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Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 6:37:06 PM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		My master invited me to a party of some mutual friends (vanilla). Until now, the nature of our relationship has been kept private, at my request. I am new to this world yet, and still upset when people who will never understand judge me. At the same time, I am proud to be his, I want to run in the streets screaming it.

I know he can protect me and would never share me. He has left the decision in my hands.

Any subs/slaves care to share about their experience in this? What concerns did you have? What precautions did you take?
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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 6:39:01 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		What is the expectation? That he is going to treat you as his slave at the party? Like tell you to bring him drinks or have you call him master?

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 6:48:17 PM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		Yes to both, basically behaving as we do in private.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 6:55:41 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		You run the risk of making friends uncomfortable. If that possibility doesn't bother you then enjoy your evening.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:02:13 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		Do you mean appearing with him in public in a vanilla setting where you  decide whether or not to reveal yourself as a slave? I don't have experience in that and I wouldn't like to make that kind of decision. If it was his friends I would let him decide what to call me. I have appeared in public with my Master in an open BDSM setting (club) as well as a vanilla setting (his family's for Thanksgiving). Honestly, except for play and attire, I acted the same in both settings. He comes from a pretty traditional family so me clearing his plate for him or getting him salad and drinks after dinner didn't raise any eyebrows. Neither did me sticking close to him at all times. He didn't specifically instruct me to act that way, its just how I treat him. I would just act as you normally do, minus any explicit sex acts. You will just seem like a very devoted and affectionate girlfriend.

ETA: Not that I wasn't nervous on the drive over to his aunt's house. I was terrified. If I was given a choice I probably wouldn't have gone with him but I didn't have a choice. Once I got there though, I felt very comfortable and ended up having a great time.


< Message edited by Hierodule -- 12/3/2009 7:05:32 PM >

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:05:52 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		This sounds like a very selfish thing to do. And those poor unsuspecting folks that are going to be there.....they get no say in having to witness your kink? How is THAT fair? Wow....how rude!

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:09:23 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NymphetamineGirl

My master invited me to a party of some mutual friends (vanilla). Until now, the nature of our relationship has been kept private, at my request. I am new to this world yet, and still upset when people who will never understand judge me. At the same time, I am proud to be his, I want to run in the streets screaming it.

I know he can protect me and would never share me. He has left the decision in my hands.

Any subs/slaves care to share about their experience in this? What concerns did you have? What precautions did you take?



These people are vanilla. Why would you want to impose your (kink, lifestyle- whatever you want to call it- insert word here) on them?! Nothing in your OP suggests prior consent on their part. Not cool, IMHO.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:17:40 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		C'mon people read my post above. Do you think my Master's family thought that the way I treated my Master at Thanksgiving dinner was kinky in any way? You can be a devoted and servile girlfriend in a vanilla setting without it being kinky. I wouldn't say the word "slave" to his family but I did not change the way I treat him one bit. No one was offended or uncomfortable. In fact, his forward Italian mother pointed out how much sweeter I was than his ex-wife!

< Message edited by Hierodule -- 12/3/2009 7:22:50 PM >

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:28:30 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
Yeah pretty much. I am pretty certain though that dreamer was replying to the OP, and I am not sure if Candy was or not, it would be good to have her clarify if she wishes because there is a pretty big difference between the OP's query and your Thanksgiving experience. I mean, every woman I know on my Irish Catholic side of my family does the same thing, my father wouldn't know how to navigate a plate of food from a holiday buffett because my mother always gets her food and his, usually his first. Being subservient or catering to your husband isn't exposing anyone to a kink for Christ sake. My ex-husband is Asian, and for 20 years he never even fixed his coffee or buttered his own bread in a restaurant, let alone at home, and he and I had a vanilla marriage, he was just a traditional, demanding type. What's the difference?

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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:31:05 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

First off I will not give my opinion on this because that is not what you asked for.

Many people know of our dynamic..mostly persons who Master works with that frequently come by here for one reason or another. I did not tell them anything..Master did. I have no issues with them knowing one way or another. They either accept us as we are or they do not and do not have to be apart of our life, and they were clearly warned that at any given time they could enter this house and find me bare ass naked doing whatever. We make no crime out of it..show no shame of it, nor belittle it, and neither do they.

Aside from telling my own family the nature of my dynamic..I've only had need really to tell one female friend. It was only strange because she is not American and I had to explain the nature of it several times for her to understand. Again..I told it with pride, and she's been a close friend to us..in and out of our house and visa versa for several years now.

Now we'd not explicitly go out of our way to spring things on visitors..I.E. Master just have me suddenly strip or offer me up for sexual use, and I'm not in any position to make those sort of choices..but if he did..then I trust and follow him..end.

I haven't yet met or known of any persons we mutually know be offended by our chosen way of life.

starshine

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 12/3/2009 7:34:52 PM >

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 7:46:06 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NymphetamineGirl

Any subs/slaves care to share about their experience in this? What concerns did you have? What precautions did you take?



