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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 3:48:54 AM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline 		(CNJDom here:) In the movie:  "Coming To America", there is a scene where Eddie's character has a chance to meet his arranged future wife...  She comes to him and introduces himself, and even though she is beautiful and all that, she has no personality.  Totally trained just for him (yes this is nice, but SOMEONE ELSE trained her for you...what fun is that?!), and he knows it is futile for him to have any relationship with her because of this.  "What kind of movies to you like?"..."Whatever movies YOU like..."  "If I was to say hop on one foot..."  and minutes later this woman is barking like a small dog, hoping on one foot out the door...silly, but it is in that respect how I view those "doormats" one says they are not.  Mindless, and without substance...might as well get a blow-up doll.    

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 5:28:42 AM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		What are the similarities and the differences between a doormat and a sub/slave?
My doormat I stomp my feet on when I walk in without ever thinking about. When I see it is dirty it gets a paddling up against the wall. If it gets to tacky looking I drop a new one in the trolley when I am shopping and I dump the old one in the boiler not thinking anything about it. It has no say in it, no rights and it doesn’t complain.
My ideal sub/slave should share some of those characteristics. No rights, never wanting, never complain and always at service.
However, she should have desires and a way to say them in a manner so I do know what they are, so I can do the right things to fulfill them.
She should have feelings and if I do hurt them, be able to put her head in my lap and tell me that I did wrong her, giving me the opportunity to correct it. Even to promise that it was a mistake and I don’t want to repeat it.
She should love my touch and not cringe in fear or even worse be indifferent to it.
She should be a gracious hostess for my friends.
She should make me proud to have her with me in social circles.
She should accept that I need time for some of my activities and have some of her own which I am not included.
She should be stimulating both in the bedroom and outside. After all outside the bedroom do take up a lot more time than in.
There could be said a lot more, but the real difference is how you care for either, to see it grow and blossom.
It has been pointed out to me that I am looking for the totally submissive woman who masters the fine art of topping from the bottom in such a manner I don’t realize it. Looking back and analyzing the women whose memory I cherish the most today, I certainly can see that theory has its merits.
Diplomacy. The art of telling a person to go to hell, in such a manner, so he looks forward to the journey

(in reply to PrimalConsonance)
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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 5:29:54 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Doormat is just a word imho. I find it used mostly by submissives to degrade another submissive because they don't understand the person, or mistook what was written in a post. Personally, i made friend with the word, so it doesn't control me:). To assume anything about a doormat is really bogus. To feel they have a flat line in their personality is also bogus. Do they have boundaries? Who is to know. I have seen many people without boundaries, who have big mouths and go and point fingers. Sometimes i feel they protest to much. Doormat is just a word, that people use to put down another. It really does not describ if the person is weak or strong. How could it? It is another judgmental posionous word. I suggest The Four Agreement book to get a better understanding on how words can be posionous. In our world people throw words at others to slap and insult them, and then have the nerve to point fingers at another. I have met many doormats in my life with a strong resolve, character, personality . They have boundaries, just not what others think is healthy. Yet they are healthy, happy and content, plus do not find the need to insult another sister/brother who is submissive.

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(in reply to PrimalConsonance)
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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 5:42:36 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		"I am not a painter"
"I am not a doormat"

non info ..when someone contacts you
Better tell someone what you are, instead of what you are not.

it is not like every one wants you to be a doormat. I think people say it because of beeing insecure about their submisiveness

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 6:07:32 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Doormat: One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.


I'll add..One who submits proudly and  strongly with confidence in who she is..One who's not afraid to do every humanly possible thing for the Dominant she's with.

I've seen a few of these as well..One for instance might be Merc's beth..I'm sure more than a few people would call her a doormat...Yet she seems to pull it off fine.


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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 6:08:04 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Doormat is just a word, that people use to put down another. It really does not describ if the person is weak or strong.

People, however, are easily persuaded by stereotypical concepts of what defines "weak" and "strong" and develop inadequacy when it comes to differentiating between the ability to understand and effect the things that fulfill an person and what place on the spectrum of weak to strong those fulfilling acts seem to lie on.


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 6:10:03 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

I'll add..One who submits proudly and  strongly with confidence in who she is..One who's not afraid to do every humanly possible thing for the Dominant she's with.

I've seen a few of these as well..One for instance might be Merc's beth..I'm sure more than a few people would call her a doormat...Yet she seems to pull it off fine.

It's harder for people to fight phantom strawmen of the boogeymen they want to hypothetically create when a genuine, content living example is there to laugh in their faces.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 6:14:06 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

I have received many emails that start like this
I like a strong, independent sub, not a doormat.many times I scratch my head in wonder, what is a doormat? 


To me the term applies to people who will allow pretty much anyone to dominate them

quote:


generally  speaking  in time most of the freedoms a sub/slave independent person  are slowly taken away and taught to conform to meet the desires of your new Sir willingly you bend, conform and adjust your life to accommodate the one you serve.


I don't think you can say this is a general truth. I am sure it's true for some, but it's definitely not true for all

quote:

is that a doormat ? [/aligno]You don't want to wipe your feet on said sub/slave, You only want the sub/slave to kneel, lick, massage, and pedicure your feet ?  You want a sub/slave strong and independent on her own able  to pick up Sirs feet, is that what a strong independent woman is ? many thanks to those who can explain.


Hmm...no. A strong independent woman in this context is someone who is confident and capable - able to make her own choices, including the choice to submit.

