RE: Why don't male subs go to munches?

RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/13/2007 6:24:17 AM)
Today's the day for people in the South Bay! Hoping to see all those who claim to want hang out and get to know people active within the community. Separate checks are the norm, so come and drink water and it only costs you gas money. Subs, doms, masters, slaves, male, female, and bi-sexual switches - ALL are welcome. Come on - show yourself It will be FUN! From Beach's thread: quote: Tuesday, 03/13/07, 7:00 PM, The National Sports Bar & Grill -3210 Sepulveda Blvd, Torrance CA http://groups.yahoo.com/group/south_bay_munch/ ask for the Co-ed softball team.

BBBTBW -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/13/2007 9:36:28 AM)
As a female DOMINANT I have had some rather bad experiences at munches. And no longer attend Male DOMINANTS at the few (6) munches I have gone to don't respect the fact that there are Female DOMINANTS Male submissives tend not to attend...probably because they get no respect I hate being the only inkspot on the paper and getting attention because of that (have heard this from other people of color as well) forget my skin color...see me as a person. *Note to self...Ask FukinTroll if he knows of any munch groups around town.

conaldi -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/13/2007 9:42:49 AM)
v naive, what is a munch please?

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/13/2007 10:02:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: conaldi v naive, what is a munch please? It is a low-pressure gathering of folks interested in the BDSM lifestyle, usually held at a restaurant. Lady Topaz

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/17/2007 11:33:41 PM)
I haven't had the desire to go to local munches for a couple of reasons. On alt.com I have been in the chat rooms with people that go to munches, and for the most part they seem to be very cliquish. Sometimes one of the so-called femdoms will tell me that if I want to meet a dominant woman I should go to a munch. In 100% of the cases when I asked if we could meet for coffee they blew me off. My impression of the munches is that they are for couples who want to socialize and swing. Guys like me who want an extra-marital experience are not welcome. I don't think most single guys are welcome either. Let's face it, the BDSM scene has a shortage of women, not men, and so the munches crowd doesn't want us there. I also see a common attitude that most people assume that we only want pros so they take a negative attitude about our wants and desires. I doubt I would ever go to a munch unless I came with a woman partner. Munches are for single women and couples, or perhaps gays.

SweetAndInnocent -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/17/2007 11:39:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azjojoba I haven't had the desire to go to local munches for a couple of reasons. On alt.com I have been in the chat rooms with people that go to munches, and for the most part they seem to be very cliquish. Sometimes one of the so-called femdoms will tell me that if I want to meet a dominant woman I should go to a munch. In 100% of the cases when I asked if we could meet for coffee they blew me off. My impression of the munches is that they are for couples who want to socialize and swing. Guys like me who want an extra-marital experience are not welcome. I don't think most single guys are welcome either. Let's face it, the BDSM scene has a shortage of women, not men, and so the munches crowd doesn't want us there. I also see a common attitude that most people assume that we only want pros so they take a negative attitude about our wants and desires. I doubt I would ever go to a munch unless I came with a woman partner. Munches are for single women and couples, or perhaps gays. I agree completely when you say guys who want "extra marrital" experiences aren't welcome. However, you're completely wrong when you say single men aren't. I am a member (board member in fact) of the local group. The reason you aren't having success is the same that has been pointed out to you on your other thread. BDSM is about honesty and trust. You're lack of success isn't because you are a male sub, it is because you are dishonest about this with your wife.

CdnExplorer -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 12:42:56 AM)
I'm going to my first munch this afternoon. It seems like a pretty small / friendly group, and I had to go through a pretty detailed survey / interview process to get in. I still worry a bit about getting the respect I deserve, but I'm putting that off right now as just being new and nervous about it. The fact that I had to interview first by email, then in person and I'm still not officially part of the group makes it a little easier for me. Seems to show that they don't put up with crap.

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 1:50:24 AM)
quote: You're lack of success isn't because you are a male sub, it is because you are dishonest about this with your wife. I don't believe you for a second! If a good looking woman came to a munch, and said she was there to cheat on her husband, you everyone would love her for it. I don't understand the total hypocrisy that I'm seeing in this forum. Talk about double standards!!! Just curious, who do you think and the others that condemn me for wanting something on the side get off? I noticed that the only ones that are getting on my case for "cheating" are women. Just why is it that women are so phony on the issue of affairs? [:'(]

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 2:35:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azjojoba I don't believe you for a second! If a good looking woman came to a munch, and said she was there to cheat on her husband, you everyone would love her for it. I don't understand the total hypocrisy that I'm seeing in this forum. Talk about double standards!!! Wrong. Anyone who comes to a munch and is looking for partners without informing their spouse would get the same treatment. It goes back to lack of consent. Just curious, who do you think and the others that condemn me for wanting something on the side get off? I noticed that the only ones that are getting on my case for "cheating" are women. Just why is it that women are so phony on the issue of affairs? [:'(] The women are not being phony. Women hear this same old line of bullshit all the time. They get tired of it very quickly, whether sub,switch or Domina.

