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RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 8:18:25 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

LOL Celeste

One time, when I was visiting Mom.. I went to take a shower. While my eyes were closed I grabbed what I THOUGHT was shampoo...
it was a dildo...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 41

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:02:04 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

Have you been in a discussion where fetishes have been bought up? Have you ever stated openly what your fetish is to friends or family? Were you ever put down for these feelings? Do you care what others think?

Never had a discussion with non-BDSM friends (people I've met via c.com, b.com, a.com, etc) where this ever came up. Never every had a discussion with family about my -- or their -- sex life details. I do care what my friends think in general and knowing what they think about any thing won't necessarily stop me from doing my thing.

Do you really have conversations with your family about the particulars of your sex life? Hmm. The nitty gritty of *how* just never came up as a topic for us.

quote:

I manage a safety department of a transport company. They know I make adult films as a hobby and into kink. Another manager made the mistake of trying to embarrass Me over dinner, big mistake on his part! LOL. It has never occurred again.

That's....interesting. How do they know this? As DesFIP mentions, at my company, having everyone who works for me know (hypothetically speaking) that I "make adult films" would mean I have violated sexual harassment policy in a big way! Then again, at our company, we must take class after class on workplace-related topics such as ethics and laws, respecting individuals, etc.

quote:

I find nothing, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about in My sexual life preferences. As long as it's consenting adults, whats the issue? I have noticed others saying they're mortified if their family or friends or co-workers found out! why? We do nothing shameful, and btw, just who decides what's shameful??

I decide what's shameful -- or rude -- for me. Frankly, hearing someone go on and on about what they do sexually is *usually* pretty boring to me. Not always, I admit! Sometimes, it can be mind-boggling, amusing or intriguing, lol!

That said, I don't want to know anything about what my family gets up to for sex. My father once started a sentence with the phrase "My lover..." and, after I could get the pieces of my head back on after it exploded, I had to ask him to please never, ever use that word to me, lol! I could simply be a prude!

quote:

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?

For job and career-related reasons, I'm not desirous of being "seen" on the net by co-workers. I don't go to play parties. Interestingly enough, I actually don't have a problem going to some place like Paddles or an adult store at all.

And yeah, people should indeed mind their own business. Ironic that you asked that question, eh? Another good one would be, where does "my" business end and the other person's business begin? If they don't want to hear about my personal life, am I inflicting it on them and *making* my business their business when I tell it to them anyway!?!!?

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 42

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:32:59 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?

quote:

For job and career-related reasons, I'm not desirous of being "seen" on the net by co-workers. I don't go to play parties. Interestingly enough, I actually don't have a problem going to some place like Paddles or an adult store at all.

See on this right here, I just figure, if someone sees me on this site or at get togethers or adult stores, well, they're here too so they really don't have a whole lot of room to talk.

EDIT: bad formatting

< Message edited by BKSir -- 11/7/2009 9:33:35 AM >

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to honeygirl)

Post #: 43

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:46:27 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

what BK said...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 44

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:52:28 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

OP:

My kids know...my parents don't..my sister has guessed..my close friends know..
but as for details ..no..it spoils the energy I have with my partners if I tell details and also I feel it is disrespectful to them and to ears that may NOT want to hear.
If someone asks I tell things on a need to know basis.
When I taught school I was MORE discrete..no one needed to know I lived with 2-3 men

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 11/7/2009 9:54:17 AM >

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 45

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:52:42 AM

prpackaged

Posts: 65
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

My favorite story is about a young lady who enjoyed being tied. She did not participate with anyone and, thus, performed all by herself. She managed to string herself up in her garage only to be unable to escape. He father came home and found her strung up. He gently released her and managed to set her up with a friend who was into this format. She did not talk about it nor choose to tell others. I also do not choose to tell others. If someone is curious and brings the topic up, I will certainly share my feelings and interests but I will not go out of my way to share. Either no one knows or those who do do not share thier knowledge with me. Our sexuality/sensuality belongs with us. To share is to invite another to join in. Would anyone want to participate with thier parents?

