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Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 10:06:52 PM   
QueenPenelope


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/23/2009
From: South Carolina
Status: offline 		A sub I am talking to told me that he wants to have children and would like to see how far we get in our relationship. I told him I don't know if having children would fit the type of lifestyle we would be living together. Then he said we'll see what happens when the time arises. But how does having children fit in the lifestyle of having a 24/7/365 Domme and Sub relationship?

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 10:20:19 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		QP, this is somewhat off topic, but I think it fits here anyway:  in the five days you've been on CM, you've posted about subs who have gone off on rants when you brought up relocating, subs who appear to be one thing in their profiles, but when you talk to them, you claim they are something else, and now you're talking about having or not having children with someone you've only just started corresponding with and you don't know what to do.  The common denominator in all this drama is you.  Perhaps you ought to consider slowing things down a bit?

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 10:22:05 PM   
CountrySong


Posts: 554
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		A 50's lifestyle could work and that is what I'm working towards because I've lived me harecore days and it's time to settle down and be a father; but, if you are talking a hardcore 24/7 BDSM lifestyle - forget it!!!
The simple fact is that once you have little ones a 24/7 lifestyle has to change to limit exposure to the lifestyle to the little ones. Even accidental exposure to the lifestyle can get your little ones taken away and you tossed in jail.
I know several lifestylers with little ones and they basically live vanilla lifestyles with kink on the side. I only know a few lifestylers who manage 24/7 with kids and they do it by having areas of the house where the little ones are not allowed. One I know has an entire basement with a kid proof entry.
One of the first questions I ask is "do you want little ones?" 95% say no. If your sub wants little ones and you want a 24/7 hardcore relationship my advice is to let the sub go.

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 10:34:24 PM   
QueenPenelope


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/23/2009
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

QP, this is somewhat off topic, but I think it fits here anyway:  in the five days you've been on CM, you've posted about subs who have gone off on rants when you brought up relocating, subs who appear to be one thing in their profiles, but when you talk to them, you claim they are something else, and now you're talking about having or not having children with someone you've only just started corresponding with and you don't know what to do.  The common denominator in all this drama is you.  Perhaps you ought to consider slowing things down a bit?


Either answer the question or don't. But don't indirectly insult me by telling me I am the problem when clearly you don't know me from Adam's house cat. No where once did I mention what kind of person I am, nor did I say I never want children. I just simply asked from those who are more experienced than I rather or not children fits the D/S relationship.


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I wont argue with you. If good bye help you......Good bye.

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 10:53:21 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope

A sub I am talking to told me that he wants to have children and would like to see how far we get in our relationship. I told him I don't know if having children would fit the type of lifestyle we would be living together. Then he said we'll see what happens when the time arises. But how does having children fit in the lifestyle of having a 24/7/365 Domme and Sub relationship?


Why wouldn't it? You just order him to go the PTA meeting and you know... actually listen to him and respect his desires for the kids the same you would anything else that is extremely important to him. It's like asking if it's ok for you to go visit his family. If you want kids and he wants kids... Pretty darn simple to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/28/2009 11:01:53 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		"Does having children fit your lifestyle?"

Why wouldn't it, OP?

24/7 means that he's under my authority constantly. That he's my slaveboy, every minute of every day. Not that we're constantly fucking, sucking, whipping, begging or whatever. We have lives.


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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 12:50:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Honestly, I happen to agree with V.

Seriously, you are 22 years old.  How does the question reflect back to any other person of that age making such a monumental decision?  If there wasn't kink involved, would you want to have little ones so early?  What about things like education or relationship stability?  How would a little person fit into your day to day world?

Personally, while I tend to be conservative on most topics, I'm rather liberal on this one.  My little people grew up in an environment where different types of families were something they were educated about, rather than hidden from.  Those are decisions that you have to make based on your parenting skills.


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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 1:03:35 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Slow down . Have fun. Play the field. Relax. Then make your decision. Get out to night clubs and dance your heels away before you decide that. Like Lady Pact said your 22. Act like a 22 year old. Your not 40 yet
Kevin

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 1:39:03 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		Do children fit into Oour lifestyle? Simple answer is yes, but when Wwe met i already had two and He had three. Wwe didn't have to change anything because they were already there and that was how things were and are. What you have to consider (and this may be blindlingly obvious) is that you are living your BDSM life with no restrictions. When any folk vanilla or kinky have their first child, it is a huge lifestyle change anyway. You have to adjust in all sorts of ways and a kinky lifestyle would have to adjust more than most.

My advice to you would be to have children when you and your partner feel ready regardless of your lifestyle. Take time to adjust to the fact that you can no longer be spontaneous, can no longer go clubbing because babysitters don't do all night (unless you can arrange grandparents to take them all night), suffer sleep deprivation, the fact that you and your partner now have to share your time with the new additions. Of course you can still have the relationship you already have, there will just have to be compromises that's all.

