RE: Doms and apologizing... (Full Version)

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daddysprincess3 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 7:33:43 PM)

I have a profile, I have hidden it because I am under consideration.



daddysprincess3 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 7:38:41 PM)

Btw, I am not one looking to be treated like shit.  Indeed there are women who are into that, but I'm definitely not one of them.  I just wanted to post and see if I was the only one who thought this was just simple common courtesy or not.  You will be glad to know I am not speaking to him anymore, and have moved on.  :-)  Thank you for all the wonderful feedback!



Level -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 8:07:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong?  Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?  Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?


Dominants are "allowed" to say whatever they want. That does not mean there aren't some that are assholes.

There is nothing wrong with apologizing when you're wrong. I admire people that can do so.



kyraofMists -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 8:53:24 PM)

From the perspective of my relationship only...

Who thinks it is out of line? Me or him? If I think it is out of line and he doesn't, then I better not hold my breath waiting for an apology because it will not come. If I continue to push the issue, then I better expect to apologize to him for pushing.

In my relationship his will prevails. He can speak however he wants and he does say things that he knows will cause emotional turmoil with me. He also knows that I am going to manage those emotions so that they do not have a negative impact on myself or our relationship. He knows where the line is before harm to me or our relationship starts to occur and he chooses not to cross that line.

What he will not do is conform his behavior to my expectations. He is who he is and part of that is a person who is extremely blunt and straightfoward. He doesn't sugar coat things and if I couldn't take harsh truths then I should not have asked to become his slave. The harshness is balanced with a man who is extremely affectionate and passionate in his emotional expression.

I actually enjoy and relish that he is so unapologetic about who he is. It is a reminder that I am the slave and he is master when he does his will and I have to suck it up and just deal with it. He will apologize when he thinks he has done something that deserves an apology, but he will not apologize just because I chose to feel hurt by his actions/words.

~edited to add that he would put himself firmly within the 'asshole' category and he will not apologize for that. He is a sadist and really enjoys being a prick at times.

Knight's Kyra




domrader -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 10:13:58 PM)

After speaking with a sub of 10+ years last night who is happily married to her Dom, she told me something I think rings fairly true.  Only 1 out of 5 (maybe closer to 2 out of 5) of men who call themselves doms, are truly a Dom.  The 4 or 3 out of 5 are just assholes who like to bully



ranja -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/2/2009 1:18:10 AM)

If you wanna be daddysprincess and be treated like a lil girly adored by her dirty daddy and you chose yourself a hard nosed Dom who can't do with too much sobbing over sensitivities you might not be such a good match...



wandersalone -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 3:21:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

I have a profile, I have hidden it because I am under consideration.


Just out of interest, how long did you allow yourself to work through the angst of ending things with the first dom before moving to being under consideration with the second?

I am pleased things are working out for you



LaTigresse -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 3:49:18 AM)

I would say my feelings on the matter are most closely aligned with what Kyra has described.

I will apologise when I feel it is warranted, when is more frequent than I would like. I will not apologise just because some over sensitive twit got their wittle feelings hurt. Yeah, I am an asshole that way. I am far from perfect but I am not going to compromise my own values just to please the pc masses.

edited because I forgot to add, that was using fast reply...



DarkSteven -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 5:07:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

After speaking with a sub of 10+ years last night who is happily married to her Dom, she told me something I think rings fairly true.  Only 1 out of 5 (maybe closer to 2 out of 5) of men who call themselves doms, are truly a Dom.  The 4 or 3 out of 5 are just assholes who like to bully


That statistical thought leaves off all the so-called Doms who don't see a difference between D/s and kinky sex, and think that giving themselves the title will lead to nubiles wanting to suck their cocks.



breatheasone -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 5:07:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

He can speak however he wants and he does say things that he knows will cause emotional turmoil with me.


i'm curious, about what this meant.



