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RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 6:17:06 AM

Anathema2104

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Joined: 11/10/2009
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Violence, either physical, or mental, is not dominant to my mind. I find it a demonstration of weakness.

Making me want it, ask for it, nay beg for it.... That's dominance, and it cannot be achieved through violence of any kind.... and only through subversion.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 21

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 6:29:58 AM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrogance
Physicality is not a mean of of dominance, it's a means of non-consensual force.

A note on the "raw dominance" referenced in the OP, using your point as a stepping stone.

I agree that physicality in a bdsm context is not dominance, but the OP does seem to be making a broader point about human nature. While it is true that most men could physically overpower most women, that's really not how our society is run today. There are social mores preventing men from using their physical advantages over women. I think that "raw dominance" as exerted through mental faculties is far more impressive than that exerted through brute force. And outside of the context of consensual bdsm, women dominate all over the place. Raw dominance. The men being dominated frequently resent it, but they can't do anything about it, because they don't have the mental faculties to combat it and they're not allowed to use their physical advantages.

The quote in the OP struck me because I know what it is like to exercise raw dominance. No consent involved. I've been in professional situations where I've been surrounded by alpha males 20 years my senior, where, by reason of gender, stature, and experience I was to the outside observer the person least likely to exert control over the situation. But I did exert control. I play laid back and pleasant most of the time, but I can unleash a commanding presence when need be and I can get my nominal superiors to shut up and do what I say.

I'm not pretending to be uber-domme capable of mastering every situation. And I do think that dominance is about control, it's not the bells and whistles, or puffed up chests. As such, I think women frequently approach dominance with a much broader tool kit then men because they are culturally trained to be sneaky about getting what they want. One can quietly control a situation with the self-imagined dominant males being unaware of it. Precisely because the image of control is so much more important to many men than the actual exercise of control. (I'm speaking culturally, not sure how much of this leaks into bdsm.)

(in reply to Arrogance)

Post #: 22

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 6:42:02 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Physical power and ability means nothing in terms of (yes, I'm going to use the "T" word) true dominance. It's a mindset more than anything else, just like submission.

SweetDommes,
You have captured my thoughts on this issue.

i am a male sub, so obviously i disagree with the author.

i believe that the D/s dynamic is 90% mental. Physical prowess has little bearing on it (unless a person's particular kink is wrestling or rape scenes).

i actually disagree STRONGLY with one of his first points which stated that dominance based on beauty is not actually dominance, but is actually seduction. i'd argue that seduction is a very effective form of dominance. Women throughout history have gotten their way with men through seduction.

If She is able to overcome his "big head" by forcing it to take a subordinate role to his "little head", then that is a tactic that would have probably gotten a gold star from Sun Tzu.

To me, dominance is the ability to make one's will supercede that of another. Physical might is one way to achieve that. Only a fool would say that it isn't. However, it is not the ONLY means. The problem with using physical might as the means of dominance is that the will to resist is always present in the dominated. Given the opportunity, the dominated will find a way to fight back against their dominator. Contrarily, a more cerebral approach would factor in a method of taking away the dominated's will to resist. Female sexuality is VERY effective at this.

IMO, dominance that eliminates the dominated person's will to resist, and further, makes the dominated actually grateful for being dominated, is the most effective form of domination long-term.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 11/30/2009 7:14:48 AM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 23

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 7:10:43 AM

Silence8

Posts: 833
Joined: 11/2/2009
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I'm tempted to say that the dominance that BDSM folk advocate is a type of farce. That's not meant as a judgment, as I myself also participate, so, if you think 'farce' is too strong, feel free to substitute 'roleplay' and the effect is similar.

Dominance in the 'real world' is both mental and physical, and is always a matter of force, so to say force is weakness is, in the greater global sense, exactly wrong. BDSM is inspired by the 'real world', where people die of starvation and take awful jobs out of necessity, etc., but BDSM, in its non-clinical state, removes the harmful 'essence' of the act it symbolizes, leaving only the emotional and artistic shell.

