RE: Doms and apologizing... (Full Version)

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kanina -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:22:16 AM)

My very first post on a BDSM forum was because a dom that didn´t know me, that i was not going to be his, that thought because i was a sub could treat me like garbage, he was mistaken because from the first moment i enter in the BDSM world the only person i submitt is to my Dom, no one else... 

i hate when doms come to me on chats and the first thing they say is "hi slut"[:@]  if i was looking that would be not someone i would choose...



LaTigresse -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:22:48 AM)

Unless of course the s-type in question is behaving like a irrational spoilt brat and was corrected, which hurt their spoilt brat feelings. To which I would reply something like "that's nice" or "good for you" or "perhaps you will learn something from this" or any number of things that would apply to that specific situation.

Just because an s-types feelings are hurt does not make them deserving of an apology. Quite often the truth does hurt.



MistressCara -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:25:29 AM)

I never apologise to anyone who is acting like an idiot anyway. They deserve all they get.
Having said this, I always seem to be apologising to my slave, then feeling guilty for being too 'nice'. LOL



LaTigresse -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:30:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCara

I never apologise to anyone who is acting like an idiot anyway. They deserve all they get.
Having said this, I always seem to be apologising to my slave, then feeling guilty for being too 'nice'. LOL


Well now, just go look in the mirror and tell yourself you are sorry you were too nice. Then go give the slave 20 lashes as punishment for it!![:D]



sexyred1 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 8:30:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Unless of course the s-type in question is behaving like a irrational spoilt brat and was corrected, which hurt their spoilt brat feelings. To which I would reply something like "that's nice" or "good for you" or "perhaps you will learn something from this" or any number of things that would apply to that specific situation.

Just because an s-types feelings are hurt does not make them deserving of an apology. Quite often the truth does hurt.



I did not say every situation deserves an apology. I am speaking about the concept of communication being respected. That is what I actually meant, that if anyone tries to tell someone else that they have hurt them, it behooves the other person to at least listen. Whether or not someone deserves the apology is another matter.

Far too often, people withold their feelings and bottle them up, men and women alike. So insted of addressing a situation when it arises, they save it for another time when it may not even be relevant.

I appreciate honesty when I ask for it and I would never not tell someone they hurt my feelings at the time it actually happens.

As for whether an s-type or D-type behaving spoiled or irrationally, again that is a matter of opinion for each unique situation.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 2:57:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong? 


No.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/2/2009 3:07:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
Just out of interest, how long did you allow yourself to work through the angst of ending things with the first dom before moving to being under consideration with the second?

I'm interested in the answer to this question, too.

Part of the reason I consider CM primarily a discussion site, and only secondarily a dating site, is that I have encountered a lot of women who appear addicted to online dating: they need a man they are chatting with and being considered by, but are frightened of meeting a human being for coffee in real life.



Cuffkinks -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/2/2009 3:16:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's called being a decent human being.

This has zero to do with being a dom.




I can't improve on this. Short, sweet, and to the point.



masterlink65 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/3/2009 8:07:18 PM)

only skinheads have the no apology rule last i knew.

and dick cheney



Elizabeth666 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 2:43:32 AM)

OP - For U/us it depends on the situation. If He deems it necessary to apologize for something He may have done or said, He will.



lapgirl -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 3:11:37 AM)

There have been times when i also wondered if they ever werew rong and apologized, because it seemed i was always doing the apologizing. My Dom has apologized, but far less so then i have... but its because i usually am the one who needs to do the apologizing



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/4/2009 4:10:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


I see the words "he hurt my feelings" and just want to cringe. Not because what he did was right but because it smacks of politically correct bullshit. Judging by those words and your username, you sound like someone who just wants to be coddled and adored, not someone who wants to submit to a man.

Since you are apparently already "under consideration" to another Dom, honestly how bad could the first one have hurt you? It's hard to tell because surprise, surprise, you don't have a profile but you strike me as the type for whom velcro collars are perfect, you get your feelings hurt *cringes* or you are less than adored and you move on.

I'm not saying what he did was right, but honestly you are just too sensitive. The "block" button is your friend, block, delete, and move on.

