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RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/28/2009 5:59:16 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself?


This kind of implies that feedback and self examination don't apply to dominants.

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/28/2009 8:00:11 PM   
masmiss


Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
Hoo boy, I feel your pain.  I'm relatively new to this lifestyle and have found that online "subs" come to CM looking for the phony "Domme" they've watched in so many FemDom porn films.

Develop your own style.  I like to take my time, too.  If a sub tells me I'm too nice or tries to push me to a point in the relationship I'm not ready to go to yet, he's gone.




_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to QueenPenelope)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/28/2009 8:25:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself?


This kind of implies that feedback and self examination don't apply to dominants.



Only half of it does. I AM the dominant, and no, some guy does not get to dictate my personal style to me, especially some person that I have not physically met.

I get the "you are so nice" line, too. Well, so? I was not brought up in a barn, I have manners, and I am not a shrieking harpy. And yes, I AM nice. Until you cross me, of course.

There are women out there who are genuinely mean, unpleasant, abrasive people. Leave that natural skill set to them, and behave naturally. In the end, whoever serves you will be serving YOU, not some fantasy person.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/28/2009 11:29:28 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
If you don't want to seem passive, don't be passive. Control the conversation, and the events. If you do not set and enforce limits, then every wanker on the net will continue to waste your time.

Who's domming who, OP?   

Block and delete. Simple.


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(in reply to QueenPenelope)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:10:25 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You may have more luck with this if you go to a local munch and meet some people in person, rather than some of the nonsense that is on the internet.


Perhaps. And I don't say this because it isn't good advice. I say it because I don't think it's good advice for everyone.

I will not go to a munch. Plain and simple. I've been to 3 public events in the last decade and each time I was terribly uncomfortable. And it's not because I didn't meet cool local people, I did. And still stay in touch with a few, but it's because *for me*, it wasn't right.

I'm so very grateful for online resources and community to help bounce ideas off of.  Also, it permits me a certain anonymity which is important for my me as I'm a private person.

Being honest with the first play partners I had was important as well. Some even taught me stuff, then they regretted it!

So though LadyPact's suggestion would be an excellent solution for many, it might not be the right one for all.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:14:13 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself?


This kind of implies that feedback and self examination don't apply to dominants.


I've divided on this. While I totally agree with cloudby's response in that it is so important to do regular introspection and self-examination as it is the only way that we grow, I don't think that Underumam was implying that she shouldn't. I think he was encouraging her to be confident and to follow her intuition. Anyhow, that is how I interpreted it.

I think a mix of both is ideal in fact!

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 5:41:37 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself?


This kind of implies that feedback and self examination don't apply to dominants.


I've divided on this. While I totally agree with cloudby's response in that it is so important to do regular introspection and self-examination as it is the only way that we grow, I don't think that Underumam was implying that she shouldn't. I think he was encouraging her to be confident and to follow her intuition. Anyhow, that is how I interpreted it.

I think a mix of both is ideal in fact!

- LA



I agree that self examination is good for everyone, D and s. I wasn't insinuating that Queen Penelope start acting like a mean ole wench, just offering the support She seemed to need to spread Her own wings and walk Her own path. I applaud Her thoughtfulness. Every interaction that I've ever began with anyone, was based upon respect, sincerity and desire to serve. Not many successful/happy Dommes that I've known would settle for less. This subbie will not either..

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 9:15:15 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
cloudboy... This is the whole post that Underumam made. Taking one sentence out of a whole comment can lead to using that one bit of the comment in a way that suggests the poster meant something far different than what their whole post meant. I find this does a disservice to us all and undermines credibility of those choosing to push an agenda of miscontent and in this case, that would be you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself? Being young/inexperienced just means you need some guidance from others with more experience, and there's not a single person alive who was not young/inexperienced once upon a time. lol. I agree with Lady Pact and Others here on this board as well......I've read several of your posts and see the dominance in you. Every Domme I've had the pleasure of knowing has Her own style and ways of doing things. You already know what you want, and it's good that you're  a nice person. It says a lot about your character and trust that the right one will see this, and hold you in high esteem while submitting to your guidance. Finding O/our way on this path takes patience and fortitude, yet the rewards are rich and most often beyond any of our wildest dreams.............


