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RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 6:46:34 AM

accipitres

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

They pay someone because rather than a mutually beneficial arrangement, they would like someone who caters specifically to their own sexual fantasies and bringing money into the equation is the only way that would bring benefit to the other party.

THAT is exactly why I like to have professional massages ... there is no reciprocity expected. I pay you, you massage me. No guilt, no "I owe you one," no "I'll sound selfish if I ask for more."

PLUS, there is a whole interesting kinky thing in the idea of paying someone to top you. For me, it presents interesting mental conflicts re: being in charge and not being in charge; some humiliation (I'm PAYING for this!); and some objectification.

The downside (for me) is that I like sex with my pain, and would not want to have sex with a Pro Dom.

Anyway, there is a guy in Atlanta at one of the clubs there who does Pro Dom work. However, a lot of people are receptive to the idea. I have found people I whose style I liked and asked them if they were willing/interested.

(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 21

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 6:56:25 AM

hannabanana

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Thank you, acciptres. You put that so many million times better than I managed to.

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Post #: 22

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 7:22:37 AM

PainfullyCurious

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Joined: 10/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticSubM

I think also it's partly a matter that male dominant/female submissive is much closer to traditional gender roles. Therefore submissive women are probably more likely to be able to find a suitable partner, lover or spouse through meeting someone in conventional social venues, rather than feeling they must resort to bdsm "lifestyle" events, groups, web sites, etc.

Do you think that's changing with the younger generations? I have never been to a club, so I have no way of knowing how things are in person. I just know that I've never ran into someone who was openly a dom at any point in my life while I was dating. I also notice there are not that many member in their early 30's when I search for striaght male dominants.

(in reply to CelticSubM)

Post #: 23

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 8:51:45 AM

thane6225

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Joined: 9/21/2005
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I've never been to a club myself, but know others that do. From what I have heard and it may not be everywhere, but there are rules about after being approached and you state you are not interested, if it is continued they could risk ejection from the club. Something to check into, this way if it is the case, you know that you can be selective to whom you talk to without the anxiety you might think you'll experience. Can't hurt to make the cal and ask.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 24

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 9:11:55 AM

LanceHughes

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Here in Denver, we have a GREAT club www.emclavewest.com Had a striaght male friend go there and he had to go thru quite the scrutiny and "orientation" classes before admitted. That is probably the case in most clubs. Single males are warned before admission that such behavior is grounds for 86'ing them. And it's not just a "be good" at the ticket window, it's a class that they have to take separately from play. And, by the way, this club has non-play educational nights (where I have given some lectures.) So do NOT be afraid of the clubs - I assure you that there have been others in your exact frame of mind, and guess what? They'll be your first friends there!!! But as others have said, call first to find out wether there are restrictions on single males.

<Oh, and my friend - he had been in the Cincinnati scene for 20 plus years with his wife/slave until she passed away - so even with that kind of experience behind him, he still had to be vetted. Bitches about it to this day, some 5 years later, even though he is now one of most respected members of the club!!!>

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Post #: 25

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 10:24:18 AM

DemonKia

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after read thru

I want to reiterate, as a woman, that the fetish clubs are probably much safer & friendlier than the OP might be under the impression . . . . . There are generally at least a page of rules for all the play parties I've gone to, private or at quasi-public dungeons. Rules that are strictly enforced. Munches & classes do not necessarily have that same level of formality, but the same thinking applies to how they are structured & conducted, generally . . . .

I feel very comfortable, as a single woman, going to munches, classes, & play parties specifically because a lot of thought & effort goes into making these 'safe spaces' . .. . . . .

Another note that might not be so obvious from the outside: in my experience the vast majority of the organizing & running of BDSM stuff is done by women, typically submissively-oriented women . . . . For instance, all the local munches I attend are run by women.

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Post #: 26

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 11:38:08 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

I'm pretty sure there's absolutely no shortage of women who enjoy dominating men. People don't pay someone to dominate them because it's the only way they can find someone willing to do so. They pay someone because rather than a mutually beneficial arrangement, they would like someone who caters specifically to their own sexual fantasies and bringing money into the equation is the only way that would bring benefit to the other party.

I'm in NoVa.

There's and old saying: you don't pay a prostitute to sleep with you, you pay her to go away afterwards.

I can see how a monetary arrangement might make things simpler, and why do it at all if you aren't enjoying it?

(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 27

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 12:15:39 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
If you lived closer, I'd offer to chaperon you.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I want a big bad man standing next to me to protect me from anyone who is sexually harassing me or being disrespectful. That's at least as bad as what I'm trying to avoid.

