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RE: I have a small question... - 11/7/2009 7:36:07 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		To MistressKay
You've proved once again why I should stop trying to understand dominant women and just do whatever i'm told (if i am being told)
That's a whole angle I never thought of, but then I guess not knowing anything about either side of this coin, it's always a learning experience.

(in reply to TheMistressKay)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I have a small question... - 11/8/2009 9:13:37 AM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMistressKay

I thought I'd give my opinion on it, even though I feel oppositely. Hope no one minds?

Another plus for me that makes me love it more? I'm a plus-sized girl, so when I see nice clothes, they never go past an XL. With a small, crossdressing, size 1 slave, he really can be used as my Barbie doll. I dress him, and when he receives compliments, it's my own pride because it was my choice of clothing. If that makes any sense.



Wonderful perspective, thank you very much for sharing. I can relate to this in a way. Otter has the tall, lean shape that I will NEVER have. (I'm way too short and curvy, so even thinner, it would not be the same). I was so proud of how good he looked in the Halloween costume we made, because he did resemble the picture on the package much closer than I did. I love dressing him up for the same reason you mention, but I just hadn't thought about it in quite those terms until you shared.


_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to TheMistressKay)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I have a small question... - 11/8/2009 11:36:32 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		That's something I hadn't thought of ... I suppose that angle of it has potential - but I'm thinking I'd still rather have my males be masculine LOL

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I have a small question... - 11/8/2009 11:37:19 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMistressKay

With a small, crossdressing, size 1 slave, he really can be used as my Barbie doll. I dress him, and when he receives compliments, it's my own pride because it was my choice of clothing. If that makes any sense.



That explains everything. :]


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to TheMistressKay)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I have a small question... - 11/9/2009 9:48:26 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		My ex was a crossdresser. When I met him, he was only into women's shoes. I bought his first pair of stockings for him. It was fun, I enjoyed it at that point, and I also encouraged him into feminine lacy and silky panties too. I liked the look and the feel of them on him and he has gorgeous legs, though the face wasn't passable as femme.

However, I hadn't understood the monster I had unleashed. I'd realised he was a bit obsessive even about the shoes ... would change into heels in the car just for a 5-min drive to the shops! ... but I thought that would decrease once he was in a relationship where he was "allowed" to express himself freely (we were vanilla at that point, but his first wife hadn't known of his kink). Was I ever WRONG! It simply became even more of a compulsion and obsession, and just expanded and escalated to take in more items of clothing. It became totally about him and his fetish and not about me. And that didn't change in our 3rd attempt at the marriage where he became My submissive. Got worse if anything. It became obvious he wasn't submissive at all, at least not in My definition of one who yields their will to their Dominant. So the whole thing foundered.

How do I feel about CDs in the future? Well I admit, I am tending to avoid them as I don't want to get hooked into this again, I prefer not to repeat My mistakes. However, if I found one like otter ... that would be a totally different option. Submissive first, CD second ... that I could enjoy and appreciate. Trouble is, we don't have otters in Australia ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I have a small question... - 11/10/2009 8:15:59 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Miss Jay,

Thank you for your kind words.  I certainly do try to be balanced and put my submission first.  But I have to say that I struggle too.  It is not always easy when you find so much gratification in the "girlie" side of things - from how you feel internally to how people react to you.  This is why I believe so much in working for integration of the two sides in folk who do not intend to go all the way to SRS.

I once had a trans person give me this advice about exploring the female side - "You need to be careful.  If you don't temper it with some reality it can really consume you."

It was a really odd comment at the time, but it stuck in my head and I subsequently mentioned it to a counselor and we discussed that concept for two sessions!  There is a lot to think about there. 

My Lady and I had an interesting evening this past week where I was able to dress up in "guy mode" with suit slacks, a shiny very colorful button up shirt, and a black collarless tux jacket.  I looked pretty good if I do say so myself and I got several comments to the positive from ladies and it was really a nice evening!  I did not have anything girlie on and the overall experience was as positive as when I have dressed en'femme.

As males, we have a much more limited wardrobe...but with a little creative shopping, going out "guy" can be just as fun as going out girl.

I am sorry you had that experience and that it has cautioned you against girlie men.  Some get caught up in a fetish-loop (as it were), or have additional lessons to learn in order to integrate both sides in a way that leaves them in control of their female side, not the other way round.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

My ex was a crossdresser. When I met him, he was only into women's shoes. I bought his first pair of stockings for him. It was fun, I enjoyed it at that point, and I also encouraged him into feminine lacy and silky panties too. I liked the look and the feel of them on him and he has gorgeous legs, though the face wasn't passable as femme.