Zeph



agirl -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/4/2009 2:06:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


From that little scenario......... really, who can tell?

People that call themselves Doms aren't a species aside.

If I told MY owner my feeling were hurt, he might very well say  something similar, like * get over it*...or * too bad*. Context is ALL.

Of course I don't like it if I'm hurt and bothered and have to *get on with it*  but that's where I have to get a grip of who I'm dealing with. I can't exactly pretend to be surprised.

MY feelings being *hurty* doesn't mean he has anything to apologise for, I'm afraid. He's not an arse, he's not a twat, he's not a self-centred bastard .............and my feelings STILL get hurt.  Sometimes  my *feelings* get hurt if he just says *No*. Sometimes that's just something I just have to put up with. It's not likely he'd say *bitching and complaining*...but he'd say * hush up* or *be quiet*....or *stop it*. They all work.

He's not some guy that's considering owning me though, so it's not a good comparison........... He's been doing that job for years.....so he can hurt my feelings with the knowledge that I'm not going to be *all confused*...... or wonder whether it's "ok"for a *dom* to do so....... and without me thinking that my *hurt feelings* mean that HE is out of line.

agirl








nubianmuscle -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 2:09:54 PM)

LOL.  Are you serious?

I apologize all the time.  Just ask devilishpixie.  [:D]   I may be a Dom, but I am still a man and therefore, make mistakes.  If you're wrong, you're wrong.  Part of being a man is admitting your faults and correcting them.  A dom who cannot apologize or admit when he is wrong is not deserving of the title, much less respect, in my opinion. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong?  Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?  Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?



Surrenderwithin -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 2:45:36 PM)

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?

I tend to be against trying to place Master in a Dom-box so to speak. If he wishes to apologize then that is his prerogative and for him to decide.

I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate. Am I wrong?

I would not say you are wrong. However, I do not see it as being something about his manhood. The same could be said for a lady. It is more about humanity and being humane in my thoughts.

Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?

Yes they are allowed to say whatever they wish; in our country anyhow. However, just because someone is allowed to do something does not necessarily mean they should or that when they do the consequences will be favorable. Now, I personally would not choose to serve a Dominant who did not take my feelings into consideration at least the majority of the time. However, I would rather have my feelings hurt than to have my Master candy coat his thoughts or a message he wanted me to get. Sometimes growth comes with pain.. growing pains.

Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?

I would not say that I deserve an apology BECAUSE I am submissive. In fact, I do not believe that apologies are for the offended person anyhow. Apologies, in my opinion, are to make the aggressor feel better.I much prefer a person show me they are sorry, by correcting the mistake, than an apology for their own sake. Someone on this site once said that compliments are social lubricants...that is how I see apologies.

When it comes to the term "Deserve" I could post forever, but for now I shall abstain.
Maggi



DesFIP -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 2:49:05 PM)

Anybody who screws up, knows it and refuses to admit it and ask for forgiveness shows that they are insecure. Especially when the dominant should be leading the way in the relationship. So if he's too insecure to try to repair damage he's done to the relationship, then I see no reason for the submissive to.

You want respect you earn it, and this is one of the ways people do just that. By not apologizing, by not correcting an error, they lose trust.



AnimusRex -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 6:16:49 PM)

Its like the thread about being polite versus being rude;

There is an appropriate time to acknowledge being in error, and apologize; there are also times to be resolute, and tell the princess to suck it up. I have done both, at various times.

It is more art than science, part of the social skills we master in life.



kyraofMists -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 6:38:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Its like the thread about being polite versus being rude;


Yep, and in my world, he gets to decide what is polite and what is rude... what warrents an apology and what warrents a 'suck it up'. However, as my boss is fond of saying "That's your world, Kyra and then there is everyone else's world". [:D]

Knight's Kyra



Lizbetbathory -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 6:45:41 PM)

to apoligize is a good thing never a bad thing



KnightofMists -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/4/2009 7:33:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists



Just last week he made a decision that was highly disappointing to me; I was hurt and extremely angry over what he chose to do.



mmmmmmmmm... old age is setting in..... I don't remember what this was about!! lol




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