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Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 1:24:32 PM

slaveana

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Joined: 7/18/2006
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If a Master is not physically attracted to His slave, can there be other attractions that sustain the relationship? Can you live without that kind of intimacy? What if He wishes not to use you but doesnt allow you to be used , does that need to be important to a slave? Basically, does it matter if a slave has needs or wants?

Post #: 1

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 1:31:13 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

Basically, does it matter if a slave has needs or wants?

one of the needs would beeing the need to serve as a slave and all that comes with it ;)
For me it does matter..will try to satisfy them, but mostly it happens automatically by serving me.
( the interaction satisfies most needs)

quote:

If a Master is not physically attracted to His slave, can there be other attractions that sustain the relationship?

looks are important..but a nice personality has to come with it for me.

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 2

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 1:56:07 PM

slaveana

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Joined: 7/18/2006
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yes, looks are important but what if its not about the face, what if the face is as they say 'easy on the eyes', so to speak? what if its about scars or mars on the body that can only be seen naked?

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 3

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 1:57:45 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

If a Master is not physically attracted to His slave, can there be other attractions that sustain the relationship? Can you live without that kind of intimacy? What if He wishes not to use you but doesnt allow you to be used , does that need to be important to a slave? Basically, does it matter if a slave has needs or wants?

I am not so superficial that I believe one's outer packaging determines my ability to be intimate. Yes, I do believe a relationship could survive without it, I am not sure it would be one I'd desire to enter into. If this need would be desired by the slave, I would find a way to see it was met and satisfied, as for me, it does matter, that the subs/slave's needs are met

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 4

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 2:03:48 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

yes, looks are important but what if its not about the face, what if the face is as they say 'easy on the eyes', so to speak? what if its about scars or mars on the body that can only be seen naked?

I have been with women, who have had scars, how does that make them unworthy, less than capable slaves or any less emotionally desirable?

< Message edited by Acer49 -- 11/29/2009 2:15:45 PM >

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 5

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 2:09:07 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

If a Master is not physically attracted to His slave, can there be other attractions that sustain the relationship? Can you live without that kind of intimacy? What if He wishes not to use you but doesnt allow you to be used , does that need to be important to a slave? Basically, does it matter if a slave has needs or wants?

If the chap doesn't fancy the girl physically/sexually, there are many things that could sustain the relationship such as genuine like and respect and/or both really enjoying the set-up they have. It would very likely be a mutual thing, I would imagine.

*Does that "need" to be important to a slave?*..... well that depends on the person , doesn't it. I would be very unlikely to choose a situation where there wasn't sex involved......UNLESS I chose that deliberately and it was agreed and understood. If I CHOSE a chap that didn't fancy me sexually , it would be silly to grumble about it.

Of course it matters if someone has needs and wants ....... that's why people gravitate toward others that tend to *supply* them.(to whatever degree and permeatation)

agirl

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 6

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 2:14:39 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

yes, looks are important but what if its not about the face, what if the face is as they say 'easy on the eyes', so to speak? what if its about scars or mars on the body that can only be seen naked?

I have scars and marrs....and stretch marks from bearing a trillion womb-escapers.........he still fancies me and has me naked too much of the time.(grrr, it's cold here)

Are you saying that your bloke doesn't fancy you because you have a less than *perfect* body, doesn't have sex with you and won't *allow* you to have sex anywhere else?

Just trying to cut to the chase here.

agirl

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 7

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 2:16:20 PM

slaveana

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Joined: 7/18/2006
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of course, but what if you entered a relationship not knowing or if He became unattracted to her sexually after they had been together awhile. If both parties are acceptable to it , thats fine but what if its the slave who is not but the Master denies the slave sex, whether with another or using toys?

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 3:00:02 PM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
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if you are not happy with the relation end it...