However, I hadn't understood the monster I had unleashed. I'd realised he was a bit obsessive even about the shoes ... would change into heels in the car just for a 5-min drive to the shops! ... but I thought that would decrease once he was in a relationship where he was "allowed" to express himself freely (we were vanilla at that point, but his first wife hadn't known of his kink). Was I ever WRONG! It simply became even more of a compulsion and obsession, and just expanded and escalated to take in more items of clothing. It became totally about him and his fetish and not about me. And that didn't change in our 3rd attempt at the marriage where he became My submissive. Got worse if anything. It became obvious he wasn't submissive at all, at least not in My definition of one who yields their will to their Dominant. So the whole thing foundered.

How do I feel about CDs in the future? Well I admit, I am tending to avoid them as I don't want to get hooked into this again, I prefer not to repeat My mistakes. However, if I found one like otter ... that would be a totally different option. Submissive first, CD second ... that I could enjoy and appreciate. Trouble is, we don't have otters in Australia ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I have a small question... - 11/10/2009 8:33:27 PM   
MissAnimus


Posts: 91
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
I have many gay and transvestite friends.  I am frequently impressed by the sheer artistry of a really good female impersonator to transform themselves into something completely different via garments, wigs and makeup. I've often said that I want to have a Drag Queen make over because some of those guys are wizards!  But I don't want any of them as subs.  They are friends.  Equals.  Period.  These are men who have such an amazing respect and passion for the female form that they go to unbelievable lengths to emulate it.  They do not want to BE women, they want to be a work of Art.  Many truely achieve that goal. 

However, as said before, to BE that walking piece of art is pure narcissism, wanting to be the center of attention.  All the time, efforts and preparation is focused on the man to become a woman.  I don't want to put that much effort into my sub!  That's not my job.  His job is to focus all of his efforts on ME!  For me, the mark of a good sub is to wait quietly in the background holding the spot light on ME, not the other way around.  I have no desire to be a 'fag hag' hanging out with gay men helping them look good while getting nothing out of it for myself other than the privilege to be hanging out with cool people.  Some of the 'do me' subs so often sound like that's what they are looking for.  They don't really want to submit, they just want a woman to spend all her time and attentions on them.... 'forcing' them to endure all that fussing over them. 
I couldn't have said this any better, this is my experience too.
.
quote:


As for the ones who do it 'for humiliation'...
This is what I have a problem with. I hate the idea of a man who has to pretend to be a woman in order to submit to me because he finds the idea of a man as himself really submitting to a woman so ridiculous. I don't have a problem with cross dressing (I've been known to dress like a man plenty of times). It's this particular mentality I find sooooo repugnant.


_____________________________

The Master does nothing, yet he leaves nothing undone.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I have a small question... - 11/10/2009 11:59:02 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah, what is so wrong with a guy submitting to a woman as a guy? I mean, I've never had any problems...

(in reply to MissAnimus)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 3:06:00 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*

While not being a Mistress, I will tell you that that cross dressing truly benefits only the cross dresser, so why would a Mistress desire it.
Your focus should be what she needs, not what you think you may want

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 3:27:19 AM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49
While not being a Mistress, I will tell you that that cross dressing truly benefits only the cross dresser, so why would a Mistress desire it.
Your focus should be what she needs, not what you think you may want


A Valid point. Except for the small fact that I'm not attracted to CD.
The whole reason I've brought up this post is because I'm curious about the Domme's reaction to this fetish - from an academic point of view. A wierd as hell reason for posting? Yes. But if it helps me understand something about how Dommes think - then it's worth the misunderstanding.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 7:23:05 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There are several reasons that crossdressing is not for me.. number one.. I dont want a man who looks better in a dress than I do.. I dont want to have to share mirror time... and who is going to open the door for whom?... now seriously... full on cross dressing not for me.. I find that most men look like men in a dress no matter how hard they try... and the visual incongrouity makes it difficult for me to focus on my top space.. however, that being said.. the idea of a man in panties has a level of vulnerability that I find intriguing on occassion... but only when I want it.. if it becomes the focus then it quickly losses interest for me...

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 7:55:37 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*

While not being a Mistress, I will tell you that that cross dressing truly benefits only the cross dresser, so why would a Mistress desire it.
Your focus should be what she needs, not what you think you may want


I disagree with this.  There are aspects of emotional availability to emotional vulnerability that many Ladies use and benefit from in a sub who crossdresses - not to mention the femme-oriented service that we can give that has been detailed out here. 

