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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 3:58:54 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hi Kasumi

I have the same feelings about the word "daddy" in a relationship. I cannot talk for others, and seems to be many enjoy this type of relationship. Lucky for us there are Don's that don't need a 'little girl'. Even when married to late hubby, who was 15 years my senior, the thought of calling him daddy never entered my mind, thank goodness.

blessings
wisdomtogive

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 4:00:47 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

Subs - why call your Dom 'daddy'?
(I suppose those who use "mommy" would fit in here... but I haven't come across any yet.)

Other questions:
Is it generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so?
Is it generally younger subs and older Doms that use the word this way? Or are all age mixes in the mix?
How do you keep yourself from thinking "father" when you use the word? Or is that actually part of the appeal for you?


kasumi,

I don't use this term anymore and it is very unlikely that I will again, but I have in the past. At that time it was a term of endearment that reflected a specific way of relating that I no longer engage in. Whether that will happen in the future is yet to be seen, but now I chose not to. In my case it didn't always have the connotations that you've mentioned, but over time it did. Though it is clear that the person in that role was not related to me in any manner, nor were they a substitute for parental parties either. It was simply a way of engaging my inner child, albeit somewhat twisted I'll admit.

It should be noted that Daddy Dominants are a different phenomenon and I have never been involved with one. There are some that identify in this manner and my attraction to them has always been nonexistent. I preferred having this as an aspect of our relationship, not its foundation or larger focus instead. Also, it is a misconception to think that Daddy/little girl interactions require variances in age. My partners were always my within my age range, rarely above, and usually slightly younger in most instances.

I don't find it difficult to prevent myself from thinking of my father since he's conservative and an ordained minister. I have a lot of kinks but that sincerely isn't one of them. I believe it is possible to find enjoyment in the idea of something rather than its practical reality. That's what most fantasies are made of.

~porcelaine


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 4:12:04 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Oh goodie, another thread where the OP is essentially saying "I don't like your kink. Justify it to me, you weirdos!"

Get a life. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you really want to know why OTHERS do something, here's the reason: because they DO like it. Mmk?

PS: There are 483 threads with this exact title in the archives.



Is she really???? She asked a question for understanding..seems you are more judgmental then her question... I even asked this question long ago under another s/n. It is a way to understand the ways, and also state why it bothers a person. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee, why cant a person reask a question that has been asked so many times already?  Sometimes it is easier to ask a question again, then to go and pull a thread and post from a year + ago.

wisdomtogive

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 4:15:45 AM   
NyDaddysGirl


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say it's generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so but that's also not out of the question. 

When I'm interested in finding a partner with similar mindset, I specifically state in my profile that I seek a Daddy Dom and from my screen name, it's implied.

Age doesn't play a factor for me.  Several of my Daddy Doms have been younger than I.

Regarding thinking "father", I'd first point out that to me a father is nurturing, loving, caring, guiding, forgiving, patient, proud, mentoring, etc.  This is precicely the type of relationship I most flourish in.  I'm not saying Doms that don't identify as a Daddy Dom aren't these things.  This is just how I identify with the term.  I don't flourish in relationships with more stern or unyielding Doms.

Yes, for me there is a bit of role play involved.  This dynamic is permissive of letting the kid in me show from time to time without any negative repercussions or judgements.

Perhaps some people lacked this type of person as a role model growing up and seek that now as an adult (just speculation as to other possibilities).

I hope this helps, but a word of advice... if you are "respectfully" asking a question, avoid stating someone else's kink is "disgusting" or "weirds you out", especially if you are coming off that you're genuinely interested in learning why it has the opposite effect on some other people.

Edited because paragraphs are my friend lol

< Message edited by NyDaddysGirl -- 11/20/2009 4:18:45 AM >

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 5:10:25 AM   
DarkSteven


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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I also know a female age player who is extremely clever, articulate and a pleasure to spend time with who explained to me that she had a fantastic childhood with an equally fantastic dad and that her regression is about reliving those feelings of a safe and contented childhood



Interesting.  I knew just of those who had horrible childhoods.  For them, age play allowed them to relive their childhood the way it should have been.


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 5:36:39 AM   
Ekoms


Posts: 27
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Great thorough answer, thank you.

As usual, there are many reasons and many answers, just about one for every person.  trying to make rules and reasons by asking about someone else's kink that we do not share seems to rarely be a productive exercise.

In my particular case, I had 3 basic limits when I first entered the lifestyle, daddy play was one of them.  I cannot even recall why, maybe it just seemed so silly between two unrelated adults.

Then, one day, in the throes of passion, as I asked her to cum for me as I said "cum for me little girl, cum for me baby" she answered "yes daddy" and exploded.