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 9

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 3:02:59 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

of course, but what if you entered a relationship not knowing or if He became unattracted to her sexually after they had been together awhile. If both parties are acceptable to it , thats fine but what if its the slave who is not but the Master denies the slave sex, whether with another or using toys?

What if, what if.......? If neither of you had explored whether you'd be attracted to each other , you;re both subject to the outcome of that. It was a gamble.

If something is *not acceptable* then I wouldn't be able to accept it, would I?

If you're being denied something that is THAT vitally important to you , then you have to make a decision about whether you can live with it ...or not.

There's no rules about this you know, D/s or otherwise.

agirl

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 10

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 3:08:53 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

*starts counting my scars*
....

....

*gives up cuz they're too many*

I can tell you the story behind each and every one of them though

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to agirl)

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RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 3:28:55 PM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

I have a lot of scars on my body from many surgeries. It has never been a 'turn off' or unattractive to whoever I have been with. What is unattractive to the ones i been with is a lot of what if's:) Sometimes we need to let go of the what if's and find what pleases the D-type, and there are many ways to serve. However, if i am hearing you right, i feel this is about you feeling cut off from your Dom because being his Slave has not turned out into the way He told you it would, or you fantase didn't become a reality, or for many other reasons. Only you can answer this and really need to address it with your Dom.

Phyisical is one thing, but seriously a person must be much more then their looks imho. Looks change over the years. I moved south and as I moved so did my body:), yet i stand tall in who and what i am and what i can offer another.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 12

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 5:18:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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If you are a service sub only then there does not have to be physical attraction. You do however have to enjoy each other's company since you will be spending time together.

As far as sexual needs go, you decide what you need, and you pick someone compatible. So if you require sex three times a week, then don't get involved with someone who will forbid you any sexual release for the next year.

You choose the relationship you enter. You aren't a vase sitting on a shelf waiting to be bought and then filled with carnations or daisies and then put away until the following spring.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 13

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 6:25:39 PM

AnimusRex

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Joined: 5/13/2006
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This is yet another example of treating M/s relationships like alien life forms, free from the laws of gravity and common sense.

If this were a 3 week fling or play session, who the hell cares.

But if it is a lifetime relationship, why in the world would you want to remain so? Its like we are fishing around here for Rule #438 in the Great Writ of Domination: "Its cool that the Dom ignores the old lady cause she has stretchmarks."

As if crappy self absorbed behavior is magically transformed by the alchemy of BDSM into something wonderful and profound.

If he isn't into you, find someone who is.

Yanno- as long as you have wound me up....
There is something to be said about thinking past the bedroom-does anyone think that we will all still be hanging from the ceiling and cracking bullwhips when we are 70?
Wouldn't it be nice to be with someone who will still love us and think we are Mr. Wonderful when we are shuffling through the park together, bony frail hand in bony frail hand?

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 14

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 6:32:02 PM

AuntStrict

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

Animus, I assure you that if I am in a wheelchair I will be cracking my singletail gleefully! There is no upper age for enjoying oneself.

