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Punishment - 3/15/2006 6:56:57 PM

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What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive?

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 7:04:12 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive?

Those things which make me remember the lesson, rather than the punishment.

Celeste

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 7:18:59 PM

IrishMist

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Knowing that he was disappointed.

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 7:31:30 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive?

Level

Effective means two things in my opinion and practice:

1) communicates a problem and offers a way to amend/fix said problem
2) changes behavior or attitudes so that the problem does not occur again

The first is necessary for both clear communication and to provide an outlet for any hurt feelings or negative thoughts.

The second is the entire reason for it in my Ds relationship. If I want a poor attitude I'm sure my students will give that to me from time to time; poor attitude is not acceptable from a slave so they need to figure out what happened and why and then resolve it internally so it is not repeated.

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 7:36:01 PM

OscarHargraves

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The best punishment I have for Kari is to tell her I'm disappointed in her and then turn away. That does more good than almost anything else. If I follow that by not wanting to talk to her she is almost in tears in 20 minutes. I have RARELY had to do this more than once for the same thing.

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 7:56:12 PM

truesub4u

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Level...while reading through some threads today, I have been fighting for weeks, months, on asking one question when others start talking of punishment, discipline.

Why?

Why does one seek punishment? I know as a child, I did my best to keep from being punished.

But I wonder why people talk of punishment as fun playful thing?

I've joked about on here about punishement as well. But I've never really experianced punishment in the way others have described on here. I've never been whipped, or beaten for doing something wrong. But then again, I do not know what all others consider as being wrong to begin with. The only punishment I've ever experianced was with my first former Master, he knew I hated to sleep with anything on. I am phobic of being smothered by clothes when I sleep. He only ever made me do this as a form of punishment one time... and it was because I got undressed for bed before him. But remembering the rest of the evening, I took it more as a form of him giving me a mind fuck more than punishment. Because when I couldn't get to sleep, tossing and turning. About 3 am he told me to get undressed so he could get some damn sleep... LOL

So i'm not sure how the punishment thing goes. When I was trained to do something and didn't do it right, I wasn't punished.. unless being made to do it till I did get it right is a form of punishment. But I never took that or was told it was punishment. I took it as it was.... being trained.

So i'm confused in wondering why some actually find punishment as a fun game.

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 10:07:38 PM

ownedgirlie

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i find nothing fun about punishment. Punishment means i have screwed up, or let my emotions get the best of me and did not handle them well (hence, screwed up). Some in D/s like to "play" punishmnet, but to me punishement is not play. When my Master is unhappy with me, there is nothing fun about it. my heart falls into my stomach and i need to receive whatever he doles out to me to cleanse myself.

Celeste says the most effective punishment is when she remembers the lessons, rather than the punishmet. i agree, although in some cases the punishment had to be particularly strong so that i could remember the lesson. It has been awhile. i hope the bulk of it is behind me.

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 10:31:45 PM

DragonNphoenix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive?

Level

Just him telling me that he was disapointed in me is the worst punishment that i could think of.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Punishment - 3/15/2006 11:00:52 PM

Sub03

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

The best punishment I have for Kari is to tell her I'm disappointed in her and then turn away. That does more good than almost anything else. If I follow that by not wanting to talk to her she is almost in tears in 20 minutes. I have RARELY had to do this more than once for the same thing.

That would work on me.....would actually be worse then a whipping or any other punishment. But I have only been punished once so far and i remember the lesson well and haven't made the same mistake again. The punishment was a whipping with a belt. But the time i was told i disapointed Him and why was ten times worse.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 1:44:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

So i'm confused in wondering why some actually find punishment as a fun game.

Hey there Jessica........in my opinion, what they're talking about is NOT punishment. It's "punishment" lol.....it's play, it's make believe......"Oh, you didn't do the dishes.....guess I'll have to tie you up and paddle you, wink wink nudge nudge...." Which can be fun, but when I say punishment, I'm talking about something unpleasant, to correct behavior that's displeasing to the dominant.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 2:53:03 AM

IronBear

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It would seem that there are two types or definitions of punishment:

Definition 1:
The sub/slave does something wrong, displeasing, or doesn’t do something and expects to be punished and is not looking forward to it.

Definition 2:
The sub/slave does or doesn’t do something with the expectation of being punished. I’E. they are virtually saying “Beat me!”

Unfortunately it appears that people either confuse which definition they are using or cant differentiate between the two.

For god’s sake sub/slaves, if what you want is SM play involving beatings, caging or other forms of torture or restraints pleas ask or beg for them as “Play” and refrain for asking for punishment. There is only one reason for a sub/slave begging to be punished and that is when they have screwed up and are so filled with remorse that they need the cleansing of being punished.