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 46

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 9:58:02 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

I totally understand where you're coming from with this, BKSir.

Online though, someone could actually stumble upon what I wrote simply by doing a google search for an innocuous term or phrase that is not related to BDSM in any way. They don't have to be involved in kinky stuff at all.

They must be active participants in kinky stuff (to some extent or another) in going to a club or to an adult store.

Over the years, I have indeed seen several instances of people getting treated poorly at work for their sexual inclinations once they've been "found out" (or, once they've told someone who blabbed). Nowadays, with all the legislation in place, I think the more overt ridicule would not occur and it would all be done behind someone's back (which is exactly where decisions around compensation, promotion, new roles and responsibilities, etc are made!).

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?

quote:

For job and career-related reasons, I'm not desirous of being "seen" on the net by co-workers. I don't go to play parties. Interestingly enough, I actually don't have a problem going to some place like Paddles or an adult store at all.

See on this right here, I just figure, if someone sees me on this site or at get togethers or adult stores, well, they're here too so they really don't have a whole lot of room to talk.

EDIT: bad formatting

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 47

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 10:02:01 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

They must be active participants in kinky stuff (to some extent or another) in going to a club or to an adult store.

I disagree with this bit.

I know people who go in to adult stores simply for magazines/books/lube/gag gifts.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to honeygirl)

Post #: 48

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 10:03:09 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Ditto, especially after working in one. Lube, no problem, but even glance over toward the "toys" and they'd turn beet red. LOL I loved customers like that.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 49

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 10:12:48 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

Have you been in a discussion where fetishes have been bought up? Have you ever stated openly what your fetish is to friends or family? Were you ever put down for these feelings? Do you care what others think?

I manage a safety department of a transport company. They know I make adult films as a hobby and into kink. Another manager made the mistake of trying to embarrass Me over dinner, big mistake on his part! LOL. It has never occurred again.

I find nothing, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about in My sexual life preferences. As long as it's consenting adults, whats the issue? I have noticed others saying they're mortified if their family or friends or co-workers found out! why? We do nothing shameful, and btw, just who decides what's shameful??

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?

I agree. I'm not ashamed in the least about who I am or what I do. I've talked with family about it as well. We have not gone into detail about it but even my own mom knows and we talk often with reference to it. She's naturally submissive herself so when I talk about finding a woman that's submissive..she gets it. My brothers and sisters know my personality well so they weren't shocked in the least when they found out either.

All of my close friends know and I've even gone into more detail with them because they have asked.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 50

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 10:17:21 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

Good point! I stand corrected.

That said, I'm still OK with being in an adult store -- if worse comes to worst, I'm buying a gag gift, too

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

They must be active participants in kinky stuff (to some extent or another) in going to a club or to an adult store.

I disagree with this bit.

I know people who go in to adult stores simply for magazines/books/lube/gag gifts.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 51

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 11:24:29 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
See on this right here, I just figure, if someone sees me on this site or at get togethers or adult stores, well, they're here too so they really don't have a whole lot of room to talk.

At a munch or a play party or a smut store or any other in person venue that logic works alright. Here on CM not always so. I'm here but I'm not really here. No photo on my profile and you can put any state or country on your profile that you wish. I think it's great if people come in here and aren't concerned about such but the 'you're here, too' parallel may or may not apply.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 52

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 12:09:42 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Presumably, someone who is on this site shares an interest in kink. So if one of my family members, or co-workers, were to find me here... well, then there aint a hell of a lot for them to get twitchy about, is there? It's not like my real name is up here, so googling my name isnt gonna pull this site up...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 53

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/7/2009 2:25:39 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Family? My daughter and her friends have a good idea, and know to call before coming home because they Don't want to know more. I am very comfortable discussing sex in general and have given alot of general advice (such as about anal). Recently had a discussion with my daughter and her bf explaining that what was not allowed in the house when she was 15-16 is really none of my business now that they are over 18. Asked for the same respect in letting us know if they need additional privacy and introduced the SSC concept to them and left it at that.

