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RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:01:00 PM   
magdakitty3


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		No, I learned my lesson, its a different one. I decided to slow things down and not get involved right away like before. 

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:04:54 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

No, I learned my lesson, its a different one. I decided to slow things down and not get involved right away like before. 


Good idea on taking it slow. There are a lot of people out there for you to be potentially interested in and it does take time and effort to figure out who is the right one. I know that sounds so easy and it's kind of silly for me to tell you that but I wish I'd have taken my own advice when I started...I did some dumb things right off the bat that I regret now.

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:05:35 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		Well, there's two ways to look at the surprise thing.  My Sir never tells me what to expect.  Everything is a surprise, which helps builds the heat and need before we see one another.  It used to drive me batty, because I'd just wanna *know* but now I love it and find it helps me in letting to.  BUT we built up to this.  There's a tremendous amount of trust involved in walking into a room with someone and not knowing what their intentions are.  Yes, all first times are nerve-wracking and take a huge amount of courage to put yourself out there and take the risk, but there has to be some basis on which you do this.  There has to be some sort of relationship or feelings begun between you that leads you to feeling safe in his hands and safe in knowing that no matter what, he will do you no harm, emotionally or physically.  That helps you take the leap from not knowing what exactly he wants to do into trusting that whatever he does will be hot and good for both of you.  Then it builds from there. 

At least that's how it's worked for me. 

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:08:04 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

...I did some dumb things right off the bat that I regret now.


Oh...trust me, you're not the only one. 

OP...Just remember to use common sense.  If it doesn't feel right in your gut...it isn't.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:09:06 PM   
magdakitty3


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks..you are def,. right. The hardest part though is to get past that gut feeling.......

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:28:56 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

I don't care about being naked..it's more or else jumping into a situation that I am unsure of, and frustrated because he won;t tell me or give me details. 


Not saying you should or you shouldn't... however, I'd strongly advise thinking about what you want to do. If he puts you in situations you are unsure of before you are ready for him to do and trust him to do so when he isn't your dom, that sort of behavior will probably continue once he is.

This could be something that is very easy to smooth out between the both of you with some communication so keep talking to him and explaining how you feel.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 7:39:27 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Anne Rice said in Exit to Eden that BDSM is like a carnival ride- you want to be scared, but only when you know you are safe.

The inspection fantasy is erotic, only because it invariably ends with the Dom approving, and finding her beautiful and alluring.
I can't remember any erotic novel where the Dominant inspects the new naked girl, and says , "jeez, what a skank! put yer clothes on would ya?" In real life, it is usually a couple who already know how the erotic inspection will turn out- with wild screaming orgasms by all involved.

So the inspection on first date thing sounds exactly like lizi said- a sly gambit from a guy who could never see a naked girl any other way.

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 8:27:24 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I am not budging no matter how ready he is


Good for you. In the runup to a new relationship you communicate with each other, this one is just playing games. I am generally perfectly happy to discuss what, how, and discuss limits - the surprise is in the real time, the power exchange, the first touch. If he has a need for "surprise" this one isn't good at foreplay, to say the least.

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 8:35:56 PM   
northernsiren


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex


The inspection fantasy is erotic, only because it invariably ends with the Dom approving, and finding her beautiful and alluring....
In real life, it is usually a couple who already know how the erotic inspection will turn out- with wild screaming orgasms by all involved.




Yup, and I love it, I think it's completely hot every single time He inspects what's His, one of my bigger turn ons as a matter of fact...

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Inspection - 11/10/2009 8:45:18 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I am not budging no matter how ready he is


Good for you. In the runup to a new relationship you communicate with each other, this one is just playing games. I am generally perfectly happy to discuss what, how, and discuss limits - the surprise is in the real time, the power exchange, the first touch. If he has a need for "surprise" this one isn't good at foreplay, to say the least.




I agree, this is some kind of fucked up head game.

When a dom meets a sub for the first time, he wants her to feel comfortable, since his primary purpose in every single thing he does should be building trust.

This big "it's a secret" shit does not build trust.

Just my three cents.


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: inspection experiences - 11/10/2009 8:59:10 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Viewing ones orifices to ascertain the condition and any potential problems. Since the dominant is theoretically responsible for the upkeep of His property it would make sense for Him to discover what He will be maintaining. To loosely use the analogy of a car, it might run well and seem in good condition but you can't be certain until you look under the hood. Each dominant uses the procedure differently and there are a few that don't employ it at all until after a decision has been made.

Umm, if there *were* any problems, they probably wouldn't be visible with an external visual inspection. Getting STD tests is a good idea in any new relationship, regardless of D/s. When I was looking for a partner, anyone who wanted to inspect my orifices right away would have been summarily crossed off the list of potentials.

magdakitty, this is the 2nd Dominant in the past two days that you've apparently been *very* involved with. I'd suggest slowing down a bit. My Master does do the "inspection" thing, although he doesn't call it that, and sometimes he inspects my work after I complete a task for him.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: inspection experiences - 11/10/2009 9:24:10 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I totally agree with Andalusite here.  Inspection for potential problems?  LMAO.. so in the choice to take a domly path are we now expecting some medical training?  Gads.. that is almost as bad as assuming they are endowed with more wisdom than the average joe.
Inspecting is one of those foreplay things.  Get the sub naked and poke and prod at will.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Viewing ones orifices to ascertain the condition and any potential problems. Since the dominant is theoretically responsible for the upkeep of His property it would make sense for Him to discover what He will be maintaining. To loosely use the analogy of a car, it might run well and seem in good condition but you can't be certain until you look under the hood. Each dominant uses the procedure differently and there are a few that don't employ it at all until after a decision has been made.