She likes the idea of incest, has an online "brother" to share "filthy" incestuous thoughts with. She had a good childhood with great loving parents that she gets along fine with, yet, when I call her "baby girl" and she calls me daddy, it makes her cum instantly. Why, I do not know, maybe just pushing the taboo does it for her.

Why?

I do not care, it is her kink, I like to share it, I like to give her pleasure, we do not hurt anybody, why would I try to understand it.

Most kinks I find are the same way, there is no way to understand what motivates a specific person to enjoy a specific kink.

So, I just observe and enjoy and partake when my cock gets hard, that is the sure sign that I just hit a harmonious note, cock is like a witching stick, it always finds hidden springs of kinks for me to satiate my thirst.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 5:52:51 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I called her Daddi because calling her Mommy felt wrong.

Is it generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so?

It was a joint effort for us.

Is it generally younger subs and older Doms that use the word this way? Or are all age mixes in the mix?

Well my Daddi was 13 years younger than me if that helps.


How do you keep yourself from thinking "father" when you use the word? Or is that actually part of the appeal for you?

I never called my father "daddy" and my Daddi has double d's, so there was never any confusion there.


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 5:58:00 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		And then there is just the way the word sounds

Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

all them lovely dirty Dees

come to Daddy yeah

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 6:15:40 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		I call His Evilness Daddy a lot.  It began when he left a voice mail for me early on that simply said, "It's your Daddy."  I am 19 years older than he & it still feels right.  We love each other, but are not "in love with" each other.  I called my father daddy for a very short time when I was very small, but one day I just decided that he deserved the more respectful--to me--term Father, so that's what I always called him & that's how I think of him.  My Daddy is very sadistic, and also very loving & nurturing.  This just works very well for us.  When I call him Daddy, I feel all warm & happy inside.  When he calls me pet, I get the same feelings.  There was one time when I was gagged & he was getting extremely sadistic on my ass & in my head I was screaming "No, Daddy!" over & over.  That just made me more excited.  Of course there are complex incest feelings in most people, but I don't see him in that way.

On the other issue, I feel that the OP expressed her way of thinking about this term as it applies to her, then asked us to share our ways of thinking as it applies to us.  I believe that she is looking for an understanding of the kink, not telling me I'm wrong because I enjoy calling him Daddy.  This is a public forum, why do some of you get upset when a topic is being repeated?  If it's boring for me or I'm offended by it, I just avoid the thread.  There many many more topics that I will find interesting to read &/or post to.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 6:21:26 AM   
thishereboi


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Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

And then there is just the way the word sounds

Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

all them lovely dirty Dees

come to Daddy yeah


She has her phone set up to play "Who's your Daddy?" when I call her.


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 6:58:58 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I call him Daddy because I am a child of two in our dynamic * ok well most the time not always*, and that's what children call their parent, mommy or daddy , part of my ageplay interest in being a child is authenticity, and children don't get to call mommy or daddy any name they want, nor do they get to pick what else they call their parents, until much much older in life, and even then if it flies is up to mom or dad or not, like my mom would never like you referring to her as a rent, the shortened version of parent,  hey so and so this is my rent, Sure sometimes parents have a nick name that's cute for the child to use, but most times, they call themselves Mommy or Daddy, when referring to themselves or others.

I also do not think of my dad, when calling my Dom daddy, I think of a strong caring loving figure who's guiding me and setting up rules for my protection, if I was willing to let him which I admit I buck the rule setting sometimes, and sometimes want things my own way more than I care about a parent child parent sets rules dynamic.  It's also very very different, in that I have the right to say no and veto things and stand up for myself in ways biological children never got. I will not tolerate Daddy doing things to me I feel are un fair, and I will not put up with things just cause you're Daddy and I am the baby, We're equals first and dynamic second.

I was severely abused all my life, I don't have that good sense of happy child hood and safety and security, and having a daddy and having a second child hood in some ways helps grow up those gaping wounds and sores.

I wouldn't want a partner to insist I called him daddy that has to come organically, but, sometimes the one wanting to be called daddy initiates it and sometimes the one wanting to call him daddy does, and don't make the mistake that all little girls or ageplayers are subs and all daddies are doms, it's not always one and the same.

Also do not just assume all age players and daddies are sexual or do kink or have anything other than a platonic relationship. It's different for every single D and G out there.

And yes  for some there is an incestuous appeal to the whole thing for them.



quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

Respectfully, I really need to ask those in the community that prefer the term "Daddy" why they do it?

I called my father "Daddy" when I was little, and I'm not into incest. I don't want to think about my father or stepfathers while having sex. The thought of having someone say "Who's your Daddy?!" while slapping my ass is very disgusting and an instant turn off to me.