So, extracting worldly values from BDSM is pretty dangerous, I think, as the harmful elements might in fact reemerge. Maybe some forms of domination and submission can be good, moral, or otherwise, but many are not.

(EDIT: There are two concepts I deal with here, 'force' and 'farce'... not a typo...)

< Message edited by Silence8 -- 11/30/2009 7:15:00 AM >

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 24

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 7:18:22 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

i was perusing journal entries, when i came across this. These are not my own words. Moreover, i don't feel the need to identify the profile that i got these from, since i don't want the author to get unkind messages. Rather, i thought it might be interesting to get the reaction of the Mistresses to his ideas.

Here is an excerpt from the journal that got me thinking about this:

"Using your looks to get what you want is not dominance.. Its persuasion and seduction. Both parties fall victim to submission in that act.

I'm beginning to question the whole female aspect of dominance.....

Nature has intended for females to be submissive and men to be dominant. With that said, true dominance in a female would be a woman with literally a masculine style mind, strength not only mentally but physically. To never want to "be" fucked,, but to "do" the fucking.

The "typical female dominant" of today is not a true definition of raw dominance. In fact i dont even know what to call it. Because its not fake.. but its not exactly real either."

My reaction to the above, specifically the parts I bolded, is that the person that wrote it is insecure and fearful. Most people that feel the need to stridently proclaim the strong dominant male natural order of things, tend to be. What their reasons are, is probably as varied as the people themselves. I've seen it in both genders and it is equally unattractive in either.

Certainly there can be a physicality in dominance. However I do not believe that it is a requirement. If it were, no one would be. The biggest strongest men can be brought down by the weakest individual given today's technology.

Regardless the tools, be they physical or otherwise, it is about the will of the persons involved. Someone has to have the desire and will to dominate and someone has to have the will to submit.

To make it an over simplified notion of who is the strongest physically does dominants of both genders a huge disservice. Consider this, if saying a man is only capable of being dominant to those he can physically over power, that is equally as insulting. In addition, even the strongest man will eventually weaken physically. Is he no longer dominant?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/30/2009 7:19:12 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 25

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 7:48:32 AM

SomethingCatchy

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Of course female dominance isn't real. It's a myth we've created to make men behave, just like parents warn children that the Easter Bunny won't leave them a basket if they don't sit still in their car seat or eat their green beans...

I always laugh when people tell me I'm inferior or lying to myself just because I have a vagina.

_____________________________

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Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 26

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 7:48:52 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
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From: Not your hood
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Female domination is all in ya head..it doesn't exist I mean piff look around ya!!!!

ignorance is blizz

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 27

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 7:53:52 AM

SomethingCatchy

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Joined: 7/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To make it an over simplified notion of who is the strongest physically does dominants of both genders a huge disservice. Consider this, if saying a man is only capable of being dominant to those he can physically over power, that is equally as insulting. In addition, even the strongest man will eventually weaken physically. Is he no longer dominant?

No one ever likes to think about how they're going to get weak and eventually die, and I'm sure this never crossed his mind. I've noticed that no matter how old the man is, he still believes he's capable of more than he is. My dad finally accepted the fact that he's a broken down old fart, but he still almost kills himself daily trying to do physically exhausting work. You've got to admire that kind of dedication, but at the same time it seems kind of sad.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 28

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 8:02:39 AM

Kat713

Posts: 134
Joined: 8/31/2008
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Ok well I myself am a switch who does tend to lean more towards her submissive side, so I don't know if I am qualified to answer this question. But I'll just put my two cents in anyway... Ok first of all, in my opinion, true Dominance is not about physical strength. And secondly, men can seduce as well. For example, I once talked to a Dominant on the phone and not only was he very attractive, but his voice... was so hypnotic. So I was being seduced right there, trust me. Anyway, the point is, Dominance can come in many forms, and it is also about what the submissive wants. If the submissive wants to be dominated by a small asian female, then for him, just a word from her can make him fall to his knees. And it doesn't even have to be about sex. I know of plenty of male subs who just want the honor of being told to clean a female dominant's house or do her laundry or something. That guy should get his facts straight.

