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Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 3:16:46 PM   
rayvenred


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have a question about friends and the approval of friends by a Master/Mistress. When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are? I'm a slave and was told that by a Dom not to long ago and it just didn't seem right to me. So I thought I'd ask other Dom\mes.
Rayvenred
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 3:18:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		A master can definitely decide who you will or will not interact with.

Which is why you should find out exactly what their expectations will be BEFORE committing to that situation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 3:45:14 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		When you enter a D/s relationship the submissive or slave is agreeing to the Dominants terms..The Dominant dicates the course of the relationship and all thats involved..thats what your submitting to. Now different dominants have different expectations..you have to find the right one for you...so yeah..find out exactly what your committing to before it starts.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 3:50:04 PM   
Heinz


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am a Dom with many years of experience. I do (did) not forbid slavegirls or subs to have contact with others. For Me it is like you want to isolate your slave(girl)
I alow them to make contacts, but if the contact are getting more intimate they have to report it.

Heinz

_____________________________

Heinz, from Holland (Europe)

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 3:55:20 PM   
rayvenred


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks and I agree with You. however these things should be worked out first and I know if it's something I can't live with H/She is not for me. Thanks once again.

(in reply to Heinz)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 4:04:54 PM   
ArtistInTN


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/20/2006
Status: offline 		I also agree it is something that should be discussed prior to making any commitments. Personaly I would not want a relationship with someone whom wanted to isolate me from friends (and maybe even family?) for that can be an early sign of abuse. For me the dom should have the self assurance to know that though I have friends outside the relationship it is he whom I come home to at the end of the day and have made a commitment to (with me most of my friends have always been guys so if a dom has any insecurities about himself.......... not a good chance things would work)

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 4:20:02 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rayvenred
When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are?



Most definitely... but consider this

I will restrict my girls from eating specfic foods... (for whatever reason) but I do not restrict their ability to eat!

I will restrict my girls from certain relationships... (for whaterver reason) but I do not restrict their ability to have and grow relationships.

To eat is necessary for the well-being of my girls and so is having relationships!



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 4:31:17 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I will restrict my girls from eating specfic foods... (for whatever reason) but I do not restrict their ability to eat!

I will restrict my girls from certain relationships... (for whaterver reason) but I do not restrict their ability to have and grow relationships.

To eat is necessary for the well-being of my girls and so is having relationships!


Wonderfully said.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 5:35:21 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		It really depends upon the level and nature of your devotion; are you owned, as in a slave who is property of a Master? Or are you more a submissive, who bases her relations to a dominant upon negotiative factors? Or are you actually a girl with merely a kinky boyfriend? The answers will change within any of the above catagories.





< Message edited by amayos -- 3/8/2006 5:42:11 PM >

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 6:43:24 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: rayvenred
When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are?



Most definitely... but consider this

I will restrict my girls from eating specfic foods... (for whatever reason) but I do not restrict their ability to eat!

I will restrict my girls from certain relationships... (for whaterver reason) but I do not restrict their ability to have and grow relationships.

To eat is necessary for the well-being of my girls and so is having relationships!




Very cleanly stated, Knight. A lot of people seem confused about the difference between a dom restricting access to any friendships, or access to a particular friendship deemed damaging. You've drawn that line very succinctly.

I think in general, if a dominant decides to dis-allow a friendship, they will explain to the sub why they feel it's best. IMO, that's the best way to assure the sub understands why the choice is being made, and makes acceptance easier.

On the other hand, isolation from all friendships with no logical explanation is a common sign of abuse.

Cin


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 7:06:18 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

Do you, a dominant have the right to tell them (your submissive) who their friends are?


I take it this was you question...

#1 If a dominant is simply dismissing friends of their subs without any reason... not good. Isolation is a signal of potential abusive tendencies.

Now here is a couple of angles.

Lets say that you know a 'friend' to be a negative influence or an all around bad person. I personally would not simply dismiss this friend for my submissive. I would however have a long talk, point out my concerns & suggest that they consider having this person remain being a 'friend'.

Now if I know without a doubt that this person is a bad person or causing problems & we have already had a sit-down about this at least one or more times... I would address the both of them together & state that my next step would be to ask this person to no longer have contact with us.

I don't pick my girl's friends & I would never dream of interfering with any friendship she had prior or since we have been together. In fact her choice of friends has helped to confirm the person I knew her to be, honest, compassionate , intelligent, etc... a lot can be said about a person by the company they keep. I was fortunate in finding my partner & I was blessed with also gaining a whole new set of friends.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 3/8/2006 7:07:06 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 7:08:46 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I wouldn't accept a dominant messing with my friend ships. If I've had a friend for three years lets say and all of a sudden I am told not to speak to them, the friend I had is going to feel very hurt and betrayed. I've been on the other end of it where friends suddenly get a master and it's like ok forget you I got master now, and I was seriously hurt and when their master turned out to be lying to her the whole time and she was devistated she looked around and found out that she'd run all her friends off

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/8/2006 11:27:48 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I expect My submissives to have full lives that include family, friends, co-workers, etc.
So long as there is not a problem with any of those individuals, then everything is fine.