So, on both sides of it - what is the appeal?
Doms - why do you like being called "Daddy" or "Daddy*insertnamehere*"?
Subs - why call your Dom 'daddy'?
(I suppose those who use "mommy" would fit in here... but I haven't come across any yet.)

I spoke with one man on YIM about this recently and he said that he wasn't into incest but he is into Kink. I don't really follow that using a parental term doesn't at least give a nod toward incestuous behavior.

I was born in Pennsylvania and raised (primarily) in the Midwest so I wonder if its possible that "daddy" doesn't have the same exact definition everywhere else that it does where I'm from.

Other questions:
Is it generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so?
Is it generally younger subs and older Doms that use the word this way? Or are all age mixes in the mix?
How do you keep yourself from thinking "father" when you use the word? Or is that actually part of the appeal for you?

Esplain, pls?

I'm confused and a bit wierded-out

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 7:57:26 AM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		super fast reply after reading OP only:

I call my Master Daddy in age play situations only. I play the role of a little girl and he plays my Daddy. Sometimes its sexual mostly it isn't. I was sick this weekend and I was little almost the whole time.Daddy made me soup and brought me medicine and juice. When it is sexual its because I start masturbating by rubbing myself on things through my clothes. Daddy usually tells me to stop but sometimes he touches me or starts masturbating too. I am the one who initiated age play. But I didn't even bring it up until I had known him for a while and we had been playing together for 2 months. I have to really really trust someone to be little because my little is super young. About 4 or 5 years old. I don't think about my actual father at all when this is going on. The only father that my little girl knows is Daddy, My Master. I never called my father Daddy either come to think of it. I called him Dad. He wasn't around at all when I was 4 (don't psychoanalyze me plz.) I also had a lot of sexual feelings as a child before I even knew what sex was. I masturbated and brought myself to orgasm by rubbing myself on the corner of my bed before kindergarten. I don't know if that is rare, common, healthy or unhealthy its just my sexuality,

Beyond the sexual part its very comforting to be a child, and to have someone take care of you. It fits in really well with our dynamic becasue he always makes me feel safe and loved. But again, I only call him daddy when I am in "little head space" if you don't go little and you aren't into age play you just won't get it. No big deal. I'm not a masochist or into needle play but the people who are don't creep me out. I find it fascinating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

Respectfully, I really need to ask those in the community that prefer the term "Daddy" why they do it?

I called my father "Daddy" when I was little, and I'm not into incest. I don't want to think about my father or stepfathers while having sex. The thought of having someone say "Who's your Daddy?!" while slapping my ass is very disgusting and an instant turn off to me.

So, on both sides of it - what is the appeal?
Doms - why do you like being called "Daddy" or "Daddy*insertnamehere*"?
Subs - why call your Dom 'daddy'?
(I suppose those who use "mommy" would fit in here... but I haven't come across any yet.)

I spoke with one man on YIM about this recently and he said that he wasn't into incest but he is into Kink. I don't really follow that using a parental term doesn't at least give a nod toward incestuous behavior.

I was born in Pennsylvania and raised (primarily) in the Midwest so I wonder if its possible that "daddy" doesn't have the same exact definition everywhere else that it does where I'm from.

Other questions:
Is it generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so?
Is it generally younger subs and older Doms that use the word this way? Or are all age mixes in the mix?
How do you keep yourself from thinking "father" when you use the word? Or is that actually part of the appeal for you?

Esplain, pls?

I'm confused and a bit wierded-out






< Message edited by Hierodule -- 11/20/2009 7:59:47 AM >

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 8:09:13 AM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

This topic has come up before... this may help shed some light on things for those seeking info on this type of dynamic:

What is a Daddy Dom?
http://www.domsubfriends.com/voye/articles/110/




Wow, My Master has never called himself a "Daddy Dom." He would probably laugh at the term but its almost like this was written about us..

"A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.

His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him."

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 8:30:49 AM   
Ekoms


Posts: 27
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, so well said.

"love her as much for what she is as for what she will become"

This however while it applies to the daddy dom relationship, is not limited to it, I felt like that in all my relationships (though in truth usually to much younger girls) but never did the "daddy" word come up.

There is more to the "daddy" kink, this is not how i personally identify, i did not mention it, ask for it, not even ever thought of it.

Yet it sprang and the concept held erotic power on its own.

There are concepts in society which even if not recognized at large have extremely deep roots in the essence of civilization.

Incest in all its forms and implications, from a single word uttering to the more depraved exchanges is one of those.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 9:30:44 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Interesting.  I knew just of those who had horrible childhoods.  For them, age play allowed them to relive their childhood the way it should have been.