Ummm... what's the big deal? You go, you socialize, you discretly ask for permission (making eye contact usually works). Is he going to require you to dance the dance of the seven veils as entertainment for something?

If he is having you call him Master at the party, then do you trust him to asked his friends if it makes them uncomfortable? If you realize it's making them uncomfortable, do you trust him to cease and disest? If you don't, then you need to talk to him - now. Before you go.

Because no matter what your dynamic is, it's not fair to make other people uncomfortable. You can easily call him "sir" as in "Yes sir" and just laugh it off by saying it's an old habit. If it would make his friend uncomfortable to have you kneel, he should respectful and have you sit on a chair.

While others may disagree, I feel you retain the responsibility to make sure that what you do and what you agree to obey is as tactful and polite as you would usually be - basically: don't be an ass and use your owner as an excuse by saying "he told me to". Others feel differently but either way, if you are uncomfortable you need to talk to him.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 8:50:19 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88


Yeah pretty much. I am pretty certain though that dreamer was replying to the OP, and I am not sure if Candy was or not, it would be good to have her clarify if she wishes because there is a pretty big difference between the OP's query and your Thanksgiving experience. I mean, every woman I know on my Irish Catholic side of my family does the same thing, my father wouldn't know how to navigate a plate of food from a holiday buffett because my mother always gets her food and his, usually his first. Being subservient or catering to your husband isn't exposing anyone to a kink for Christ sake. My ex-husband is Asian, and for 20 years he never even fixed his coffee or buttered his own bread in a restaurant, let alone at home, and he and I had a vanilla marriage, he was just a traditional, demanding type. What's the difference?

i was indeed talking to the OP, sorry about that!


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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 9:01:02 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:


He comes from a pretty traditional family so me clearing his plate for him or getting him salad and drinks after dinner didn't raise any eyebrows. Neither did me sticking close to him at all times. He didn't specifically instruct me to act that way, its just how I treat him. I would just act as you normally do, minus any explicit sex acts. You will just seem like a very devoted and affectionate girlfriend.


This is our experience too. There isn't anything scandalous about a woman being deferential or doting on her man.

If you don't make a big deal out of your relationship, they won't.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 9:04:09 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88


Yeah pretty much. I am pretty certain though that dreamer was replying to the OP, and I am not sure if Candy was or not, it would be good to have her clarify if she wishes because there is a pretty big difference between the OP's query and your Thanksgiving experience. I mean, every woman I know on my Irish Catholic side of my family does the same thing, my father wouldn't know how to navigate a plate of food from a holiday buffett because my mother always gets her food and his, usually his first. Being subservient or catering to your husband isn't exposing anyone to a kink for Christ sake. My ex-husband is Asian, and for 20 years he never even fixed his coffee or buttered his own bread in a restaurant, let alone at home, and he and I had a vanilla marriage, he was just a traditional, demanding type. What's the difference?

i was indeed talking to the OP, sorry about that!



Well in that case I am inclined to agree. It's one thing to cater to and dote on him, but as the OP suggests, calling him Master, etc...is pretty blatantly involving people in something they may not wish to even know about. Thanks for clearing that up btw Candy.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 9:17:39 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88


Well in that case I am inclined to agree. It's one thing to cater to and dote on him, but as the OP suggests, calling him Master, etc...is pretty blatantly involving people in something they may not wish to even know about. Thanks for clearing that up btw Candy.




_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/3/2009 9:21:10 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Fox and I do not change the way we act when we are around other people, except maybe some of the formalities of his asking permission. We have spent time around vanilla friends and family, kinky friends and a mixture of the two without raising eyebrows. It is very easy to be the doting girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband without being outted as a slave. My mother thinks that Fox is the best thing that ever happened to me becasue he treats me like a Queen and she thinks thats wonderful. She has no idea about the lifestyle, she has no clue about our kink, but she does see him getting my drinks and serving me before he takes his own, and checking if I want anything every time he gets up. Little things like that show care, not kink, to vanillas.

Now, going as far as using titles, being commanded rather than requested and being overly demonstrative might be overstepping unless the vanilla friends are aware of his kink and know what is coming. Anything else is going to be at th eleast rude, and at the worst damaging to the friendships. It would be tantamount to ordering a blowjob in the middle of a dinner party to some, forcing your kink on others doesnt reinforce your place or his. It just makes you look like selfish and self centered people who dont really care if they make others around them uncomfortable as long as they get what they want.

I would make sure to check with your Master and see if he has in fact informed them of what will be taking place. If they are in the know and OK with it, then have a blast. If not, are you really willing to be outted for your Master's amusement at the risk of his and possibly your friends? And if they are not aware, could there be other backlash elsewhere? Could they gossip? Could they tell the wrong people and start more drama than you need to deal with?