For many of us, not all, there's much more satisfaction to be gained from having a strong, capable, independent woman submit to us, rather than a passive meek person

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 6:56:02 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		OP:
I have it in my profile...strong NOT a doormat..
 
To me a doormat is inert..inanimate...lifeless,without life force...
without will..without spirit...without any breaths or vapours that animate the human soul
 
and I have met several...
They are empty..lifeless shells...submitting because they have been either broken or abused..or are unable to live life on life's terms..
 
A strong man however surrenders or submits through inner confidence..an awareness of his own process and for reasons including
devotion..destiny..and empowerment.
 
 
GM

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:01:49 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Doormat is just a word, that people use to put down another. It really does not describ if the person is weak or strong.

People, however, are easily persuaded by stereotypical concepts of what defines "weak" and "strong" and develop inadequacy when it comes to differentiating between the ability to understand and effect the things that fulfill an person and what place on the spectrum of weak to strong those fulfilling acts seem to lie on.



People are easily persuaded period about many things. Instead of finding their own answers, they copy others, and never have learned a thing.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:31:41 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...what is a doormat?...


damn useful...but not for everyone.  for example, if you live in your Mom & Dad's basement, chances are you won't find much need for one.

quote:

...You want a sub/slave strong and independent on her own able to pick up Sirs feet, is that what a strong independent woman is?...

quote:

...I like a strong, independent sub, not a doormat...


in the above contexts, it's been this slave's experience that it is commonly used in a derogatory way to refer to anyone who isn't, in the user's opinion, suitable for their need for an at least somewhat, if not completely dominant-and-independent-over-their-own-lives partner to subjugate.
 
some folks prefer the conquering method and appreciate a bit of challenge in wielding their domination and control over another...others don't.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)
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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:38:15 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Doormat: One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.


I'll add..One who submits proudly and  strongly with confidence in who she is..One who's not afraid to do every humanly possible thing for the Dominant she's with.

I've seen a few of these as well..One for instance might be Merc's beth..I'm sure more than a few people would call her a doormat...Yet she seems to pull it off fine.


 
thank you for your kind words!
 
hooray for doormats!!!

quote:

It's harder for people to fight phantom strawmen of the boogeymen they want to hypothetically create when a genuine, content living example is there to laugh in their faces.


awww, shucks...mwahahaha!!!

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:41:12 AM   
Chrys


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline 		in my opinion, a good sub is strong in herself, and her submission is a true gift, the surrendering of her power to a worthy Dom who does not take that gift lightly or gratuitously

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:54:38 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyArms

Anyone can play with the meek and run roughshod over them. Where is the fun in that?


Meek???

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 7:58:35 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Doormat is just a word, that people use to put down another. It really does not describ if the person is weak or strong.

People, however, are easily persuaded by stereotypical concepts of what defines "weak" and "strong" and develop inadequacy when it comes to differentiating between the ability to understand and effect the things that fulfill an person and what place on the spectrum of weak to strong those fulfilling acts seem to lie on.



People are easily persuaded period about many things. Instead of finding their own answers, they copy others, and never have learned a thing.


ya went from having a good discussion to a real put down ---
what gives?

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 8:00:35 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Doormat is a slur aimed at slaves of a certain stripe. One of the few places in this lifestyle where slurring anothers kink is perfectly acceptable.
If one who owns me tells me to hop on one foot and bark like a dog as I hop out the door, that is what you shall find me doing. If he wants a doormat, i will lie down in front of the door.
chrys, a 'good submissive' is simply a human being who has found someone to be in a relationship with, to whom they are a good match. there is a key for every lock. What is a good submissive for you is a horrible submissive for another. those called 'doormats' are a great match for someone, perfect for someone who is also a perfect match for them.
try extending the YKINMKBYKIOK attitude to slaves, M/s and the whole doormat social circle, peeps.

< Message edited by tsatske -- 12/5/2009 8:19:37 AM >

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 8:11:27 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I can be a strong person in certain ways and I can also be weak in others. Some people would consider me a doormat and others would not.

Knight's Kyra

What she said....

OP- Who cares what label outsiders put on you? In the end, it's about two (or more) people in a relationship, and how they perceive each other. The opinions of others have the substance and weight of ether. 

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 8:19:42 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I didn't consider it a put down Realsub. What i was saying people are easily persuaded to believe how certain things,should be without any knowledge of a person's experience. If they do not understand something, they will go into the bag of 'names to call someone' instead of trying to understand or just letting it go, because it is not for them. 

Yes, i am excited to see such a wonderful display of conversation on this, and it is a great topic. Perhaps it might just give people more of an understanding on both ends of the equation

. My comment you asked about was basically saying, it is too easy to draw conclusions without knowing more. I did not intend to put anyone down, but offer how easy it is to 'follow the herd' in obtaining opinions. My apologies to anyone who would have thought i was slandering them. Realsub thank you for asking:)

blessings
wisdomtogive

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RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 8:25:51 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

thank you for your kind words!

hooray for doormats!!!


Your welcome


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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: stong, not a doormat ? - 12/5/2009 8:35:54 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

My tag line is there exactly for these types of questions. It..like every other word comes with a personal meaning for its usage.

For me personally it simply represents that as a slave I am obedient without question to Master. Meaning I do first, and if questions from thought happen a long the way..then I am free to bring them up in a respectable manner after wards.

If that is a bad thing...then so be it.

starshine




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Profile   Post #: 40
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