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RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:01:04 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

Expectations aren't the same as wants. I absolutely have expectations of Himself. I expect him to be the man he always has been.

That's cheating. LOL Same with what evanesce said. :)

But...surprise surprise, i can relate. i would add to it just a bit, as i know he continues to grow and evolve. Unless what you mean is his principles will be the same.

If i were to break it down a little i would say - - my expectation of him is that he will continue to be clear and honest, strong, care for me, make smart decisions for me, push me, and challenge me. Expectations are not to be confused with "demands". i have no demands on him. Expectations are established by long term proven principled behavior that can be counted on. Expectations are also not to be confused with wants. Yes, Truesub, what i do want is to please him at all times, and for him to be proud of us both. i might wish for things for myself but ultimately i do want what he wants. Those things that i wish for, if denied, are not cried over and denial is accepted and not questioned.

quote:

How long before you know... after you agreed to take on a sub/slave... if they do have the expectations you want in one.. before you find out... they're really not going to add up to all your expectations?

Or better yet, how long do sub/slaves go on... till they figure out that the Dom they're serving.. isn't going to live up to their expectations either?

For Master it varies, depending on the girl and how she responds to him, and if he feels she is too much trouble or worth putting forth the work and effort. He is not an easy Master to please. Most do not make it to ownership, usually because the girl finds him too demanding, or because he finds her too much trouble....or both.

As for the submissive, that also varies. For me it was always when things weren't adding up. Lack of consistency was always a red flag for me. Or if they weren't strong enough. i knew i wanted my Master's ownership within a couple of months.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 21

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:10:16 AM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Our local group is batting this topic around right now, so I thought I'd put it here as well. What do you expect from your submissive/dominant? My answer (semi-edited due to some thinking) appears below:

The short answer, to quote a respected woman, is "to obey, and to be pleasing". That's what I want.

I want a woman to look at me, to know what I am and what I want, and say "yes, that's what I want too." I want us to fit.

I want all barriers gone.

i would hope that i could "obey and be pleasing" (in short)
as well as "removing All my barriers" at the same time.
While i am making myself completely vulnerable? i tend to
get a bit defensive from time to time. Possibly even a bit
snippy. If One is requiring All barriers gone from me?
Patience and understanding i would hope for. i will already be
fulfilling such an important requirement, i think/feel. Which is
laying myself bare, at His feet. Naked emotionally.
Vulnerability, without restraint,,,requires very deep trust,
for me, i expect His words to be true, as i expect from myself.
For Us both to mean what we say, & say what we mean.
coffee....mmmm.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 22

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:17:33 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

That's cheating. LOL Same with what evanesce said. :)

Damn.. I missed her post or I'd have just ditto'd it. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 23

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:22:03 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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i think all three of us are pretty much in agreement. By my "same as..." comment, i meant she was cheating too. :) But, a simple statement carries so much, doesn't it?

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 24

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:31:10 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

i think all three of us are pretty much in agreement. By my "same as..." comment, i meant she was cheating too. :) But, a simple statement carries so much, doesn't it?

Nah, it's not cheating because if Level had used the word 'want' I'd have a completely different answer, so there. ;P

Celeste

Apologies to Evanscue for using her line.. it was.. um .. a slip to the one who advocates undergarments! HA!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 25

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 12:49:39 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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LOL, so there!! :p

Now i am curious as to what your "want" answer is....? heh

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 26

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 3:12:30 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Oh Hell.......... (puts coffee on.. this could be one of those post... lol)

Get ready level... this ones gonna be interresting....

*winks and smiles*..........morning Jessica.........interesting is good.

quote:

Level, I respect your post of expectations...

Cerckl, thank you for that *nods and returns same*

quote:

Level I was wondering about your post... is this a Dom post.. or both? Because before hand I've seen others state.. "it doesn't matter what I want"... "it's all what my owner wants".. ...i've seen Doms post.. it's not suppose to be about what a sub/slave wants but the owner... sub/slaves aren't suppose to want....

Jessica, to me it's both, if I get your intent right.......I very much care what the sub/slave wants, but I also very much would like us to "fit", so we can both get our needs met with as little struggle as possible. As I've said, I have no interest in making someone miserable.

quote:

Isn't it quite possible to expect to much right off the bat? I don't mean one should just settle.. hell I know I wouldn't, and don't. But like when reading level's expectations...I agreed with some... disagreed with a few... totally didn't understand others.

Jessica, people certainly can expect too much. But that depends on who and what is involved. My list would blow some people's minds, while it would seem perfectly sane and reasonable to others. To me........what I expect from a submissive is not unreasonable. Does that make the person that does not wish to meet my list "less submissive"? Possibly, to me. We all have our own definitions of kink, and I will go by mine. This does not mean I neccesarily find that person to be less attractive, intelligent, fun, or deserving of respect. And I hope you'll speak about the ones you disagreed with and did not understand, my friend.

quote:

Level... out of the list you supplied.. are there any you would not need to be die hard on from the get go?