Look, I get that a feminine male submissive is not for everyone, but let's not turn this into yet another bash the crossdressers topics.  The OP has received input from dominant Ladies who are into it, and those that are not into it, yet seems only to acknowledge those that are negative on the subject.  I begin to wonder if the OP "doth protest too much"...




_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 8:12:53 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I was reasonably positive about cross-dressers, and he was reasonably approving. I had the strong impression from his posts that he has a bit of a love-hate relationship with the subject, that he wants to be feminised, but has some conflict about his desires. Hence all the focus on "forced femme." *shrugs* He wasn't nearly as wank-fodder-ish about it as some other posters have been on the same subject.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 8:28:25 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*

While not being a Mistress, I will tell you that that cross dressing truly benefits only the cross dresser, so why would a Mistress desire it.
Your focus should be what she needs, not what you think you may want


I disagree with this.  There are aspects of emotional availability to emotional vulnerability that many Ladies use and benefit from in a sub who crossdresses - not to mention the femme-oriented service that we can give that has been detailed out here. 

Look, I get that a feminine male submissive is not for everyone, but let's not turn this into yet another bash the crossdressers topics.  The OP has received input from dominant Ladies who are into it, and those that are not into it, yet seems only to acknowledge those that are negative on the subject.  I begin to wonder if the OP "doth protest too much"...





Got to disagree with you here, Otters, as I have in the past.  I don't think it is an idea of femme oriented service.  It's just plain service.  I don't consider clip coloring My hair or doing My pedicure any different because he does so from the perspective of being male.  I really see it as I do any other thing.  Just because I require him to do such things, and do them properly, doesn't have anything to do with gender, or the claim that he would do them better if he had a girlie side. 

Saying such isn't about bashing cross dressers.  Even if you take the kink out of it entirely, it still holds true.  There are plenty of fathers out there who have raised daughters who are just as accomplished at braiding hair, even if they have never done their own.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 9:28:50 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		No doubt you are right LadyP and I am being overly sensitive.  I do not doubt that male subs who have no draw to a feminine side can do these things just as well. 

Being a girlie boy in a relationship with a dominant Lady however, I can say that there is indeed a difference that both my Lady and I perceive, and it is not a negative.  Perhaps I should study it and work to quantify it - if it is indeed quantifiable. 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 1:21:48 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Okay I just found this and thought it appropriate and funny




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 1:31:25 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim


I disagree with this.  There are aspects of emotional availability to emotional vulnerability that many Ladies use and benefit from in a sub who crossdresses - not to mention the femme-oriented service that we can give that has been detailed out here. 



I'll be perfectly honest - we have a boy who crossdresses from time to time ... and he's fairly worthless for things like doing my hair and manicures/pedicures. I don't wear makeup, so I don't know about that. It's not a male/female thing - it's a matter of taking the time to learn the proper skills. Yeah, a female might be more likely to have those skills, but a male who has them is soooo much more attractive to me.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 2:28:01 PM   
aladdinsane


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Otter, I saw no need to bring up a point when there was none to be made.
I'm not anti or pro either way, so what am I protesting too much? By the way, I'm glad that there is a sub into this who is able to actually state their viewpoint clearly and respectfully. It's given me a bit of an understanding into a kink that I otherwise wouldn't have understood.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I have a small question... - 11/11/2009 5:28:08 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*


Jergens.

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I have a small question... - 11/13/2009 9:22:48 PM   
Ladynslave


Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aladdinsane

I'm posting here to ask about a trend I've noticed in Domme/Mistress profiles, that though not applicable to me has whetted my appetite for information.
i.e. that of a disparaging view towards effeminate boys/bois etc.

What I'd like to know (as a sub trying to understand the dominant female psyche) is what is it about crossdressing, feminisation, forced feminisation and that whole sector of kink that has elicited such a recurrent theme of "No Crossdressers"? I mean, as a sub, it doesn't appeal to me, but what is it that does or does not appeal to all of You?

*sits down quietly and waits patiently for replies*


I don't know why it's the new trend of no's.  Personally, I like seeing Slave dressed up as a woman.  Looks a bit funny as he is very masculine (think dark goatee among other things) but it symbolizes for us both that women are the goddesses that should be worshiped.  In our attempt to add a third, we are hoping to find someone that enjoys CD, forced or not.

Lady

(in reply to aladdinsane)
Profile   Post #: 60
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