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stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:12:25 PM   
subtlebottomgirl


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/4/2009
Status: offline 		I have received many emails that start like this
I like a strong, independent sub, not a doormat.many times I scratch my head in wonder, what is a doormat? generally  speaking  in time most of the freedoms a sub/slave independent person  are slowly taken away and taught to conform to meet the desires of your new Sir willingly you bend, conform and adjust your life to accommodate the one you serve. is that a doormat ? You don't want to wipe your feet on said sub/slave, You only want the sub/slave to kneel, lick, massage, and pedicure your feet ?  You want a sub/slave strong and independent on her own able  to pick up Sirs feet, is that what a strong independent woman is ? many thanks to those who can explain.
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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:16:44 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

what is a doormat?


Doormat: One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.

Oh... and... well nevermind! I was going to embed a picture of a welcome mat to welcome you to the boards and it really bombed! ;-)
- LA



< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/4/2009 6:19:17 PM >

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:18:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Good question.

To me, I think of the "not a doormat" as saying that I won't micromanage, and I want my sub to have a degree of autonomy under me.  I want her to be able to make some decisions for herself, especially if it is in an area that she knows better than I do.


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:23:37 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		My Master has always described me as a very strong woman.  He loves that about me.  He has told several people, especially new people to remember that submissive does not mean weak.  I am very independent, in that, I can take care of myself in most situations, I can raise my kids, take care of my finances, etc., all on my own.  I am also a great employee and do well at my job.  I also will take a person to task if I feel that I (or any member of my family or close friends) have been disrespected in any way.  I am able to go from sweet and loving and kind to "I will gut you like a fish" is the situation calls for it.  There are times when He is not around and I will totally have to rely on my own smarts and skill-set, without His input at all.  He loves knowing that I will make the best decisions I can for me and mine, and in doing so, I am looking after what belongs to Him.

For my Master, a strong, smart, independent woman is a wonderful thing to call His.  In being myself, I bring a great sense of pride and satisfaction to Him, knowing that He has all of those things in a girl with a slave's heart that belongs to Him.

~ Red ~

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Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:29:45 PM   
DaddyArms


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		For me, I want the strongest, toughest, and challenging woman I can find. I enjoy persuading her strong will to mine. I like knowing that behind the toughness the "real" world gets to see is my little girl. Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:35:50 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		As often as not, what people write on their profiles can either be accurate, or the exact opposite of what they mean.
Doormat is one of those personal ad cliches that means whatever people want it to mean.
Its like "Spontaneous" can mean "Irresponsible", or "Passionate" can mean "Hotheaded";

The women I know who really were insecure weak and prone to being walked on, would never have described themselves as such; and others who use the phrase "not a doormat" to describe themselves actually confused it with "bitch-on-wheels".

It really takes a bit of emailing and chatting to get the true picture;
Caveat emptor, and your mileage may vary.

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:35:58 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

I have received many emails

Not quite sure how given it appears you don't have an active profile.

that start like this
I like a strong, independent sub, not a doormat.many times I scratch my head in wonder, what is a doormat?

Doormat
1 : a mat placed before or inside a door for wiping dirt from the shoes
2 : one that submits without protest to abuse or indignities
3 : a team that regularly finishes last
(according to Merriam-Webster)

 generally  speaking  in time most of the freedoms a sub/slave independent person  are slowly taken away and taught to conform to meet the desires of your new Sir willingly you bend, conform and adjust your life to accommodate the one you serve.

I know of some marriages like this, minus the D/s

is that a doormat ? You don't want to wipe your feet on said sub/slave, You only want the sub/slave to kneel, lick, massage, and pedicure your feet ? 

Is your example that of a doormat?  You be the judge according to the definition.

You want a sub/slave strong and independent on her own able  to pick up Sirs feet, is that what a strong independent woman is ? many thanks to those who can explain.

Not quite sure what you mean by "a sub/slave strong and independent on her own able  to pick up Sirs feet".  Sir better be able to pick up his own feet if anything's to be done.  Maybe you could clarify this for me.
 
When I read that a person doesn't want to be a doormat, I take it to mean they see the value of what they have to offer and of who they are as a person and they're making it clear to others.
 
If a person is specifying they want a strong independent woman then I take it to mean they value a woman who can think for herself and do what needs to be done regardless of whether or not "Master" is around to tell her what to do or how to act.  Strong is good.  Independent is good.  Especially when those qualities reflect positively on the relationship between dom/me and sub.



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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:36:49 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyArms

For me, I want the strongest, toughest, and challenging woman I can find. I enjoy persuading her strong will to mine. I like knowing that behind the toughness the "real" world gets to see is my little girl. Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?


Exactly...  It's very much like "The Taming of The Shrew." 

That's why submission, for me, is no where near natural.  It's something that I have found is natural for me with Him, but never has happened with anyone else.  I think He sometimes gets a kick out of seeing me get all fired up and redheaded with other people, knowing that I can be putty in His hands later.

~ Red ~

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:40:01 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyArms

For me, I want the strongest, toughest, and challenging woman I can find. I enjoy persuading her strong will to mine. I like knowing that behind the toughness the "real" world gets to see is my little girl. Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?


Exactly...  It's very much like "The Taming of The Shrew." 

