RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

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RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:14:55 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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Hello to the OP:
You have some valid points about people having racial preferences. I am pretty open about my own (darker skinned men), but even thought it is a PREFERENCE, it is not an end all and be all. I may generally NOTICE a darker skinned man a little faster than the WASP down the street, but that doesn't mean I will filter out someone who does not meet my preference. It is not a hard limit or a bottom line "no" for me.

Does this mean I discriminate? YEP. I sure do. If you don't make my hoo hoo go woo hoo you don't get you know.

best,
sunshine

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Post #: 41

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:18:21 AM

persephonee

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Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

If the person doesnt say outright that race was an issue in filtering.....how, then is that obvious to you after the fact.

When people are so sensitive to being labeled, do you think they will come out and make an explicit statement? Though I consider this legitimate in relationships to make such a statement, many just choose not to take that "risk".

This happens everyday in jobs, real estate and other areas (where expressing such preferencs is illegal) - only the very ignorant make direct statements about not wanting other "races" and ethnicities. This is often couched in other creative ways, and not that hard to pick up really.

The same arguement can be made successfully for those in the gay community as well as women alone....what does this have to do with the price of tea in China?

(not so carefully hidden quip)

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(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 42

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:23:48 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello to the OP:
You have some valid points about people having racial preferences. I am pretty open about my own (darker skinned men), but even thought it is a PREFERENCE, it is not an end all and be all. I may generally NOTICE a darker skinned man a little faster than the WASP down the street, but that doesn't mean I will filter out someone who does not meet my preference. It is not a hard limit or a bottom line "no" for me.

Does this mean I discriminate? YEP. I sure do. If you don't make my hoo hoo go woo hoo you don't get you know.

best,
sunshine

Buzz. Buzz. If I be WASPish, beware my sting..............

_____________________________

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(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 43

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:43:41 AM

QuirkyAnne

Posts: 268
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

Because when you are honest about what you are attracted or not attracted to, whether you're truly a racist or not, it garners hate mail from some, and others who you might have been interested in also thinking that they would not want to have anything to do with you because they make the same assumption.

I had a good friend, who was a lovely black woman who had a personal preference for black men who ONLY had very dark skin. Because she wanted to be as honest as possible, she stated this openly on her profile that she wasn't even attracted to light skinned black men and she received over three dozen hate mails in the space of two days calling her racist "against her own kind," among other slurs, from both men and women of different ethnicities. Obviously, she wasn't but she found very dark black skin to be the most attractive and it was important to her. She finally wound up having to delete her profile and hasn't been back to that particular dating site since.

Anne

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 44

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 9:44:51 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m
This happens everyday in jobs, real estate and other areas (where expressing such preferencs is illegal) - only the very ignorant make direct statements about not wanting other "races" and ethnicities. This is often couched in other creative ways, and not that hard to pick up really.

OP-
I'm not really sure what the point here is.

Is race still a painful and sensitive issue in America? Yes, it definitely is.
Are racial preferences in dating as hurtful as bigotry in employment? I don't think so.
Is the intersection of dating, personal relationships, and race a treacherous place where feelings can be hurt? Absolutely.
Should people be forthright about their preferences? Sure.
Does being forthright about our preferences sometimes make others uncomfortable? Yes.
Do people often remain coy about preferences to spare the feelings of others? Of course.
Should everyone put on their big girl panties and deal with it? I have, and they fit just fine.

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 45

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:02:37 AM

breatheasone

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i don't believe having a preference equates to being a racist.

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(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 46

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:24:09 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Should everyone put on their big girl panties and deal with it? I have, and they fit just fine.

Sorry, im going to have to ask for photographic proof that you have in fact, put on your big girl panties, before we can continue this discussion.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 47

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:41:34 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

If you don't make my hoo hoo go woo hoo you don't get you know.

best,
sunshine

I just gotta say that this made me smile HUGELY!!!!

Sunshine you are appropriately named. A ray of sunshine! Thank you.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 48

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:48:10 AM

windchymes

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never mind....tmi, sorry.

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Post #: 49

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:52:04 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
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~FR~

Ya know, I've never cared about race.

But I find girls of other races do.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 50

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:53:32 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Should everyone put on their big girl panties and deal with it? I have, and they fit just fine.

Sorry, im going to have to ask for photographic proof that you have in fact, put on your big girl panties, before we can continue this discussion.

And this is why people are so quiet about racial preferences, a dom comes out here and discloses that he wears womens panties, and you jump all over him. Hey, for all you know, he could be wearing them for a week, passing them off as Queen Latifahs and selling them on ebay..

AR, on a more personal note.........jeez fella, I had no idea. LOLOLOL.

Ron

_____________________________

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(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 51

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 10:56:11 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
i didnt immediatly find him reprehensible....until i found out he was a Republican....and then *that* was that for me.

That's our perse .

Which shows that even IF it would be clear that someone might have a racial preference, that then still many other facts can come up why a person would eliminate the other person...therefore where would it start and where would it end to mention all facts (apart from potential racial preferences, politics, religion, etc....)

Apart from that, unfortunately many people don't bother to read the profile anyway, so I personally doubt that it would make much of a difference. There might be 5-10 people per year who might back off as they would actually bother to read the profile and realise incompatibility....but heck, I stopped to count the amount of guys who either ignored the basic needs I do have in life (and they are for me about serving anyone, which means when the guys simply don't get it then I will fulfil my needs on my own anyway and avoid to submit to anyone) or simply did not read them in the first place

Recently I had a day where I received about 8 spams where guys did obviously not bother to read that I will only relocate to Canada or New Zealand...I will go to any of these countries for sure within the next five years...nevertheless I keep getting crap from guys in turkey, spain, netherlands, norway etc...or any british blokes who think they could get me to change my mind with paying my university debts...heck, do I look like as being for sale?