There is a lot to keep in mind before opening your kink up to outsiders.

DV


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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/4/2009 4:36:00 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule
Do you think my Master's family thought that the way I treated my Master at Thanksgiving dinner was kinky in any way? You can be a devoted and servile girlfriend in a vanilla setting without it being kinky. I wouldn't say the word "slave" to his family but I did not change the way I treat him one bit. No one was offended or uncomfortable. In fact, his forward Italian mother pointed out how much sweeter I was than his ex-wife!

Thank you, Hierodule. That was my thought exactly. I "appear in public as a slave" everytime I appear in public with Him. That doesn't mean I'm crawling, chained and naked I think some folks are imagining that and not the subtle and anticipatory service I provide whether in public or private............luci

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/4/2009 5:12:02 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

These people are vanilla. Why would you want to impose your (kink, lifestyle- whatever you want to call it- insert word here) on them?! Nothing in your OP suggests prior consent on their part. Not cool, IMHO.


You know, it kind of grosses me out to see two grotesquely ugly people holding hands or calling each other "honey" or "my wife" because it's an imposition for them to make me aware of their lifestyle.

Nobody wants to know ugly people have sex. I didn't consent to them using words that imply they do something disgusting behind closed doors.

I mean seriously, if she views him as her Master, she should call him Master. If it's the first time appearing in public together at a social function there's going to be the standard small talk of how long have you been dating, is she your girlfriend, whatever...I don't see why it's okay to talk about one type of relationship but not talk about another type.

It would be different if it was a 'kink' thing, like randomly blurting out "I like to be tied up and spanked" but IMO if a couple views each other as master and slave, rather than as boyfriend and girlfriend, why should she feel obligated to call him "boyfriend" or "friend" when neither describes him as well as "master" does?

I think it's good to be *aware* that you might make people uncomfortable and that it might affect your friendships, but I think that you should make an educated decision rather than the snap judgement of "it might make people uncomfortable therefore I shouldn't do it." Ask yourself instead, "It might make people uncomfortable, am I okay with that? Can I live with that?" and youll have your answer.

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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/4/2009 8:41:42 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I mean seriously, if she views him as her Master, she should call him Master.


If the title Master is important, so important that it is worth whatever social ostracism that comes with it, by all means, speak it loudly, proudly.
"Hello, nice to meet you! This is Debbie my SLAVE, and I am William, her MASTER. Yes, Master. No, not boyfriend. MASTER. Yep, exactly. "

And then you can spend the rest of the evening trying to explain to them what you mean. Because they really won't understand. Even the most hip and culturally aware people only have a hazy view of this, formed as likely by CSI episodes as by HBO's Real Sex.
Look at how the words Master and slave are argued about on these very threads- is there a difference between human trafficking and consensual slavery, is this fundamentally misogynist, etc etc.

And this is by people who are within the lifestyle! And you expect a vanilla group to "get it" and nod politely?

And even then, at the end of the evening, after you have explained to everyone what your titles mean, that this is consensual, that you are not a human-trafficking woman-hating wife-beater, that you really are nice folks, be aware that you will NOT be remembered as "William and Debbie, that nice accountant and his girlfriend" but forever be "that weird kinky S&M couple we met at that party", and anything else about your character will be overshadowed by your lifestyle.

But hey, if having her call you Master in public is worth all that, go right ahead.

But here is the thing- why ARE titles important? Why is it so important to be called a "slave" versus "very submissive and devoted wife"?
Is it just a niggling lignuistic point of order, like calling it a "dachsund" instead of a weiner dog? Are we all linguists, fixated on word etymology and semiotics?

I think what is at play, is that the very words themselves are part of the kink. Naming oneself a Master or slave is in and of itself part of the erotic pleasure. The world we live in is a self-constructed world that hovers right on the boundary between fantasy and reality.

What we call enslavement is actually "internal enslavement", a process where one person is held in a self-created state of submission to another. There are a lot of tools for constructing this emotional state, and part of how we form our understanding of reality by the words we use, the names we call ourselves. Constantly repeating "I am slave" is a way of building an identity, and slipping into that emotional state of being that the power dynamic requires.

This is why people fight so fiercely to own that word, why telling someone they are not really a slave is a huge insult, and makes them angry. It is a challenge to their identity, negating their sense of themselves.

Which, at the end, is why it may very well be important enough to tell Aunt Gertie that this girl is not your girlfriend, but is your slave and you are her Master.

(in reply to Elisabella)
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RE: Appearing in public as a slave for the first time - 12/4/2009 8:57:04 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, I think if someone called her male companion "Master" at a vanilla dinner that I was present at, I would assume it was out of sarcasm. If it became obvious through other actions and words that no sarcasm was intended, I would think it was TMI.

And I second everything AnimusRex said.

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(in reply to AnimusRex)
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