quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i think ive lost faith in myself or at least i think ive lost faith in 'this' as a process or as a means to finding happyness with someone.

its a bummer to be honest.

i was considerably younger, prettier, slimmer when i first started out on the internet nearly 10 years ago (we all were) - i couldnt find him then, im even less likely to find him now.  (My GAWWWD woman....I just looked at your photos....you're fucking hot!)

and i wonder at how dignified it is for a woman of my age to be dragged around by her hair or by a collar in a club with next to nothing on. not very. (Prolly not...but you're still fucking hot)

maybe ive just reached a cross roads here and i realise that whatever it is im looking for isnt what it used to be. cept, actually it is.

i didnt come in search of BDSM then. i came looking for a dominant man who would understand my submissive nature (so sweet). but from that BDSM exploded into my life and became the frank expression of submission and has become more and more so as the years have trickled past.  It drives you...occasionally it envelopes you...sometimes you can't even think straight.

a subs performance on the bdsm floor seems to have so much more to do with submission than her nature and her desire to simply look up to and respect her partner. 

It has to do with what you think it has to do with.

oddly thats how i started out, trying to find Ds without the BDSM, now im a little bit hooked on BDSM as part of sex and part of the expression between Ds partners but it isnt and it never was the premis in seeking a partner 'here'.

You want to be enamored, even as he's deriding you.  You want him to find you entrancing, even as he looks away.

am i wrong in my conclusion (no) then that this lifestyle or whatever it is, is all about how much pain you can take (yes...you're wrong, that is), how long you can kneel in one position (no), how submissive you are to having youre (your....sorry....I'm a spelling nut) nipples twisted so hard its unbearable. what sort of gobshite (actually never hoid that woid be4....cain't he'p ya) does it make me to be humiliated and objectified and made to struggle to prove my submissive nature. (If that's what floats your boat....why worry about it?)

all the hours ive spent struggling with myself, internalising, growing, developing, changing, hankering, trusting, trying, crying, pushing limits, pushing (that's a whole fucking bunch of "ing'ng" ya know?) myself all for the glorious accolade of a 'good girl' pat on the head.

someone sent me a cmail today asking me what it is exactly that makes me a slave. damn good question. i suppose the answer is 'depends who im with'. (Always).

the thing is that in my heart i am a sub i can be a slave and over the years ive developed a taste for some of the BDSM activities around. but that isnt why im here and it isnt why i started out and so when i get cmails from guys wanting a long list of kinky things from me all i can think to myself is 'oh god, here we go again, the same old boring, one dimensional crap' (and by the way....not to digress but....if you're looking for one dimensional crap.....)

so, am i the sum total of my ability to submit to BDSM play?. nope and i never was and yet that seems to be the expectation out there. so im asking you guys, has the simple art of Ds in its simplest format of two people simply being themselves without the trappings of floggers, chains and paddles to express themselves got lost somewhere. im not talking to the absolute exclusion of BDSM, whips and chains but i am talking about the interplay of dominant and submissive natures melding like any other relationship and just being the ying to their yang and symbiotically, naturally just being themselves without effort and protocol slowing it all down.

(This almost sounds symbiotic).

sorry it went on a bit.. xx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um, lally, I've got ten years on you and I'm not ready for the glue factory yet,

I can't attract the twentysomethings at all, and it's not easy attracting thintysomethings.  But I can attract women ten years younger than me just as well as ever - they just got older along with me.

And you're a woman that is safe from me only because you don't live in Colorado.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

As trite and cliche as it may sound, I've found it to be true over and over.  It always shows up when you stop looking.  I was looking for a one night stand 14.5 years ago, and have been with M. ever since.  I wanted NO relationship, I just got out of one 2 days before.  I just wanted to get laid.  I was specifically NOT looking for a relationship.  Then I met B. almost 3 years ago now.  I was specifically NEVER looking for another partner.  Guess what...  I met the pet about 3 years ago now too.  I was very blatantly NOT looking for a sub.  I specifically said to a friend of mine not 3 hours before "I don't want a sub right now.  I don't think I'm in the best point in my life to be seeking."  HA!  Too damned bad, I suppose.  And my ex, we were together for 4 years.  I wasn't wanting a relationship then.  I wanted to go to the craft store and do some ceramics projects.  Pfft.  The universal cupidmonster had other things in mind I guess.