Sorry, I had to laugh at that. I've met Red... and he's very unassuming. He's a lovely man, looks good in a tie. Drinks soda pop, is very funny. But when I think of "Big Bad Man" I don't really think of him. He's a good and decent human being - not to mention wicked smart and charming. (sorry about messing with your rep, man, but we know it's the truth... now if you want to come to sunshine's house and get all Domly on me... well I probably wouldn't argue... just saying)

Hanna, you have TOTALLY the wrong idea about munches. I have been to a few in different places, and frankly they are just a bunch of people getting together to have lunch or dinner. People sit down, talk to old friends, and eat. That's it. If I know the men here (on the boards)... and I do know a few of them, Red is talking about introducing you to people, answering your questions, being someone to sit with and talk to so you aren't walking into a group all alone. That can be hard to do. It's always good to have someone to go with so you don't feel like the wallflower and uncomfortable because you're new.

I suppose sexual harassment can happen, but I've never seen it. I mean... there is some flirting and stuff that happens, but that's about as sexual as it gets at munches. The only time I've ever seen any kind of "posturing" has been when two men who know and don't respect each other get in the room together. But that's about personality rather than BDSM.

And by the way, the little flirty thing I said above to Red... that's about as flirty as it gets at the munches I've been to.

Seriously, relax.
sunshine

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(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 28

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 12:35:19 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
I've met Red... and he's very unassuming. He's a lovely man, looks good in a tie. Drinks soda pop, is very funny. But when I think of "Big Bad Man" I don't really think of him. He's a good and decent human being - not to mention wicked smart and charming. (sorry about messing with your rep, man, but we know it's the truth... now if you want to come to sunshine's house and get all Domly on me... well I probably wouldn't argue... just saying)

I don't think "big and bad" when I think of myself, either. People tend to do what I suggest because I'm right, not because I'm scary.

When I read hanna's post, it sounded to me as though she was afraid of the bigness and badness of her own kink, and projecting that onto me, and onto "clubs." Please understand, hanna, that's a very common mindspace for adults coming to terms with their own kink. The urges feel powerful, uncontrollable, dark and unknown. So "of course" kinky people are that way too. It can be quite surprising that kinky people are actually pretty normal, and can be just as dorky (or boring) as anybody else.

And sunshine, I seem to recall that I never punished you for unbuttoning my shirt without permission. But.... aren't you taken? I am, but I might be one of those people with a play-but-no-sex agreement in my relationship. We'll see. Do please feel free to send me mail on the other side if your flirtation was at all serious.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 29

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 12:46:09 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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I'm gonna blame some of this perceptual stuff on porn & the distorted picture it provides of BDSM (similar to how it warps perceptions of what sex looks like) . . . . ..

The out-&-organized kink community, such as it is, is very dependent on being female-friendly. Chicks are a big draw (it's that we-got-the-pussy thing), & making sure they're taken care of & safe & comfortable is a priority on the part of organizers. Ya can't have much goin' on if it's just a bunch of horny, barely-controlled guys roamin' about at a pansexual or hetero event . . . . .. (Probably works out fine for gay-men-only events, but that's not a concern for us ladies . .. . . Sadly . .. . . . )

& I want to acknowledge that it is potentially scary, intimidating, anxiety-producing, & etc, to get out there. On top of the usual 'vanilla' social anxieties there's that there's an implicit admission of one's private sexual nature in attending even something as banal & mundane as a munch.

One of the things that helped me initially jump into the kink social scene was to have a platonic, same-sex BDSM buddy. We supported each other emotionally & etc in our initial explorations of munches, classes, play parties, & so on & so forth . . . . . . . We went to things together, so we wouldn't feel lost, alone, isolated, all that. We knew we'd always have each other to talk to, if nothing else . . . . . . But that never ended up being a problem; generally we ended up being the belles of the balls, instead . . . .

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 30

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 12:48:42 PM

hannabanana

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I wasn't going to respond to all this since I was hoping the thread would go back to the original topic, but since it looks like that won't happen, I'll go ahead and address this argument.

I haven't been to a fetish club, but I have been to loads and loads of "normal" clubs all over the world and I can't spend five minutes in one without getting harassed. I have also been to plenty of online BDSM communities and pretty much concluded that they have a tendency to attract assholes. I am going to set the internet on fire if I have to explain to one more dom guy in a fetish community that just because I get off on submitting, that doesn't mean I'm going to automatically submit to him and it's way out of line for him to expect me to do so. So when you bring the night club element and the BDSM element together, I have a very hard time believing there won't be a whole lot of bullshit that I would have to deal with if I were to participate.

(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 31

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 12:56:22 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana
I have also been to plenty of online BDSM communities and pretty much concluded that they have a tendency to attract assholes.

