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Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 6:48:37 PM   
juicygummybear


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I been talking to a guy since late Aug we meant since then 10 times, he always makes comments when we talk online “we been talking 2 hours “ to me it feels as if he doesn’t want to talk to me and doesn’t and I am wasting his time , it’s the same way when we meet the next day when we talk online he will say “ we spent the day with each other “ which isn’t true because I don’t spend the night! Its only for a couple of hours ! ( I did one time spend the night 1 time with him!) when I mention this to him he compares me his past girlfriends! Then when I say other people say that when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday , he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples in the away I guess “seeing” each other . he does say he wants to see me more, but I don’t know.

My question is that when you first start a “relationship” should the other one want to see talk text im( if you meant on the computer) with that other person and be happy to see them in a Dom/sub as the same as a vanilla one

I hope i made sense!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:24:56 PM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		Yes.

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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:34:21 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It's the same as vanilla, you should want to see each other. My guy and I don't have a lot of time to be together in person but we find the time to connect every day by phone or online. A relationship takes interaction between both parties to feed it and help it grow and blossom - we take the part where we want to be together seriously enough that we both set aside the time to make it work.

If that's not happening maybe he's not that into you and you should consider finding someone who can fulfill more of your needs. From what you've written here it doesn't sound like the two of you are a good match and nothing wrong with that...move on and find someone who has a similar view to your own about how much time you want to spend together.

(in reply to juicygummybear)
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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:36:14 PM   
Cdub2U


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline
       RUN, you already see the giant red flag!
I'll go back to working

Have fun and Play Safe




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the kingdom of heaven is within"
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"Can't you see, it all makes perfect sense
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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:36:52 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		When He and i first met it was online. Then we met in person after talking on the phone for a week or so. We hit it off right away and have been inseperable since. We talk everyday whether it is online, text, phone or in person. He comes to see me everyday at work to say hi and i usually take my break then so we can spend a little time together. i spend the night once a week as we both work and have other obligations. But, we are sure to say good morning and good night everyday, and have since the beginning. i think we would be the same way even if we were just vanilla.

So, yes to your question. But it could also depend on the person and how open they are

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:38:18 PM   
Cdub2U


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

My bad, I did not know I was in ask a sub. Now I know I'll mind my own business

Sorry


_____________________________

"Free your mind and your ass will follow
the kingdom of heaven is within"
G. Clinton

"Can't you see, it all makes perfect sense
Expressed in Dollars and cents, Pounds shillings and pence"
R. Waters

(in reply to Cdub2U)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:39:56 PM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		Yes.

At best, I'd say you two are incompatible in the level of contact you want; at worst, I'd say he's being emotionally manipulative.

Why bother with someone who is already making you feel like you're a bother to him?

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:43:56 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cdub2U



My bad, I did not know I was in ask a sub. Now I know I'll mind my own business

Sorry



Thread Hijack:

You can respond in any of the forums regardless of your orientation. If you feel you have something to add go for it...

(in reply to Cdub2U)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:47:38 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		I'm taking a different stance and state that it sounds like he has a different view to how this relationship is contrary to what you want. It sounds like he wants a relationship based solely on D/s where you want one that starts off as bf and gf and then introduce elements of D/s. Have you thought about asking him how he sees your relationship progressing and where he sees it going? 

_____________________________

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Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to juicygummybear)
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RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 7:50:25 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		Seems like he has a lot of baggage from past relationships.  I'd say find someone else.  When it's the right one you will know it, and these questions will not be an issue

good luck on your search

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(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 8:13:00 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I see it differently-
When I read your post, I wonder if it sounds like the way you talk- a continuous stream of chatter, and an incessant need for togetherness and intimacy and connection.....

I think you are confusing a Dominant man with a girlfriend.

I am extremely happy with my beloved Kim. Part of what makes us happy is that she recognizes that I am not fond of chatter; I enjoy listening to her talk, but often I prefer to be left alone with my reading, my hobbies or just to be doing non-together time.