Don't be put off lol! Kids are great, but hard work and they do mean careful planning about play. Master and i live a 24/7 lifestyle and it works well for Uus. Wwe have a liberal household, but the kids are never exposed to anything inappropriate.

hugs

gabrielle x

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 2:22:48 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Honestly, I happen to agree with V.

Seriously, you are 22 years old.  How does the question reflect back to any other person of that age making such a monumental decision?  If there wasn't kink involved, would you want to have little ones so early?  What about things like education or relationship stability?  How would a little person fit into your day to day world?

Personally, while I tend to be conservative on most topics, I'm rather liberal on this one.  My little people grew up in an environment where different types of families were something they were educated about, rather than hidden from.  Those are decisions that you have to make based on your parenting skills.



To be fair, she may be trying to make a fair decision on who to have a serious relationship with since that will become an issue in the long-term. Val and I discussed how we felt regarding marriage and children when he was 21 and I was 20 because we didn't want to get into the relationship and deal with that seven years down the road. Granted that can very well change but we didn't want to go into things hoping that one of us would change their mind.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 3:00:33 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		D/s is a relationship with kink added in.  As such, some have kids and some don't.

Children will be exposed to D/s in terms of knowing that Daddy will be in control or, as in your case, Mommy will be.  As long as they see and experience parents' love, they'll be fine with this.  Just keep them away from seeing the whips and chains.

So, OP, lemme ask you a question - kink aside, DO you want children or don't you?  If you get into a serious relationship, it will (and should) come up.  As others have stated, D/s itself doesn't rule children out, but you need to know if this is something you want.  Although Kevin is right about you having time at this point (but the rotter is dead wrong about 40 being the end of the world.  I'm 53 and I'm not ready to be out to pasture just yet).


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 3:09:29 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		I must agree with Venatrix and Lady Pact. Seriously..you're spinning in circles here and trying to handle so many things at once that you cannot see the big picture. Slow down.

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 3:38:45 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

QP, this is somewhat off topic, but I think it fits here anyway:  in the five days you've been on CM, you've posted about subs who have gone off on rants when you brought up relocating, subs who appear to be one thing in their profiles, but when you talk to them, you claim they are something else, and now you're talking about having or not having children with someone you've only just started corresponding with and you don't know what to do.  The common denominator in all this drama is you.  Perhaps you ought to consider slowing things down a bit?


Either answer the question or don't. But don't indirectly insult me by telling me I am the problem when clearly you don't know me from Adam's house cat. No where once did I mention what kind of person I am, nor did I say I never want children. I just simply asked from those who are more experienced than I rather or not children fits the D/S relationship.


I don't think she was trying to insult you at all. I think she's trying to help you. The image you have been projecting on these message boards over the last week has been less than composed.

This is off topic, but it needs to be addressed. But in my not so humble opinion, a true dominant woman has learned self-control, class, composure, dignity, poise and the like as a base. If you aren't demonstrating these traits, and sorry to say, in the last week on collarme you haven't, how to do you expect to be controlling anyone else?

Bite my head off if you will, but my intent is to help you.

- LA


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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 4:06:40 AM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone. Would save soceity for a host of problems.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 4:19:44 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone. Would save soceity for a host of problems.


hrmpf or have a lock on male-sperm!

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 5:35:04 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I must inform my adult children that should not have been born.......since I was far younger than 25 when I had them.

Apparently having children, and now grandchildren, does fit my lifestyle.

I really didn't have much of a choice in being a mother, aside from chosing to have sex for the first time, that summer of 1978. Being a mother has been my lifestyle for most of the years since. It's only been the last 10 years that I gave much thought to what I wanted and what fulfilled me. It's not a life path I recommend to anyone but it's working for me. The reality is that my life can be daunting to any potential s-type. They are not just getting a relationship with me, they are getting a family. The realities of my life have scared more than a few off. One that I loved very much even.

Yes, it can be sad, knowing that. But I wouldn't change much of anything. My life experiences, my being a mother and grandmother, all that that entails.....these are things that have made me who I am today and continue to fill my life with such joy. Any s-type that cannot accept all of me, just isn't for me.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 5:38:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone. Would save soceity for a host of problems.


Or we could force sterilize all men (snipping the power line is a very simple and realistic procedure after all) after they bank enough sperm so that only once they proved they were mature enough to father and parent a child could they use the sperm to insemnate a woman.

Or we could just continue to educate and not judge other people. That works for me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/29/2009 5:39:03 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to rockspider)
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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 7:53:04 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone. Would save soceity for a host of problems.


Considering that most boys pressure girls to have sex, it's the boys that should have the chastity devices!

Also, because according to you,  women stop being ignorant at 25 but you prove to us that at 55, some men still are!

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 8:46:53 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider
In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone.

Perhaps the lock could be invisible from the outside, and in the form of teeth that only bit at something being inserted into the vagina.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Does having children fit your lifestyle? - 11/29/2009 9:50:06 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

In my perfect world women at birth would have a lock installed preventing them from having babies. At the age of 25 she could on providing sufficent dokumentation for she was able to take care of a baby have the lock undone. Would save soceity for a host of problems.


Well done now the thread is off topic.....

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

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