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Titles - 10/22/2009 8:41:56 PM   
HazelEyes24


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/16/2009
Status: offline 		Hi! I am not sure if this is the place to post this or not but I have been thinking about this topic for a while I thought I would post here...

While dating ppl in the lifestyle I have found there to be a difference between ppl my age (28) or younger and ppl 45 and up, in the use of titles. The dominants I dated around my age, when I asked what they wanted me to call them did not have a preference of sir or ma'am, just a first name. But the dominant's I have been with in the 45 yrs or old category wanted the title sir or ma'am to be used.

This is just my experience so far, and I wondering if I was alone in this experience or other individuals have noticed this as well. I totally understand the title a person uses to call themselves is unique to them, in bdsm and in other aspects of their life, and has nothing to do with the persons age group per se. Another thing I was wondering, if the younger genernation is moving away from titles, I wonder what is causing this shift.

Again I hope this post doesn't offend anyone... and I hope this post will not turn into genernation jabbing....:) 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 8:44:57 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm 53 and fine with no title.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 8:45:25 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		Not to prove your theory or anything , but I'm 25 and don't care so much about titles.

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 9:00:10 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I'm 50 and my title is "Paige", but I've always rather fancied "Grand Poo-Bah" if push comes to shove.  It's been my experience that subs are the ones who tend to go all weak at the knees for titles.  My dominance isn't predicated on what someone calls me, though "cutie pie sweety dumpling" probably wouldn't do much to enhance it.  "Cutie pie sweety dumpling bitch" might be okay.

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 9:02:33 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I'm 50 and my title is "Paige", but I've always rather fancied "Grand Poo-Bah" if push comes to shove.  It's been my experience that subs are the ones who tend to go all weak at the knees for titles.  My dominance isn't predicated on what someone calls me, though "cutie pie sweety dumpling" probably wouldn't do much to enhance it.  "Cutie pie sweety dumpling bitch" might be okay.


LOL, I actually have some personal "business" cards I give out to friends/acquaintances that have my title as "High Grand Poobah, Loyal Order of Waterbuffalo."  Tends to get a lot of smiles and laughs and people definitely remember who I am.

For my actual title though, I prefer that my pet calls me "sir", but otherwise, I really don't pay much attention to protocol in the titular manner, and find it gets in the way more often than not.


< Message edited by BKSir -- 10/22/2009 9:04:36 PM >

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 9:05:08 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Hazel,
I remember reading some study about the iPod.  Somebody was thinking that their "shuffle" feature grabbed all the (was it) Steely Dan and played it more often than other tunes.  Studies proved that nope, everything was random.  The person was just noticing more Steely Dan.

My aunt said to me yesterday, "There are a lot of white pickup trucks in Nashville." (swear she said it)... Now everywhere I go, I notice gobs of white pick up trucks.  Are there more now than there were before?  Nope.  I am just noticing them now.

I think the same thing is happening with you and the people who want titles affixed to them.

Peace and passion,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 10/22/2009 9:24:26 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 10:06:20 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Titles acknowledge the hierarchy within the relationship.  If it's true that titles are used by a higher percentage of older people than younger people, it might be partly due to a trend in the community scene that happened some years ago, away from D/s and toward sensation play, bottoming/topping.  Like, it wasn't cool to have a hierarchy within a relationship, an inequality in power, it was only cool to practice S/M and polish your technique.

People who favor the dominant/submissive, psychological aspects, have talked among themselves about how they don't do among others at a party or event, what they do in private, because it's not currently well understood by many others in the scene.  I think it's just been a while since there's been enculturation in the scene, regarding D/s.  So the more recently you've started sharing socially with other people into BDSM, maybe the less you've been exposed to the D/s aspect, socially.

I'm seeing a wave coming, at least in this area's community, back toward D/s, in the scene in general.

Anyway, another factor is that the dominant/submissive relationship is more involved, and more intimate, maybe harder to show that side of you to people outside of the relationship, so that might be another reason for younger = less 'sir' and 'ma'am,' older = more.

Although, I don't know, among people who use honorifics with their partners, I see the age range across the board, younger to older.  Could it be regional, too?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Titles - 10/22/2009 10:11:52 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR

Do some searching and you'll find a few threads which covers this adequately. However, I'm 64 and unless you are collared to either my home, my Wife or myself personally, I expect no titles to be used and am usually referred to as Bear or IB. Slaves or as I refer to them, staff of Bruin Cottage or my personal staff, will address me as either Rev or Colonel both are used legitimately in business and social areas. Other titles and such will apply to various areas I am part of where they apply for formal occasions. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/22/2009 10:13:07 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 12:25:05 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HazelEyes24

While dating ppl in the lifestyle I have found there to be a difference between ppl my age (28) or younger and ppl 45 and up, in the use of titles. The dominants I dated around my age, when I asked what they wanted me to call them did not have a preference of sir or ma'am, just a first name. But the dominant's I have been with in the 45 yrs or old category wanted the title sir or ma'am to be used.


since i've dated within the age range of 28 to my present age i'll respond. i think it really depends on the person. the younger dominants i've conversed with never gave the impression that honorifics were expected. however, i generally used sir in correspondence as a sign of respect, but found it wasn't something they desired me to maintain. i think the individual's appreciation for protocol influences this a great deal. while i have spoken to Someone near my age and agree He was definitely adamant about this, i believe this has more to do with His character than a desire for titles at all. the use of such was reflective of His role in our dialogue, versus an entitled belief He possessed.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 2:13:41 AM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I don't require titles from people who are my equals in rank.