But everyone is entitled to their opinion, and it didn't seem like the guy was intentionally trying to offend anyone, he was just putting his opinion out there. So... anyway that's my

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 29

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 8:03:30 AM

Underumam

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It's difficult sometimes, to interpret the words of others and arrive at the conclusion they tried to express. I always try to let my words express my true feelings of the moment when writing, so all I can offer is this;

For me, female dominance is not only real, it is the most natural thing in the world for me. I wasn't raised by a femdom in any kinky sense, yet my adopted mother was a strong woman who knew how to get people to do what she wanted. I believe that females are the life-givers, and as such are better equipped both emotionally and spiritually to have the balance of power for making decisions that affect/protect the whole family, rest their capable hands. I also have seen that many women have fallen into a seductive trap and this seems to have lessened their ability in this area. A balanced woman will not only be able to lead/guide, but will generally have control over most everyone in her imeadiate surroundings following her directives. From what I can see, the key in all this is not sex, but love. If the world were to follow the dictates of a few well balanced females, I'd venture to guess that wars/sensless killings/child abuse/hatered/violence/dishonest politics and so on would cease. Many Native American tribes were subtley governed by clan mothers, who knew what to look for in choosing their leaders. Being able to talk a good game didn't mean anything to them. They knew who was truly there for her people...

Just some things for consideration..

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 30

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 8:28:46 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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Dominance and seduction are not mutually exclusive. In fact, seduction is a form of dominating.

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 31

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 8:39:48 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To make it an over simplified notion of who is the strongest physically does dominants of both genders a huge disservice. Consider this, if saying a man is only capable of being dominant to those he can physically over power, that is equally as insulting. In addition, even the strongest man will eventually weaken physically. Is he no longer dominant?

No one ever likes to think about how they're going to get weak and eventually die, and I'm sure this never crossed his mind. I've noticed that no matter how old the man is, he still believes he's capable of more than he is. My dad finally accepted the fact that he's a broken down old fart, but he still almost kills himself daily trying to do physically exhausting work. You've got to admire that kind of dedication, but at the same time it seems kind of sad.

It is very sad, especially when that person has their whole self identity and value as a person wrapped up in that physical being. Men are not exclusive to this, just look at the dramatic rise in plastic surgery over the last two decades. Look at our entertainment industry. People placing all of their self value on an aspect of themselves that time destroys.

Which then begs the question.......Does a 75 yo dominant woman still hold the same power over her submissives/slaves as she did when she was 35 and physically young and beautiful to all?

I think yes, but it is doubtful that everyone will agree.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/30/2009 8:40:30 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 32

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 8:52:28 AM

Lockit

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I do not rationalize my dominance or nature. Nor do I argue it with someone who thinks that seduction is enough to overpower that natural dominant male and make him a mindless male, subject to his hardened cock. If that is the case, if I were to argue with him, he would lose, as this weak woman used a weak thing to overpower him. Thus... I am the stronger or smarter of the two.

Dominance is far more than seduction, although seduction may be included... it has little to do with who does the fucking. I consider the guy backward in thinking and mis-informed. Has he never had a woman ride him? Was she dominant and doing the fucking and out of line with her true nature? I think not.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 33

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 9:11:50 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I always laugh when people tell me I'm inferior or lying to myself just because I have a vagina.

Actually, I do think vaginas are inferior to penises. You can't piss behind the toilet bowl nearly so well with them.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 34

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 10:52:04 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
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OP:
I can only speak for myself..my Dominance is about PRESENCE..
When I enter a room..converation..event..when I walk down the street..
when I speak..ppl FEEL IT..

It has always been that way...my presence takes over the room..
I say this not in haughtiness but I am proud that I have much to offer,
My presence puts ppl at ease..(some) and they immediately begin to do what I say.
They know I will solve probelms..bring a room to order...get so down to business..fillow through

MY Dominance *may* be about how I look..but nto in a femdom porn way..; rather body carriage..eye contact etc.

