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RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 7:38:48 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

This question arises from another thread and rather than ask it there i thought i would start a new thread. What is proper, the submissive/slave begging for a collar, or the Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme offering? Thank Yyou.

That depends on the person, probably the dominant, and how they like to do things.

I train for 3-4 months and then I'll evaluate things with the person I trained. I ask them how they feel about the training, how they feel about me, I flat out ask if they want to continue training, part as friends, or try on ownership 24/7.

If they want to try ownership or further training out then I consider what I want -- I never tell the person what I want, too many people in submissive/bottom roles may change their responses to fit mine I've discovered. Generally if their is interest on their side in being my slave, the interest is mutual. We just discover this during training and it would be near to impossible for me to explain.

Then I consider it my responsibility to get a collar and bring it and an ownership contract to the other person. Generally this is a simple collar but it has to lock (my preference) but later, with every slave I've owned, we get a collar made by a leather worker that is unqiuely that slave's.

A submissive I was training who asked me for a collar before training was over would be rushing into things and I would very likely consider that in the negative column when I evaluated a potential future. Expressing feelings and ideas is necessary, begging for or requesting that things move faster than my training contract suggests someone is rushing things and I want only very consciously surrendered slaves.

In short, this is how I do things. It is NOT how it must be done.

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(in reply to angelic)

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Post #: 41

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 8:09:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
IME, that's usually, but not always true.

Celeste

IME, in some situations it's not really an issue. I know in my last relationship, I never asked and he never asked- we both just knew. It's just how it was, he simply walked in and had the authority.

However, no matter what a person FEELS, I think they need to understand their responsibility in terms of consent- whether they formally say "Yes this is what I want" or simply express it by remaining part of the dynamic. Mostly I feel this is important due to abusive situations- a slave may FEEL they are owned, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing for them to be owned in that relationship. Until they recognize their role of consent, their own responsibility, they will be unable to end it.

For non-abusive situations however, I don't think the process is really important as long as it's organic to those involved.

From my cold emotionless climate anyway...

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Post #: 42

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 2:40:23 PM

BitaTruble

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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

IME, in some situations it's not really an issue.

Which is exactly my point.

quote:

From my cold emotionless climate anyway...

This has nothing to do with what "I" wrote, so don't know why you brought it up in a reply to me or felt it necessary to bring this same issue up on another thread. I'll just safeword out of your sarcasm scene and call this one done.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 43

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 5:03:48 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Well i am certainly not a Dominant, but....for example, my Master does not want a girl who does not truly and totally want to be there. So he is not going to snap a collar on a girl's neck without knowing she is committed to what it means. So he would rather see her internal ache and craving for it, and be convinced that she understands what it means to wear it.

so does that mean that a submissive/slave that accepts an offered collar is some how not demonstrating a desire to be there in the relationship?

Seems to me that whether a submissive/slave begs to have a collar or accepts a collar that is offered he or she is both making the choice to be in the relationship. Both reflect that the submissive/slave want to be there in the relationship. It a question of approach which is a perference.. no way better than the other.

In the case of alandra... I gave her a wedding ring when I decided to marry her. I never asked her to marry me! It was not a question when I gave it to her.... It was WE are getting married! No begging or offer was made!

In the case of kyra.... I simply asked... "Do you know what it is you want?" she replied "I want to be yours!" she didn't beg and I didn't offer... In fact she Offered herself to me. At that moment, I only gave kyra some brief instructions on how to address me and walk with me. It wasn't until several months later that I actually formally accepted her offer and put a collar her and called her Mine!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 44

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 6:07:53 PM

LthrdWolf

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

For my relationships I give tokens as the relationship evolves. Previous boy got a bracelet to remind him that I'm there before he'd earned a collar.

This is what I will do too.

LthrdWolf

(in reply to theRose4U)

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Post #: 45

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 6:12:16 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

.....LA says "the slave has contro over consent" I guess that is right from the cold emotionless climate she appears to live in..

"Under Calm Waters a Current of Tremendous Power Can Flow"

You should consider that before you base a person's emotional power underneath from what you appear to see on the surface!

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Post #: 46

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 8:23:02 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

.....LA says "the slave has contro over consent" I guess that is right from the cold emotionless climate she appears to live in..

"Under Calm Waters a Current of Tremendous Power Can Flow"

You should consider that before you base a person's emotional power underneath from what you appear to see on the surface!

Firstly, I can not base another's emotionsl or any other power on anything. Only that person can do this.

Secondly to specify how and from what I based my opinion which was all it was would not be necessarilly a good thing in a public forum. Suffice it to say, there is no love lose between LA and myself and we rarely agree. When I do agree and she posts something out of the ordinary I have no hesitation in posting in support.

Do I expect you to agree or accept this? No I am not that silly. I seem to remember never seeing you address a post to me till now and then in support of LA. Hmm Taggart has done this twice also,, It's no skin of my nose who you support or don't support. All that shows is that we probably agree on nothing, so it becomes a moot point. I'm quite sure that you having done the rescuing a maiden under attack by an evil bastard, will continue doig what it is you dio and produce a good numberof excelent posts, and I'll continue doing what it is I do and probably piss a few people who I already piss off. I'm not here to curry favour or gain popularity.. It may well be that I could inthe future be booted for expressing my viewsin my ownstyle.. If and when that happens, rest assured I will have no regrets, but will have gained a few friends from my stay here....

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Post #: 47

RE: Collar - 3/8/2006 8:28:51 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

so does that mean that a submissive/slave that accepts an offered collar is some how not demonstrating a desire to be there in the relationship?

No, i did not say if she accepts it she does not want to be there. i was speaking to the hypothetical scenario of a Master grabbing a surprised slave and locking a collar around her neck - where she did not beg for it, and he did not offer it, he just grabs her and puts it on. In some cases maybe she wants it, and it works. In other cases, maybe she doesn't. But without it being talked about...who could really know?

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Post #: 48

RE: Collar - 3/12/2006 10:06:21 AM

ImpGrrl

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Maybe this is yet for another thread because it is more toward the Masters/Doms/Mistresses/Dommes that require begging; however, without sounding rude and i truly don't mean to... why? i.e. If You choose to collar one, but demand/require him/her to beg for it, doesn't that in some small way give him/her control? As an explanation for where my brain is... if You (generic You) make the decision (it is Your's to make) to collar me (generic me LOL).. why would You not just do it? The control is Your's, not mine.

I can see a couple of reasons or this.

- The issue of active consent. Begging for it is another way to indicate that this is a fully consensual, willing commitment.
- The control of it. Do you want it? You'd better *ask* for the privilege.

I don't go for the whole begging thing - but those are some reasons one might be.

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Post #: 49

RE: Collar - 3/12/2006 11:30:31 AM

MistressSassy66

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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A slave/submissive can beg all they want,unless I'm ready its not happening.

If I sense any kind of desperation over getting a collar it sends up a warning flag.

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In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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Post #: 50