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RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:02:58 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		NExt time don't get involved with someone who's cheating. They'll all say I am leaving her the kids I'll be with you blah blahblah, half the time they don't mean it. The other half well why would you want a man who'd abandone his responcibilities to his offspring for another woman. If he did it once you can almost garentee he'll dump you for someone else once something tastier comes alone!

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:04:57 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Petal, everyone here is an adult. A situation like that has OBVIOUS questions that need to be answered before you believe the person in question.

Hell I've nearly been suckered like that.... you know why it was NEARLY and not actualy... because I asked the right questions and checked. "Oh your still friends, good, so your EX-husband will know who I am if I call you at home then won't he?"... Oh now all of a sudden the story is a bit diffrent? Thanks but no thanks, I don't cheat and I won't be a party to cheating!

It is the oldest trick in the book and frankly in MY opinion the only people who fall for it are people who WANT to fall for it, WANT to turn a blind eye because it gives them a handy excuse!

Your opinion and mine differ, won't be the first and I doubt it will be the last. Fun 'ere isn't it

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:11:51 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I am glad others here can be sympathetic in this case because I can not. You knew the situation was a cheating one, yet you willingly walked into it. Ever stop to think that if he could lie to his wife then he most certainly wouldn't think twice about lying to YOU? Don't try any "Couldn't help myself" tosh, you can't control emotions sure, but you CAN control actions!

Now you find yourself on the recieving end... well what did you expect?

Stop giving yourself excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get the hell out, sort yourself out and don't make the same damn mistakes next time!


I tend to lean more toward the sentiments of RavenMuse here. You were eventually told the truth about His marital status, and still you chose to stay in the relationship. You knew His capacity for lying then, why would it come as some sort of a surprise when another cropped up?

I've been the 'other woman'. I know it hurts when things go south. But be honest, how much sympathy did you have toward His wife when you were in His company? By staying, you were effectively condoning His lie to another woman. The tables were turned on you and you found yourself 'on the receiving end', as RavenMuse said. Tough luck, toots.

Your OP:
quote:

Im curious on what to do when you find out your Master has been lying to you. Do you confront him? Does that overstep the M/s boundry?


If I'm guilty of the same crime, nothing. I'd be a hypocrit if I called Him on it, now wouldn't I? Live with the consequences of your own making or get out. You've already stated you know what you have to do, so get to it. It doesn't get any easier the longer you wait.





_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:13:14 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Petal, everyone here is an adult. A situation like that has OBVIOUS questions that need to be answered before you believe the person in question.

Hell I've nearly been suckered like that.... you know why it was NEARLY and not actualy... because I asked the right questions and checked. "Oh your still friends, good, so your EX-husband will know who I am if I call you at home then won't he?"... Oh now all of a sudden the story is a bit diffrent? Thanks but no thanks, I don't cheat and I won't be a party to cheating!

It is the oldest trick in the book and frankly in MY opinion the only people who fall for it are people who WANT to fall for it, WANT to turn a blind eye because it gives them a handy excuse!

Your opinion and mine differ, won't be the first and I doubt it will be the last. Fun 'ere isn't it


lol yes it is fun 'ere, Sir!

Don't be so quick to judge, Sir... it may be the oldest trick in the book... but even the most honorable fall for it on occassion... none of us are perfect.. and Wwe ALL get hurt... just don't kick the hurt when they are hurting the most... it serves no purpose, imo



_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:47:14 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Angel,

I have to tip my hat to the dear Raven on this one. I understand, and can be softhearted myself...but foolish choices that are coddled lead to more foolish choices. Sometimes tough love is the quickest way to recover.

As one who would quickly seek advice from these fine people, I would rather a quick kick in the truth from someone who cares than fulff and nonsense from anyone else.