So seriously, stop actively looking.  Probably go with pointedly NOT looking.  It seems to work pretty damned well for some reason.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Welcome to the boards and what a GREAT post!

You obviously understand what Lally is looking for.

And Lally - if i can find it at 48, you can find it in your tender years. There are men who will understand your post, and hopefully, you will encounter one of them soon.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

.

quote:


I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, but wow, it scares me, since I don't have years of experience, I feel I have less of a chance of finding what I need. However, I have already accepted that if I can't have what I need, I'm okay with spending the rest of my life celibate. There are worse fates.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

Maybe I'm not ready to be looking.  Some guy just sent me a one line cmail  "do you smoke".  My response was, "Only shisha mixed with the ground-up bones of the last person who sent me an inane message without reading my     profile."  Too snarky?  Not submissive enough?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
am i wrong in my conclusion then that this lifestyle or whatever it is, is all about...

You're wrong to conclude that 'this lifestyle' is one way or this way or that way. There are as many different spins on it as there are people who do it. One person's "same old boring, one dimensional crap" is another person's utopia. Another poster suggested that you may be looking in the wrong venue and I happen to agree. If one approach is clearly not working then it's time for new approach. If the internet is your preference I'd try some of the non-kink markets and just include a hint or two about all of this. People pick up on that - particularly the type of folks you seem to be interested in attracting. If you don't want a kink heavy relationship stop looking in a kink heavy target audience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

finding happyness with someone.

You don't. You can't. You try and find happiness, period. Not in BDSM, flying airplanes, another lass, a lad... you try and figure out what it takes for YOU to be happy and content. To do things that excite you, help you feel alive, you take care of those you love and you keep moving through this interesting and exciting world. If you have a need to be on a BDSM floor, you do that. If you make things that happen in your life dependent on another person, as a conditio sine qua non, you'll fail. Take care of you, the pieces will fall into place all by themselves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um, lally, I've got ten years on you and I'm not ready for the glue factory yet,

I can't attract the twentysomethings at all, and it's not easy attracting thintysomethings. But I can attract women ten years younger than me just as well as ever - they just got older along with me.
And you're a woman that is safe from me only because you don't live in Colorado.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was older than you are now when we met. However I was a total newbie and yes, he admitted that was a plus. Not because it made him feel more competent, but because he had come off a string of meets with women who responded "that's not how my last master did it".

There does seem to be a focus on play and all that. All it means is you aren't compatible with those types.

I got around that by saying I wasn't interested in a sadist. I got lots of invites from guys who promised they would teach me to enjoy pain. I refused all.

Since you haven't played in a while, I have to assume you don't miss it terribly. You aren't using a bug zapper on yourself to meet your needs. In this case your pain tolerance really is that of a newbie.

You can be honest and say you don't know anymore what you like and what you don't. And that you have no pain tolerance and can't play hard. Which should eliminate all the men interested only in showing off what a heavy pain slut they have.

But be prepared to read a lot of profiles, write a lot of emails, and not bother to meet anyone who has even the slightest red flag. Don't settle.

And if you would feel better taking a break and coming back once you are filled with passion for other things and the fact that you are passionate about life will convey itself and interest men in you, then that's not a bad thing either. Disillusioned is not an attitude that will attract the kind of man you want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladynslave

Lally,

I have to agree with BKSir when he says that it will find you when you least expect it.  I found Slave at a point in my life where I had firmly decided that one night stands were all I wanted and all I could deal with emotionally.  You are a beautiful vibrant woman and I am sure that the perfect man is out there for you somewhere.  This may not be the forum or it may be, who knows?  What I do know is that when you least expect it, he will find you and tumble all your beliefs about how your life will work on it's ears.  Best wishes where ever your road leads and may you find all the happiness you deserve around the next bend.