Hi Steven, I think it can fall either way and for the one that has had a horrible childhood I can well understand why they may want to re-visit on their own terms. The point I made about the woman that had the great childhood was because so many assume that the need to regress is nearly always for past negative reasons and I don't think that is necessarily so.


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 9:53:29 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida.

For me, Daddy is not about my father or incestuous at all.  It is a name which represents his strength, authority, nurturing and protection over me, and allows me to relate to him in that way...allowing me to be sweet, quiet, vulnerable, playful, and even weak at times.  It's not a role-play for us, it's symbolic.  He is also my Master, Owner and Dominant authority.  But at times he looks at me quite tenderly, and this dynamic allows me to receive that in ways I have not been able to before.  He enjoys taking care of me in many ways, and for the first time in my life, I can relax in the arms of a man and know I'm not alone in having to handle everything that life throws my way. We are enjoying many facets to this relationship, and Daddy/little girl is one of them.



This is our rationale as well.  Master is actually 4 years younger than me, and I have a WONDERFUL relationship with my father.  Calling Master this name is reflective of exactly those times NuevaVida mentions when He looks at me with complete tenderness and protection.  I love feeling small, little and innocent, giggly and playful, and it feels right between us. 

It all depends on the dynamic of the moment.  I also call Him Master, Sir, darling, etc.  He often calls me His sweet girl, His precious girl, but in those moments, I can be His sweet baby girl too.  Doesn't mean I'm sucking on a bottle or wearing a diaper, just means what is going on between us is sweet, loving, and tender.  I call Him Daddy in these moments to illuminate that, and I know I am not going to be hit, tied up, etc just cuddled and treasured.  He also calls me whore, slut, cunt, slave, bitch, things that would make most people cringe, and at those times, yes, my ass is going to be red, and we both know it. 

Our relationship has many facets, which is one of the things I love about it.  Using language to illustrate that is a natural thing, and for me, because I have a wonderful relationship with my father, it is probably one of the most honorific things I can call Master. 

:)


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 9:54:04 AM   
samthebutcher


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/16/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think the OP is trying to disavow another person's practice, she really wants to know.  However based on her response to others answers, I don't believe she is able to understand.  And that is OK, we can't always understand others kinks.  I'll give you two brief Daddy anecdotes before I go.

First is my friend, the female/bi/switch/poly wife.  She and I have scened together before and never used any titles.  But she refers to her bi/poly/switch husband as "Daddy".  It works for them because it it is a loving term, and they are not so into Ds that they need terms like Lord or Master.  Oh, and no ageplay at all despite a very real age difference.

Second, was how I became Big Daddy.  I joined some kinksters at a small gay bar in another city because we knew if we had fetishy clothing it wouldn't cause a stir.  Under my vest I wore a black t-shirt from Big Daddy.  The male bartender took great pleasure in calling me Big Daddy every time I ordered, and it spread to some of the other locals as well as my friends.  A couple of the women I scened with from that group refered to me as Big Daddy later (I was switching/toping at the time) as a fun friendly name which fit our fun scenes.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 10:40:46 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		The term Daddy to me, when i call my Master that is an indication of the "feel" of the love We share. Its the nurturing kind, and at the beginning of our relationship i was so opposed to the Daddy/little one dynamic i actually called it sick LOL. Now (because of the message boards here as a matter of fact) i see how that kind of love and nurturing can be healthy and uplifting. i personally however, would never consider being sexual while pretending to be a child, i just can't get past the wrongness of how that feels.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 10:53:36 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Interesting.  I knew just of those who had horrible childhoods.  For them, age play allowed them to relive their childhood the way it should have been.


Greetings Steven,

I think there's a wide range of interpretation and the regression or lack there of with the one behaving as the child can be all over the map. For some the little girl is truly a different persona and others are reliving events or portray themselves in a similar manner that they did when they were younger. In my case she was always a lot like my younger self, but more unrestrained than I was permitted to be save in select company.

My decision to move away from this was really reflective of the desire not to compartmentalize myself and have multiple levels of relating with a prospective partner. I also find it is no longer something I need and only enjoy theoretically in many respects. I prefer those elements to be directly applied to the woman rather than her childlike manifestation instead.

~porcelaine


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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 10:58:58 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
Actually NormalOutside I think its a perfectly reasonable question.


I saw the OP as more of a commentary thinly wrapped in a question than an actual question. Anyone who asks a question about the daddy element in bdsm or even using the name daddy and includes terms like incest and pedophile usually isn't on some great quest for enlightenment. Sometimes you just have to accpet the fact that everything that trips everyone else's triggers is not always going to make sense to you.


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