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Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 8:21:56 AM

beowulf1234

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/16/2009
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I need some advise. Please! I am a man that has taken formal instructions and classes on slave training. My former owner had me train with a Master in conjunction with Abany Power Exchange, Tess and the Crucible in DC. After completing courses to her liking I was collared and provided 24\7 service.
She was a sadist and would beat me at whim. I as her slave would take it gladly. I realize I am property and freely relinqueshed myself to her. I would cook, launder, clean the home, food shop, and be a servant at all her social functions at her residence. Sexually and with the Fetishes she enjoyed I would perform them without boundries. I would do whatever and however Mistress desires. We were exclusive so I was trained pamper, pleasure, and please. The problem was the beatings were becoming more severe and more often. She constantly accused me of looking and wanting other women. She came at me with a small bat and hit me in my arms and legs. I dropped to me knees in cow-tow position. Then she stopped. When I got up she bit me on the shoulder and said she left me her mark. I blead for an hour. I decided that this is not Femdom, but abuse. This is why I am here on collarme. Can I have some opinions and advise? I don't mind a beating but Shouldn't be for good reason or training purposes?
Thanks for reading

Post #: 1

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 8:23:39 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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my advice would be to spell it kow-tow.

Ron

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Post #: 2

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 9:10:02 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

beowulf1234,
Unfortunately, abuse happens in our lifestyle; including to male submissives and slaves. Few seem to believe we males can be abused, but it happens more frequently than is recognized. More importantly, it sounds as though you feel you've been abused and as such need to deal with those feelings and heal yourself.

What you've described of your situation sounds like abuse to me. Slave or not, you still have the option to leave for your own protection. Beating someone on the arms and legs without their consent for no reason is what I'd definitely call abuse. Ditto for the constant accusations of wanting other women as an excuse to justify giving you the beatings (also a form of emotional/psychological abuse).

To me, there should be no reason for discipline in a D/s or M/s relationship if the sub or slave truly desires to please the Master or Mistress. In my experience, instead it usually means there's been a misunderstanding or miscommunication and "table time" is needed to sit down and clarify what is desired of the sub or slave. Punishment doesn't accomplish anything to rectify misunderstandings or communication problems and serves no purpose other than to abuse the power one has given over themselves to another.

The NLA-I operates a domestic violence program. You can find out more about it at this link: http://www.nlaidvproject.us/html/index.php. Their hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It sounds like you've extricated yourself from this situation. If not, find safety from this woman before permanent injury occurs. Your life and well being are at stake.

- pixel

_____________________________

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(in reply to beowulf1234)

Post #: 3

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 9:12:15 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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Ignore Ron. He sometimes loses sight of what's important in a post. It's pretty simple: if you didn't consent to it, it's abuse. My question is, did you ask her to stop, or let her know she was going too far? If you didn't, she may well have thought you were okay with it, though it does sound as if she pretty much lost control. I'd run away from this one just as fast as my legs could carry me.

As far as the purpose of beatings goes, I never use them for punishment, nor for training, but only for the mutual sexual pleasure of my sub and myself. If he gets no enjoyment out of my sadism, neither do I.

(in reply to beowulf1234)

Post #: 4

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 2:37:14 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

*shakes her head* Hard to read the OP for content, but this woman does sound kinda paranoid and psychotic. Male abusers often accuse their victims of similar things (infidelity, "looking" at others) before they lash out.

In general, if something feels wrong, it is wrong. I agree with those who say that you probably should articulate these feelings clearly. I disagree that you should allow someone to hit you again if they have ever continued beating you when you were having "the bad feeling". Odd as it may sound, lack of empathy is not a good trait in a sadist.

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Post #: 5

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 2:48:55 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beowulf1234
I realize I am property

What does that mean to you?

Also, a second question: this woman is your former owner. How did the relationship end?

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(in reply to beowulf1234)

Post #: 6

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 2:49:25 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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To me that is criminal and somebody should be in jail.

