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SimplyMichael -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/7/2007 9:56:55 AM)
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HUGE topic but a great one. If anyone feels I am insulting them I am not, I am speaking in broad generalizations so please don't respond with "but I don't" okay? My experience is based on running munches for a large group, hosting one of the only regional munches involving groups that focused on gay men, gay women, femme doms, pansexual groups, and god knows what else as well as attending at some point almost every munch in the local area and quite a few in San Francisco. Munches vary with who runs them, some are welcoming, some serve as harems for the leader/s, some are cliquish and some are just magical. Try them all, if you don't like them HELP them to change them and if that doesn't work, get together with others and start one. If it fails, you will have newfound respect for what a fucking pain in the ass it is and will be less tempted to bitch and if it succeeds you have done a great service to your community.
First off, as a group submissives males are the biggest whiners out there with femme dommes being the second. Male dominants have the biggest egos and can be terrible boors. Okay, I have now insulted everyone but female submissive so as a group they get labeled drama queens.
There is someone who is posting to this thread whining about munches and yet less than an hour away is a town with TWO femme domme munches and less than two hours away is fucking San Francisco. As a domme, looking at that, I would figure if you are that lazy about getting laid you the level of service and attention might give might seem doubtful.
Being a male sub is the most fucked up position in BDSM. Being a dom means you are a manly man, being a fem dom means you are a powerful woman, being a submissive woman is feminine and isn't all that counter to social norms. Being a submissive man takes real balls (which I think more than a few lack) to throw your head back and take the role of "weak" man, it is an odd conundrum but true.
So, do I have a frigging point? Yes. Munches vary, the ones we hold up here have beloved male submissives and I take a bit of pride in playing a role in creating a social norm that is accepting of male subs in Sacramento as that wasn't the case when I entered the scene here. However, I only do so much work that isn't in my interest and never worked hard to attract them, so here are my thoughts on what to do (said in my most pompous of voices!!)
Reading what is posted her, I would offer these suggestions:
- Have a quarterly "submissive male" munch where they are specifically invited. This might give them the emotional permission and push they need to show up.
- Male subs often have fewer social skills (before you hackles get up remember I am spending my time talking about HELPING them) and I would have some sort of structure to the event. Not a lot but some sort of handholding and give them something to do. Perhaps a game where they are required to bring a rose and sit three to a table set for four or something.
- Perhaps instead of the normal munch setting which is great for people like me who can walk into a room of strangers, proudly announce I like to torture and use women, and in short order own the room. When I was a kid, I would have ran screaming out of that situation and in fact did over and over again. So, make it a discussion panel and have two or three dommes with distinct styles give a little talk about how they make it work and what the look for.
- Male subs are worse sluts in some ways than us male doms. Offer up a "training munch" (something I just made up) where you might put them through some sort of clearly announced training OR using the panel/discussion model have dommes discuss what they look for and how a sub can train themselves to be more appealing.
The reality is that male submissives exist in VAST numbers, there is after all an entire industry built around serving them (which of course begs another question I am not going into) so they ARE out there. Which then of course means the problem is how to get them off their ass and to a much and become an active member of the local scene.
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