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RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 6:18:56 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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Excuse me. You did NOT screw up. You carefully placed the clamps in a special bag and placed them in your backpack. Somewhere along the line something went wrong. It did not go wrong because you carelessly tossed the clamps any old place.

Do you think Dominants are not human? Do you think Dominants will not understand that "shit happens"? Do you think a Dominant has not had similar things happen to him? Do you think that Dominants are so uncaring that they would punish submissives for doing exactly what they were told to do?

(in reply to northernsiren)

Post #: 21

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:06:11 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren
Sir left His nipple clamps at my house,

I'm feeling whimsical tonight. This line reminded me of the movie "Singles" and my instant response was "you should scrub your toilet with them." Sorry. Not helpful.

(in reply to northernsiren)

Post #: 22

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:27:02 PM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

Thank you for the encouragement and the kind words. They were those Japanese style butterfly clamps, and yes, they were able to be bent back, with little harm done.

Redmagic1 Perhaps you are right, maybe unconsciously I was upset for missing out on the praise, I don't know. I am still pretty new at this, and I want desperately to please Him. He gives me little in the way of orders or corrections, saying I naturally anticipate His needs better than any sub He has had, experienced or otherwise, so, when faced with a task, I took it joyfully, and like most things I do, tried to go above and beyond the call of duty. I had no idea they would bend so easily, otherwise I would have worn them, which thusfar hasn't damaged them!

Part of it was that I was already "in trouble" too for shutting a closet door when I was not supposed to and forgot. And then this surfaced and, in a heightened state already it was overwhelming.

And I do think it was a learning experience. When it happened I recognized very immature thoughts going through my mind, "always" and "never" statements that, as a psych major, I try to avoid and call others out on. It puts things in perspective for me, I do not ALWAYS screw up, and I do often get things right (not never) and hearing those negative thoughts inwardly made me realize the reaction for what it was.

It also allowed me to trust in him a bit more, as He reacted not just to what transpired but my reaction to it. I am a very intense, emotional person, and being able to give these things to Him, without judgment or condemnation only acceptance and love, was very very gratifying for me. I am very lucky to have Him, of this I have no doubt....

(in reply to cpK69)

Post #: 23

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:28:15 PM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren
Sir left His nipple clamps at my house,

I'm feeling whimsical tonight. This line reminded me of the movie "Singles" and my instant response was "you should scrub your toilet with them." Sorry. Not helpful.

that's "bound" to get me in more trouble, LOL...

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 24

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:31:35 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Maybe I'm weird, but I happen to like the way the story happened.

I'm with you Nih.

To the OP: You're not alone. My little girl gets the same way when she thinks she has disappointed me. Things happen. No one is perfect. We all "screw up" from time to time. I think your Dominant handled it wisely. Two things I would add: First...Use it as a learning experience. Not only to be careful with things, but also to know that your Dominant will take care of you when you're in distress, just as he did here.
Second...If someone "screws up" it should be dealt with as soon as possible. But once the situation is dealt with...put it away. Dispose of it.
If my little girl messes up, she is dealt with accordingly. But once that's done, the issue is over. It doesn't get brought up by me again and she doesn't beat herself up over it anymore. So if it's over, put it away and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it.

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Post #: 25

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:40:08 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Excuse me. You did NOT screw up. You carefully placed the clamps in a special bag and placed them in your backpack. Somewhere along the line something went wrong. It did not go wrong because you carelessly tossed the clamps any old place.

Do you think Dominants are not human? Do you think Dominants will not understand that "shit happens"? Do you think a Dominant has not had similar things happen to him? Do you think that Dominants are so uncaring that they would punish submissives for doing exactly what they were told to do?

Did you happen to see what she (the OP) posted about 2 hours after you left this comment?

She said,...."Part of it was that I was already "in trouble" too for shutting a closet door when I was not supposed to and forgot. And then this surfaced and, in a heightened state already it was overwhelming. "

No wonder shes a mess...if i had to watch every little thing like closing a door i think i'd be a little stressed and WAY over react too.

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Post #: 26

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 8:40:36 PM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

Thank you Cuffkinks, He was quite good about that as well, did not bring it up, and was eager and happy to make me laugh after, and soon I felt a bit sheepish for being so dramatic about it, hence me posting here, hoping to learn some grace and dignity, which is more a priority for me than Him, at least at this juncture...

