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I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:10:30 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:24:50 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I am very specific about My non desire to be involved in My personal relationships with CD/TV/TG folks. Please understand that these are My opinions as they pertain to Me.

To start, I am heavily focused on an authority dynamic.  Often, the fetish of a male being feminized overrides that.  If someone only feels submission when dressed a certain way, I don't want it.  The boys with main profile pics in bras, skirts, etc are a real turn off to Me.

Next, I am a straight, female Dominant.  I have no yearnings for females and that includes any biological male who craves female expression.  If I wanted a female submissive, I would get one.  Also, I am more likely to be attracted to masculine qualities.

As far as 'forced femme' I find that to be an oxymoron when the male craves the kink so much.  If someone really wants to dress, they aren't submitting to Me when I tell them to do so.

I hope this helps to answer your question.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:30:03 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*


My personal opinion -  Crossdressing in general seems to be a 'self focused' event. I've seen too many profiles of men who are 'looking for a Mistress to dress me up and do my make up, then parade me around her girl friends.' Really? So wtf am I supposed to get out of it? I see no mention of him washing the dishes, or scrubbing the bathroom spotless, or even just taking Fido for a walk for me when I'm down with a cold and can't breathe, let alone get out of bed.

If my submissive wanted to crossdress (and it does nothing for me), then he better earn the privileged of being allowed to do something he enjoys doing, instead of making a list of what he wants me to do for him.


_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:32:09 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		What LP and SC said:  It doesn't turn me on, and cross-dressers often (not always) turn out to be the worst kind of do-me sub out there.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:32:16 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Oh yeah. It's just one of those things of psychology I find interesting.
Take forced fem for example.
I have no interest in that. Therefore, if a domme wanted to do it to me, it would be real FORCED fem.

I'm a fan of psychology - see.

Take for instance, a bisexual Domme. This theoretical Domme would want boy/bois and girls, but would, if trends I've seen are observed, not approve of feminising the boi. Which is interesting.

Ah, BDSM psych - you could study it for years and years and not learn even a fragment, I reckon.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:39:41 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		This is interesting...
What I'm seeing (from a neutral point of view) is a stigma towards these do-me subs [Who I think we can all agree are not true subs, but would-be tops from the bottom]
Are there any forced fem dommes out there?
Have anyone come across them? Does such a breed exist?
Should we be trying to locate this rare species?

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:46:07 PM   
Reform


Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		It's a few things really. Firstly, and most importanly, I think a man in womens clothes is just plain rediculous looking. I don't like how it makes the man looks, I just don't. I do understand that this is part of the draw for those that do partake, but I can't in my right mind force my man into tights. My man being the second most imporant thing here. He has no interest in dressing as a woman, and little interest in humiliation to begin with. So logically, why would we?

I also think it has to do with my general repulsion to womally things to begin with. I hate high heels. I hate wearing them, they make my feet hurt. I do love my fetish boots, but I just hate them at the same time. I hate make up, and doing my hair. I have no interest in putting make up on someone else, or making their feet hurt (from heels).

There are some things about kink I'm still exploring, but I know I can't really get into sissifying my boy. Some other boy, maybe, if the situation presented itself, but not mine.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:48:10 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sure there are women out there who enjoy this sort of thing.

We do have some resident femme males (sorry if that's the wrong wording, guys, no offense meant) who are, or have been, in relationships that allowed crossdressing or whatever. I'm sure they'll come around to put their 2 cents in.


_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:51:15 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		For us - if Holly or I want fem, we have each other. Our boys should be boys, not girls. It just does nothing for us. Like others said, a lot of them tend to be of the "dress me up to do your cleaning in high heels and a french maid outfit" type, who then prance around and don't actually get much cleaning done (or much of anything else). Give me a guy who wants to wear a pair of boxers and a t-shirt while he cleans, and I'd be thrilled to bits.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:51:31 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I'm sure there are women out there who enjoy this sort of thing.

We do have some resident femme males (sorry if that's the wrong wording, guys, no offense meant) who are, or have been, in relationships that allowed crossdressing or whatever. I'm sure they'll come around to put their 2 cents in.



And let's not forget that Ottersswim is the least do-me sub there is, so there's an exception to everything.  I'm sure he'll have lots of wonderful insight, presented in his as-always diplomatic manner.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:51:32 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform
I have no interest in putting make up on someone else, or making their feet hurt (from heels).


But... but... it's so fun! I haven't done it, because the men I've been involved with have boat feet, but I can just imagine how much fun I would have sitting in a cushy chair ordering drinks, while he hobbles around like a wounded horse on two good legs trying to please me. But I never said I was nice... and I imagine I'd be laughing at the shoes just as much as his predicament.


_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 7:52:59 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I'm sure there are women out there who enjoy this sort of thing.

We do have some resident femme males (sorry if that's the wrong wording, guys, no offense meant) who are, or have been, in relationships that allowed crossdressing or whatever. I'm sure they'll come around to put their 2 cents in.



And let's not forget that Ottersswim is the least do-me sub there is, so there's an exception to everything.  I'm sure he'll have lots of wonderful insight, presented in his as-always diplomatic manner.


I'm terrible with remembering specific names, and all I could think of was 'swimming' because of the otter!


_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:00:57 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I'm sure there are women out there who enjoy this sort of thing.

We do have some resident femme males (sorry if that's the wrong wording, guys, no offense meant) who are, or have been, in relationships that allowed crossdressing or whatever. I'm sure they'll come around to put their 2 cents in.



And let's not forget that Ottersswim is the least do-me sub there is, so there's an exception to everything.  I'm sure he'll have lots of wonderful insight, presented in his as-always diplomatic manner.


