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Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 4:57:56 AM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
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 I've noticed something in the couple of days I've been here.

I'll be perusing profiles, come across one that I've seen before and see a journal entry or profile edit about people insulting them. It's not only here that I've seen it happen and it's somewhat frustrating. (I put people because even though I generally mean guys since I'm looking for women I've seen mentions of some rude Dommes as well)

My main question is: Do you think some people don't like to respond back (especially when they're not interested) because they're so jaded they might get insulted or tore into?

I ask because it's frustrating since I like to get responses when I message somebody. Even if they're not interested. I'm man enough to know that just because I don't fit their needs that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. And it pisses me off when somebody else is ruining my search for somebody because they don't know how to pry their head out of their ass. Hell, I even wrote a journal entry on this just before coming here. Not sure if anybody'll read it but if it gets one person to act less dumb I'll be pleased.

I always try and craft a unique message to anybody I would like to talk to and, I have to admit in a moment of weakness, there's times when I feel like it's wasted when I don't hear anything back. But, then, I just buck up and move on. Dwelling on the 'what could have been' won't bring on the future.

I'm curious as the the insight of others regarding this. I've never gotten a rude message during dating (Except for the other day but that was through phone text and involved a vanilla date. Long short story. ) so I'm wondering if my thoughts on this might prove right.


< Message edited by JBGolden -- 11/17/2009 5:01:23 AM >
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:02:30 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
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JB,

That's about the size of it.

Ron

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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:07:58 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
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Women get lots of men contacting them.  I've read some journal entries saying that they got several pages of cmails after joining.  And a lot of them are "U r cute.  Wanna fuck?"

If you take the time to craft an individual letter, your chances go up but I still have something like a 5%-10% response rate to unsolicited contacts.

I'm going to just try vanilla dating and see if I can pervert vanillas now.  I figure my odds are better.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:08:56 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden

My main question is: Do you think some people don't like to respond back (especially when they're not interested) because they're so jaded they might get insulted or tore into?

I ask because it's frustrating since I like to get responses when I message somebody. Even if they're not interested. I'm man enough to know that just because I don't fit their needs that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. And it pisses me off when somebody else is ruining my search for somebody because they don't know how to pry their head out of their ass.



The main reason a person doesn't respond to your message is because they're not interested in communicating with you. That's all the information you need. Yes, it would be nice if people would respond with a simple "No, thank you." But you're not entitled to that. And yes, many women don't respond with explicit rejections because many men don't take rejection well. But I doubt that is affecting your positive response rate. I'd suggest not focusing on the style points of rejection.

(in reply to JBGolden)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:13:43 AM   
JBGolden


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Joined: 11/13/2009
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Oh, believe me, I know I'm not entitled to it.

Like I said I just buck up and move on. Dwelling won't do me any good.

I'm more interested in getting guys (and other people) to stop doing this since it just ruins things for everybody.

(in reply to Lucienne)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:15:32 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
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jesh.. I know *I'd* at least respond if you messaged me. I always do when I like the photo.

(in reply to JBGolden)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:33:26 AM   
Lucienne


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden

I'm more interested in getting guys (and other people) to stop doing this since it just ruins things for everybody.



It would be nice if people were more courteous in general, but I don't think this is a teachable moment. It's my responsibility as an individual to not let rude people ruin things for me. I actually had an exchange yesterday with a man who sent me a generic message that rudely, in my opinion, demanded a response even if I wasn't interested. I politely responded that I didn't think he'd extended sufficient courtesy to expect courtesy in return. I suggested that he simply include the word "please" in his request for a response. He responded with some strange shit about fishing lines and how if only I'd read his journals I would understand. (A funny thing to say, given he didn't even view my full profile at any point during this exchange). I told him I was just trying to help him increase his response rate, by changing his demand to a polite request. He responded with insults. Meh. The guy's a dolt. I appealed to his self-interest and got nowhere. I don't think appeals to the general welfare work on those types.