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 27

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 9:50:43 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren
I put them in a special fabric bag all their own, and then that bag in a backpack along with my other things and thought I was doing well to be attentive of them, and He would be proud.

A few hours later He asked me to retrieve them. I presented them to Him in the bag, thinking I would be praised for my care.

You set up a situation where you were expecting a "See what a good girl I am!" Instead of this, you could just take care of people's stuff because it's the right thing to do, whether they praise you for it or not. Suppose the clamps were still in good shape. If he hadn't said, "Good girl," would you have kicked him in the nuts and flushed the clamps down the toilet?

Maybe you were so crushed because you thought you were cut off from the praise you so desperately wanted. I don't think you did the whole bag thing to please him; rather, you did it to please yourself, because you thought he'd give you the praise you wanted. That said, I agree with NihilusZero that it's a lovely story. It sounds as though he handled things well.

That's a bit harsh isn't it? Of course she wanted to make a good impression and hear praise from him. Otherwise why would she (or anyone for that matter) do it? There are no truly selfless acts after all, yes?
She had the best of intentions and I doubt very highly that the lack of positive reinforcement would have garnered him a kick in the nuts!

In my humble opinion,

that was a major defining moment in their relationship. The Dom got to see that he truly had a girl who wanted nothing more in the world than to see him happy and it was obvious that she desperately needed the love and reassurance that he so unselfishly gave to her. He made her feel so safe.
Geez, if I didn't know better, the OP could easily be describing Michael!

So now she knows that she isn't getting kicked to the curb for making a mistake, any further emotional outbursts could point to her being a drama queen. But I hope that's not the case, because, like Nihilus said, it is a lovely story!

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(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 28

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 10:10:43 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

That's a bit harsh isn't it? Of course she wanted to make a good impression and hear praise from him. Otherwise why would she (or anyone for that matter) do it? There are no truly selfless acts after all, yes?
She had the best of intentions and I doubt very highly that the lack of positive reinforcement would have garnered him a kick in the nuts!

Well said, BSB! Thanks for saving me the typing.

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Post #: 29

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 10:11:58 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren

Last night was my very first screw up. Sir left His nipple clamps at my house, and asked me to bring them to Him a few days later. He cautioned me that they bend easily, and to be careful. I put them in a special fabric bag all their own, and then that bag in a backpack along with my other things and thought I was doing well to be attentive of them, and He would be proud.

A few hours later He asked me to retrieve them. I presented them to Him in the bag, thinking I would be praised for my care. He took them out, and one of them was bent. I never could have anticipated the way it made me feel. Awful, terrible, I cried and cried, to the point where He took me to bed and held me, talking to me sweetly and lovingly, right away knowing that any punishment He gave me could never make me feel worse than I already did. I am getting weepy just thinking about it! I just felt so bad having let Him down, and damaged His property. He forgives me, and asked how I would prevent it from happening next time, and I knew right away.

I know screw ups will happen despite my best efforts to be His good girl. I am hoping I can learn how to handle this with more grace than I did though. I am surprised by the intensity of my reaction myself. Do these things happen with your subs, and if so, do you try to encourage them to be less emotional about it? How? How would you handle this? I think everything He did was perfect, indeed, I beat myself up inwardly so much, I could barely stand it...

Many thanks for responses, they are deeply appreciated...

shit happens, then you wipe =/

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Post #: 30

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/10/2009 10:17:01 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

Did you happen to see what she (the OP) posted about 2 hours after you left this comment?

She said,...."Part of it was that I was already "in trouble" too for shutting a closet door when I was not supposed to and forgot. And then this surfaced and, in a heightened state already it was overwhelming. "

No wonder shes a mess...if i had to watch every little thing like closing a door i think i'd be a little stressed and WAY over react too.

Nope, just got back to look around before bed. I am so glad I do not feel the need to walk on eggshells in my relationship. I hate drama and prefer a calm easy life.

Of course, to each his or her own.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 31

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 2:38:56 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren

Last night was my very first screw up. Sir left His nipple clamps at my house, and asked me to bring them to Him a few days later. He cautioned me that they bend easily, and to be careful. I put them in a special fabric bag all their own, and then that bag in a backpack along with my other things and thought I was doing well to be attentive of them, and He would be proud.