His sister and most of our friends know we are "kinky" but sharing any type of details tends to make them blush and stammer...so we don't do that anymore. The rest of our acquiantances and family probably know we are "adventourous" but i am quite sure they have no idea how much. While neither of us is ashamed of what we do, we recognize that many are judgemental about what others do and prefer to not give them the chance. Add in the fact we are in a smallish area that tends to be about 20 years behind the rest of the world in social ideas....

Keeping the info vague leads to not really trying to hide anything, but respects the delicate sensitivity of others around us. I don't care if someone sees me go into an Adult Store. I don't feel the need to tell anyone what i was purchasing. As for being "outted" about some of the more extreme things we have explored... it could be used against us in our jobs, so discretion is preferred. It would be nice someday for everyone to be able to be honest about who they are and what they like, but only to that point that others care i guess...

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 54

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/8/2009 6:48:18 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I don't discuss my sex life with the general public or family members- its none of their business. I dont like the idea of having other people's sex life in my face so I keep my own to myself. There's a difference between being open and unashamed but tactful if the subject comes up or putting things on display or up for discussion in an aggressive manner.

I have 3 sons who are young adults (18 and over) - I actively hide anything to do with BDSM from them. This is why I don't post pictures of myself here. They are very protective of me and wouldn't understand and I have no desire to upset them. We are open about sex in general and we talk freely but they should not know of my preferences...there is no reason for it. If any of them asked me about it I'd have to be honest but I won't be the one bringing it up.

I do have 2 friends where the subject of sex in general comes up at times and I've stated my proclivities as a part of our discussions. I've told them bits and pieces, not everything. They are interested and a bit jealous of my sex life and they are certainly jealous of my relationship with my partner. Any reservations they have about D/s is countered by the fact that they think my guy is wonderful and that we have an enviable bond with each other. My exchanges with these friends have been enjoyable when we talk, I feel no shame or discomfort being open with them.

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 55

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/8/2009 7:16:39 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Parents do not have sex. Period. It just does not, nor has it EVER happened. I was delivered via stork. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

oh, so you never got the dubious JOY of walking in on them.

i blame mama, she told me "come tell me when you get home". so i did. and they were occupied with other matters.

i told my adult daughter this story...and she screeched and said "BRAIN BLEACH and WHY did you tell me this?????" i'm just spreading the joy.

kitten

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 56

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/8/2009 8:30:51 AM

afterforever

Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Parents do not have sex. Period. It just does not, nor has it EVER happened. I was delivered via stork. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

oh, so you never got the dubious JOY of walking in on them.

i blame mama, she told me "come tell me when you get home". so i did. and they were occupied with other matters.

i told my adult daughter this story...and she screeched and said "BRAIN BLEACH and WHY did you tell me this?????" i'm just spreading the joy.

kitten

I was adopted so I could have actually believed my parents never ever had sex, quite happily, for the rest of my life. But no, sex in the living room, 10 minutes after school gets out, WHY?!?

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 57

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/8/2009 11:08:06 AM

tropicalnoob

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell
Another manager made the mistake of trying to embarrass Me over dinner, big mistake on his part! LOL. It has never occurred again.

Total newbie here. would love to hear this story :)

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 58

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/8/2009 2:18:11 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell
Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store?

I use my real name on my blog and provide plenty of identifying information in various profiles for people to know that I'm me. Some of my family knows, others don't. That determination is made on the basis of who's likely to take it well. Honestly, I see no reason to send those I care about into a tizzy for no good reason. ALL of my friends know. Unlike family, friends are optional and if someone cannot deal with the real, authentic, me then I see no reason to call them a friend.

quote:

I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?

Personally, I wonder how, exactly, you plan on teaching the world anything. I certainly don't have the desire, patience, or skill to teach "the world" anything at all. I think I'll just live my life.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 59

RE: Do your friends and family know? - 11/10/2009 7:05:40 AM

blmtrsne

Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline

I tend to order around my husband/slave, so close friends raised an eyebrow now and then. Nobody "officially" know, but some have a very strong suspection. In some cases it's just practical not to say, in others there is no need to tell or to hide.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 60

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