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RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:00:25 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

its a lonely scary road ahead of me.


Only if you allow it to be. Only if the only way you can define and validate your own existence is by being owned by someone else.

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:19:04 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

How many people , I wonder, who have given advice been in a similiar situation?


I was in a similar situation...I'm divorced, then, well not really divorced, but separated, then ummm getting a separation.

So, I stand by my words, yes, I am better off *alone*, than in that situation. It was the most miserable two months of my life. I may not have a Dom/Master at the moment, but I am certainly not alone.

Go to the munch, make friends, free yourself to find what you really want as opposed to settling for something that really isn't filling your needs.

mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:31:38 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.


i'm going to disagree here... right now... she needs to comfort herself (that is if she makes the conscious choice to leave)... that in the end will be her choice... it's easy to say 'go get back on that horse'... it's so easy to say that... so for now i think she needs to find solice in herself, after all that's the only place it is, within herself.

if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:41:49 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

quote:

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.


i'm going to disagree here... right now... she needs to comfort herself (that is if she makes the conscious choice to leave)... that in the end will be her choice... it's easy to say 'go get back on that horse'... it's so easy to say that... so for now i think she needs to find solice in herself, after all that's the only place it is, within herself.

if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...



Erm, angelic...I think if you re-read that, you'll see that's the same advice that was given. "Make some friends", "Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life."

I don't read "go to that munch, make some friends" as "go get back on that horse".


_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:57:06 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't read "go to that munch, make some friends" as "go get back on that horse".


what if that "munch" she goes to turns out to be a click? her safety zone may very well be right where she is... it is not for me to tell her to do anything more than take one day at a time... which is what i will continue to do.... her first step will be leaving him... going to a 'munch' won't make that happen.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 10:27:52 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		And what if it's not?

I see it as potentially finding a supportive network of like-minded people, commonly known as friends.

And after a little scrolling, evidently trooper see's it in the same light.

quote:

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system.


Evanesce was supporting her in her choice.

As a side note: Sometimes one has to step out of their 'safety zone' in order to grow.



_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 10:30:52 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Better to travel alone and be true to yourself than travel in the company of deceivers and thieves...

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:32:41 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
Don't be so quick to judge, Sir... it may be the oldest trick in the book... but even the most honorable fall for it on occassion... none of us are perfect.. and Wwe ALL get hurt... just don't kick the hurt when they are hurting the most... it serves no purpose, imo


The person I wouldn't kick is the one person not likely to be in the wrong. The wife that is being cheated on. The other two, if they are hurting, well gosh who have they got to blame? Only themselves!

I don't bloody cheat and I don't like cheaters. Even if they have done so by giving themselves excuses, turned a blind eye to the obvious in order to do what they wanted to do, it doesn't change a damn thing.

There is too much of this crap goes on in society and people IMO are too ready to make excuses for this inexcusable behaviour! Maybe if they didn't think they could get support and sympathy for this crap they might think twice before wrecking peoples lives by doing it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:35:51 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...


Yep her choise.... like the choise to turn a blind eye that took her into the situation that she is now seeking sympathy for.

The biggest piece of advice she needs to take is to LEARN from this and NOT repeat the same damn mistakes again in the future.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:37:46 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Better to travel alone and be true to yourself than travel in the company of deceivers and thieves...


Again old friend, we are in compleat agreement on that point.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:47:38 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system. Yes I am walking a fine line. It is so much easier said then done. How many people , I wonder, who have given advice been in a similiar situation? When you give yourself to someone..to tie you up to trust him with your life..it is a more deeper relationship then a vanilla one. Im sure there will some comments arguing on this point. So when you deciede to walk out..it is a hard decision to make as you have devoted your soul to this person. It is akin to leaving a part of yourself behind. I relate it to my past marriage. I was in the military and married military..so when I divorced I knew nothing of the civilian world..it scared me. BDSM is very much like that a subculture that if you immerse yourself into..and suddenly you are walking away from it..its a lonely scary road ahead of me.


Trooper.

You didn't give your heart to him... you gave your heart to the LIE he told you! Setting aside the fact that I don't consider you blameless in the least in this for a moment. Petal He lied to his main partner, he lied to you, chances are the low-life is even lying to himself........ THAT ISN'T about to change overnight if ever. You stay then don't bother looking for sympathy because you already know the lying will continue, there is not trust, no stability... no RELATIONSHIP!

There is nothing but an illusion to walk away from. Sure it hurts, move on! Put yourself back together and go build something real.... but don't repeat the mistakes of the past, learn from them.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:57:38 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I was in almost a mirrored situation where he completely lied to me about his marriage. I fell in love and was his collared slave. It took me a additional 6 months to actually walk away. Its hard when you are someones slave to be the one to own up to the situation, take charge and leave.
it was the best thing i could have ever done, because ive met my new Master 6 months later in November , and he lies about nothing.