Now... look at the very next sentence in Underumam's post. This would suggest that the poster was showing a way that the op could learn and be accountable because she was learning. Learning about what you don't know about is an accountable thing to do. No where in the post that Underumam made suggests that he would promote the willful disrespect that you, cloudboy seem to feel that many of us dominant's have and that you have often, recently tried to highlight in your postings.

Simply put cloudboy, whatever has upset you and changed your postings from things I really wanted to read, have come to a place of miscontent and accusation and when you take one little thing from a whole post, you are proving that this is true. You saw a way to discredit something and highlight what you feel is wrong and yet didn't cover your ass because you failed to take the whole post into consideration.

Now... just because Underumam is my submissive, isn't my reasoning for my post. He does not need me to protect him or stand up for him because he can do just fine all on his own. What I am doing is noticing from prior post made by you, that you are not happy with some things and have worked an angle here that might present your stand on whatever makes you unhappy and shows proof of how you will pick on any little thing you can to make your point. Give it up... you are busted on this one.

Furthermore... knowing Underumam as I do and anyone can know by many of his posts... is a person who has held himself accountable and wants people who are accountable and trustworthy in his life. If they are not trustworthy or accountable, he would not consider them as someone he would be close to and he would NEVER suggest that anyone be the type of dominant that you, cloudboy are suggesting he is saying is okay. You are the dominant, therefore anything you say or do is okay. Wrong! And by the whole post that Underumam made, you can see that that is not the type of dominant he was suggesting she be.

The next time you decide to prove a point, you might want to make sure your point is actually made rather than to make yourself look as you have here.


< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/29/2009 9:17:31 AM >


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(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 9:21:15 AM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline
I would never say I am a passive domme. I am, however, not into wasting my energy on stupid displays of power. I am polite, I am courteous, and I prefer to unleash my sadistic bitch only on people who like such things. People who confuse politeness with submission are idiots and won't be around for long. 

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 10:46:36 AM   
QueenPenelope


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/23/2009
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You may have more luck with this if you go to a local munch and meet some people in person, rather than some of the nonsense that is on the internet.


Perhaps. And I don't say this because it isn't good advice. I say it because I don't think it's good advice for everyone.

I will not go to a munch. Plain and simple. I've been to 3 public events in the last decade and each time I was terribly uncomfortable. And it's not because I didn't meet cool local people, I did. And still stay in touch with a few, but it's because *for me*, it wasn't right.

I'm so very grateful for online resources and community to help bounce ideas off of.  Also, it permits me a certain anonymity which is important for my me as I'm a private person.

Being honest with the first play partners I had was important as well. Some even taught me stuff, then they regretted it!

So though LadyPact's suggestion would be an excellent solution for many, it might not be the right one for all.

- LA



Thanks LA! Me going to a munch is out of question due to my career. I'd be instantly fired if anyone were to find out. I only put my family business as my main job but I have one that I just got my bachelors in. Also being anonymous is a plus for me I like not having to meet and greet lots of people but have a nice sit down lunch in a one on one circumstance, but somewhere public of course.
-Queen Penelope


_____________________________

I wont argue with you. If good bye help you......Good bye.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 10:53:20 AM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch

I would never say I am a passive domme. I am, however, not into wasting my energy on stupid displays of power. I am polite, I am courteous, and I prefer to unleash my sadistic bitch only on people who like such things. People who confuse politeness with submission are idiots and won't be around for long. 

That was an interesting statement. So you are saying that the day of the last idiots finally arrived. Halleluljah and pop the champagne. But i am sad too say that i doubt you are right

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 1:15:23 PM   
Eivarden


Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline
There is nothing wrong with acting human, and interacting with others normally when you are trying to get to know them. (and even after)

Just ignore their comments, and continue to act yourself.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:24:14 PM   
QueenPenelope


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/23/2009
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
Eivarden,

I know this is off topic but did you get my email?


_____________________________

I wont argue with you. If good bye help you......Good bye.

(in reply to Eivarden)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:33:21 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
Be who you are, don't let someone's expectations of what they want shape your personality or style.

