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RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 4:33:16 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

My dear...you are your own worst enemy.



Sometimes people who are their own worst enemies are a master's or mistress's best and most prized possessions (not to mention friends).

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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:22:03 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		What, they were an heirloom set of clamps, passed down through generations of his family?
I once broke something belonging to S. I asked him where he had bought it, then I ordered and paid for a replacement. Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to northernsiren)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:33:34 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes people who are their own worst enemies are a master's or mistress's best and most prized possessions (not to mention friends).

WTH??


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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:33:50 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

What, they were an heirloom set of clamps, passed down through generations of his family?

*chortle*

<Antiques Roadshow Mode>

Expert: "Now here's a lovely item ... possibly late 18th century, maybe very early 19th ... note the detail work around the clamp tips here and here ... I'd say they're worth ... hmmmmmm, now let me see ... tree-fiddy."

Greedy Old Lady: "Tree-fiddy?"

Expert: "Maybe four, it's hard to know as prices vary so, but in the current buyer's market I'd say tree-fiddy".

Greedy Old Lady: "But maybe four?"

Expert: "Yes. Maybe four".

Greedy Old Lady: "Thousand?"

Expert "No. Dollars. Four dollars"

Greedy Old Lady: "Oh. Fuck".

Expert: "Indeed so"

Presenter: "And now, over to Peter, who has unearthed a simply charming Victorian spanking bench & chamberpot combo ... Peter, over to you ..."

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/11/2009 9:51:58 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I give you fitty tree rounds of applause for the laugh!
T'anks!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 5:20:32 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

That's a bit harsh isn't it? 

Not as harsh as being on eggshells for leaving a door open and bending clamps even though trying her best not to.  Whether that pressure is coming from inside her, or from her dom, it's not healthy.  Since her dom doesn't sound like a control freak, my guess is that it's coming from within her.

I agree that your comment was more gently phrased than mine, and I could follow your good example.  However, for her to have that much pressure and need inside of her is not fair to the dom.  What happens the time he is tired or pissed because of something at work, and neglects to praise her, or snaps at her unnecessarily?  Is she going to turn into a pool of jelly?  I've dealt with this personally, and believe me, it's no fun, and there's a reason I'm dating a more emotionally secure woman now.


I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?)
So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 7:03:19 AM   
northernsiren


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline
[/quote]

I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?)
So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away.
[/quote]

duly noted. As I said, I'm very very new to this, and was surprised myself at the vehemence of my reaction.  Thanks for the contributions, I'll try to keep myself and my posts a bit more in line.  

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 9:37:19 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren


quote:



I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?)
So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away.


duly noted. As I said, I'm very very new to this, and was surprised myself at the vehemence of my reaction.  Thanks for the contributions, I'll try to keep myself and my posts a bit more in line.  


That's not the point though.  It's not your posts that we were discussing.  It's the behavior.  I'm betting that you trust in your Dom enough not to beat yourself up anymore. 
That's His job now.  K?  :)

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to northernsiren)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 9:44:41 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		yes indeed, He's in charge of that, no doubt about it :) As He says, He loves me too much not to do this...

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 10:46:00 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren
I know screw ups will happen despite my best efforts to be His good girl.  I am hoping I can learn how to handle this with more grace than I did though.  I am surprised by the intensity of my reaction myself.  Do these things happen with your subs, and if so, do you try to encourage them to be less emotional about it?  How?  How would you handle this?  I think everything He did was perfect, indeed, I beat myself up inwardly so much, I could barely stand it...
To someextent Carol does this. I put the strong qualifier on it because if she routinely went off the deep end on guilt, she wouldn't be my wife. That sort of behavior is, at best, narcissistic. I try to remind Carol that it serves nobody if I cannot make corrections without it becoming somehow larger than life. You might remember that for yourself... by overblowing your own reactions, you only make your dominant's job that much more difficult. Since people seem to like car analogies.... I prefer Carol to behave like a well tuned sports car... accepting my control inputs and swooping through the hairpin turns with grace and agility. If she instead careened around every corner, crossing from one shoulder of the road to the other at every nudge of the wheel... well.. if I had had a car like that, I'd turn it in for a better one.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to northernsiren)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 5:39:14 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		likewise noted, that is the last thing I want. I am quite happy, and I wish to remain so.  Interesting to put it in the perspective of narcissism though, I hadn't thought about it in that way, and it's insightful. 

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/12/2009 8:18:36 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

Awful, terrible, I cried and cried, to the point where He took me to bed and held me, talking to me sweetly and lovingly, right away knowing that any punishment He gave me could never make me feel worse than I already did


And this is why punishment is good.  One solid whack or ten minutes in a corner and then the episode is over.

I was punished twice in my last relationship. One time, I had some lingering fear of him/the toy he had used on me for a few days, the other time I enjoyed it when I wasn't supposed to, and felt guilty over it for about a week. Both really messed with my headspace for playing the next couple of times. My Master has authority to punish me, but feels that non-corporal methods will be more effective for me. Also, some people still keep beating themselves up even after they are punished, even if their partner isn't still anbry with them.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: my first screw up :( - 11/14/2009 12:57:06 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		OP: Emotions are unavoidable. Please don't listen to those replies that have suggested you try to feel differently next time. Feel however you feel. Doing any different will be damaging to you!

When you do something you think will disappoint your master again, let yourself feel however it is that you feel. Express it to him. Give him the control over everything - let him see exactly how you feel, apologize, accept punishment. When he tells you that it's over, it's over. Don't beat yourself up - he'll do that if it's necessary. :)


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I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to cpK69)
Profile   Post #: 53
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