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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:24:04 PM

lovingpet

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Thanks! I'll be needing it!

I do look at it as setting up some level of priority even though I don't really think that has to be the intent behind any decision made. I look at it based on who needs the space, privacy, and such like that. Unfortunately, that practical mindset is a little difficult to maintain when it gets to be an emotionally charged issue for anyone. I am sure I will have input. I really don't know that I am going to even offer a final say, but my feelings and needs are just as much a concern as theirs. That much I know they both agree upon.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:28:01 PM

lovingpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If hubby agrees that his decisions should come first imo this is a nobrainer..he's the one that you are legally bound to and I would hope spiritually as well since it is a marriage. You have more to lose in a marriage than the M/s.

To some extent I agree. There are other issues at work that don't allow me to function solely under this premise, but that is something else altogether. That is one thing that I do not ever want is for hubby to feel or be pushed to an outsider status.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:31:35 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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Fuck it.....give ME the master bedroom and you three can fight over the other bedroom

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:32:43 PM

lovingpet

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Hehe!!!!! Nope you's in the fight now too!!!! Pillow tickle fight!!!!!!

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:36:12 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Hehe!!!!! Nope you's in the fight now too!!!! Pillow tickle fight!!!!!!

Woohoo pillow fight....tickle me and you die

On the serious side I think it should go to you and hubby; married couple over Dom and sub

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 4:43:03 PM

lovingpet

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Promises promises!!!

That seems the consensus. I am really worried about the floorplan though as having my partner in the smaller room puts us sharing a wall with the saplings' room. I am really not wanting any ackward questions. Of course, I think we will have already crossed that bridge before any funny noises come along! LOL

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 5:37:50 PM

DarkSteven

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Too damn complicated. Just dump both of them and come to me.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 6:09:24 PM

lovingpet

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LOL!!!! If I come to you, it will only be to harrass you. Are you good with that?

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 6:24:50 PM

DarkSteven

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My ass already has hair. You don't need to hair-ass further.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 6:28:52 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Promises promises!!!

That seems the consensus. I am really worried about the floorplan though as having my partner in the smaller room puts us sharing a wall with the saplings' room. I am really not wanting any ackward questions. Of course, I think we will have already crossed that bridge before any funny noises come along! LOL

How thick are the walls in that house? It might well be that they wouldn't hear anything.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 6:50:38 PM

lovingpet

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DS, that is an image that I will now have nightmares about. Thanks a lump!

We haven't gotten to look at the place yet, so I have no idea how thick the walls are. I am just looking at the floorplans they gave us and see the potential for embarrassment. When we do the tour, we will have to take a closer look. Maybe even shut the doors and do some pounding and screaming and such to see how it goes. I am sure the landlord will think we are completely insane. LOL

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 6:53:55 PM

DesFIP

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Who is buying this house? If the name on the deed is you and hubby, then he comes first. If you aren't okay with that, then perhaps you need to move on and end the marriage. But if he isn't happy, then don't expect the marriage or the poly to last.

Is there sufficient room/funds to add on a second master suite? If so, then hubby gets one, M gets the other and the toys stay locked in there, and you float back and forth.

Personally I would love adjoining bedrooms, that way we could visit when we wanted and go to bed with a book without disturbing each other the rest of the time.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 7:01:23 PM

lovingpet

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We will be renting and eventually purchasing. The name on both lease and deed will wind up being my partner's. Yup. It gets stickier. This is going to be the best way for a lot of very important reasons. I want everyone happy and for both to move forward with life and vigor. We're just having trouble navigating a few things.

Obviously for now, there will be no way to add on or modify the home. We can look for something that meets our needs better when we are able to buy. We want a year or two to both continue saving and to ensure all is well with the arrangement before buying a residence. Adjoining would be great as would dual master bedrooms and an additional room for the saplings. We will have to see what we can find.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 7:57:22 PM

CalifChick

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I have yet to be in a standard home (meaning one not specifically built with soundproof walls) that did not have ALOT of sound transfer between the secondary bedrooms. When we remodeled the office suite we were moving into, we specified staggered-stud construction with extra insulation, and you can STILL hear normal sound-level voices in the next room (although you cannot hear what they are saying).

You could add a "free-standing" staggered-stud wall that butts up against the existing wall with extra insulation in between them, move the electrical outlets to the surface of the new wall, etc. But you will lose more than 4 inches of room space per wall. In a small room, doing two walls on opposite sides of the room, that's almost a foot narrower.

The free-standing wall can be done without major damage to the existing walls.

Cali

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/1/2009 8:02:42 PM

lovingpet

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That's an idea, provided the room can handle the shrinkage. My partner could build something like that. The most primary concern for me is keeping things proper for the saplings. Then comes all the adults little feelings and egos. Hopefully, that isn't too hard for everybody to understand and we can get on the same page about things. If we can make more options available that will help a lot I think, so I really do appreciate so much input from everyone! Thanks!

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 4:46:03 AM

DesFIP

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If you're renting, then anyway you could rent two adjoining apartments? That way your M could have his privacy and you folks could have family only nights which the saplings would need. That way allows more sound protection, the toys don't need to be hidden etc.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 6:42:34 AM

lovingpet

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We are looking at that as a possibility too, if money will allow it.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 7:09:41 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Why not just set each one of them up in their own bedroom and you go back and forth each night? Kinda like they do on "Big Love" on HBO.

That's more or less the plan. the sticking point is who gets the big bedroom with the private bathroom and walk in closet. LOL

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 9:15:37 AM

lovingpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Why not just set each one of them up in their own bedroom and you go back and forth each night? Kinda like they do on "Big Love" on HBO.

That's more or less the plan. the sticking point is who gets the big bedroom with the private bathroom and walk in closet. LOL

you

Thankies Holly!!! I knew I wubbsed ya for a reason!

That is pretty much a given. I need the space the little room just won't afford all my stuff. The question is who gets to share it with me. If we had to funds for yet an extra bedroom, problem solved! They can both venture to petition for the queen's company on a given night.

Alas, that fairytale is just that. We're stuck with three bedrooms max.

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 12/2/2009 9:16:46 AM >

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 9:55:04 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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My situation is different, as I'm branching off to start a new household on the East Coast around mid-year this year... which will return me to Matriarch status within House Bladewing. For me, for the simple sake of convenience, I will be putting the shared servant in the large bedroom, which one or more of us may also share at will. Hir mate will have hir own room with a work area (since xhe's an artist), and we will be leaving the issue of who shares which beds when to what we usually leave it to -- the preferences of everyone involved.

My reasoning suits our household, but may not suit someone elses, and that is that the servant gets the larger space because xhe will be the one accumulating the toys and project materials to complete hir duties, while the rest of us will only be dealing with our -own- stuff. While xhe is also -married-, one of the idiosyncrasies of our household is that, once we accept a couple into our fold, it becomes a communion of -all- of us, with the key priority relationship being the household -as a whole-, so it doesn't make sense, in our case, to continue to isolate a couple as their own entity -- rather, we attempt to give everyone the opportunity to embrace their -new- family structure by giving everyone appropriate personal space, and truly integrating new members, including previously paired members, as fully embraced members of a single family.

I don't know how this would work for most folk, who seem to be more territorial in a lot of areas than the folks who gravitate towards our communal situation.

Calla

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