Actually, I had the pleasure of meeting Otters and the Lady Nikki just a few months back.  I got to spend time with them at Thunder.

Unless My eyes deceived Me, I saw the submission there.  Either that, or they put on one hell of a D/s act.  (I can promise you that I believe it is the former.)


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:06:19 PM   
bootlckr57


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/28/2009
Status: offline 		My experiance is guys who want "forced femme" are really just crossdressers who are afraid of dealing with their feelings and the self embaressment
that comes with them. They need to feel "forced" to avoid dealing with it. The guys who want to do that and have a mistress parade them around, etc.
have read too many cheap paperbacks and have unreal expectations of what Femdom is all about. I'm very comfortable having a feminine side. Even
my parents know about it. I'm lucky my Goddess loves to shop for me, dress me up and do my makeup and go out together like girlfriends. It doesn't humiliate me.
I just have a softer persona as a girl that is enjoyable to both of us. I don't think that makes me a "do-me". Crossdressing, I'm sure doesn't appeal to
everyone or every Femdom. But if all of us were Normal we probably wouldn't be here. Besides, normal is over rated.

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:07:54 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*


Personally I have no problem with it, and actually think it's pretty hot (if the boi is slender and effeminate looking to begin with, less so if he won't shave his 'stach before putting on his tiara) but then again I'm a switch and my dominant side only comes out in secondary relationships - my primary relationship is always with a dominant man. So the fact that I have my "hot masculine man" requirement met already probably influences my view.

When I do dominate men, it's because I like to play goddess. So to me a CD or sissy boy fantasy would include a young slender boi who has those fantasies, and I, the goddess, make it happen. I'll dress him and tell him how to pose for pictures and he can curl up and kiss my feet in gratitude. So forced feminisation isn't my style, unless I get to do it with a smile on my face and a gag in his mouth. Actually...maybe that *is* my style too. LOL. But only once or twice. I'd prefer someone who would adore me for making him pretty.

But for me at least there is the requirement that he has to actually look good in the women's clothes. There's this one Japanese band, I don't remember their name but they're men who dress up in ornate gothic-victorian style costumes and they look absolutely brilliant doing it. That is hot.

Overweight and hairy in women's clothes...not so much. For me at least. Those who are into strong humiliation play might feel differently.

ETA this is that Japanese band - they're called Malice Mizer.
This is crossdressing at its best:


< Message edited by Elisabella -- 11/5/2009 8:18:12 PM >

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:07:54 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		OP,
I think there are two main reasons. The first is that with many crossdressers, their desire/need or compulsion to crossdress tends to put the focus primarily on them as well as their fetish in the relationship, not on serving the Domme and her desires. Many Dommes feel this undermines the D/s dynamic in a relationship; something which makes sense to me as its not a case where Her Dominance and his submission appear to be the foundation on which the relationship is based.

The second is that a lot of women want to be the ones who are wearing the feminine clothing and desire a more masculine man in their company, not a feminine one. In this situation, you might say its a simple case of incompatible kinks.

- pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:08:22 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		I wasn't looking for a girlie boy, I just happened to find one. He is first and foremost, submissive. Secondly, he's exceptionally balanced which means he is able to express his submissiveness in a healthy manner and it's never 'all about him'.

I'd wager a guess that one of the biggest, if not at the top of the list, Turn-Off is the submissive who comes with the laundry list of DO ME. I've been exposed to this with many varieties of subs, not just those that have an interest in CD/TG.

However, and it's unfortunate, that unlike the bondage aficionado whose mostly vanilla sweetheart tied him/her up in high school, many CD/TGs (who have the laundry list) haven't either A) found a real-time partner to explore with, or  more likely B) aren't ok enough with themselves to explore it on their own, and therefore want it to be someone else's idea. It's easier to give up accountability of wanting something outside societal norms than acknowledgement within one's self.

So, as a general group, they've gotten themselves a bad rap.

Reform - I had to smile regarding your remarks about high heels hurting, putting on makeup, etc. The advantage I've found with having a girlie boy is that he likes being knowledgable in that kind of thing, so in the morning I just sit down at the dressing table and he does my hair (and coming soon - my makeup). I don't have to put energy into it, but I can still get the benefit. Unlike you though, I do like having him wear heels, if only for the satisfaction of watching his attitude change from excitement over new shoes, to pain and agony after wearing them for an hour. Silly boy...he'll figure it out one of these days!






_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:10:54 PM   
Reform


Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform
I have no interest in putting make up on someone else, or making their feet hurt (from heels).


But... but... it's so fun! I haven't done it, because the men I've been involved with have boat feet, but I can just imagine how much fun I would have sitting in a cushy chair ordering drinks, while he hobbles around like a wounded horse on two good legs trying to please me. But I never said I was nice... and I imagine I'd be laughing at the shoes just as much as his predicament.



Oh I agree on the predicament part, and I can totally understand why it's so appealing, I just can't bring myself to put my guy in heels. The masochist in me can't force the sadist in me to do to another what I would not do to myself... or at least generally avoid.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:14:17 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		@Elisabella - I have a shot of me in a nurses outfit when I went to a costume party.
It was that or Dr Who. Let me tell you, a few peope wanted to upskirt me or have a feel. It was a bit wierd - and I'm fairly open minded.

But yeah, A friend of mine mentioned that she would want to see me in a dress (I'm slender btw) and that sort of made me wonder.
Because i don't find it hot, I've never learned about it. I have no interest in it apart from as a mentality thing.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I have a small question... - 11/5/2009 8:18:32 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		By the way, for the record, I hate Do Me subs. That's why I'm flustered and lost for words whenever a domme asks me what I want.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 20
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