I would expect all these things to be worked on from the get go-- keeping in mind that I'm not Superman, and I don't expect her to be superwoman lol. As someone else posted, some of these would take time and patience. Some, though, are to be done immediately, and I mean the ethics-based ones. There's no reason for those to NOT be adhered to, and if one has the character I seek, they should be no problem...........in my profile, you'll see that I place the highest value on love, even over D/s. As an example, there is a woman I know, that I love. I also have a very powerful foot fetish. She would rather be buried up to her neck in baboon shit than to have her feet touched lol. Could I live with this? Yes. So, for the right woman I could do without some of my D/s expectations, but as I stated above, this may make it "less of" a D/s relationship in my eyes.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 27

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 5:58:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I expect my partners to remain true to themselves.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 28

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:10:50 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What do you expect from your submissive/dominant?

I have no expectations what so ever.

However, that is not the same as any needs that I may have that must be met.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 29

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:13:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I have no expectations what so ever.

However, that is not the same as any needs that I may have that must be met.

So you don't expect your needs to be met?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 30

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:16:40 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So you don't expect your needs to be met?

I do not EXPECT anyone else to meet my needs. I am more than capable of doing that myself.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:22:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I do not EXPECT anyone else to meet my needs. I am more than capable of doing that myself.

OK, it's just that you've changed your stance quite dramatically from what you explained in the "Expectations" thread back in December. You certainly had expectations then and an entire philosophy on how to communicate them and how to deal if they were not met.

Expectations

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:23:25 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

Now I have to read that all over again..

I did too, and it still makes no sense.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 33

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:25:11 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Everyone changes LA, some not so drastically, some quite so.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:31:03 AM

Evanesce

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Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

Or better yet, how long do sub/slaves go on... till they figure out that the Dom they're serving.. isn't going to live up to their expectations either?

That depends on a lot of different factors, but for me it usually boils down to whether I think they're full of it or not. I've a pretty good bullshit meter, and it's served me well all these years, but only when I entered a relationship with my head, rather than my heart (or my libido). When I DO pay attention, I can usually tell within a couple weeks. If I DON'T pay attention, I get hurt, and it sucks, and I've no one to blame but myself.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 35

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:41:53 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

That's cheating. LOL Same with what evanesce said. :)

How is it cheating? If a man presents himself to me as having specific beliefs and desires and needs and wants, and that presentation is equal (or darned close to it) to what I'm seeking, I expect him to BE that individual. All too often, first impressions are faked, and what you end up with is someone completely different from who they claimed to be. So yes, I expect Him to be the man He presented to me when we first met. It's really the only thing of any importance to me.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 36

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 6:47:32 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Apologies to Evanscue for using her line.. it was.. um .. a slip to the one who advocates undergarments! HA!

ROFL!!! Sorry, but we despots get to make the rules and torture people. What better way to accomplish this than to make 'em wear green undies?

Besides, when you get to be my age, certain undergarments are a must, lest EVERYTHING head South!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 37

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 7:00:22 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmmm, my expectations?

I expect her to be submissive in her nature. (the verb as well as the noun)

I expect her to be subservient in her demeanor.

I expect her to be open.

I expect her to be honest to herself as well as to me.

I expect her to be communicative.

I expect her to be forthright.

I expect her to be pleasing in all ways.

I expect her to respect my relationship with others in my house as I do others in my house to respect my relationship with her.

I expect her to grow as a person.

Such is my short list of expectations.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 38

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 7:07:47 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
I expect him to refrain from any attempts to dominate until I have agreed to submit.

This, I thought, was an interesting line to find in a list. My dominance is an inherent part of me, of who I am. I could no more refrain from it then I could refrain from existing.

Wouldn't it be, that a person that can and does refrain from "attempts" to dominante, stops being dominant? And therfore stops being that which one seeks?

Just a point to ponder.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 39

RE: Expectations - 3/17/2006 7:21:47 AM

edianspet

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
I expect him to refrain from any attempts to dominate until I have agreed to submit.

This, I thought, was an interesting line to find in a list. My dominance is an inherent part of me, of who I am. I could no more refrain from it then I could refrain from existing.

Wouldn't it be, that a person that can and does refrain from "attempts" to dominante, stops being dominant? And therfore stops being that which one seeks?

Just a point to ponder.

Both interesting. While I agree with Mrdiscipline that you cannot refrain from being who you are, I would have worded Catize's statement differently from my own subby point of view. I would not submit to just anyone who is a dom, until I have agreed to do so. Of course, this is all easier for me, I found the only Dom that I could be my subby self with, Edian.

Whole thread was interesting, and more in topic with the OP, I have to agree with Celeste and Evanesce.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 40

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