RE: Cheating or not?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Cheating or not?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Cheating or not?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 11:29:44 AM

devilishpixie

Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline

I dont have an issue with cybering itself although I dont understand the draw. I do have an issue with the fact that she seems to be hiding it from her owner. That to me is a much bigger issue in itself.

< Message edited by devilishpixie -- 11/26/2009 11:32:43 AM >

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 21

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 12:17:06 PM

Reform

Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?

It's cheating if she knows he would regard it as such and she's hiding it from him. I have always had cybersex while in monogamous relationships. I don't regard it as cheating any more than reading a story someone else wrote on literotica. I don't think cybering means you aren't his alone. It means you are wanking and someone else happens to be providing the fodder, like buying a romance novel that someone wrote.

I agree here. I think the case the OP talked about is cheating, but that not all cybering is. My boy knows and encourages me to cyber. I like doing it. We've talked about it and neither of us have any problems seperating it from things we do happen to consider cheating. What works for us won't work for everyone.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 2:38:24 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

To me, if you are doing something which you know your partner will not like, then it is deceit. Now, it's possible in this girl's head that to her it's one thing and it never occurred to her that it would be different to her partner. In that case, it's just a mistake in communication as happens all the time.

Cybering, in and of itself, is just that... cybering. Just like real sex, it doesn't become "cheating" until there is deceit involved.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 23

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 6:57:20 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?

Who put you in charge of your friend's morals? Why would my opinion matter to her?

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 24

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 8:07:08 PM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing.

The fact that she is keeping this from her Master, with whom she should share EVERYTHING, is a bit of a red flag, and indicates to me that she knows this is hurtful to Him, and is not acceptable.

k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 25

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 8:15:49 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I'm just curious since I don't see it expressly stated in the thread. Is she actually hiding this or has she just never mentioned it because she doesn't think it's an issue? The difference is significant. I didn't mention my cyber and porn interests at first cause it just... seemed so unimportant. Eventually it came up in conversation but it wasn't an issue of hiding.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 26

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 8:22:46 PM

AnnaOfAramis

Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline

Greetings,

To me, "cheating" does not only mean sexually cheating, but cheating on the rules and the relationship dynamic. Cybering or not cybering is not the issue. The issue is that if she is in a Master/slave or Dom/sub dynamic she should not be the one determining her boundaries. If she is unclear, she should ask her Dominant or Master for his permission first. Otherwise, it can be taken as a lie by omission. I know for sure that my Master would not be happy to find me IMing with a dominant male or doing "cyber". Hers may approve wholeheartedly, but he should know and be given that decision. It's not her decision to make.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Master Orion so eloquently said.

Regards,
anna

_____________________________

in obsequium hominis

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 27

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/26/2009 11:11:31 PM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie
I dont have an issue with cybering itself although I dont understand the draw. I do have an issue with the fact that she seems to be hiding it from her owner. That to me is a much bigger issue in itself.

For me, the draw of cybering is that it's an unpredictable, interactive storytelling. You know how having sex with a new person the first time has its own heady exaltation? When you are cyboring, you can enjoy that "shiny new sex partner" feeling. It's best if you have someone doing it with you who is articulate and imaginative. I have collected some of my best cybor sessions, and they stand alone as nice little erotic short stories and vignettes, I think. Some of these go along with a longer roleplay series that has been developing over time, which just makes the shift to erotic roleplay much more natural. I dunno if reading these would help explain the draw or not.

I agree that hiding cybering activity from the partner seems like a bad idea. It's still not the friend's place to be the morality watchdog for her friend, but I would always recommend complete honestly and communication about cyboring BEFORE you do it. If for no other reason than there is a log somewhere on your computer where the partner may eventually stumble across what's been going on and be shocked and angry if blindsided.

My Lady permits my cyboring because I get no physical contact or emotional involvement, i.e., it doesn't risk our real life relationship or health. She enjoys seeing me keyed up by the activity - I have a "no hands rule", which means that while I can cross my legs and kick a foot for self stimulation, I'm not supposed to be stroking myself during cybor, humping the edge of the desk, etc. The result is that I am usually wound tighter than a top, all hot and warmed up, and then my Lady gets the results and can do with me whatever she wants at that point.

(in reply to devilishpixie)

Post #: 28

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/27/2009 8:15:34 PM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think this is cheating. When there is physical contact, that's another story. There are far more important things in life to worry about!