Umm, if there *were* any problems, they probably wouldn't be visible with an external visual inspection. Getting STD tests is a good idea in any new relationship, regardless of D/s. When I was looking for a partner, anyone who wanted to inspect my orifices right away would have been summarily crossed off the list of potentials.

magdakitty, this is the 2nd Dominant in the past two days that you've apparently been *very* involved with. I'd suggest slowing down a bit. My Master does do the "inspection" thing, although he doesn't call it that, and sometimes he inspects my work after I complete a task for him.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: inspection experiences - 11/10/2009 9:43:14 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		I had a Dom Who would inspect me every time we met.  He would check my entire body head-to-toe, paying special attention to certain "parts" and their readiness, BUT He was already my Dom and we were in a relationship.  It was VERY hot and humbling, made me feel even more submissive.  If some new Dom said He wanted to inspect me without us being IN an agreed relationship, I'd tell Him "HELL NO!!"  I'd think that's just a gimmick to see a naked body and get the touchy-feely.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: inspection experiences - 11/10/2009 10:03:03 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Umm, if there *were* any problems, they probably wouldn't be visible with an external visual inspection. Getting STD tests is a good idea in any new relationship, regardless of D/s. When I was looking for a partner, anyone who wanted to inspect my orifices right away would have been summarily crossed off the list of potentials.


Andalusite,

My post did not explore the issue of STD's since that wasn't the crux of the op's question. Given the fact that the inspection would encompass her whole person and not isolated areas instead, I elected to keep my commentary broad. It is difficult to pinpoint what the party in question is looking for since I'm not in his head and at best we're merely guessing. I provided an opinion based on the subject of inspection, not her individual situation.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: inspection experiences - 11/10/2009 11:59:53 PM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I was led to believe that it is an encounter where the dom inspects the naked sub's body and decides if he wants to keep her or not (much like inspecting a car before you buy).
quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3
**then you were led astray. If having a stranger telling you to undress so he gets a chance to see you naked...does not make your alarmbells ring - wow. To undress for a vanilla guy before you really got to know him, would probably not even be a thought - so why should it be different with a socalled Dom? And to say this is to see if He wants to keep her or not? Let's tackle that scenario, then....you undress - he probes and touches and clearly gets turned on...and then "wants to take care of business"...after - He says...naaaah, sorry - not my type - and leaves....what then? 
On the other hand - if you have been talking to this Dom for some time  - and the trust is there. Maybe gotten to know each other through phonecalls, mails - and even rt casual meetings - then i might have accepted such an inspection, and i did. Had a Master half across the world, and when we finally got to meet rt - (after 3 years of intense corresponding, talks etc....and yes, i am patient) - i was inspected and also rt collared/pierced. We stayed together for 7 years - before we agreed on ending it due to only one week a year of rt - the rest was phonecalls, letters and mails..s..

What is your definition of an inspection? Have you had one before and what was it like?
*Well - i guess all inspections might be done differently. Mine was to kneel on the floor and wait for Him to enter the room. Then i was told to lower my head to the floor and lift my tush up. He touched me lightly - complimented me for doing as i was told, dressing as requested etc...i was kept on my knees - the following is private - laughs...but after it was all over - i received my rt collar and the next day i was taken to be given His mark in the form of a piercing. And yes, i was allowed to decide yes or not on the piercing, since it IS permanent in a way. And remember - even though this WAS the first rt meeting - i had known Him for 3 years through mails etc...

What could I expect?

Depends entirely on the Dom - and you. Remember that this is not all about Him - but what you are comfortable with as well.

Is it a trial period with a new dom?

No.



_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to magdakitty3)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: inspection experiences - 11/11/2009 12:05:14 AM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Viewing ones orifices to ascertain the condition and any potential problems. Since the dominant is theoretically responsible for the upkeep of His property it would make sense for Him to discover what He will be maintaining.
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

~porcelaine



you lost me...how can a man possibly find out potential problems by probing a sub's private places????? This is nonsense - and sounds more like an excuse to get a woman naked for his own pleasure...and in a sneaky way - hiding behind a - using the term loosely - dom mask.


_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: inspection experiences - 11/11/2009 2:30:44 AM   
magdakitty3


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for your response.

(in reply to badlilthang)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: inspection experiences - 11/11/2009 3:31:21 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

When I heard the word inspection in context to a d/s relationship I was led to believe that it is an encounter where the dom inspects the naked sub's body and decides if he wants to keep her or not (much like inspecting a car before you buy).What is your definition of an inspection? Have you had one before and what was it like? What could I expect?
Is it a trial period with a new dom?



It's a dom using the role of "dom" in order to feel up and finger a naked chick.


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: inspection experiences - 11/11/2009 6:04:25 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		It's a form of objectification play, i.e., treating your body as a simple, physical object, and so yes, if you aren't ready to be objectified as a simple, physical object, then I'd make that clear.

It can be strictly a exhibitionist/voyeur thing, but more often it's a prelude to more intimate things, and definitely a hands on thing.

There has been some talk of looking for signs of STD's, and that is an issue, subs lie too, but it works both ways, the dom should definitely wash his/her hands, and if you're into medical play, latex or vinyl gloves can be a big turn on.

In fact, it can lead to some pretty intense non-coital safe sex, if that is a concern, or even as a tease, i.e., it has certain exhibitionist appeal, or even a form of body worship, and/or denial, with the added layer of distancing/objectification for both partners, via avoidance of skin to skin contact/body fluid exchange.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: inspection experiences - 11/11/2009 7:20:23 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		porcelaine, if you weren't referring to STD's, I don't know what "problems" with her orifices he would be checking for? Most STDs don't result in visual symptoms, for that matter, especially the more serious ones.

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 40
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