I do hope you are out of this situation now and didn't stay long in it.

I will stop at wishing you well... because quite frankly... I get very pissed hearing things like this. Makes me want to swing a bat myself. Besides the law, a bat was my weapon of choice with abusers... funny the big toughies turned tail and would run. I did get a few of their cars though. The same one's never messed with my girls after that. They never wanted to meet up with me again. Boy I'm in a mood today! lol

I hope you heal and I do wish you well... not everyone is like that.

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Post #: 7

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 3:27:40 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

perhaps he is here looking for guidence in former boundries for himself for future relationships.. anything involving a bat and that leaves you feeling bad about yourself.. or is done in a headspace that is not clear and rational is abuse.. period end of discussion amen.

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Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 8

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 5:00:28 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I get very pissed hearing things like this. Makes me want to swing a bat myself

Lockit, the other week I pictured you dressed as a nurse. Now I see you more as Batwoman. I need a cold shower.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 5:09:18 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I get very pissed hearing things like this. Makes me want to swing a bat myself

Lockit, the other week I pictured you dressed as a nurse. Now I see you more as Batwoman. I need a cold shower.

You Politesub, are such a tease! The sick and meds are runnin me off to bed again and I go with a picture of you in a very cold and long shower! Thanks a lot! lol

Why do the good one's always live so far away???

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 10

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 5:13:38 PM

KCpower

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/5/2009
Status: offline

follow your instincts..I think Ron follows the booze...LOL
Which is why we love him here.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 11

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/26/2009 5:16:26 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why do the good one's always live so far away???

'Cause you decided to move away from Colorado.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 12

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/28/2009 3:23:11 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Abuse is not uncommon, it happens to people of all ages, genders, sexes, sexual orientations, and BDSM roles. Some people claims that once you are owned nothing can be abuse.

They live in a fantasy.

I live in the real world where as soon as one person withdraws consent, things either must stop or they cross the line to abuse and probably criminal activities.

If you felt that things were going to far, the first step would be to talk. If your partner won't talk then you need to leave.

If you talk but your partner disagrees that something needs to change or how then you need to leave, you are incompatible.

If you talk and you both agree that changes need to happen you both need to work on that. If one or both of you won't work or can't, you need to either get help or get out.

Now, I am a sadist and I could hurt Fox whenever I wish. However, I'm also rather old now in the Scene so what I do tends to have a reason and I am fully aware of my properties limits and limitations. My guess is either that your former mistress was much younger than me or simply incapable of empathy which makes for a great clinical sadist but a terrible BDSM sadist.

May I ask, have you gotten out of this relationship? If not, why not?

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(in reply to beowulf1234)

Post #: 13

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/30/2009 7:59:05 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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I agree with Venatrix - have you discussed with her that you are having difficulty? Was the "small bat" a crop or the baseball type? Crops generally inflict pain but not damage very easily. Baseball bats aren't inherently abusive, *if* used carefully (to avoid broken bones or damage to internal organs). Thighs, butt, and even calves/biceps have enough muscle to absorb impact, but if she's using it on joints, or your head, or lower back/belly hard, that's very risky. Personally, while I mostly enjoy "good pain," taking pain that actually hurts can be challenging, and bring some vicarious pleasure in taking it for my Master. When I am topping my submissive playpartner, I do enjoy dancing on that line of "almost too much" for her, the way she whimpers, tenses, squirms, and such are yummy. However, I'd never do anything that would *damage* or harm her, and back off when she starts struggling to take it. I'm pretty empathic and good at reading body language, but people who are very stoic or who tend to take pain more out of submission/service than masochism are more complicated to read (in my experience). If they are suppressing their reactions, or they mostly feel physically bad even though mentally good, I'm back to relying more on my judgement, knowledge of safety in general, and watching for physical signs of distress, so I've preferred partners who I click with better in that regard.