And some of U/us are simply stuck having to deal with disagreeable and interfering relatives because of family obligations. A good example of setting limits with a problem person would be - It is fine for you to be civil and polite with that persons(s) at family gatherings, but DO NOT invite them to spend time alone with U/us or allow them to call
on the phone at any time day or night.

My boy recently had a very obnoxious, loud, rude, stupid, problem co-worker at the office.
The guy had warning signs in his behavior from the beginning, and I told My sub to stay
clear of the idiot. He took that advice to heart and avoided a big mess. Said idiot was
eventually transferred to a position where he had to work out of the office and away from
all of his co-workers, much to their relief.

-Vendaval-








quote:

ORIGINAL: rayvenred

I have a question about friends and the approval of friends by a Master/Mistress. When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are? I'm a slave and was told that by a Dom not to long ago and it just didn't seem right to me. So I thought I'd ask other Dom\mes.
Rayvenred



_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 5:14:21 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, he does have the right in a TPE relationship, but it should be talked about before then
You may pick the party......but I will pick the clothes
You may pick the pub........but I will pick your food and drink
You may pick the toy..........but I will pick where it is to go
You may pick the song.......but I will pick the dance
You may pick your nose.....but not your friend's nose
You may love me, knowing I will protect you and never let anyone else pick on you!

Kevin

< Message edited by fastlane -- 3/9/2006 5:18:30 AM >

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 6:01:56 AM   
edianspet


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		I agree w/Knight's post.

He would certainly encourage me to not make company or relationships w/certain others for certain reasons but mostly for my 'own good'.

On the other hand he would never isolate me or not allow me to have friends or relations w/all others because he cares for me and knows it's healthy to my emotional and mental state. As said to isolate would be abusive.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 7:14:26 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: rayvenred
When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are?



Most definitely... but consider this

I will restrict my girls from eating specfic foods... (for whatever reason) but I do not restrict their ability to eat!

I will restrict my girls from certain relationships... (for whaterver reason) but I do not restrict their ability to have and grow relationships.

To eat is necessary for the well-being of my girls and so is having relationships!


One thing I like about this forum.... people saying exactly what I would have said certainly cuts down on the ammount of typing I need to do

Ditto KoM word for word!

I do fully agree however that if a Dom is trying to block any and all Friendships outside the relationship... Red flag... run! it is 99% likely comming from an insecure Dom who is NOT particularly safe! As Kom indicates, social relationships ARE needed for folks 'health'! Isolation isn't something I consider to be healthy

IMO as usual!

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 3/9/2006 7:18:26 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 12:13:29 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		A master gives you a leash and tells you to drop your dog off at the pound. What do you do?

A master tells you to never talk to your parents again. What do you do?

A master tells you to dump your friends. What do you do?


A real dom would only give you these task for your well being rather than just seeing how servient you really are. Some friends can truely be nothing but trouble. If you know you love each other and have decided to commit yourself to the relationship, then you're just going to have to trust his judgment. A good Dom/Master knows to make there sub/slaves give up the things that are hurting them regardless of how fun or enjoyable they may be.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to rayvenred)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 12:42:08 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: rayvenred
When you take on a slave/submissive do You as have the right to tell then who there friends are?



Most definitely... but consider this

I will restrict my girls from eating specfic foods... (for whatever reason) but I do not restrict their ability to eat!

I will restrict my girls from certain relationships... (for whaterver reason) but I do not restrict their ability to have and grow relationships.

To eat is necessary for the well-being of my girls and so is having relationships!



An additional thought to consider....

many Dominants will basically agree with what I have stated here to one degree or another. But, even thou I may say that you can have friends... Do I really demonstrate and support your need to have friends.

I know of a situation where a Dominant questioned her boy each and every time that he interacted with anyone. The result was that he felt uncomfortable and stressed due to the interacts he was having with others. In short he felt like it was an interogation and trial for judgement. This was particularly the case if he interacted with females. I know that several of his friends had to back off because of the stress he was feeling. I know this because my alandra was one of his friends. Now that his relationship has ended with the Dominant, he has once again started to interact and enjoy the friendships he has.

Talk is cheap!! What one believes needs to be demonstrated... So how is it demonstrated!?

Thanks for asking your question, it has touched on a personal aspect of my family's life!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 8:56:56 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A master gives you a leash and tells you to drop your dog off at the pound. What do you do?


Wrap the leash around his pecker and lead him to the Dom recycling facility.Hopefully they can turn him into something better than a piece of crap on the next try.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Allowing Friends - 3/9/2006 11:14:35 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

A master gives you a leash and tells you to drop your dog off at the pound. What do you do?


Wrap the leash around his pecker and lead him to the Dom recycling facility.Hopefully they can turn him into something better than a piece of crap on the next try.


Amen.

I guess getting rid of my animals is a hard limit :)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 20
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