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 2:38:09 AM)
quote: Wrong. Anyone who comes to a munch and is looking for partners without informing their spouse would get the same treatment. It goes back to lack of consent. No wonder I don't want to go to munches -- it's for the same reason I don't want to go to bible study with a bunch of nuns!

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 2:46:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azjojoba I haven't had the desire to go to local munches for a couple of reasons. On alt.com I have been in the chat rooms with people that go to munches, and for the most part they seem to be very cliquish. Alt is not the real world. Sometimes one of the so-called femdoms will tell me that if I want to meet a dominant woman I should go to a munch. Still using the "so-called femdoms" phrase? Haven't you realized by now that just pisses people off? In 100% of the cases when I asked if we could meet for coffee they blew me off. Considering your behavior here, that hardly surprises me. My impression of the munches is that they are for couples who want to socialize and swing. No, swing and poly groups have their own gatherings. People come to munches to make friends and learn about the Lifestyle and share their experiences. Guys like me who want an extra-marital experience are not welcome. Goes back to honesty and consensuality. I don't think most single guys are welcome either. Let's face it, the BDSM scene has a shortage of women, not men, and so the munches crowd doesn't want us there. How wrong you are again. Many munches have more female submissives than male by far. I also see a common attitude that most people assume that we only want pros so they take a negative attitude about our wants and desires. Wrong again. If you wanted a pro you could easily call or e-mail one. I doubt I would ever go to a munch unless I came with a woman partner. Munches are for single women and couples, or perhaps gays. Munches are open to everyone; female, male, trans, queer, gay, lesbian, bi, single, poly or partnered. The more diverse groups are usually in the larger metro areas. Amazing. You decide how an entire group of people are going to behave without having met any of them in real life.

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 2:51:28 AM)
quote: How wrong you are again. Many munches have more female submissives than male by far. That's not surprising. There are more females who are submissive in the first place and I don't think they have to face to social pressure that us men do. I doubt many munches have more sub men than women.

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 2:54:04 AM)
quote: You decide how an entire group of people are going to behave without having met any of them in real life. Well, just read what other male subs say on this thread that have gone. OK, perhaps you are right that I'm judging munches unfairly since I haven't been to one. I would say that if most the women are like the ones at collarme I would probably not be welcome. Do you disagree?

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 3:02:19 AM)
People would talk to you. As to how far they would interact with you outside of the munch, that depends on them.

wandersalone -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 3:48:02 AM)
fast reply I sometimes go to munches and have found that there are a number of male subs and slaves that regularly attend. Yes there can be cliques however I have always found everyone to be at the very minimum polite to me and generally very welcoming. From what I have seen no one is treated too differently at the munches as these are primarily a way to meet people and socialise in an informal way. They aren't right for everyone however I like the casual aspects of them.

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 4:10:31 AM)
You are mixing your metaphors. Nuns teach catechism. Bible study is usually a Protestant practice.

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 4:12:50 AM)
Like others have pointed out here, much of the atmosphere at a munch depends on the host and the core members. Some groups are more open and welcoming to new people than others. Our local group has 3 moderators, I am one, and we make a conscious effort to greet everyone and include them in the conversations.

azjojoba -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 4:18:20 AM)
quote: Wrong. Anyone who comes to a munch and is looking for partners without informing their spouse would get the same treatment. It goes back to lack of consent. Not if she was a hot looking 20 something. You know as well as I do that all the male members would want her, and probably all the gay women. Let's get realistic.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 4:20:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azjojoba quote: Wrong. Anyone who comes to a munch and is looking for partners without informing their spouse would get the same treatment. It goes back to lack of consent. Not if she was a hot looking 20 something. You know as well as I do that all the male members would want her, and probably all the gay women. Let's get realistic. You're making assumptions about other people based on your own lack of ethics. They might "want" her but that doesn't mean they would ACT on that want.

Vendaval -> RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? (3/18/2007 4:27:19 AM)
How can you claim to be realistic having never been to a munch? I have been going to munches both locally and in other areas of California for years. Now I am one of 3 co-moderators for the local group. Do we like looking at an attractive person? Yes Would we try to talk someone into committing adultery and deceiving their spouse? No. What stands out in your posts, az, is that you don't think anyone would want you. You need to examine your own behavior and figure out why. (Edited for grammar)

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