(in reply to JBGolden)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:46:28 AM   
JBGolden


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Joined: 11/13/2009
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You're probably right. But, what can I say, I'm an optimist.

I feel like if I can get at least one person to step back and think about what they're doing then I've made the world a tiny bit more pleasant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Women get lots of men contacting them.  I've read some journal entries saying that they got several pages of cmails after joining.  And a lot of them are "U r cute.  Wanna fuck?"

If you take the time to craft an individual letter, your chances go up but I still have something like a 5%-10% response rate to unsolicited contacts.

I'm going to just try vanilla dating and see if I can pervert vanillas now.  I figure my odds are better.



Well 5-10% is still better than zero!

But, yeah, I've come to realize internet dating is an uphill battle with many precarious and spiky crags to climb. Still gonna give it my best shot, though!


< Message edited by JBGolden -- 11/17/2009 5:50:59 AM >

(in reply to Lucienne)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:55:41 AM   
MsStarlett


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I believe we all get frustrated sometimes and lash out or ignore the poor soul who just happens to have the bad timing to send a message on a bad day.  Don't think to much of it.  If it's someone you are really interested in, TRY AGAIN.

As mentioned before, most men seem to complain about women who either do not respond at all or who are rude.  Most women complain about men who bombard them with sexually explicit messages.  This doesn't seem to matter if you are Dom or sub, it seems to be across the board a male/female problem. 

Let me give you guys a little hint.... Most  women on the internet - not just this site, but pretty much all 'Adult' venues - get slammed with messages that boil down to "I'm horney.  Let's fuck.  I need a free whore in my life.  You've got the parts I want so Tag! you're it."  This can be said crudely or politely, but either way, it's all rather insulting.  While a man tends to want all the sex he can get from anyone willing to put out, women want and NEED a connection to the human being first, then, IF they like you and feel that connection, the sex will follow.  (Note that I said TENDS to be that way - not all cases! - but the majority holds true on the 'dating scene'.) 

Think of it this way.... In a bar, there are lots of  men and women sitting around.  Each is lonely and looking for a partner.  People can SEE each other circling around.  All the men hit on the most physically attractive women first.  Each uses his best line.  The pretty women feel like brainless meat because none of these guys even wants to know her name, much less anything else about her wants, desires, needs, likes or dislikes.  They don't want to waste time on polite converstion, they just want to skip over all that stuff for sex, because HEY!  You're sitting in a bar!  You don't want a relationship, just sex.  Right?  That's all *I* am here for, so you must feel the same way.

When the  man gets regected, everyone sees him move on to the next woman and try again.  It's bloody obviouse that the guy only want to get laid by the prettiest woman he can get and doesn't give a damn about the 'person' inside the body.  By the time he gets around to the less attractive woman, he's down to "I think your hot.  Let's do it."  She feels like dirt and tells him to piss off.  She gets called a bitch.  This happens over and over and over again. 

Finally, a sincere guy sees a woman who has a book by an author he enjoys.  He tries to say something about the book.  She is still feeling used and insulted because SO MANY jackasses have approached her with bad pick up lines.  She thinks THIS guy is just working another angle to get a free piece of ass and tells him to piss off or ignores him.  He slinks off into the darkness because he has been rejected.  She thinks "See?  I knew you didn't really want to talk to me.  You just wanted sex.  You don't give a damn about ME either."  She becomes more and more jaded in her responces.

Guys.  If you ACTUALLY LIKE a woman, then TALK TO HER!  Keep talking to her.  Let her know that you are actually interested in some part of her life, not just her physical appearance, and that you are intelligent enough to carry on a normal conversation. 

If you don't want to be treated like a dick with ears, then stop ACTING like one.  Act like a man, or at least a human being.  Act like a friend.  Act like an internet 'dating' forum is just like real life dating because it is.  Don't think that you can skip over the 'getting to know you' part.  If there was a woman that you liked in real life who didn't give you the time of day the first time you spoke, did you stop speaking to her?  Did you stop smiling and waving when you passed?  Did you stop trying to get noticed?  If that didn't work for you in life, why do you think it would work on the net???

