and they just kept walking, it would be rude.

Depends on the context. If it's my mother, sure. If it's a stalker ex- no.

quote:

If you were to walk up to someone in your office and asked them a question and they ignored you, it would be rude.

Again, different context.

I equate random emails to telemarketer calls.

quote:

Yes, someone stating "Kneel bitch" deserves to be ignored. If ignored enough, they may just get the hint and change their etiquette.

My standards of respect are based on what *I* do, not what someone else does. Someone else acting like a dork in no way excuses my own behavior.

quote:

. It's about showing that you were brought up with the value of showing courtesy to others and respecting yourself enough to hold that value. Not responding, IMNSHO, shows a piss poor upbringing and someone who shows they have no self-respect. Just my opinion though.

I think this is way overboard for not answering a random strangers email. But if that is what you will believe- then you must believe I have a piss-poor upbringing and no self-respect.

quote:

People just make it harder then it has to be and use it as an excuse to be rude.

I agree- the reason I don't respond has nothing to do with the volume of emails I get. I simply believe the context does not in any way foist social responsibility upon me to reply and I don't feel I'm in any way being rude or neglectful by not responding.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 25

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 11:12:49 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Hello Delmar! It's nice to see someone else from our community posting here on the boards. Welcome.

Knowing you and your demeanor, I'm sure that the lack of reply has nothing to do with your initial contact. It's a common occurence that many people, regardless of their orientation, don't answer unsolicited emails. In many cases their silence is considered an answer in and of itself.

And truthfully, if you are within their stated requirements such as age, location, orientation and you spend the time to read their profile and write a thoughtful email and they still don't respond. Wouldn't you rather know from the beginning that the person is rude and thoughtless than have them reply only because you asked and waste more of your time with them only to find out a week or month later that they are an ill mannered oaf?

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 26

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 3:02:57 PM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

A lack of etiquette..maybe rude...maybe....do they have to repsond to every email...nope. some of these are the same ones complaining that they get all one liners and "on your knees". we have never approached any we find interesting. We aproach with respect and courtesy. Weak...NO! We feel it shows that we are not beatnicks looking for a fu**.

I have gotten to the point that if they do not repsond after I know they have opened and read (assumed) then they are not worth it as a potential sub either. I expect some respect from them also. We finish alll and any correspondence with," thank you, and if interested or not please drop us a short note" If they do not repsond a t all I put on block and move along.

One thing we have been doing lately is only looking at those that have been here for sometime, less likely to get a 100 emails a day anymore.

If it happens on this forum great if not fine to. We keep our doors open and when it happens there is going to be a parteeeeeeeeeeeeeee'

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 27

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 3:23:57 PM

Nikolette

Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

So after reading all of these it seems like there is clearly two points of view. ... 1: its not too much trouble to be polite and 2: You don't owe an answer to every tom dick and harry out in the world who writes you.

I definitely agree with both sides of this. Sometimes I reply because I am being poilte- and sometimes I just don't want to bother no matter how simple it would be.

My own personal philosophy about sending out mail is... ultimately when I press that Send button I have no reason to expect a reply. Some people do and some people don't. And WHEN they don't I tend to view it as good, rather than bad since I definitely don't want a lot of contact with people who aren't curteous to my own nice emails.

Also, sometimes some people do get an insane amount of unsolicted emails. I created a false sub profile to do a little test about how men either Dom or sub treat women in a general sense. I had my profile up- even without a picture- for twelve hours only and got EIGHTEEN pieces of email. I definitely DON'T have enough time to respond to that high volume of email. And after getting several rude, vulgar emails I just simple deleted the rest. The first few that were decent people I DID send out a breif email to explain the false profile and still talk to one of the Doms today on a platonic level.

I guess my point is this, in a world of free will, not everyone- no matter how submissive you expect them to be- is going to live up to your own personal set of etiquette rules. People live by their own sets of what is appropriate and what isn't. And ultimately this is something that each person knows when they venture through life, whether online- or not.

And this may seem weird coming from a Domme, but an important life lesson that helped me greatly is: Its not your job to judge people. ... this being true for any subs/slaves that one doesn't own. It really helped me to relax and view life as a bit more gentle. I try to look at a given situation and fully understand how much of what is going on with another person doesn't really have much to do with me. Especially strangers. The far reaching advantage of this understanding is unimaginable in its application. So I suppose my point is that you really have no idea what is going on with each individual person who might not respond to your emails. And its rather pointless to surmise or be irritated- they definitely aren't maliciously trying to do anything.

These are just my thoughts and if anyone wants more information on this life lesson about not judging or other fun rational thinking lessons, feel free to ask for some references or look up information of Albert Ellis.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 28

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 5:15:26 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

Why doesn't the mailman bring the mail to my door anymore? i mean geesh i can't even park my car in front of the mailbox now as it might be in his way. Why do guys like to wear their pants around their thighs? Why don't grocery checkers act happy, after all, i'm spending my money in their place, helping to keep their job? Why, why, why, why, why.

