Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends?

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Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 8:23:38 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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This is something that jumped out at me as a side-note in someone's post on another website and I'm curious how it holds here.

Are people afraid or relucant to mix their kinky/lifestyle friends with their "vanilla" friends?

For us, it's just not a big deal. We invite both kinky and non-kinky to our parties, we did to our wedding along with very conservative family members, people who have flogged me have shaken hands with my parents. - granted without my folks being informed but we didn't worry about it.

I can understand the hesitation on one hand - I've had people make mistakes in how they greeted me in public or made little faux paus in regards to privacy. But on the other hand, most people I know seem to not want to make others actively uncomfortable. At least, those I choose to invite into my home don't and therefore use tact and discretion.

So what do other people do? Do you have two groups and never shall the two meet, do you mix and match with care or do you simply not worry about it?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

Post #: 1

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 8:37:20 PM

AnimusRex

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Joined: 5/13/2006
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I don't think Kim and I would really want to hang out with anyone that we wouldn't mesh well with our vanilla friends. Fortunately the people we have met in the scene have all been the sort you would be happy to introduce to mom.

In their street clothes, of course.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 8:39:53 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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But the corset and high heels match so perfectly...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 8:49:19 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

For Thanksgiving dinner we had 6 kinky lifestyle people and 8 vanilla. It was a great group and we had a lot of laughter and celebration. Kinky does not mean socially inept. I never worry that someone might start an inappropriate subject.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 4

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 9:14:59 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

at the moment.. I can't even get any friends together. they all live too far away.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 5

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 9:15:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I mix. Generally, it's not a 50/50 split. It will either be a kinky friend or two mixed in with the non kinky group, or some of the nilla types tagging along to a kinky activity. Anybody that I would call a friend would know who I am so that means they are going to be accepting of people who are different than they are.

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Post #: 6

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/26/2009 10:30:48 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Are people afraid or relucant to mix their kinky/lifestyle friends with their "vanilla" friends?

No... like us, our "kink" friends don't feel the need/desire to wear said "kink" on their sleeve, so it's not an issue in the least.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:33:13 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Much to my chagrin, my vanilla "friends" and family would be absolutely appalled if they knew of my kinky desires! :(
Hence the secrecy.

Come to think of it ... I don't think I have a single non-vanilla friend that I can talk to. Sigh.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:41:10 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

This is something that jumped out at me as a side-note in someone's post on another website and I'm curious how it holds here.

Are people afraid or relucant to mix their kinky/lifestyle friends with their "vanilla" friends?

For us, it's just not a big deal. We invite both kinky and non-kinky to our parties, we did to our wedding along with very conservative family members, people who have flogged me have shaken hands with my parents. - granted without my folks being informed but we didn't worry about it.

I can understand the hesitation on one hand - I've had people make mistakes in how they greeted me in public or made little faux paus in regards to privacy. But on the other hand, most people I know seem to not want to make others actively uncomfortable. At least, those I choose to invite into my home don't and therefore use tact and discretion.

So what do other people do? Do you have two groups and never shall the two meet, do you mix and match with care or do you simply not worry about it?

I would like to say that I could mix all of my kink-friends with my 'nilla-friends, but I do have a couple of kinksters that would just not fit with the 'nillas without creating a situation where things would turn to BDSM and not the reason for us all being together in the first place I'm sure. If my 'nilla friends that are aware of my D/s goings on, and some or all of those kinksters were to get together, then I think that would be fine, and no awkward moments would be had. Of course there are some kink-friends of mine that would fit into having dinner with my family on a holiday, so it depends on the people and how they handle themselves.

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
~Ivan Panin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:44:45 AM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

Some people never stop enjoying 'freaking the mundanes'. Most of my friends are geeks anyway, so I think they'd be okay with kink friends. But since all my friends are online anyway, I'm not sure it matters.

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Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to CNJDom)

Post #: 10

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:54:18 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I try to steer clear of kink-evangelists, but to be honest, all our vanila friends are pretty clued up to what we do anyway. Pretty hard to hide the significance of her screwed-on necklace

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(in reply to Llyren)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 12:10:46 PM

IdoliNodi

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/10/2009
Status: offline

I say let's corrupt the 'non-kink' folk. They don't know what they're missing.

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 12

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 12:14:29 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hey Aquatic,
I think most kinky people in my life are pretty norms-savvy and know how to handle things. My non-kinky friends generally know about me and don't care if my other friends are kinky. They just wanna know if my friends are interesting, smart, decent, honorable people.

best,
sunshine

On a side note, I remember GT's wedding. A bunch of us CM kinksters in regular clothes. And a non-CM gal in a corset. Dang.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to IdoliNodi)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:08:21 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I mix friends who might have similar personalities in common, and who I think might get along pretty well. That may or may not include someone who is "kinky" or someone who is not. Getting together with friends means a good dinner, a movie, a photography shoot, or some other fun thing. Do we all like the same stuff? That's the deciding factor.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 3:38:20 PM

afterforever

Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline

I wouldn't have a problem with it, my regular friends are all very kink friendly. I don't, purely because my kink friends average probably more than double the age of my other friends, and without kink they wouldn't have a hell of a lot to talk about together.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 5:02:32 PM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

I don't have any kink friends...

... yet

(in reply to afterforever)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/27/2009 6:22:34 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I usually spend one on one time with friends. It's not a kinky vs vanilla thing, it is probably a mild social phobia on my part.
My “kinky” friends know who in my life is not into kink, so on those occasions when it is a mixed group I am not concerned.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/28/2009 4:35:33 AM

mercyriddle

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/3/2009
Status: offline

My vanilla friends tend to be wackier then my kink friends. Just because you don't enjoy being tied up doesn't mean you aren't able to be out there, I am just saying. xD

But yeah, it doesn't worry me at all who talks to who. Kinky or vanilla, all my friends are geeks of some sort, and we can all bond.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 18

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/28/2009 4:42:25 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Have freely mixed them, including have kink friends join My VERY straight choir, having non-kink (but trusted enough to be in our confidence) friends attend a collaring, and mixed bunches attend birthday parties. It's always gone well, the kinks have enough discretion and wisdom to know what is and what isn't appropriate topics of conversation. That's how I like it!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Post #: 19

RE: Are you scared to mix your kink and non-kink friends? - 11/28/2009 7:03:50 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

Afraid to? No, but I haven't introduced kinky friends as....well....kinky because the non-kinky ones would NOT understand. Much better to keep the two separate and not risk a slip of the tongue.

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