Everytime a sincere man STOPs talking to a woman on the net because he didn't get the responce he wanted the first time, it just reinforces the concept that 'all men are dogs who only want one thing'. 


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 5:56:37 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden

 I've noticed something in the couple of days I've been here.

I'll be perusing profiles, come across one that I've seen before and see a journal entry or profile edit about people insulting them. It's not only here that I've seen it happen and it's somewhat frustrating. (I put people because even though I generally mean guys since I'm looking for women I've seen mentions of some rude Dommes as well)

My main question is: Do you think some people don't like to respond back (especially when they're not interested) because they're so jaded they might get insulted or tore into?

I ask because it's frustrating since I like to get responses when I message somebody. Even if they're not interested. I'm man enough to know that just because I don't fit their needs that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. And it pisses me off when somebody else is ruining my search for somebody because they don't know how to pry their head out of their ass. Hell, I even wrote a journal entry on this just before coming here. Not sure if anybody'll read it but if it gets one person to act less dumb I'll be pleased.

I always try and craft a unique message to anybody I would like to talk to and, I have to admit in a moment of weakness, there's times when I feel like it's wasted when I don't hear anything back. But, then, I just buck up and move on. Dwelling on the 'what could have been' won't bring on the future.

I'm curious as the the insight of others regarding this. I've never gotten a rude message during dating (Except for the other day but that was through phone text and involved a vanilla date. Long short story. ) so I'm wondering if my thoughts on this might prove right.


" I have a highly active libido and a wide open imagination" is the first thing you really want to say to a woman? Many will look at the profile before ever looking at the email. If I were you, I'd work on your profile before you waste time sending out letters that will likely never be looked at.


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to JBGolden)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:06:00 AM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
I think it's your hair...
 
Seriously man, don't worry. You are on the internet- it is a big house, there is a party going on, there are rude people, cute people, ugly people,cool people, evil people and fake people. Plus a billion lost souls looking for something. Figure out who is cool to you and connect. You can't sweat the rude and evil - they have something to hide behind - a computer screen, which gives them artificial bravery. Fighting that is fighting the ocean.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:12:31 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

I think it's your hair...

Seriously man, don't worry. You are on the internet- it is a big house, there is a party going on, there are rude people, cute people, ugly people,cool people, evil people and fake people. Plus a billion lost souls looking for something. Figure out who is cool to you and connect. You can't sweat the rude and evil - they have something to hide behind - a computer screen, which gives them artificial bravery. Fighting that is fighting the ocean.


Wise words. Ones that all should take.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to EbonyWood)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:13:41 AM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
Your words do make sense, MsStarlett, and I do employ them to an extent.

The only thing is when you're not even responded to: Would it still work in this instance or would you just be seen as a pest? That's part of my conundrum.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49
" I have a highly active libido and a wide open imagination" is the first thing you really want to say to a woman? Many will look at the profile before ever looking at the email. If I were you, I'd work on your profile before you waste time sending out letters that will likely never be looked at.



Well, it's obviously not the first thing I say, especially when I message somebody, nor is it all I wrote. I've even been complimented on my profile a number of times. But I've never been one to shun advice. What do you think I need to work on?

(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:20:58 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden


My main question is: Do you think some people don't like to respond back (especially when they're not interested) because they're so jaded they might get insulted or tore into?



OP:
hi there
If someone is jaded how can responding TO not being interested result in being torn into??
OR DO YOU MEAN SOME ARE SO1) JADED ,.......
2)might get insulted......., or 3)torn into??
3 things...??
 
ok I think some are overwhelmed with mail...I am an old chick and get still..20 messages a day or more..
 
I have it clear in my PROFILE what to respond about and HOW and then I DO NOT ANSWER unless I see that..
It has made for good SPEED WEEDING
 
WHEN I was first on...I answered all and what occured was those who just wanted to talk talk talk..jerk off and talk..
try to get phone #'s...try to get ME to fit their criteria ..ask what I would do to them etc and I just do not have time for petty assed bullshit.
 