I don't need a guy to pay my anything, I am happily capable to manage my own afairs

So whilst the idea could be beneficial for some, overal I doubt that it makes much of a difference as too many people don't bother to read the profile in the first place.

And on a sidenote...I like Stellas new picture

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 12/4/2009 10:58:34 AM >

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Post #: 52

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 11:00:09 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Do people often remain coy about preferences to spare the feelings of others? Of course.

That is it right there...ppl are usually being polite..sparing feelings..concerned as being seen as prejudice..being judged....etc...
PLain and simple..
BEIng up front works too..BUT brings in all sorts of other shit..
from those who have nothing better to do than debate on the net and look for such things to whine about,,
(**oh and I do not mean the OP)

GM

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(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 53

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 11:07:13 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Should everyone put on their big girl panties and deal with it? I have, and they fit just fine.

Sorry, im going to have to ask for photographic proof that you have in fact, put on your big girl panties, before we can continue this discussion.

And this is why people are so quiet about racial preferences, a dom comes out here and discloses that he wears womens panties, and you jump all over him. Hey, for all you know, he could be wearing them for a week, passing them off as Queen Latifahs and selling them on ebay..

AR, on a more personal note.........jeez fella, I had no idea. LOLOLOL.

Ron

Wha???...i cant ask for my own personal pic? i have no right to wank fodder?....Isnt this the internet?
i suppose Ron would have me limited to only sites that pertain to recipes and household products....Now we have moved from racism to sexism....

~And im still waiting for my pic~

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 54

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 11:20:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

~FR~

To a degree, I do care about race... my family is VERY racist old school Italian, and they are racist in that icky "they're okay at work or at least some of them are" kind of way. We won't go into the homophobia except to say that if I were a lesbian it would be my mom's worst nightmare.

So, I don't date POC. Not even my darling bondage buddy. This makes me sad, but it eliminates a LOT of stress from my life.

Playmates, servants, FRIENDS, I just don't care about skin colour, I judge my companions by completely different criteria. For instance, I am almost entirely opposed to my fellow Dagonians!

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(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 55

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 11:20:59 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I have noticed that alot of folks are coy about mentioning their "racial preferences" in their profiles etc. However, they very much have these racial preferences and will filter you out later after ascertaining you do not belong to their "race". The catch is they do this indirectly without ever mentioning race as the reason you were filtered out of their considerations, but it is pretty obvious in any event.

While it is entirely appropriate to have racial preferences, would it not be better to state them up front saying for example .."I am white, and only desire other whites"... rather than being ambiguous about it up front and using indirect reasons to eliminate people?

Your thoughts please.

This posting is very annoying in that I agree with the thought that some do not post their racial preferences for reasons entirely up to them and then I completely disagree with the OP's premise that those people who do not list their racial preferences (if they have them) are using racial biases to eliminate him or others from being considered by them.

When I was looking I had several black Doms (I am white) contact me amongst the group of men that wrote and when I returned a thanks but no thanks email I was promptly told by a few of them that I was racist and they were regretful that I turned them down for their skin color. WTF???? Who are they to tell me why I, a complete stranger to them, am doing something? They have no idea beyond their own insecurity and whining why the heck I turned them down, nicely, if I may say so myself. I didn't let them hang, I wrote the dang emails that said hey thanks but... and then I was crucified for a made up reason that they pinned on my rejection of them. Anyone who plays this game...GROW UP!! You can't keep holding up the race card and expect it to hold water with those of us who don't give a damn about it and it just makes you look like a loser if that is what you are using to console yourself.

How Domly is it to say that someone is rejecting you because you are (insert whatever race here)? It comes off as just another rant on the familiar riff of I can't find a sub because they're all against me...whine whine whine.

Another thing...I have seen profiles of people that do list their racial preferences and get crap for it. I can totally understand if anyone decides to keep their preferences to themselves after witnessing the amount of anger that these people have to deal with as a result of them being open and honest.

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 56

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 12:13:08 PM

Musicmystery

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The post also heavily relies on reading into what people have written.

If you're determined to see something, you'll see it somehow. Human nature.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 57

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 12:51:47 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

The post also heavily relies on reading into what people have written.

If you're determined to see something, you'll see it somehow. Human nature.

Eh, so true so true. This particular human quality of seeing what you want to see and not necessarily what is truly there always makes me want to hit my head against a wall. It's groan-worthy to see people pin their failures on something, anything, besides themselves.
Honestly...what have they got to lose? It's hard to face something unflattering about yourself but come on...you could learn something too. I'd rather feel foolish for a bit and then go on with the new and improved me which hopefully will take me farther down the road of being a worthwhile human being.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 58

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 1:26:07 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

If they really are racist (as opposed to not fitting well with you personally) then they probably don't like to admit it unless they know they're in a setting where it will be well recieved.

Its not PC.

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(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 59

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 3:02:34 PM

Aynne88

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Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i don't believe having a preference equates to being a racist.

As a big stinky liberal who has been married to someone from another country I agree Candy. I have racial preferences, and don't hide them. Of course some people have racial preferences that are based in racism, but I can't help that. Mine aren't. If anything I sway on the other side, I don't find light skinned Caucasian men particularly attractive, so what? I also don't have an attraction to most black men either, I have a very distinct preference for men of Asian heritage, and Italian dark haired dark eyed men. I like what I like, and to me it is not different that a preference for food or politics. I won't be hooking up with a Republican anytime soon either. You are quite correct that it does NOT equate being a racist. .

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Post #: 60

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