Lady

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i think ive lost faith in myself or at least i think ive lost faith in 'this' as a process or as a means to finding happyness with someone.

its a bummer to be honest.

i was considerably younger, prettier, slimmer when i first started out on the internet nearly 10 years ago (we all were) - i couldnt find him then, im even less likely to find him now.  (My GAWWWD woman....I just looked at your photos....you're fucking hot!)

and i wonder at how dignified it is for a woman of my age to be dragged around by her hair or by a collar in a club with next to nothing on. not very. (Prolly not...but you're still fucking hot)

maybe ive just reached a cross roads here and i realise that whatever it is im looking for isnt what it used to be. cept, actually it is.

i didnt come in search of BDSM then. i came looking for a dominant man who would understand my submissive nature (so sweet). but from that BDSM exploded into my life and became the frank expression of submission and has become more and more so as the years have trickled past.  It drives you...occasionally it envelopes you...sometimes you can't even think straight.

a subs performance on the bdsm floor seems to have so much more to do with submission than her nature and her desire to simply look up to and respect her partner. 

It has to do with what you think it has to do with.

oddly thats how i started out, trying to find Ds without the BDSM, now im a little bit hooked on BDSM as part of sex and part of the expression between Ds partners but it isnt and it never was the premis in seeking a partner 'here'.

You want to be enamored, even as he's deriding you.  You want him to find you entrancing, even as he looks away.

am i wrong in my conclusion (no) then that this lifestyle or whatever it is, is all about how much pain you can take (yes...you're wrong, that is), how long you can kneel in one position (no), how submissive you are to having youre (your....sorry....I'm a spelling nut) nipples twisted so hard its unbearable. what sort of gobshite (actually never hoid that woid be4....cain't he'p ya) does it make me to be humiliated and objectified and made to struggle to prove my submissive nature. (If that's what floats your boat....why worry about it?)

all the hours ive spent struggling with myself, internalising, growing, developing, changing, hankering, trusting, trying, crying, pushing limits, pushing (that's a whole fucking bunch of "ing'ng" ya know?) myself all for the glorious accolade of a 'good girl' pat on the head.

someone sent me a cmail today asking me what it is exactly that makes me a slave. damn good question. i suppose the answer is 'depends who im with'. (Always).

the thing is that in my heart i am a sub i can be a slave and over the years ive developed a taste for some of the BDSM activities around. but that isnt why im here and it isnt why i started out and so when i get cmails from guys wanting a long list of kinky things from me all i can think to myself is 'oh god, here we go again, the same old boring, one dimensional crap' (and by the way....not to digress but....if you're looking for one dimensional crap.....)

so, am i the sum total of my ability to submit to BDSM play?. nope and i never was and yet that seems to be the expectation out there. so im asking you guys, has the simple art of Ds in its simplest format of two people simply being themselves without the trappings of floggers, chains and paddles to express themselves got lost somewhere. im not talking to the absolute exclusion of BDSM, whips and chains but i am talking about the interplay of dominant and submissive natures melding like any other relationship and just being the ying to their yang and symbiotically, naturally just being themselves without effort and protocol slowing it all down.

(This almost sounds symbiotic).

sorry it went on a bit.. xx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

., and you're not creepy.

.

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

lally i certainly can relate to the whole...WTF is this all about anyway state of mind. When i read your post i saw a thoughtful woman, not prone to haste. i saw an honest question about some hard shit. Because of all that...i also see a woman who is fixin to have a growth spurt. (not to be confused with squirting which may or maynot be a myth LOL) But hot damn growing pains SUCK!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren


Would that make me a fake submoosive?