I am thinking if it is  YOUNG sub females you seek then they may be getting a lot of mail...and know exactly what they seek..
Your profile clearly state  HIGH LIBIDO so sex figures highly on your list...
 
and if they so not think that is THEIR priority or desire then YOU DO NOT MATCH.
RATHER than  answer to you I AM NOT INTERESTED
they simply do not START ANY COMMUNICATION
Not interested rarely is the last message.
.Few can leave it at that and want jsutification and reasons...and no one OWES them any.
 
Believe me this is easier...
Men will say anything to get laid...or persuade..and any one who is serious on here does not have time for that crap..
 
I am NOT SAYING you  are doing this..I am saying WHY women may not be answering even if not interested.
 
best of luck....
 
GM

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** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to JBGolden)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:23:47 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
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rude people..get over it..move on..yessir


< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 11/17/2009 6:24:16 AM >


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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:33:39 AM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
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Well, reading the entire profile is the first thing I do. Because if I see likes and dislikes and see that I don't fit or won't be what they're interested then I don't bother them.

What else you said though... that's disconcerting.

Damn.

I didn't think that'd be taken that way and thought the rest of my profile would point out to what I was looking for.
But if you took it that way then others can too.

Guess I have some rewriting to do.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:39:23 AM   
Eigenaar


Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Women get lots of men contacting them.  I've read some journal entries saying that they got several pages of cmails after joining.  And a lot of them are "U r cute.  Wanna fuck?"

If you take the time to craft an individual letter, your chances go up but I still have something like a 5%-10% response rate to unsolicited contacts.

I'm going to just try vanilla dating and see if I can pervert vanillas now.  I figure my odds are better.

  I did not notice differences in rudeness on vanilla sites compared to ones on bdsm. Even when there is a response they usually lack head and tail. Concerning the claims women get hundreds of messages a day I can say that several subs/slaves gave me access to their account in the recent past and I never saw these hundreds of messages a day. Besides this, why would one not reply to serious sollicitors because those who are not serious ask if one wants to fuck or has milk? This site harvests ''slaves'' with extremely long toes.

< Message edited by Eigenaar -- 11/17/2009 6:41:03 AM >

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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:39:55 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
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quote:


I'm going to just try vanilla dating and see if I can pervert vanillas now.  I figure my odds are better.


Somebody gave Steven some good advice right there!

JB Golden,
Your experience is fairly common, I think.  I usually just write something short to someone if it's a first contact - something about their journal / profile / pix... That way I don't put a whole lot into it, and yet I still express myself.  If they respond, then we can begin talking more in depth.  If they don't respond, I've lost little time and energy. 

Generally, I chat up with the people on the boards or in the chat rooms (not so much anymore but used to go to the rooms a bit). Many of us have become good friends, visit each other, exchange holiday cards, etc.  And a few have hooked it up!

Good luck, you're a dear... (and swoony)

sunshine, wise woman


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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:49:22 AM   
impishlilhellcat


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I personally think that this is just another concept of dating. It's harder to be a dick in person when someone is facing you, but as someone else said this is the internet. On the internet you can be anything you want to be. There's many reasons as to why you just aren't getting a response and I'm willing to wager a lot of them have nothing to do with you personally. I'm guessing that your aiming for a young female submissive and so are a lot of other men and trust me on this you can get enough detestable emails in one day to even pass on the decent or good ones because you are either overwhelmed or annoyed. Chances are you are going to face a lot more rejection online than in person or a vanilla site because you are going to come across a lot more people that fit your wants and needs. It's just part of life and sometimes you have to sift through the crap to find that perfect fit. That's just my opinion though.

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RE: Rude People and Responses - 11/17/2009 6:49:40 AM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
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Heh, well, I do admit that I get a bit verbose when I see somebody that really appeals to me.

But, I have updated my profile. I'm actually kinda glad I wrote this topic up. It did point out some things to me (And not all of them had to do with my questions either.)

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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