RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

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RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:44:58 AM

Roger39m

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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

If the person doesnt say outright that race was an issue in filtering.....how, then is that obvious to you after the fact.

When people are so sensitive to being labeled, do you think they will come out and make an explicit statement? Though I consider this legitimate in relationships to make such a statement, many just choose not to take that "risk".

This happens everyday in jobs, real estate and other areas (where expressing such preferencs is illegal) - only the very ignorant make direct statements about not wanting other "races" and ethnicities. This is often couched in other creative ways, and not that hard to pick up really.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 21

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:47:36 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Oh bullshit! This was your stand all along and you really didn't need input from us. You just summed us up all rather nice and tiddy... I don't care to get into all the reasons I call bullshit on this one. But one big one is you set it up by saying they were indirectly elimenating you and now it is obvious when it has happened so often, which includes how you take their rejection. You discribe your race as other... they talked to you. It didn't matter and then it did?

Same ol racist blaming I've seen so often when another cause is the real factor. Get over yourself.

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Post #: 22

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:50:50 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

You state that you are "other" (whatever that means).

I can't speak for the OP, but I clicked "other" because it's more meaningful to me than any of the other "ethnicity" options which are a load of bullshit. What does "caucasian" mean, exactly? (Answer: absolutely nothing).

I'm with Tigresse on this one. I don't get the people that circumvent their search according to the confines of a concept as spurious as the one of "race".

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Post #: 23

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:54:48 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I have noticed that alot of folks are coy about mentioning their "racial preferences" in their profiles etc. However, they very much have these racial preferences and will filter you out later after ascertaining you do not belong to their "race". The catch is they do this indirectly without ever mentioning race as the reason you were filtered out of their considerations, but it is pretty obvious in any event.

While it is entirely appropriate to have racial preferences, would it not be better to state them up front saying for example .."I am white, and only desire other whites"... rather than being ambiguous about it up front and using indirect reasons to eliminate people?

Your thoughts please.

My philosophy on this is that, if someone is a good fit for us, they're a good fit. If they're not, it doesn't really matter why. Perhaps I am just too pragmatic, but it seems to me that people would want to invest in relationships in which they're going to be comfortable and a good fit... so if someone says "you're not a good fit for me", that should be sufficient without a long, drawn-out, detailed list of why that person won't fit. The ONLY reason that I can see to have to know is to try to -defend- or -manipulate- the other person into accepting one anyway, which is yet another reason, for me, to feel reinforced in saying that such a person isn't a good fit for us.

Calla

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(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 24

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:00:35 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Looking at the op's profile, and the way he is looking for a 'truly open domme' makes me assume he's married. If this is so, then this is much more likely the reason he's getting turned down.

It's my profile. I decide what to put in it, and I write it for myself, not anyone else.

I don't state I only like men between 5'11" and 6'2" but that's the truth and I've turned down those shorter and taller back when I was looking without telling them why. Probably some assumed it was because of race or weight or other factors. But that's their problem.

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Post #: 25

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:04:20 AM

LPslittleclip

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if i get turned down i dont take it personaly i just shrug and move on. life is way to short to fuss over the small stuff.

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Post #: 26

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:10:58 AM

BLKMADONA

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline

Calla-Yes! You are right. I mean dang, why hide it? It is what it is-if you want white, then say it!! If others dont like it, fuckem! As I say-they can 'kick rocks'. If you want black only-put it upfront on a profile. This is the freakin internet!!! As if they are gona come to your house and do some damage*smirk/eye roll* People nowadays are a trip. If you cant be upfront about what you want, are you really a truthful person to begin with? Something of this nature shouldnt be hid. But then again, nothing should be hid. How do you expect to build trust if your not truthful and straight to the point to begin with?

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 27

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:17:52 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

OP

Why should people be open about their preference? If they don't like blue, they propably don't hunt blue.
So..nothing lost.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 12/4/2009 8:18:10 AM >

(in reply to BLKMADONA)

Post #: 28

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:30:42 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

When people are so sensitive to being labeled, do you think they will come out and make an explicit statement? Though I consider this legitimate in relationships to make such a statement, many just choose not to take that "risk".

This happens everyday in jobs, real estate and other areas (where expressing such preferencs is illegal) - only the very ignorant make direct statements about not wanting other "races" and ethnicities. This is often couched in other creative ways, and not that hard to pick up really.

So in three responses, you still can't manage to expand on EXACTLY what was said that led you to conclude their "covert" statements were so "obvious." Based on the three posts you have made, I would assume you are just as evasive in your conversations with potential dommes. Could be the reason they are saying you are not a good "fit." Not many people want to engage with people who talk a lot without ever really saying anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I can't speak for the OP, but I clicked "other" because it's more meaningful to me than any of the other "ethnicity" options which are a load of bullshit. What does "caucasian" mean, exactly? (Answer: absolutely nothing).

It wasn't a comment about clicking the "other" category. You aren't on the boards complaining that people don't like your "race."

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Looking at the op's profile, and the way he is looking for a 'truly open domme' makes me assume he's married. If this is so, then this is much more likely the reason he's getting turned down.

I think perhaps "married" would be a good consideration to put under "ethnicity." LOL

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 29

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:34:51 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m
While it is entirely appropriate to have racial preferences, would it not be better to state them up front saying for example .."I am white, and only desire other whites"... rather than being ambiguous about it up front and using indirect reasons to eliminate people?

Your thoughts please.

