RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 11:24:43 AM

calamitysandra

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If giving everybody his/her own bedroom is not an viable option, I would feel that the husband gets to share the larger one with his wife, as I view the marriage as the primary relationship.
But that is only my point of view, what works for your dynamics is something you three need to work out by yourself.

Now, I have no idea how your relationship works, so I hope I am not offending you by assuming (yes, yes, I know...) something wrong.
That said, I would be very careful where the feelings of my husband are concerned. He will be moving in with another man. A man that will not only share his living space, but also the affections of his wife. Maybe granting him the bigger bedroom will make the transition easier for him, and reassure him where his place in you life is concerned.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 3:06:30 PM

lovingpet

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Thanks to both you ladies! It is clear it can be viewed some very different ways, which is exactly what I need to hear. I actually need people to make some level of presumption based upon their own beliefs about marriage, poly, and more. It helps me form my own perspective better. I didn't exactly anticipate or recognize what was developing as poly, but that is what it is. It certainly wasn't planned and not a proclivity I initially came into this looking to fill. It is just how things grew naturally.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 6:48:46 PM

wisdomtogive

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Hi lovingpet, I do hope all is well with your and yours. There are ways to soundproof a room, and some inexpensive. You might want to check out that through google. Maybe this will then help you with this issue.

blessings,
wisdomtogive

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 7:09:17 PM

thaprincess

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Well lovingpet that's a really tricky situation, but I agree with calamitysandra. I think hubby should get the master bedroom to share with you since he is the one who is letting this other man share both his domain (his house) and his lovely wife. Giving him the master bedroom may make him feel better, as if he's not being pushed out the relationship by this new man. With that said, I personally believe in the concept of senoritiy. Meaning first person in the relationship gets first dibs on where they want to stay in the house, and in this case that's your husband.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/2/2009 8:42:16 PM

LafayetteLady

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Well lovingpet, I can't say that I envy you having this difficult decision to make. Like a lot of others, I see your husband as being the one who should get to share the master bedroom with you. I really don't know all that much about your situation, but I gather your partner is the dominant and your husband is not involved in the lifestyle? Anyway, first priority needs to be those "saplings." Regardless of their age, this will be a bit of an unusual situation for them. Over time, they will figure out that mommy is spending "private time" with daddy and this other guy, and will ask questions I hope you are prepared to answer.

Since the other "man room" shares a wall with the youngins, my suggestion is looking for another type of home entirely. Have you ever considered a mother/daughter set up? Personally, I've never seen "adjoining apartments," but with a mother/daughter set up, sounds shouldn't be an issue, the family (which needs to be the primary concern because of the kids) has their space, your partner has his own space which the kids would understand being off limits, and during non-play times, everyone can spend as much or as little time together that they want. I would have to assume that your partner has met and likes your kids, but honestly if he doesn't have any of his own, and with dad living right there in the house, the mother/daughter set up would be ideal for him because he can get away from that whenever he doesn't want to be in "family" mode.

Good luck. I admit, it isn't a situation I would be going for, but it seems to be something all the adults in the home are in agreement about and so I wish you all the happiness that you are hoping for.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/3/2009 1:19:56 PM

lovingpet

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I can see where seniority could or should be the means of making this decision and I am sure hubby would agree. For more private reasons, I'm not sure what I think.

There has been some talk of renting a house with a basement. My partner has stated he would even prefer the basement if we did so. Hubby sees a house basement and a "male sanctuary" and, therefore, thinks of it as depriving him his "man rights". LOL If we can afford to rent such a house, I think it would actually work out okay and even quite well. All entrances can be secured which would mean we would have our space all set out for play and even have some larger pieces out and ready. Hubby isn't into what we do, but is not exactly disinterested either. It just never worked with us doing things together. I don't know if he would want to watch or even participate on occasion, but overall he just prefers to be my nilla twist lover and I am perfectly okay with that as is my partner. I don't know if there is a compromise between "private" space and "male sanctuary", but it seems to flow better than the strictures of apartment accommodations.

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RE: Diplomatic Room Assignments - 12/3/2009 3:05:19 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

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PET..
this is most interesting..I am assuming you are married and then now have a MASTER or a sub of your own..?

IN my POLY home we all had our OWN spaces...I always want my own space...and felt each man needed this as well...it really helped in the harmony of the POLY-ness

the children also had their own room..
We were lucky in that we bought a big old farmhouse and so there was a hired man house too..another man space..
Because I wished to be discrete around the chidlren for my own reasons...
they thought man 2 3 and 4 were hired men..to help on the farm

Idea 1)
could you rent a duplex??...a side by side or up down?? it is amazing what things you ifnd online ot rent...I found a hosue with a suite in the basment for not much more than a regular house.

Idea 2)
a bedroom for you..1 for you husband and then your partner gets a basement bedroom..
it is realatively easy to fashion something quite cheaply..we once built a small bedroom for baout $300...we got flawed wallboard @$3 sheet....2x4's and away we went.

Idea 3) if the basement bcomes a PLAY area...some of he furniture could be for the partner..a pull out sofa??

How you set it up is dependent on how you SEE each man in your relationships and they see you..
YOU may set it up from a "marriage is PRIMARY" system
an equal LOVE poly system..a "who came first" system or something you decide for you.

I know one thing pet..
male animals are territorial...
so I feel they need their own territory(space) and you BELONG TO YOU

GM

ps just want to add.. I AM SO HAPPY for you
a POLY home that develops "naturally" as you say is sooooooo
wonderful..
KEEP US POSTED

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 12/3/2009 3:09:56 PM >

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