100% in agreement with you otherwise!

~~~~~~

LadyH in disguise.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 15

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 6:39:29 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

needs and wants are two totally different things. slavebruno was not very attractive to me, but he served well for what i needed from him. he was very trainable, and sex was a minimal concern.

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 16

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 6:47:07 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana

of course, but what if you entered a relationship not knowing or if He became unattracted to her sexually after they had been together awhile. If both parties are acceptable to it , thats fine but what if its the slave who is not but the Master denies the slave sex, whether with another or using toys?

If you entered a relationship not knowing what would be involved, shame on you. If you have been together for a while and he now tells you he is no longer attracted to you sexually, then it is time for "the talk." There is the remote possibility that he is dealing with impotence or erectile dysfunction and doesn't want to admit his own shortcomings. Again, the need for "the talk." If you have "scars and marrs" and he is finding them difficult to accept, then honestly it is time for you to give HIM his walking papers. We all enter into these relationships because of how they will fufill US. A slave does so because it fufills them to do so. It satisfies the slave's needs and wants. If yours aren't being satisfied and no amount of talking is going to resolve that issue, then don't walk, run for the door. Because what you seem to be saying is that you have the "battle scars" of life and this putz is telling you regularly how unappealling they are to the point that he wants you to believe they would be unappealling to every other man, which is not simply a form of humiliation, but also a form of abuse.

Yes, I ranted a little. But I get so annoyed when grown people fall into the trap of some "master" making them believe that their happiness or fufillment is no longer of any importance at all. We ALL are entitled to happiness and regardless of what anyone might tell you, or any promises you might have made, are FREE to go and seek that happiness.

On a side note, I really think that if you had the sexual relationship at first and now don't, he is covering his issues by saying that you are no longer physically attractive which is horrible for him to do. Certainly, I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that there might be something to my suspicion. So ask yourself this....is HE still having sex with anyone?

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 17

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 8:51:30 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana
If a Master is not physically attracted to His slave, can there be other attractions that sustain the relationship? Can you live without that kind of intimacy? What if He wishes not to use you but doesnt allow you to be used , does that need to be important to a slave?

Sure there are asexual people out there who have asexual relationships. But if we are talking about you then you have to answer those questions for yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveana
Basically, does it matter if a slave has needs or wants?

Of course, a persons needs matter to them.

(in reply to slaveana)

Post #: 18

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 8:56:28 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

**this is hard**
i married my husband at 20 (just 10 days after turning 20) we both REALLY meant it (the til death do us part, part) i was young and hot LOL. i had a daughter who was 2, but i had gotten my figure back.

Bill and i built our life...we had two more kids, (he adopted my daughter) and he the kids were my life, and the kids and i were his. We were his muse if you will, for working, and striving, the over time, going back to college like he did....

One day, after 17 years of marriage, bill tells me one sunday morning he doesn't find me attractive any more, he doesn't love me any more, and he wants to leave me.... FOR ANOTHER WOMAN.......i couldn't breathe.....somehow colors even looked different..... perhaps i had heard him wrong.....i said what are you talking about? What do you mean you don't love me any more? How can you not love me any more? That experience really changed me.... prior to that i FELT beautiful....i had always been told i was.... bill had never said anything bad to me, or about me when i gained weight(and i gained a LOT) He always told me how beautiful i was and that he loved me...daily....and i felt so Blessed.... i knew i was fat...but HE didn't seem too LOL Then that day, that one day when he said that to me, it was like the curtain was lifted... like the emperor all of a sudden knew he was naked..... The shame and hurt was so hot and deep, i didn't think a wound like that was possible with mere words....i was wrong.

Every time i get naked in front of my Master its a small miracle. Hopefully Master doesn't know how bad i struggle. i want to feel at ease, so i'm hoping with my Masters encouragement, and me not allowing the shame to win....i can be free in my skin once more.....

It may not be important for a master to be physically attracted to their slave....but for me personally its important to feel accepted and attractive to the one i serve.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 11/29/2009 8:58:21 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 19

RE: Do You have to be physically attracted to your slave? - 11/29/2009 9:05:55 PM

slaveana

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

First, ana would like to say she appreciates all of the advice and the time everyone took to write, but this was not about her. she did not mean to confuse everyone. Her and some slave friends were having a discussion and these questions came up and then when people started responding here in this forum, it inspired new questions. It was interesting though that ana saw some seemed irritated in their responses, bordering on hostility. Respeactfully, it is a forum that maybe some people dont have anywhere to go to get answers and their only place is here. Sometimes , people just need a sounding board or a little advice now and again. Patience is a virtue, they say, although ana forgets that one herself from time to time.
To Mistress LafayetteLady:

You are absolutely right in saying that there is something more to it and ana brought that up as well, which brought up more questions. You brought up some interesting points that we threw around the table as well.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 20

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