RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears)

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[Poll]

Dacryphilia (arousal from tears)

I am aroused by tears in any circumstance.

17% (6)

I am not aroused by tears at all.

35% (12)

I am aroused by tears only in joy.

5% (2)

I am aroused by tears only in pain (emotional).

5% (2)

I am aroused by tears only in pain (physical).

17% (6)

I am unsure if this has any affect on me.

17% (6)

Total Votes : 34

(last vote on : 8/28/2008 7:17:31 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/2/2004 12:13:07 PM

Kooth

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

I don't agree, Maltor. If they are expressing it while you hold them, they are fixing it by feeling the grief and moving through it, rather than denying it or holding it back, or feeling unable to cope on their own. They could do it without you, but doing it on your shoulder isn't as lonely. Doesn't fix it, just makes it easier to bear. Does a crutch fix a broken leg, or does the cast help it heal with time?

If you stand by them, support them, they still are the ones moving through the problem, not you. My ex frequently felt more strongly about her lovers than they did about her. She would devote lots of time and attention to them, and they would make excuses and leave her hanging, only seeing her at their convenience or desire. I could have tried to fix that by interfering from the beginning, like some kind of father figure, screening her suitors for temperament, or chased them down when they treated her poorly and gotten them to step up or get out. Or I could have forbidden her to have other lovers if it was going to cause her so much distress.

But I did none of these things, and tried to let her learn on her own (with lots of advice and a sympathetic shoulder) that they weren't worth her effort, didn't deserve her, and if she was going to continue looking for new loves, should look elsewhere or be more discriminating or less giving. I suppose giving advice and supporting her through trouble could be considered fixing it, if by that you mean I gave her possible answers for her to use, and continued giving her love and attention when she wasn't getting it where she wanted it from.

But that's a connotation of 'fixing' I would not use myself.

(in reply to Maltor)

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Post #: 21

RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/2/2004 12:29:13 PM

Maltor

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I mentioned fixing emotionally... some thing cannot truely be fixxed by another but cannot be faced alone either. Support and sympathy, understanding and caring in those times may allow them to fix the issue which they could not have alone. Do you truely do the correction yourself? Nope, you sure don't... would it have been possible without you in that case? Also a no...

I see if you can provide a relief of emotional anguish even if it's minor, as fixing a portion of the problem... though that is not actually the problem, but often a result of it... it sometimes makes the problem able to be dealt with.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in what I meant, or perhaps I worded it badly... as you described I agree, as I described... that is how I see it....

you may disagree with what I said here, and if so... Great... I'd love to hear more of your take on things. I am not always as articulate as I wish to be, but if questioned I will attempt to express myself better...

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Post #: 22

RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/2/2004 1:31:08 PM

Kooth

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2004
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I'm glad for your responses, too, Maltor. I don't always think my own opinions through until someone has given me incentive and I'm trying to find the right/best words to describe them.

I try to be explicit about connotations I attach to words, too, because your 'fix' and my definition of fix are different, as is the meaning of slut for different people that is being discussed elsewhere.

If I'm providing support and that serves the same purpose as a bandaid, sure they get over or heal faster than without me. Or if, using my earlier analogy, the bone didn't heal right if they hadn't used a crutch but just walked on it while it was trying to set, then yes, I'm a fix. I was intentionally narrowing the meaning to a fix of the original problem, eliminating the cause of hurt, or by my hand changing the circumstances that led to the pain.

My ex would not have been able to go out and find additional lovers if not for my steady support, so in a way, I was part of the problem, too. I 'enabled' her to feel hurt by providing a secure home and relationship, and enabled her to get over it, too.

I'm probably emphasizing what she (and other ex's) told me she wanted: to be able to share her hurt without me feeling like I had to jump up and do something. I think that is a natural reaction for anyone who feels they are a provider or protector for someone else. Plus, I think it's also a gender role, men want to act, while women want to, uh, feel? Listen? What's the opposite of act, react? Don't hold me to that, though, I know it's not true everywhere, just a stereotype. Cliches and stereotypes do hold some water, just not as much as we think.

But I do agree from your POV. Looking forward to more discussions with you, too.

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Post #: 23

RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/2/2004 1:48:07 PM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

I don't get aroused by tears but hmmmm probably why i am the sub.

A Dom friend of mine (my Mentor/Teacher) likes to see me cry, He says i open up more of myself to Him. i go deeping into submission. He likes when i cry either emotional tears when W/we talk or pain tears when W/we play. I like it when He kisses them away ....

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~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

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Post #: 24

RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/4/2004 9:27:15 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

Depends on the situation really...can be an empathic situation or a lustful one, so it's not the most direct question. Bringing someone to a level of pleasure in which they cry is quite an erotic thing to me...someone emotionally distraught normally is not.

This pretty much echoes my sentiments on the subject.

I have to add that there is something particularly pleasurable about making a man cry (from pleasure or pleasurable pain) because I like to break down that old saying of "boys don't cry". Sometimes, all they need is a good cry.

- LA

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Post #: 25

RE: Dacryphilia (arousal from tears) - 9/4/2004 7:05:52 PM

asecreter

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/4/2004
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I fail to see why this can't simply be an 'object' thing as well.

What turns you on? Redheads? Big tits? Public erections?

The circumstances that make someone cry might be totally divorced from whether or not it's arousing. One might not take any pleasure in the circumstance at all, but find charm in the act itself.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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Post #: 26