Your own profile is ambiguous. You selected "other" as your ethnicity but nowhere in your profile do you clarify that selection... but then you get all hot and bothered when others are not explicit about their racial preferences.

< Message edited by DomImus -- 12/4/2009 8:36:00 AM >

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Post #: 30

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:36:44 AM

Lockit

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LOL DomImus! Good point!

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Post #: 31

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:37:14 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

I personally don't think race is a big issue, but socialization and acculturation is totally a huge issue. The issues I have had in dating people of other races have had to do with societal norms from their culture of origin and differing expectations based on life lessons learned as they grew up.

But honestly, I had bigger "culture shock" issues dating in a different socioeconomic class -- the bartender I once dated thought voting was useless, and that the only time to visit a hospital or see a doctor was when you were sure you were dying anyway. And I won't even go into the fiasco when money was tight and she decided to pay the cable bill instead of the electricity so she'd have enough money to buy beer that week. Being a college educated liberal democrat the cognitive dissonances were pretty horrific, hence the reason that fling didn't last long!

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 32

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:46:53 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thats just it, Lockit, i have never turned away someone i was interested in, no matter what race they are.

Neither have I, and I am **gasp** conservative. Of course I also wouldn't turn away someone because they are a democrat. But then again, I try not to buy into the whole "the other side is evil" bs that seems to find its way on these boards. Not that racism has anything to do with left or right, but it seems to creep into every thread lately.

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Post #: 33

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:53:24 AM

Thatbastard

Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline

Well, I guess that sort of walks a fine line doesn't it? I mean if it's okay to be attracted to people based on physical appearance, then logically it must be okay to be attracted based on physical traits that are racial. Likewise, if we prefer certain personality types, it's logical to assume it's okay to prefer the attitudes of certain cultural backgrounds.

But look at peoples profiles for a while. How many people say "If you're a man don't even talk to me." And fair enough, I can understand the reason, and sympathize, but even that's fairly polite compared to some.

Now what would happen to the space if it became okay to say "If you're black don't even talk to me." Even besides the flashbacks, what's that going to do to the feeling in the community. What's next? "I'm here for friends, but if you're queer, I'd prefer you were invisible to me."?

My point is we're all weirdos here. While I applaud the self knowledge of people discovering their preferences and seeking them out, I think some of the complications that come from not just blurting out every little thing that enters our heads is a reasonable price to pay for an environment where everyone feels welcome.

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 34

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 8:58:27 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I dunno, that deep rich cocoa brown looks pretty good up against this lilly white motherfucker.

Why does one choose Prada and another Bill Blass?

Accessorization, people!!! Let's not make this into a big deal.

Ron

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Post #: 35

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:04:55 AM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

When I was looking, (and it is still on my profile as what I was seeking before I wasn't looking anymore) I had I was seeking a "single, white Caucasian male" as that is what I always been attracted to physically. I have never received any hate mail about it and actually mostly I received some emails trying to convince me that they were better just because of their race..ha ha..but mostly I will say since a big majority of people don't even read profiles it is probably the big reason I never received any bad emails about it.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 36

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:08:34 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thats just it, Lockit, i have never turned away someone i was interested in, no matter what race they are.

Neither have I, and I am **gasp** conservative. Of course I also wouldn't turn away someone because they are a democrat. But then again, I try not to buy into the whole "the other side is evil" bs that seems to find its way on these boards. Not that racism has anything to do with left or right, but it seems to creep into every thread lately.

See, now here we have an example that fits perfectly....im soooo very attracted to you, that your conservative views, while, annoyingly and glaringly wrong

, could be overlooked or rationalized away in an effort to get closer!

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Post #: 37

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:14:08 AM

persephonee

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Joined: 12/15/2007
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When D and i were trying to choose the sperm donor we wanted....race came up several times during our search and conversations about what we wanted. While we werent all that concerned about color....ethnicity came up....and we ended up choosing someone of Polish descent as his features most closely matched my partner and her family.

i dont think either of us rejected the other races with the intent of being racist against others, but our racial bias was evident in the choice that we made. If D were of some other ethnic group, we would have trended that way, as her family was more involved in our lives than mine....and as an homage to her, as i would be the one carrying. It was a choice i made, along with her, to be as inclusive as possible in a situation where she had no DNA in the mix.

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E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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Post #: 38

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:14:10 AM

Thatbastard

Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Thats just it, Lockit, i have never turned away someone i was interested in, no matter what race they are.

Neither have I, and I am **gasp** conservative. Of course I also wouldn't turn away someone because they are a democrat. But then again, I try not to buy into the whole "the other side is evil" bs that seems to find its way on these boards. Not that racism has anything to do with left or right, but it seems to creep into every thread lately.

See, now here we have an example that fits perfectly....im soooo very attracted to you, that your conservative views, while, annoyingly and glaringly wrong, could be overlooked or rationalized away in an effort to get closer!

Oh, believe me, nothing brings out my sadistic side like republicans. ;)

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 39

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:14:15 AM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I want to thank all of you who have taken time out to post their opinions about this. This has been enlightening and has confirmed a couple of things I was thinking about as well.

In general, at least in this country (US), it seems that people are very sensitive to being labeled, "racist" rightly or wrongly, for whatever reason, and would rather keep their racial preferences hidden - not that these preferences do not exist per se.

You drew that conclusion after 18 responses to your original post, and represented responses from only 12 individuals.

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Post #: 40

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