Fact is we can ask why from now until the earth splits in half. Why - because people can is why - Why - because it is how it is. Personally, i'd like to know why so many people get on these boards and bitch about why someone else is doing whatever it is they're doing.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 29

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 7:00:11 PM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

Fact is we can ask why from now until the earth splits in half. Why - because people can is why - Why - because it is how it is. Personally, i'd like to know why so many people get on these boards and bitch about why someone else is doing whatever it is they're doing.

One gets on this board to discuss....why do you call it bitching? Why uh, why?? What else ya want to do when the sub/slaves dont't respond.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 30

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 8:33:26 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it a lack of etiquette to throw away junk mail without reading and responding to it? I don't think so. No one is obligated to answer unsolicited messages. It doesn't make them rude.

But they're not unsolicited. If one posts a personal advertisement on a site such as CM, one does so with the understanding that said advertisement will result in emails. Otherwise, what's the point?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 31

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 8:37:13 PM

misfire

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline

Personally, I don't respond to my messages -- then again, I only get people who say "hi" and nothing more.. and have no profile information whatsoever.

Seriously, though, it's the internet: not everyone's going to be polite, because there's at least some sort of anonymity.. and not everyone's going to respond. There could be a million different reasons why you didn't get a response, but it's nothing to get huffy over.

Patience is a virtue, right?

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 32

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 10:06:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvanesceBut they're not unsolicited. If one posts a personal advertisement on a site such as CM, one does so with the understanding that said advertisement will result in emails. Otherwise, what's the point?

And one is free to ignore any advertisments that one likes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 33

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/7/2006 10:56:05 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I am not obligated to respond to any messages i recieve, that is a CHOICE i can make, not a obligation.

Same as the people sending them, are not obligated to read our profile, that is a CHOICE they have.

Whining about receiving or not receiving messages, is a investment of my energy that i chose not to expend. There is a block button.

Collarme, does not facilitate well, the friends only member. Prudence can take up the slack though.

little1

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 12:51:00 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Ok, unsolicited,, so how does anyone new get to contact you when you throw everything in the bin???

A lot of class, a bit of luck and good timing.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 35

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 4:24:38 AM

shiava

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What I am asking here, is this....Am I asking too much in my emails, for a submissive to take 10 seconds of their life to respond to an email that might have taken a good deal of time to write (including reading the profile)?

As one of the newer people here on this site, i would love to answer this. -s-

Yes, a new person stating she is submissive receives tons of mail. Some are worthy to answer back, others are one liners such as...... Lets chat girl! Though i have tried to respond to each letter, i sometimes put those one liners on the back burner and they may never get responded to.

i am not trying to be rude, just believe that the more 'serious' writers should be answered first. Hopefully though after reading Your post i will get better at answering..maybe the one liners only need the same back.

now and always,
shi

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 36

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 9:28:38 AM

collegebeauty

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline

My profile clearly states the guidelines that I've given the site to send e-mails to my bulk folder. I don't always answer those e-mails. Since I'm not interested in moving to China, or Italy, or Sweden, and I'm not interested in a man old enough to be my grandfather, I don't feel like each and every one of those necessitates a reply as many are somewhat ridiculous. However, e-mails that go to my inbox, I'll at least send a quick message saying "Thanks, but I'm not interested right now." However, I send e-mails out and never recieve a response either. The problem is NOT unique to subs, it's simply a part of the internet culture. If you don't like it, don't send e-mail... here or anywhere else.

I also find it extremely rude of someone to e-mail me with some one liner e-mail that says "let's chat" or "what's your e-mail" or some other line that shows no thought. The e-mails that catch my attention are the ones that show that a person has at least read the basics of my profile.

< Message edited by collegebeauty -- 3/8/2006 9:30:26 AM >

_____________________________

Beauty

"I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." - Richard Bach

(in reply to LordDelmar)

Post #: 37

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 9:29:24 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Things that make me go hmmmmm ...

Several people, usually but not always new to the forums, have made some rather long posts regarding the issues of ignored email. Their words are read, often a thoughtful and detailed reply is offered and yet rarely does the poster come back and answer those replies, even just to take 10 seconds and say 'thank you for the post' exhibiting the exact same behavior which caused them to post in the first place.

Or is it different if you make a post in the forum where you are actually soliciting a response, than sending an email on the other side where you takes yer chances?

::chuckles:: That's.. mostly, rhetorical in nature.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 38

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 9:31:56 AM

collegebeauty

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline

Good point Celeste!

_____________________________

Beauty

"I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." - Richard Bach

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 39

RE: A lack of etiquette - 3/8/2006 10:40:29 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

Responding to someones email is not about catering to anyone. It's about showing that you were brought up with the value of showing courtesy to others and respecting yourself enough to hold that value. Not responding, IMNSHO, shows a piss poor upbringing and someone who shows they have no self-respect. Just my opinion though.

I was debating my thoughts back and forth throughout everyone's post. I see both sides of the coin. And then i read MrDiscipline44's mention above. And for me, being who i am, and how i was raised, that is exactly what it boils down to as far as how i personally handle my own email. I am not saying right or wrong to the way others handle their own but simply this was the way i was raised and it's always worked for me....so not about to change it now simply because other's were raised differently.

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Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

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Post #: 40

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