JMO

***editied for a typo that changed the entire meaning of a sentence!**

< Message edited by Cloudz -- 3/7/2006 2:48:07 PM >

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 2:53:12 PM   
trooperlv


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to all for your replies, advice. Yes I have been on the receiving end . During my 15 year marriage to a "vanilla" I was lied, cheated on,,beat on, and he got his girlfriend preg. when I myself could not carry a child..sooooo yes I do know what it is like. There is much that lies between the lines. Yes I dated him for 3 months before I realized he indeed was not seperated..by then the feelings were there the collaring was done. if you have been in love you know how difficult it is to walk away and cling to the hope of being "the one". No I do not have a distaste for the local BDSM community>I am enslaved, following my rules, check ins etc. I am not making excuses for him. He lied to me simple..my weakness to walk away is what is keeping me from the hurt that awaits. Yes I know what I have to do. That is the simple part, to learn how to get back to the BDSM path . The fear of giving up control to someone else and have that power exhange abused again. Is it better to be alone and be a freelance sub?

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 3:16:50 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Is it better to be alone and be a freelance sub?



Not to be cruel, but aren't you alone now ?

To answer your question : Hell yeah !!!
I am a * free lance * sub and I will take my single status any day over an absentee Dom/Master. Alone is a very nice place to be if not being alone means compromising myself for some one elses husband or some one elses Master.

mbmbn

< Message edited by maybemaybenot -- 3/7/2006 3:17:24 PM >

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 3:26:57 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I am glad others here can be sympathetic in this case because I can not. You knew the situation was a cheating one, yet you willingly walked into it. Ever stop to think that if he could lie to his wife then he most certainly wouldn't think twice about lying to YOU? Don't try any "Couldn't help myself" tosh, you can't control emotions sure, but you CAN control actions!

Now you find yourself on the recieving end... well what did you expect?

Stop giving yourself excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get the hell out, sort yourself out and don't make the same damn mistakes next time!



Agree!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 3:44:30 PM   
trooperlv


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline 		Kinkypupper: Thankyou for your advice. You are right to have somone a friend by my side when I confront him.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 4:35:39 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Bravo ! Raven

I am married, my hub knows and anyone I might be getting involved with may call and talk to him at any time if they think I'm lying about that.
My word/ being honest is of the highest priority to me. I just couldn't say , Yes I am truthful with you Sir sonso but at the same time be lying to hub, nope just doesn't work that way
Your either truthful or your not


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 4:44:09 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i was under the apparent misconception that trooper had already left and that is what i was basing my comments on.

trooper if you are still with him, then what are you seeking here? i don't think Aanyone is going to tell you to hang in there it will all be ok in the morning and tomorrow morning he will love you. That won't happen. What you need to do for tomorrow to be a better day is kick him to the curb, until you can do that, no one can do a thing for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz
As one who would quickly seek advice from these fine people, I would rather a quick kick in the truth from someone who cares than fulff and nonsense from anyone else.

JMO

i agree 100% Cloudz

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 4:47:37 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		at my quoting ability. Quote lessons 101 anyone???

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 6:45:33 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Thanks to all for your replies, advice. Yes I have been on the receiving end . During my 15 year marriage to a "vanilla" I was lied, cheated on,,beat on, and he got his girlfriend preg. when I myself could not carry a child..sooooo yes I do know what it is like. There is much that lies between the lines. Yes I dated him for 3 months before I realized he indeed was not seperated..by then the feelings were there the collaring was done. if you have been in love you know how difficult it is to walk away and cling to the hope of being "the one". No I do not have a distaste for the local BDSM community>I am enslaved, following my rules, check ins etc. I am not making excuses for him. He lied to me simple..my weakness to walk away is what is keeping me from the hurt that awaits. Yes I know what I have to do. That is the simple part, to learn how to get back to the BDSM path . The fear of giving up control to someone else and have that power exhange abused again. Is it better to be alone and be a freelance sub?



I think it might be a good idea to get to know yourself a bit better before giving yourself to another again.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 7:33:05 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Kinkypupper: Thankyou for your advice. You are right to have somone a friend by my side when I confront him.


I believe you may have mentioned something to the effect of needing the strength/courage to get out of this and move on...
I would ask you if confronting this person is not really just another chance for them to play games with you and manipulate your feelings to their advantage.