I inherited a massive uuper body form a weight lifter father..I am stronger than most men..which may add to my confidence..
I do know how I carry myself has a lot to so with it.and I know that sa I walk I feel a great rootedness each time I set my foot down.

MY Dominance is about voice...kind reassuance that all will be well..
commited answers and strong commands to be followed to reach a goal..
Answers that come from wisdom of years and years in the school of hard knocks and universities and life/

MY Dominance is about love...compassion and high intuition..being able to QUICKLY see what is going on in a situation and act immediately and without doubt..

MY Dominance is about MINDS FIRST..seeing into ppl and acting accordingly without manipulation but in order to EMPOWER for the highest good.
I am thankful I was given a creative and intelligent mind.
I have HONESTY and integrity.

MY Dominance is about passion..for life...add-venture..new ppl..knowledge..healing..growth..change..This energy has reversed my aging process and draws others ..in fascination

I know my Dominance is real....because it is ME...everyday not the BDSM..
BDSM is PART OF my world..but does not define me.

MY DOMINANCE is ALL of me.

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 11/30/2009 11:04:43 AM >

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 35

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 10:55:24 AM

OttersSwim

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Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I always laugh when people tell me I'm inferior or lying to myself just because I have a vagina.

Actually, I do think vaginas are inferior to penises. You can't piss behind the toilet bowl nearly so well with them.

To say nothing of writing your name in the snow!

The whole concept of dominance based on physicality is ludicrous to my mind. Oh sure, big strong man can bash the woman over the head and drag her back to the cave by her hair...but once you get Her there, She's got you right where you want Her!

Just as that first unwitting cavemen must have found, strength has little to do with dominance. It is authority that matters and despite the centuries of man's discrimination and lording his physical strength over the "fairer sex", She has managed to do just fine thank you very much!

We are in a time now where women have the opportunities to show their strengths without too many people trying to shout them down. And here we find this fine web forum where a number of Ladies who are openly dominant, and a number of men are openly submissive to them.

Nothing to do with strength, physical prowess, or gender plumbing. It has to do with certain Ladies having the strength of character to desire authority in relationship and certain males having the same strength of character to desire to give it to Her.

Oh yea...and there's the whole hitting thing too...and the other kinks...but they are second to authority in relationship...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 36

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 11:05:46 AM

SimplyIsaac

Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I always laugh when people tell me I'm inferior or lying to myself just because I have a vagina.

Actually, I do think vaginas are inferior to penises. You can't piss behind the toilet bowl nearly so well with them.

Ah! Smoking gun evidence of male superiority.

Yes, men can stand up to pee... therefore we rock! Then I take an anatomy course and realize that functional parts on men correspond to pleasure parts for women.

Penis = clitoris
Prostate = g-spot

So that vein laden meat pipe we are so proud of comes from a clitoris, which on a woman, is there strictly for pleasure. For men it's used for pissing, too. Multifunctional, yes, but the fact the penis corresponds to a clit sort of steals the cock's thunder a bit. Our man parts are more economical, but the parts from where they derive are luxury items on a woman. They are the Mercedes and we are Saturns, I'm afraid.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 37

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 11:13:17 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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to the op welcome to the new milenium. if your dynamic is based on the 1950s and works great. the dynamic im in i am a soldier and i chose to submit to my Mistress i am submissive by my nature and She is Dominant by nature so it works well for U/us. it is not for looks or brute strength that determines the majority of the dynamics i have seen but trust love honesty and yes dominance and submission.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 38

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 11:15:12 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
They are the Mercedes and we are Saturns, I'm afraid.

Dammit! And Saturn's have just been discontinued!

What will that mean for poor -man- kind?

Will we now just be full of -vinegar- alone? Will we lack -spring- in our pants as well as in our steps? What will there be left in a man for a woman to envy? Will the one-eyed trouser snake become an endangered species?

Tune in next week and find out!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

Post #: 39

RE: Is female dominance real? - 11/30/2009 11:18:22 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac

functional parts on men correspond to pleasure parts for women.

Really? How romantic! By email or by post?

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 11/30/2009 11:19:14 AM >

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(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

Post #: 40

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