Perhaps your guy is like that. Maybe he just isn't into chattering away with you like one of the Sex in the City gals; maybe he needs his down time, his time to be independent.

When you nag him about wanting to spend more time, wanting to talk, or as you put it "when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday andwhydontyouwanttobewithmerightnownownownow " it makes me weary and want to fit you with a ballgag just reading it.
And I mean that in the kindest way possible.

Maybe ease up on hounding and henpecking at him trying to turn him into a girlfriend who wants to chat about shoe shopping- maybe accept his need to have guy time alone and find a real girl to be girlfriends with.

(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Just a Question. - 10/29/2009 8:20:00 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps his wants and desires, at least in the realm of time together, simply do not align with what you are seeking. It seems to be a personal preference thing, rather than a Dom/sub thing. You should probably find a Dominant who is more compatible with your need for closeness, communication, and intimacy.

Just my two cents,
Maggi

_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 11:55:12 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juicygummybear

I been talking to a guy since late Aug we meant since then 10 times, he always makes comments when we talk online “we been talking 2 hours “ to me it feels as if he doesn’t want to talk to me and doesn’t and I am wasting his time , it’s the same way when we meet the next day when we talk online he will say “ we spent the day with each other “ which isn’t true because I don’t spend the night! Its only for a couple of hours ! ( I did one time spend the night 1 time with him!) when I mention this to him he compares me his past girlfriends! Then when I say other people say that when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday , he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples in the away I guess “seeing” each other . he does say he wants to see me more, but I don’t know.

My question is that when you first start a “relationship” should the other one want to see talk text im( if you meant on the computer) with that other person and be happy to see them in a Dom/sub as the same as a vanilla one

I hope i made sense!


There really aren't any super-duper *shoulds*.

Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of him, and the person HE is.

What *other people say* doesn't really matter....He obviously is content with the level of contact you have. You just don't *like* that.

agirl

(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 12:29:41 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		To answer your question: Yes, if that's what BOTH of you want/need, in a relationship- whether vanilla or D/s.


If the level of contact and intimacy (emotional as well as physical) that you each need and desire is that different, to begin with: I'd say you're incompatible, and you should move on.


He's just not that into you.

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(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 12:55:12 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		He may see you as a 'play partner', not a relationship.

You need to calmly ask him what his idea of a relationship is and see if it compares to what you want.



< Message edited by frazzle -- 10/30/2009 12:56:19 PM >

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 2:15:36 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples


Well, you begin this by "I've been talking to this guy" and then you go on to indicate you think you're a couple. Are you? Have you talked, and you're an item together? Vanilla and D/s "couples" may be the same, they may be different, that's all dependent on the individual people, and how they see life. Since you're not giving any information (I mean, "guy" is not exactly a good description of a person) I have no way of even beginning to guess where the two of you disconnect. You seem to be expecting that the two of you are in love with each other, which isn't necessarily what D/s is all about. So for me you sow a lot of confusion - I think you have a pattern of expectation that you have not discussed with him, and have not gotten his agreement on. A couple of hours is not a day, you are right, but some guys in your age group are like that...

(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 2:22:07 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		And I have to honsetly add that if you really delete all emails from California because "all people from Cali are crazy" you come across to me as "22 going on 16"... which is not a good place to start a relationship.

(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 3:11:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's just not that into you.

D/s couples aren't allowed to love each other and want to spend time together? In his dreams.

Beyond that, you need a relationship where the guy is as interested in being with you as you are with him. This guy's interested in a booty call and just enough contact to keep getting it. That's being used in a bad way in my book.

Don't settle for a relationship where your needs are not being met.

BTW we're in our 50's, we've been together 8 years and we still spend all our free time together, holding hands, etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 4:58:08 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		juicy,
when a Dom and a sub really connect , they become *hungry of each other *
i have a feeling that your man is not totally free in his mind for you,, this is a red flag

stay well

(in reply to juicygummybear)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 5:24:26 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's just not that into you.



That's the impression I got too... and is likely just keeping her around till he finds someone else.



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 20
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