A few hours later He asked me to retrieve them. I presented them to Him in the bag, thinking I would be praised for my care. He took them out, and one of them was bent. I never could have anticipated the way it made me feel. Awful, terrible, I cried and cried, to the point where He took me to bed and held me, talking to me sweetly and lovingly, right away knowing that any punishment He gave me could never make me feel worse than I already did. I am getting weepy just thinking about it! I just felt so bad having let Him down, and damaged His property. He forgives me, and asked how I would prevent it from happening next time, and I knew right away.

I know screw ups will happen despite my best efforts to be His good girl. I am hoping I can learn how to handle this with more grace than I did though. I am surprised by the intensity of my reaction myself. Do these things happen with your subs, and if so, do you try to encourage them to be less emotional about it? How? How would you handle this? I think everything He did was perfect, indeed, I beat myself up inwardly so much, I could barely stand it...

Many thanks for responses, they are deeply appreciated...

Accept the fact that you are human learn from your mistakes and move on

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(in reply to northernsiren)

Post #: 32

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 6:50:56 AM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

:) thank you for your response, it made me smile. I definitely do not want to be a drama queen, and will try to check those tendencies in myself before they become problematic. Luckily for me Sir is also a very intense person, and embraces my feelings graciously.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 33

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 6:59:20 AM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

Oh I should clarify about that. We have specific protocols and rituals around certain activities, and this fell into one of those contexts, it was not a casual moment. Also "in trouble" was in quotes, i.e. He was not genuinely angry with me, He was correcting me which He often does, which I need, and makes me feel the depth of His love for me. I think it was overwhelming though, having just had something small pointed out that I did wrong, and then having my first major screw up... I appreciate the concern though :)

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 34

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 8:11:34 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

A few hours later He asked me to retrieve them. I presented them to Him in the bag, thinking I would be praised for my care. He took them out, and one of them was bent. I never could have anticipated the way it made me feel. Awful, terrible, I cried and cried, to the point where He took me to bed and held me, talking to me sweetly and lovingly, right away knowing that any punishment He gave me could never make me feel worse than I already did.

My dear...you are your own worst enemy.

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Post #: 35

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 8:42:54 AM

northernsiren

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

My dear...you are your own worst enemy.

I actually said something to that effect in another post about standards and Masters. I am far more self critical than anyone else (with the exception of my mother perhaps!) has ever been of me. This is something Sir has mentioned working on, as He would never allow anyone to demean me or judge me, so too He will not allow me to do so...This may well be one of the hardest things for me to give up. Time will tell....

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Post #: 36

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 8:58:43 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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I beat my boys. Sometimes I let others beat my boys. I never let anyone beat up my boys, especially themselves.
Sounds like you have a good Dom and that he has a good slave. OP: You have said you're new to this. My advice? Relax just a little. 'Twas not a major screw-up except in your own head. As many have said, "Learn and go forth."

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Post #: 37

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:22:46 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

That's a bit harsh isn't it?

Not as harsh as being on eggshells for leaving a door open and bending clamps even though trying her best not to. Whether that pressure is coming from inside her, or from her dom, it's not healthy. Since her dom doesn't sound like a control freak, my guess is that it's coming from within her.

I agree that your comment was more gently phrased than mine, and I could follow your good example

. However, for her to have that much pressure and need inside of her is not fair to the dom. What happens the time he is tired or pissed because of something at work, and neglects to praise her, or snaps at her unnecessarily? Is she going to turn into a pool of jelly? I've dealt with this personally, and believe me, it's no fun, and there's a reason I'm dating a more emotionally secure woman now.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 11/11/2009 9:23:24 AM >

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Post #: 38

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:28:19 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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quote:

I beat my boys. Sometimes I let others beat my boys. I never let anyone beat up my boys, especially themselves

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I like this Lance.... ty

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Post #: 39

RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:28:49 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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That is my point exactly. If such a little thing makes a person beat up on themselves imagine what a bigger thing might do. Hell, if it is not fun why do it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
However, for her to have that much pressure and need inside of her is not fair to the dom. What happens the time he is tired or pissed because of something at work, and neglects to praise her, or snaps at her unnecessarily? Is she going to turn into a pool of jelly? I've dealt with this personally, and believe me, it's no fun, and there's a reason I'm dating a more emotionally secure woman now.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 40

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