Some people have mentioned munches, depending on where you live this can be a good thing or a bad thing. In my area, I have been to several munches and submissive men never show up. I stopped going, it was a waste of my time. The President of the group encouraged me to keep coming...He had the "if you build it they will come" attitude. After a few meetings, I stopped...it was ridiculous. If you live in a place like I do, you are going to have to get creative in how you find people to interact with. It's not easy, it can get lonely sometimes and downright frustrating. But if DOMINANT is what you are keep chugging, it will work out for you.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to QueenPenelope)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:34:47 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline
Hello everyone,

Penelope, I am in the same boat.  I am very inexperienced as a dominant (but very eager to learn).  I am also not afraid to admit that.

I've always had a dominant personality (I move mountains when motivated to do so) but have never utilised it in relation to another person (I've always been too timid, and not confident enough to express it in personal relationships).

I honestly think, on the whole, most people see me as too submissive or too nurturing or too "gentle" to be a "good" dominant.  As far as being a "good dominant" in other's eyes (or a good anything, for that matter) I've come to the point in my life where I am who I am, and I cannot change that.  I strive to exist in the way that makes me the happiest (life is too bloody short to live your life according to other's definitions and "rules" for you) and people who don't like that can go and jump in the nearest lake.

Just stay true to yourself, and enjoy the learning process.  Eventually, everyone finds what it is that makes them happy.

If you need anything, please feel free to cmail me!

I wish you well.

(in reply to Eivarden)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 2:48:39 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: XaviersXian
Penelope, I am in the same boat.  I am very inexperienced as a dominant (but very eager to learn).  I am also not afraid to admit that.


Help me put the pieces of the puzzle together please. You profile currently lists you as a female submissive.


quote:

If you are looking for a submissive or a slave, move along.  I'm the very happily married submissive partner of a dominant man, and have no intention of changing that.

If you are curious about anything else, please just ask!.

So I'm just asking...

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to XaviersXian)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 3:15:11 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline
hi LA,

It is simply that "submissive" is the closest label that CM has to describe my life situation/outlook on life (I am currently a "submissive wife", who has a very definite dominant personality of her own).

I live my life as I feel most comfortable; towards my husband, that is as a submissive partner, towards others, it is as a dominant force.

I hope this helps! (if not, please get in touch)

I wish you well.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/29/2009 10:07:47 PM   
thaprincess


Posts: 69
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline
This is my first post and my first day here and I too am extremely inexperienced in being a Domme, but I met the current sub I'm talking to online. It took a few months for me to get real comfy with the idea of being a Domme. My sub took the time to get to know me first and then worked with me to help bring out my more dominant nature (which was not that hard since I apparently had all the makings of a Domme but hadn't really noticed it). My point being, I agree with alot of the other posters. If a guy expects you to come out weilding a whip like Indiana Jones when first meeting and expects to just bypass the getting to know you stage, he's not worth it. You have to be true to yourself and trust your gut instinct. If what he wants doesn't mesh with who you know you are, just move on. Don't change who you are just so you can satisfy the itch of some sub. 

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/30/2009 1:16:27 PM   
Celene


Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
To be dominant is to be exactly who you are and not be told you need to be something someone else wants you to be. . .
   just as to be submissive is to accept and submit to the one you choose to allow to dominate you.

If there is an identity crisis, I suggest it is that of the "subs" who tell you how you should be.
Been there, heard that one myself.


_____________________________

That was then, this is now.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I seem like a passive Domme?!? - 11/30/2009 5:29:15 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

cloudboy... This is the whole post that Underumam made. Taking one sentence out of a whole comment can lead to using that one bit of the comment in a way that suggests the poster meant something far different than what their whole post meant. I find this does a disservice to us all and undermines credibility of those choosing to push an agenda of miscontent and in this case, that would be you.


Upon review, I stand by my original post which questioned Underumam's lead sentence of: Queen Penelope, YOU ARE THE DOMME. Why question yourself?

It was not my goal to go into his whole post and the "young and inexperienced" thing. Plus, if you connect the "young and inexperienced" line of thinking to the lead sentence, the implication is that only youth and inexperience cause Dommes to engage in growing pains, self doubts, and relationship issues. To me this is a bit ageist and stereotypical as well.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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