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 29

RE: Cheating or not? - 11/28/2009 9:38:32 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

my 2 cents worth
if it is kept from the knoledge of the other/s in the dynamic then it is cheating since it is not honest and open. how anothers dynamic works does not make it wrong as what works for another dosent mean it will work for anyone else

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to roland23)

Post #: 30

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/7/2009 4:34:44 PM

FetishHound

Posts: 27
Joined: 11/11/2009
Status: offline

I have to agree cheating in the mind is still cheating in my opinion.I would have no desire to share what is mine.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 31

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/7/2009 4:39:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

~Fast Reply~

I'm just curious since I don't see it expressly stated in the thread. Is she actually hiding this or has she just never mentioned it because she doesn't think it's an issue? The difference is significant. I didn't mention my cyber and porn interests at first cause it just... seemed so unimportant. Eventually it came up in conversation but it wasn't an issue of hiding.

Agreed!

The Man and I have been monogamous for about 8 years. We only had a conversation about cyber with others some months ago. It never occurred to us to discuss it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 32

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/7/2009 4:45:05 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?

I think it's cheating. If I did it, it would feel like cheating to me. If I were in a relationship and my Dom did it, I would feel like He cheated on me. BUT, what she and her Master do is none of my business.....or yours for that matter. Each relationship is different and is governed by the agreements made between the people in said relationship. It matters not what you or I think of her secret adventures. However, if she really and truly sees nothing wrong with her cyber-adventures, she should have no reservations about telling her Master of them. Aaaaah, and therein lies the rub.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 33

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/7/2009 7:01:27 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

As a rule of thumb, if you have to ask... it's cheating.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 34

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/7/2009 10:38:52 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If it isn't cheating... she ought to be able to share that with her master. Otherwise... I consider it jusfication of deceit, to excuse it as nothing. He doesn't know... I wouldn't consider it a nothing. I would consider that a huge something!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 35

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/8/2009 4:09:14 AM

katzpur

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/12/2009
Status: offline

i am thinking, since she is unwilling to tell Him, she must know instinctively that He will disagree, and if she didnt think it wrong on some level, why bothere asking? Choosing the roll of a sub/slave i believe implies that she should always differ first to His will, putting His needs and wants first (or have i been wrong all these yrs?)

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 36

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/8/2009 8:00:18 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

That's what I was thinking, too, katzpur.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to katzpur)

Post #: 37

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/8/2009 10:16:08 AM

NymphetamineGirl

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline

I know a man who is recovering from a serious porn and webcam sex addiction. For him ( and I'm only talking about him), it was about acceptance, needing approval due to a deep-seated self esteem problem. Ironically, what he really needed was emotional exposure and warmth, the physical exposure was only symbolic, and the constant rejection afterwards ( cybering left him feeling used) fed the cycle, until he nearly put a .45 in his skull.

Not saying anything about your friend, but this kind of activity can be a sign of a serious issue that requires counseling or a 12-step group. Then again, so can BDSM lol, it all depends on the intentions and what it does for you. If it were my friend, I'd just ask her some pointed questions, but I would accept her choices and answers (since you can't change them anyway), and just be there for her when it all comes crashing down, cause it sounds like it will

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 38

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/8/2009 12:15:16 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
She says it is not physical we are not even touching each other never even met face to face. Since it is not physical it is not cheating.

Of course she thinks it's cheating, or she wouldn't be hiding it from him. That makes at least three people she's lying to - him, you, and herself. Maybe more, depending on what she's telling these other guys she's doing it with.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 39

RE: Cheating or not? - 12/8/2009 9:54:32 PM

dragonseeker

Posts: 554
Status: offline

Cheating... if it was something that she knew was totally okay with her Master she would have shared it with him.
My Sire EXPECTS me to tell him about things before they occur and i would assume most subs/slaves have the same agreement with their Master/Dom ... if for any reason i got it into my head to not tell him something beforehand i would be severely

and the ignored for a duration of time. However cybersexing with multiple guys online behind my Sire back, *yikes* my Sire would most likely never forgive me. Maybe that is why she don't tell him about it.

_____________________________

slave kamile

signed, sealed, delivered... i'm owned

i reject your reality and substitute my own

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Cheating or not?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125