So while I will introduce myself as Mistress Alexandra, after that, I don't require, "Mistress" tacked on to every single utterance from someone else's or a free submissive. I know I'm a mistress, you know I'm a mistress, we're good here, especially if we're talking about the latest movie and not negotiating a scene. Likewise, I deliberately don't call other dominants Sir or Mistress. I'm not subservient to them, I am a social equal. (This can sometimes be psychologically important around the idiot doms who figure that tits=submissive.)

I do require titles from my own submissives. There's a fair amount of protocol I require from my own submissives. It's just that I don't require it of the rest of the world.


_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 3:46:25 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We're in our late 50's and don't use titles.

However op, you said you've hit this while dating. Perhaps the older people you're dating wish to stress their much higher level of experience by using a title. It would also serve to stress that this is just a d/s relationship and not a love match.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 5:01:53 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch

I don't require titles from people who are my equals in rank.

So while I will introduce myself as Mistress Alexandra, after that, I don't require, "Mistress" tacked on to every single utterance from someone else's or a free submissive. I know I'm a mistress, you know I'm a mistress, we're good here, especially if we're talking about the latest movie and not negotiating a scene. Likewise, I deliberately don't call other dominants Sir or Mistress. I'm not subservient to them, I am a social equal. (This can sometimes be psychologically important around the idiot doms who figure that tits=submissive.)

I do require titles from my own submissives. There's a fair amount of protocol I require from my own submissives. It's just that I don't require it of the rest of the world.



Sooooo (VWEG) I would not be out of order if I addressed you as M'lady? I probably shouldn't go all Aussie on you though and say: "G'day gorgeous, your a bonza lookin Sheila..."


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 5:23:20 AM   
xBullx


Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe those young whipper-snappers don't feel they've earned a title yet.

As I see it titles aren't supposed to be an extension of one's ego. They should have official purpose in whatever arena you choose to incorporate them, assuming you do. They could have to do with the specific customs or courtesies of certain organizations or sects within a society. They often enough have a great deal to do with the order of discipline for many that make use of their functionality.

But only for those that are insecure one way or another about their own social perceptions are they ever really seen as a negative.

In the end I am able to discover a great deal about those that do or do not use various forms of address, and whether or not I will continue to share their company.

So is it an age thing? Perhaps, it does seem that a general concept that we are all the same is becoming more prevalent, while social courtesy and discipline appear to have less significance as time marches on. Or maybe it's just a cyclical thing.

< Message edited by xBullx -- 10/23/2009 5:59:29 AM >

_____________________________

Live well,

Bull



I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

"A Republic, If You Can Keep It."

Caution: My humor is a bit skewed.

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 5:51:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am 47 and a half and unless someone belongs to me.......I am totally fine with them using LeeAnn. It is my name and I rather like it. I do not find it disrespectful for someone to use it. If they are owned by me (if and when that ever happens again) it will be different.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/23/2009 5:54:11 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xBullx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 6:06:30 AM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline 		My owner doesn't have a preference but I typically call him master, although in public or infront of his UM i call him Sir or babe and he is in his almost 40.

< Message edited by devilishpixie -- 10/23/2009 6:08:09 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 6:28:23 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		We're both in our forties and I call him by his first name. Sometimes other not so nice names when he's hitting me.
I would never be comfortable in the kind of relationship where I'd be required to call him sir or master. It just doesn't work mentally for us.

_____________________________



(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 7:30:09 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'd love to hear a long-time leather person comment on "what is causing the shift". I don't honestly know. I do know that I'm 45 and don't want a title -- certainly not from strangers and Carol is all over the map with what she calls me which works for me although "sir" shows up prominently and "master" occasionally.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 8:48:25 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Most of the men I have dated (all dom of course) I have called by their first name. But I have to admit it is unusual to meet those few who don't mind first names, even when we are playing. More people my age (old) prefer titles when being addressed in text, than younger ones, at least in my experience. I love that because for me it tells me they are ok with who they are; it is almost like they are comfy in their skin. Those are the sort of people I hang out with more often than not. I see it this way, if a person is my dominant they know their role, they don't need to be reminded. If they are not my dominant and they expect a title, I question why they need to be reminded.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 9:27:48 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HazelEyes24

Hi! I am not sure if this is the place to post this or not but I have been thinking about this topic for a while I thought I would post here...

While dating ppl in the lifestyle I have found there to be a difference between ppl my age (28) or younger and ppl 45 and up, in the use of titles. The dominants I dated around my age, when I asked what they wanted me to call them did not have a preference of sir or ma'am, just a first name. But the dominant's I have been with in the 45 yrs or old category wanted the title sir or ma'am to be used.

This is just my experience so far, and I wondering if I was alone in this experience or other individuals have noticed this as well. I totally understand the title a person uses to call themselves is unique to them, in bdsm and in other aspects of their life, and has nothing to do with the persons age group per se. Another thing I was wondering, if the younger genernation is moving away from titles, I wonder what is causing this shift.

Again I hope this post doesn't offend anyone... and I hope this post will not turn into genernation jabbing....:) 


For people who are not submissive to me I see the term of Sir or Ma'am as nothing more than common courtesy as it is much better than "Hey you" I have no problem with people who are not submissive to me using my birth name once they are made aware of what it is

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to HazelEyes24)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Titles - 10/23/2009 9:33:41 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am 47 and a half and unless someone belongs to me.......I am totally fine with them using LeeAnn. It is my name and I rather like it. I do not find it disrespectful for someone to use it. If they are owned by me (if and when that ever happens again) it will be different.


nahh you literally ooze Ma'am for some reason.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 20
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