CNJDom -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 5:12:41 AM)

I feel acknowledging your wrongdoings even up to the point of apologizing directly is of course being a good human being and not just being an asshole.  Certain situations will call for different responses and actions.  Showing courtesy and respect to your submissive is part of the relationship dynamic for some, and is definitely a part of my being.  It also doesn't mean that I can't be hard on her.  She welcomes my authority, craves my sadism and encourages a sense of "self-ism" within me.  There are ways to apologize without saying you're sorry.  And due to the level of caring and respect between us, sometimes words are not as appropriate as where a hug, a kiss or caressing touch are just the thing.  That goes for both of us, and I encourage non-verbal on top of verbal communication.  We all make mistakes, and it's the bigger person that can own up to those mistakes. 

For the "hard-asses" that don't feel that this is a part of their dynamic in any situation, that's fine.  That is how some operate, and yes there will be those that crave and respond to that sort of approach wholeheartedly.  Nothing wrong with that in the least!  I can appreciate this diversity completely.  We are not all made to fit one another's kink or dynamic.  This is part of the beauty of what we are doing here:  the human animal.            



aldompdx -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 6:03:38 AM)

I find your perspective to be correct, appropriate, and reasonable. One who exercises control must have also mastered humility, as part of self-mastery.



kyraofMists -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:13:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

He can speak however he wants and he does say things that he knows will cause emotional turmoil with me.


i'm curious, about what this meant.



I am not sure how to be more clear. He has complete authority within our relationship. That means that he makes the decision on how he talks or behaves towards me. My opinion and my desires are only relevant if he decides they are relevant.

Just last week he made a decision that was highly disappointing to me; I was hurt and extremely angry over what he chose to do. At no time did I expect him to apologize to me and my behavior with him was exactly how he expected me to behave. He knew that there was something wrong with me and when he asked I very politely said that I was disappointed in his choice and essentially he said that he did what he wanted to do and that was the end of it. I did the work to let go of the anger, hurt and disappointment. My feelings were a result of my expectations; I altered my expectations and reminded myself that he is master and I am the slave. He has the authority and I do not.

His expectations are very clear and even though his standards are high, they are obtainable. He does not believe that every emotion is valid or even should be heard. Emotions are a product of our thoughts and if I do not like the emotions that I have then I change my thoughts and feel something different.

If his behavior meets his standards (which are very high for himself as well) then he will not apologize for the emotions that Alandra and I choose to have. He may help us work past those emotions and help us get to the root of the thoughts causing them, but he will not apologize if he has not done anything wrong.

Knight's Kyra



MistressOfGa -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:17:58 AM)

*Admires the entire Mist family*
 
MoGa



breatheasone -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:18:31 AM)

i guess what i was asking is, does he intentionally (on purpose, FOR the purpose of hurting your feelings) say things hurtful to you?



breatheasone -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:21:36 AM)

HEY MoGa! Its SO nice to see you on the boards!



MistressOfGa -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:25:10 AM)

Hi ya Breatheasone! I am happy to be back. Hope you are well! [:D]
 



kyraofMists -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:27:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i guess what i was asking is, does he intentionally (on purpose, FOR the purpose of hurting your feelings) say things hurtful to you?



If he thinks we need a wake-up call, or if it serves a purpose for him, then yes, he will. That doesn't happen often, but he will do it if he thinks it is the most effective way of dealing with something.

Knight's Kyra



MstrPBK -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 7:36:21 AM)

Very very often I find subs who keep saying I need not apologize simply because I am a Master. Good etiquette calls for anyone to apologize whether it is the sub apologizing to the Master for a blunder, or the Master overstepping in action or re-action to a situation. I feel apologizes always in good fom and they keep you from thinking your "super gods" or "super subs" ...

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA



sexyred1 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:13:17 AM)

I find people who cannot own up to hurting someone they care about once that has been expressed to them, are not worthy of being with.

Whether you are Dom, submissive, blue or green, if you experience empathy, you should apologize or at least discuss the situation. Any other behavior such as saying, "I don't give a shit" sends the red flags flying.



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