This is true. It's also an "online" thing, not a "BDSM" thing. There are horrendous scuzzbuckets who send emails to women on this site, and it wouldn't be any better for you if you changed your profile to "Dominant," I assure you. It's an anonymous horny men pigpiling onto kinky pussy thing, not a dom, switch or sub thing.

However. Real-life BDSM clubs and munches tend not to be like that. They are often founded and/or run by women, and have been set up to avoid the sex-crazed cruising that takes place in a less-structured environment. My suggestion would be to weigh seriously the comments of people who have actually been to these places. First-hand experience should count for at least as much as the supposition inside your mind. I'm a scientist by profession, so, for me, experience counts for more.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 32

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 1:02:41 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

Haha! To clarify, I'm not a male interested in being paid to be a dom. I'm a female interested in hiring a male dom.

Oh God...I just can't help myself. ~channels Willie Nelson~
If you've got the money honey
I've got the time..
I'll flog and spank and fuck you tired...
We'll have a time

(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 33

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 1:08:23 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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Well hell, you never offered that to me you big horny devil.

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Post #: 34

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 1:29:22 PM

Wantstocontrolu

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
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Partly as the demand for a Male "pro-dom" is a lot smaller then the demand for a female version.
Also many males Doms would gladdly do it for free, I know I would but knowing that part of a submissives need would be to give cash as they apparently value that medium greatly is also ok and I am sure I as many here could force themselves to demand a "tribute".

Also its against the "rules" at collarme to mention money.

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RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 2:57:05 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Was there more of an answer needed than the links that Red gave you to where professional dominants advertise? Those sources & Google should give you everything you need to find professional dominants (even male ones) . . .. . . What more were we to say about the topic? (& I'm not bein' bitchy, I am truly curious . . . . . )

If you're adjacent to the DC metro area I'm sure there's probably at least one or two male pro-doms within a few hours drive . . . . . . .

If you're hoping to get recommendations for this or that professional dominant, or some such, here, well, I have my doubts about how that's gonna work out . . . . .

&, yet again, the people in the best position to offer you useful, specific advice about any male pro-doms in your area are the out-&-organized kinksters in your area . . . .

You might try FetLife. It's getting heavy use as a tool for local groups to run their stuff, & it has tons of discussion groups on all kinds of topics. I did not search for what was available in the DC area or in the way of professional BDSM providers, but I'm sure there are discussion groups catering to either & / or both . . . .. & posting threads to those groups may yield you more info . . . ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

I wasn't going to respond to all this since I was hoping the thread would go back to the original topic, but since it looks like that won't happen, I'll go ahead and address this argument.

Oh, & I don't do bars, which is what I figure you meant by non-BDSM clubs. Cannot stand that whole drunken desperation thing. My experience is that BDSM 'dungeons' are nothing like bars . . . . . .

(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 36

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 5:34:55 PM

Huntertn

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Good luck. I hope that works for you

(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 37

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 6:13:02 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

There seem to be paid dominatrices all over the place. Can't you hire a male dom in the same way people hire a female dom? Where would one turn to go about doing that?

well... the issue is that waaaaaaayyyyyy to many men give it away for free....... so, Us few that require payment are very very few....... and most women are not prepared to pay for what so many give away for free even if it it's of higher quality. I think if more women demanded quality... I would be a rich man!!! ;)

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(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 38

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 6:42:02 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hannabanana

I wasn't going to respond to all this since I was hoping the thread would go back to the original topic, but since it looks like that won't happen, I'll go ahead and address this argument.

I haven't been to a fetish club, but I have been to loads and loads of "normal" clubs all over the world and I can't spend five minutes in one without getting harassed. I have also been to plenty of online BDSM communities and pretty much concluded that they have a tendency to attract assholes. I am going to set the internet on fire if I have to explain to one more dom guy in a fetish community that just because I get off on submitting, that doesn't mean I'm going to automatically submit to him and it's way out of line for him to expect me to do so. So when you bring the night club element and the BDSM element together, I have a very hard time believing there won't be a whole lot of bullshit that I would have to deal with if I were to participate.

If you are in Northern Virginia, there are plenty of fabulous female submissives who are regulars here on the boards and live in the DC/NoVa area who I know would be more than happy to include you in their weekend plans. I know that if I lived up there (and I wish I never left 20 years ago, but that's another story) I'd be with these ladies every weekend (until they got tired of me that is!)

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(in reply to hannabanana)

Post #: 39

RE: Where are the paid male doms? - 10/29/2009 7:08:41 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I went with a dom for a bit of time a few years ago and he was a cheap bastard and made me pay for everything.
That is the closest to paying for domination that I'll ever get. Hard limit.

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Post #: 40

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