If so, then it is not only a risk, but a drain on your resources which you may need elsewhere.

Start changing the easier things which you can control...even if (as suggested) it just starts with your profile status... then take control of something else..perhaps one of the local lifestyle groups...and then take back something else that is acheivable...
Better some small realistic steps than waiting for a denouement which may never come.


(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 7:49:06 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

at my quoting ability. Quote lessons 101 anyone???


Highlite the part you want to quote then click "reply" in the upper right corner of the post that you are replying to.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 7:59:05 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Highlite the part you want to quote then click "reply" in the upper right corner of the post that you are replying to


OMG!!!! thank you proud!!! (this has truly been the bane of my existence on this wonderful board!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 8:03:09 PM   
MasterBuckeye


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: OHIO
Status: offline 		I am sorry to be so adverse to what most have said, but I noticed a KEY WORD in your opening statement: MASTER, NOT Lover, BoyFriend, etc. He being Master makes me assume you are his "slave", if I am wrong there I am sorry but I am just going by what I read there, I too am Married, and I train slaves, but I do NOT ever expect them to fall in love with me nor do I want them to. I would like to suggest to you, that even though he LIED to you, (that part by the way I do NOT condone) that you crossed a very fine line personally by falling for this idiot. I hope and pray that you learn from this bad experience, but realize that just because someone is married, doesn't make them a liar. I have never told a sub/slave that I am giving up my "REGULAR LIFE" for my Darker Side. I hope and pray that you can move forward from this experience, and that you haven't lost all faith in mankind, not everyone is like this idiot. And I would also suggest to you that the next relationship you move forward to, ask them what MASTER means to them, that answer should give you a clue as to what you'll be dealing with. Best of luck to ya, MB

_____________________________

Master Buckeye

"IGNORANCE CAN BE CURED WITH EDUCATION; BUT STUPIDITY IS HOPELESS!"


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 8:05:44 PM   
phoenix1


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		School Of Hard Knocks: If a Master lies to me... even once.... it's over. No hesitation, no questions asked.

If I should decide to stay anyway... I would see him and relate to him as "My Master who lies to me"... everything and anything would be within that parameter, even day to day conversation.

After reading more of what context the OP is asking about... my opinion is that when a Master and slave relationship involves the Master decieving the slave about the foundation of that relationship, all of it is null and void. The entire thing was nothing more than a facade that was fabricated by the Master and the trusting slave was simply duped.

Why would she need to even bother asking to be released? Let alone beg to be released? Released from what? A facade? Real is real and fantasy is fantasy. A fantasy is very nice and can give some wonderful daydreams later... but it's still just a fantasy. Don't mix up the two.

I would immediately end all contact with the Master, with not even one word of explanation... and would devote my time and focus on attending to my own wounded heart. Then... turn the page and move on, hopefully a little bit wiser for the wear.

< Message edited by phoenix1 -- 3/7/2006 8:26:49 PM >

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 8:23:50 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.


http://www.bannon.com/kap/psycho.htm

here's my first recommendation it's the list of kink aware professionals. A therapist that understands the dynamic I think will be very important to this transition.

Hopefully someone can post the link to the list of kink groups by state. getting in with a munch is probably a good idea. Meeting and talking to others is always a good idea. Remember those that keep their slaves in isolation and ignorance are themselves trying to hide fom the reality of the truth.

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 8:43:17 PM   
trooperlv


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline 		I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system. Yes I am walking a fine line. It is so much easier said then done. How many people , I wonder, who have given advice been in a similiar situation? When you give yourself to someone..to tie you up to trust him with your life..it is a more deeper relationship then a vanilla one. Im sure there will some comments arguing on this point. So when you deciede to walk out..it is a hard decision to make as you have devoted your soul to this person. It is akin to leaving a part of yourself behind. I relate it to my past marriage. I was in the military and married military..so when I divorced I knew nothing of the civilian world..it scared me. BDSM is very much like that a subculture that if you immerse yourself into..and suddenly you are walking away from it..its a lonely scary road ahead of me.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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