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 3:04:16 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny
I was in almost a mirrored situation where he completely lied to me about his marriage. I fell in love and was his collared slave. It took me a additional 6 months to actually walk away. Its hard when you are someones slave to be the one to own up to the situation, take charge and leave.
it was the best thing i could have ever done, because ive met my new Master 6 months later in November , and he lies about nothing.


Well done sweetheart. Right decision and VERY right outcome

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 4:37:22 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

If I should decide to stay anyway... I would see him and relate to him as "My Master who lies to me"... everything and anything would be within that parameter, even day to day conversation.


I think thats an important point.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 6:49:54 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I see it as potentially finding a supportive network of like-minded people, commonly known as friends.

And after a little scrolling, evidently trooper see's it in the same light.

quote:

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system.

Evanesce was supporting her in her choice.

As a side note: Sometimes one has to step out of their 'safety zone' in order to grow.


Agreed.

i missed her comment about the munch.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Lying. - 3/10/2006 2:59:13 PM   
kittyforMaster


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"You didn't give your heart to him... you gave your heart to the LIE he told you! Setting aside the fact that I don't consider you blameless in the least in this for a moment. Petal He lied to his main partner, he lied to you, chances are the low-life is even lying to himself........ THAT ISN'T about to change overnight if ever. You stay then don't bother looking for sympathy because you already know the lying will continue, there is not trust, no stability... no RELATIONSHIP!

There is nothing but an illusion to walk away from. Sure it hurts, move on! Put yourself back together and go build something real.... but don't repeat the mistakes of the past, learn from them."


This is very true and makes a very good point: Everything that was built at that time was built on lies. EVERYTHING...everything said, everything done. When referred back to that period of time, none of it will seem legitimate...it will be filled with pain...because it was not genuine. i had some experience with this, but not in the same context. Either way, it leaves you to wonder where you're standing.

Many times i'd wished i had someone to talk to but didn't out of guilt, didn't. i feel that sympathy is not necessarily what trooperlv is looking for here, that what she is seeking is more in the category of support in backing up what the truth really is and in finding the right path next time. Many slaves have been in the same position and can sympathize, but more is wanted...a Master's opinion. However, there is the fear of being lured into another not-so-honorable situation by doing so. As a slave i'ts often difficult to discuss private M/s matters with O/others because of the feelings of disloyalty. This guilt is felt regardless of the fact that the One who is supposed to be the Master in the relationship is not demonstrating loyalty Himself.

Anyway, i appreciate Your honorable point of view, Raven. i think it's very stern...but wise.

~dawna




< Message edited by kittyforMaster -- 3/10/2006 3:01:29 PM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Lying. - 3/10/2006 3:18:08 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyforMaster
Anyway, i appreciate Your honorable point of view, Raven. i think it's very stern...but wise.


Many thanks for the compliment dear and welcome to the boards

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kittyforMaster)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Lying. - 3/10/2006 3:41:22 PM   
MasterOwnskitty


Posts: 97
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		You're very welcome, Sir and thank You for welcoming me here.

Huh...i was positive i'd posted before as kittyforMaster. Oh well, it was worth it to be pleasantly surprised by how nice the new ice cream icon for the "vanilla people" looks with the avatar i'd picked long ago...lol!

Okay...back to being serious...

~dawna

< Message edited by MasterOwnskitty -- 3/10/2006 3:43:03 PM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Lying. - 3/10/2006 3:59:35 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I thought the name looked sort of familiar, but dismissed the notion given it was the accounts first post

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MasterOwnskitty)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Lying. - 3/10/2006 4:04:38 PM   
KHRAG


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.



It seems to me, this guy is no different then the other 1000's of men who cheat everyday. The fact that BDSM is involved is an incedental. He has lied to you repeatedly, and will continue to do so. You are the "other woman".

you say you love him, but, has he shown you his true self? I think not. Then you probably love either the idea of him, or the persona he has shown you.

You say you are not strong enough to do what you need to do. Bullshit. You are strong enough to bow your head, to let someone else take controll of you, you are strong enough for this.

Do not let this incedent or this man, disturb your views on BDSM, or anything else for that matter. The fact is, that he is a user, who will do anything to get what he wants. He is in no way an indication of men, masters, or anyone else. He used you. plain and simple. like I said, the BDSM is the means to the end. The fact still remains, that he used you.

(in reply to trooperlv)
Profile   Post #: 60
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