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For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 12:09:35 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		A few questions for the novices who have made plans to meet someone they met online, but cancelled last minute or otherwise backed out -

What caused you to decide to cancel meeting?

How many times have you done this?

How many times do you feel you will consider meeting someone then back out before you give up on the concept of following through real time?

I ask this because as seen on the forums, no shows and last minute cancellations are common. It's common among those I know online, and it's common among those I know real time - so much so that it's almost a surprise when someone you made plans to meet actually DOES show up when they say they will.

So I'd like to hear from those that actually do bail last minute as to why they do it.

Anyone?

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/11/2006 12:16:05 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 12:19:08 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I've bailed 1 time. But with notice.. not just a no show.
There was something that was said in a final IM from him. Something that made my alarm bells ring. So I left a message that I wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it.

Now this person didn't check his e-mail and or IMs before heading out. Drove an hour to meet me, and of course when i didn't show.... Lord the names he called me. I then found out 3 weeks later... he was arrested for battery. He met another, and forced himself on her, when she declined... well no need to go further. So i'm glad I bailed when I did. And sorry her warning bells failed her.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 12:31:04 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To date this novice has never "chickened" out of a prearranged meeting.So far no fit in my opinion..however hope springs eternal...Tempting

(in reply to truesub4u)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:10:14 PM   
ppaddleman


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		I've noticed two or three types

1/ cybers who are simply more comfortable keeping it cyber.
2/ Those who think they know one another enough to meet but then one party realises that they dont (this is the case of the battering posted above) This occurrs with vanillias too.
3/ Those who cyber on long enough to realy get ot know one another properley and have no doubts.

Since a dom sub relationship requires considerable trust I dont blame anybody who wants to take their time.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:13:45 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i am a novice... i have yet to 'chicken' out on a meeting; however, it might take me a while to get to that point where i'm comfortable enough to go the next step. i (and i speak for myself only) will not travel a great distance to meet Aanyone.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ppaddleman)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:16:48 PM   
ppaddleman


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Never "chickened out" or never arranged to meet somebody you've only met in here.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:20:52 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i'm not sure if that was directed to me or not (it said reply to angelic, but i've done that sort of thing by mistake and was actually responding to Ssomeone/something else)... if it is to me...

i have yet to arrange to meet Aanyone from here.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ppaddleman)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:26:04 PM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I don't arrange face to face meetings, make it clear up front, that because of my real time relationship, I'm only looking for cyber. Less fun for me, but just won't blow twelve years away.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 2:36:30 PM   
ppaddleman


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Good idea too slave lady.

I've chatted to several subs with vanillia husbands, or husbands who are so vanillia that they wont take them far enough to be satisfying.
. And they have wrecked thier marriages if they have visited doms. It just isn't worth it.

The only exceptions have been a few dom visits, to trusted doms, that the husbnds have known about. the most successful one I've spoken to is a sub who is tied up by her husband once a month or so and left while her husband departs the house.
The dom has a spare key and he enters the house , kidnaps the lady, ravisneds her for the evening or weekend, and returns her to her vanilla husband kids, home and lifestyle.

(in reply to slaveladyj)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 3:04:00 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		When I feel comfortable enough and I want to meet some one I will. I never agree unless I am totaly sure. I keep my word

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 6:59:27 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Lady Neets and I have had a few people chicken out, one even called us on his mobile phone whilst we were waiting and appologised for the no show...

We figured that it may be too heavy for both Neets and I to be at the first meeting so now we decided to leave me wander the shops or walk Sasha untill I got a call on my Mobile at which time I could join the coffee session.....

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/11/2006 7:00:27 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 7:10:05 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Master made absolute sure i was ready to meet prior to allowing it. We met 2 months into the relationship. A few days prior i got upset about something and started doubting. He spent a long time talking it through with me and helping me sort out my feelings so that i would be able to meet, and to serve willingly and with a free mind.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 7:20:13 PM   
Angeni


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have had to cancel twice. Once because of a family emergency, and the second time because of an oversight with work. Both times though I was able to call and let him know ahead of time that I would be unable to make it.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 7:46:33 PM   
tsk1964


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/21/2004
Status: offline 		i find it interesting that to this point no one that has been guilty of chickening out has had the guts to respond to the question. Perhaps they are no shows in this thread too. lol

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 8:04:15 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have never chickened out. (though, only have met a few people on here thus far).

I have had one or two chicken out on me, and these were more vanilla type-friendship-lets-get-to-know-each-other type things.

*sigh*

who knows.

At least with the no shows, thye had the courtesy to cancel BEFOREhand.

fergus

(in reply to tsk1964)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/11/2006 9:13:46 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

i find it interesting that to this point no one that has been guilty of chickening out has had the guts to respond to the question. Perhaps they are no shows in this thread too. lol



It was somewhat of a rhetorical post, to be sure. However, I know there are a couple chronic no-show-ers on CM, because I've spoken to a few and they've admitted it. It would have been interesting to hear from those who have gone through meeting online-making arrangements-either doing a no-show or just disappearing to hear about some of the reasons it keeps happening to them.

I will share one story from several years ago about one who I was supposed to meet. About two weeks prior to meeting he spoke to me about a fantasy of his to be used by another male at my direction. I responded that it was something that I was interested in, but felt that it wasn't something to be done casually - we would have to be in a stable relationship and discuss it big time before any such thing happened. He must have pondered that for a while, and decided not to meet (I found out later) on the grounds that he wasn't sure that he could go through being with another man, therefor it was best to just not meet and start a relationship that might somehow lead to that.

Talk about putting the cart before the horse.

The interesting thing is that I've met alot of my Domme friends through the internet and never once has it been anything but an enjoyable experience that was followed through. I also spent about two years "vanilla dating" in my very early 20's, and more recently in the past year or so, by meeting people online, and again, never had a no show.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/11/2006 9:18:07 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to tsk1964)
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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 12:53:25 AM   
MistressLucyK


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

I've met a lot of people from online for vanilla and BDSM and don't remember any that I have 'chickened out' on. There's been times when the parties have had to change a time/place. And I've only ever had one 'chicken out on me'

Had me thinking on this one as there's large numbers involved. I've flown to met someone and they have flown to met me.

I have talked on phone/chat a while before meeting but no more that 3 weeks

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 4:10:58 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well these posts are certainly unusual. I personally have had many no shows where I driven from 1 hour to 4 hours and these people no call and no show. It is so common in my small circle of Doms a few years ago we started exchanging screen names and emails of no shows so others wouldn't waste thier time. Unfortunately there are alot of game players or novices that just say what they think the DOM wants to hear then realize theres no way they're ready. I agree with the OP, this is way too common.

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 4:59:06 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Ive never chickened out but people should meet in public spots that are quiet lol. Like a pub with some private seats, a coffee shop or even a busy arcade(place where lots off shops are and more importantly people).


Only fools meet at hotels or people place's. Im male and I can take care off myself but even I meet in very public spots as I dont know if that one person could be a pyscotic. I know at times you cant tell untill in private but id prefer to meet in public and meet in private a few days later.






(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 5:46:59 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I agree with the meeting in a safe place. We usually opt for an outside coffee place of cafe' for the simple reason, we can take Sasha and as part of our household, anybody who may be visiting regularly etc will need to pass the Malamute Test... The only exception to meeting at a public place is when a close friend who ius an experienced Domme asks if she can bring some one who wants to meet us over or we track on over to her place. Subsequent meets can be set up to work the same way or a convient cafe'.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 20
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