That's why submission, for me, is no where near natural.  It's something that I have found is natural for me with Him, but never has happened with anyone else.  I think He sometimes gets a kick out of seeing me get all fired up and redheaded with other people, knowing that I can be putty in His hands later.

~ Red ~


*iz nawt tellin' how come I absolutely understand this statement. Nope, nawt sayin' nuttin'.*

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 6:44:09 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		*giggles at GI... my redheaded wonder twin* 

   

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 7:30:48 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		So I was wondering whether to post in this thread or not and then I had to pee. In the bathroom I picked up a catalog from the reading basket. It happened to be the L.L. Bean Christmas catalog. (I don't know why these companies send me their catalogs. I never buy anything from them.) So I opened it at random. To page 55. And what do I see in a huge quotation against a lovely evergreen mat?

"Is it really wrong to love a doormat?"

After seeing that, how could I not, even against my better judgement, post here? ;) When the catalog god speaketh...

Anyway, I think I am a doormat. I have always have thought that. A strong and sturdy doormat, to be sure, but that just means I can take a lot of scruffing, hold a lot of ...mud. So I try to take a lot of care with whose door I lie before, as pre-screening is my only protection. And someday I'll think it's the right time to take a chance, and I will, and then after that I will just ...accept what happens. Because that's what doormats do. :)

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 7:39:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think of a doormat as someone without healthy boundaries. Someone who will accept abuse and mistreatment from anyone.

As far as those who say they are not doormats, and are bitter in their profiles? They've been in an abusive relationship and are afraid of getting into another.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 7:56:41 PM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I do not know. I think it would take a very different type of person who is extremely strong within to be a doormat. i know i am both and it just what is. i do not really use that label because so many equate it with horrible attachments, and then figure they might as well tell you that you are one, and try to step all over you. This doormat is very well woven, sturdy, and society doesn't break me. Doormat supports those who are taking a step, which is not about letting people walking over you. Some food for thought, i offer.

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 7:58:29 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		"Doormat" in the bdsm vernacular is one of those subjective terms or labels that never quite means the same thing from one person to the next. I don't recognize the term in the bdsm arena so I can only offer observations. It seems to me to be used somewhat regularly in a catty sense by one submissive when referring to another submissive. For example, submissive A is insulted by the fact that submissive B has fewer limits and less restrictions than submissive A... hence submissive B is called a doormat in the opinion of submissive A. Other times it is the lead line in a submissive's profile (i.e. "I am submissive but I am not a doormat") right before she dictates the exact terms under which her submission will occur. 

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 7:59:37 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyArms

Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?

Perhaps some of us have no interest in treating it either as a competition or a game.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 8:04:25 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There is no universal definition of the word doormat. For me the connotation is very similar to what Celest said "someone without healthy boundaries". However, I know that many people use the word without that connotation. Taking the time to communicate and effectively listen to someone helps me know how they are using the word.

I can be a strong person in certain ways and I can also be weak in others. Some people would consider me a doormat and others would not.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 8:06:00 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

So I was wondering whether to post in this thread or not and then I had to pee. In the bathroom I picked up a catalog from the reading basket. It happened to be the L.L. Bean Christmas catalog. (I don't know why these companies send me their catalogs. I never buy anything from them.) So I opened it at random. To page 55. And what do I see in a huge quotation against a lovely evergreen mat?

"Is it really wrong to love a doormat?"

After seeing that, how could I not, even against my better judgement, post here? ;) When the catalog god speaketh...

Anyway, I think I am a doormat. I have always have thought that. A strong and sturdy doormat, to be sure, but that just means I can take a lot of scruffing, hold a lot of ...mud. So I try to take a lot of care with whose door I lie before, as pre-screening is my only protection. And someday I'll think it's the right time to take a chance, and I will, and then after that I will just ...accept what happens. Because that's what doormats do. :)

The term is far too maligned.

Des makes a keen point about how the term can often be used as some retro-active 'assertiveness' by a submissive who chose to stay in a relationship that was incompatible/unfulfilling...in which case the term is meant as a put-down of a hypothetical person whom the submissive has no intentions of becoming again.

It is interesting to see the various interpretations of the word, though. To me, I'd say it describes an s-type who, once in a relationship, is completely, yieldingly pliable to the whim of the D-type (which, when worded that way, seems like something most D's would fancy, no?).


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 8:39:48 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit with no problems that I'm a doormat for the right man.

I'm the type that when I'm in a relationship I do as I'm told, I obey, I do everything in my power to  make him happy and if he wants to walk all over me that's his perogative.

But yet I'm independent. I have to be. I'm a single mother and I've been alone and on my own since an extremely young age.

As for strong..sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. I can't say I am at all times because that's just not true. There are times when I'm just downright weak.

I kinda enjoy being Master's doormat. Makes life just a little bit easier imo.

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/4/2009 11:41:36 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
I think of a doormat as a person without healthy boundaries, someone who will let just anyone and everyone ride roughshod over them.  A doormat will submit to anyone and everyone.  On the other hand, I am assertive with everyone, except I will submit to my Dominant (when I have One).  Only He gets my submission.

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 3:35:28 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyArms

Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?

Perhaps some of us have no interest in treating it either as a competition or a game.



Do you earnestly engage the meek and take satisfaction from running roughshod over them?

(in reply to NihilusZero)
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