Accusing you of being involved with other people sounds unreasonable, unless it were explicitly a role-playing scene. If she genuinely did think you were cheating, during play is *not* the time to discuss it. It sounds like you're no longer with this lady, but getting an idea of what went wrong and how to avoid similar situations in the future is wise.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 10/30/2009 8:00:25 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 14

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/30/2009 8:11:02 AM

passub

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

So suppose we can assume...no hard limits...in fact no limits at all....if someone over-does it with the whip or cane...well ok...but if someone takes to using a base-ball bat...
surely, red lights, flags if not the ambulance lights must make you think.
At least raise it...in passing.....there is a problem...might say an attitude problem, with the domme.
Other thing..do you think she might be reading this... and....

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 15

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/30/2009 5:31:08 PM

AlexDelarge

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline

If someone hit me with a "small bat" I'd dislocate her knee with a side kick, or pop her wrist out of joint. That's not play, that's abuse that could break a bone, or cripple or permanently lower your IQ with a head injury. I'd never do anything like that to a sub, and when I'm subbing, I wouldn't tolerate it. (yeah, I'm switchable, it's all a quesion of mood.)

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Post #: 16

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/30/2009 7:28:46 PM

MistressJ1211

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/16/2009
Status: offline

You in no way deserve to be hit with a bat ever. I have learned in the D's life as well as in a vanilla life you shall never ever strike in anger, as you will go overboard. I do hope you heal, and find a Mistress that has a firm hand but is caring, without a jealousy streak. I do not believe jealousy belongs in the D's lifestyle. I wish you luck in both your healing and finding a more caring Mistress.

(in reply to AlexDelarge)

Post #: 17

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 10/31/2009 7:44:11 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Since baseball bats aren't usually referred to as "small," I'm pretty sure he's referring to a short jumping bat: http://www.statelinetack.com/item/short-jump-bat/SLT731073/

Personally, I prefer getting thwacked with a baseball bat (carefully, not full-force, and only in muscled areas, as mentioned above), since I enjoy thud much more than sting. Just because a particular toy/tool is *capable* of being used in damaging ways doesn't mean that they can't be used responsibly. They shouldn't be used on the head or any bony areas, but on the butt/thighs they're yummy.

passub, I already agreed that it sounded like the jealousy thing was unreasonable, but I hesitate to call it abuse if he hasn't objected to it or told her how he feels. I think that it *could* be used in a roleplaying scene without any actual anger or suspicion, somewhat like the "lowly worm" humiliation isn't literal, and cuckholding isn't about the partner being actually unimportant or unsatisfactory sexually. Not my thing, but a lot of people enjoy things that I don't. The OP hasn't really given us a whole lot to go on, but obviously he isn't happy and fulfilled. So, he needs to discuss it with her and work for change, or else leave.

(in reply to MistressJ1211)

Post #: 18

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 11/1/2009 1:05:13 AM

Rhodes85

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

'The problem was the beatings were becoming more severe and more often. She constantly accused me of looking and wanting other women. '

This sounds like she is insecure and paranoid to me. Its abuse. She is doing it to punish you, out of anger, for something thats only in her head. If shes capable of doing that then shes capable of just about anything. She could have inflicted a very serious injury if she had hit you in a joint or in the head. Bats of any size can cause alot of damage. Hell a few years ago some crackhead got a lucky hit on me and fractured three of my ribs. That could have easily caused a fatal injury, and took months to heal.

My advice is to get as far away from her as possible. Shes neither safe nor sane. No Domme worthy of the name would treat a slave like this. Just like no Dom would. Ladies, i'm sure you agree with me.

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Post #: 19

RE: Battering vs Discipline - 11/1/2009 1:21:06 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Ignore Ron. He sometimes loses sight of what's important in a post.

What I tend to suspect he has his sight on is this.

It's certainly possible the OP is telling the absolute truth, in which case I agree that he needs to end the relationship and she needs to get professional help. But I'm guessing that Ron believes otherwise, ergo the flavor of his response.

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Post #: 20

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