I wise Dominant will know what forms of punishment are most effective for a specific person. For me the knowledge that a trik has been displeasing should be devastating. Corner time is the most sever I would use but she would be most likely to receive 10 strokes from my Gorean Slave Whip with the final one being delivered across the arse with the full force of my right arm.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 3:29:20 AM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

So i'm confused in wondering why some actually find punishment as a fun game.

I think it is because they dont feel they get enough attention so they will seek out even negitive attention.
sorta like a two yr old.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 3:42:49 AM

smilezz

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Effective punishment for me is 'anything' that has the intent behind it. Typically Thorns would not use a flogger (for instance) to punish me.........BUT! if the intent behind Him using that toy was to punish? UGHZ! i don't want to think about it.

Happy Thursday!

~smilezz~

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 7:08:15 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

Effective punishment for me is 'anything' that has the intent behind it. Typically Thorns would not use a flogger (for instance) to punish me.........BUT! if the intent behind Him using that toy was to punish? UGHZ! i don't want to think about it.

i agree with this. Intention is everything, isn't it? He can use the same implement for "play" or punishment, and my reaction is entirely different, depending on which it is.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:05:48 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant?

Having them kneel at my feet whilst I explain, in detail, exactly why I am so damn disapointed in their actions is usualy enough actual 'punishment' if it is a girl who truely wants to make her master happy (If it isn't then I see that as a clue that there maybe a BIGGER problem behind things)

Beyond that, sometimes there is some kind of physical element as well. But that has usualy been for her benifit. Rather than having her fretting and beating herself up over having let me down, a physical punishment sometimes helps give her a sense of closure on the incident. The girl shouldn't be 'punishing' herself, punishment is MY perogative and responsibility.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:25:28 AM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

It would seem that there are two types or definitions of punishment:

Definition 1:
The sub/slave does something wrong, displeasing, or doesn’t do something and expects to be punished and is not looking forward to it.

Definition 2:
The sub/slave does or doesn’t do something with the expectation of being punished. I’E. they are virtually saying “Beat me!”

Unfortunately it appears that people either confuse which definition they are using or cant differentiate between the two.

For god’s sake sub/slaves, if what you want is SM play involving beatings, caging or other forms of torture or restraints pleas ask or beg for them as “Play” and refrain for asking for punishment. There is only one reason for a sub/slave begging to be punished and that is when they have screwed up and are so filled with remorse that they need the cleansing of being punished.

I wise Dominant will know what forms of punishment are most effective for a specific person. For me the knowledge that a trik has been displeasing should be devastating. Corner time is the most sever I would use but she would be most likely to receive 10 strokes from my Gorean Slave Whip with the final one being delivered across the arse with the full force of my right arm.

Ok, I can go along with this... I think. I just don't get it. Showing displeasure in someone for not doing as told is one thing.... but punishing an adult... and yes, there's a difference IMO. I can submit to one.. and not be punished for something I screwed up with. Because the one i'm submitting to isn't going to beat me... he's going to talk to me.. tell me what I did wrong... even show his displeasure (even though that would mean he's treating like a 2 year old and not an adult) But the right one can do this with out the father figure glaring down either. (Unless that's your kink.. then kewl!.. lol)

If my ass is being beaten.. or any other part.. it's going to be done in fun.. play.. sex.. not displeasure... but then again.. that's just me.. and not everyone else.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:28:03 AM

MyCaptainsPet

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My Captain has only been disappointed with me twice. One time when i broke a very strict rule..

He threatened to take away something i love. This thing i love was in fact the reason why i'd broken the rule to begin with.. Kind of a catch22...

When i've been tempted since i think of what he could do and it stops me cold.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:32:24 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

Hey there Jessica........in my opinion, what they're talking about is NOT punishment. It's "punishment" lol.....it's play, it's make believe......"Oh, you didn't do the dishes.....guess I'll have to tie you up and paddle you, wink wink nudge nudge...." Which can be fun, but when I say punishment, I'm talking about something unpleasant, to correct behavior that's displeasing to the dominant.

Level

Well, I have never 'played' at punishment. For me, punishment is just that...punishment...meaning that I did something that displeased or disappointed him...there is no 'playing' involved.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:51:09 AM

truesub4u

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I agree Irish... I've never played with punishment either. But like stated, I've never been punished physically for something I've done either. Or not done should I say.

I would have to agree with others, that seeing disappointment in ones eyes, is way enough to know I screwed up. No need to get physical about it. Hense comes in the communication. I see the disappointment. I am going to ask why it's there. And together, we're going to talk about it, and work on not seeing it again.

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RE: Punishment - 3/16/2006 8:56:00 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
I would have to agree with others, that seeing disappointment in ones eyes, is way enough to know I screwed up. No need to get physical about it. Hense comes in the communication. I see the disappointment. I am going to ask why it's there. And together, we're going to talk about it, and work on not seeing it again.

IMO you should not NEED to ask. You do something that bad you'd get told in no uncertain terms what you'd done or failed to do

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